Posts Tagged With: Vanuatu

Tuluk From Vanuatu

Vanuatuan Entree

TULUK

INGREDIENTS

1 cassava root (Also known as manioc or yucca)
1 garlic clove
1 green onion
1 small yellow onion
¾ cup coconut milk
⅓ pound ground pork
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
2 banana leaves

SPECIAL UTENSILS

grater
double boiler
toothpicks, if necessary
sonic obliterator

Serves 8. Takes 2 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Peel and grate cassava root. Dice garlic, green onion, and yellow onion. Add, coconut milk, garlic, green onion, and yellow onion to pan. Cook at medium-high heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Add pork, pepper, and salt. Lower heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until milk has been absorbed. Stir enough to prevent burning.

While pork simmers, cut banana leaves into 10″-to-12″ squares. Run hot water over leaf squares. This will make them easier to roll up. Add 2 tablespoons of cassava to center-bottom of banana square. Gently flatten cassava, leaving a depression in middle

Put 2 tablespoons ground pork in cassava depression. Cover pork with an additional 2 tablespoons of cassava. Gently flatten cassava a bit. Fold in edges of leaf square. Slowly but firmly roll up banana square. This will be a tuluk. Repeat until all cassava, pork, or banana squares are used up.

Add water to bottom part of double boiler until it is 1″ from where top part of double boiler will be. Add tuluks, open side down. Use toothpicks if necessary to keep banana coverings in place. Pute tuluks next to each other. Put lid on. Bring water to boil. Reduce to low and steam for 1 hour or until the outer cassava of the tuluk is firm. (Check about 40 minutes into this hours to see the bottom will need more water. If there’s no water left, the tuluks won’t steam as well and you’ll burn your pot.) Serve to appreciative guests. Zap uncouth complainers with sonic obliterator. You don’t need negativity in your kitchen.

TIDBITS

1) Do you hate to go to parties? If forced to go, do you find yourself gravitating to the meatballs, shrimp cocktails, and Tuluks? Do you do this because you don’t know what to say, that the other guests will find you boring?

2) Well be shy now longer. Everybody loves a good joke about the ever so tasty Tuluk. Simply recite Tuluk jokes from this magnificent book. Soon, a crowd of partiers will be hanging on every joke. You will be become wildly popular. And wait there’s more. The opposite sex is drawn like a moth to a flame by Tuluk-joke tellers. Be admired. Be loved. Buy 1001 Sure-Fire Tuluk Party Jokes. You’ll be glad you did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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My Mason Jars: Filled With Flours, Spices, and Herbs

Hi. I’m sorry for today’s short food blog. I went to two supermarkets to get ingredients for Tuluk, sort of a banana wrapped tamale from Vanuatu, and for Napolitaines, a cookie sandwich with raspberry jam, from Mauritius. I then came home to show Number Two Son how to assemble his documents and fill out his Federal Tax Form. I’m having a slight break now. Afterward, I will show him how to do his state taxes. What fun!

Sorry for the blurry photos. I blame plate tectonics.

And as always, “Good cooking. Good Eating.”

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The New Global Threat

The stability of the entire world is threatened by an emerging superpower, Papua New Guinea.PapuaNewGuinea1

Hah, you say. Where is Papua New Guinea? North of Australia. What does it produce? Rain, mud, and documentaries about newly discovered stone-age tribes within its borders.

What could such a country do? Buy a lot of SPAM or … conquer the Pacific Ocean.

How? I’m glad you asked. Everyone knows the best mud for beauty care comes from Papua New Guinea, or PNG. The demand for this mud in American and European spas grows fantastically every year. Soon, PNG will be awash with the world’s money. PNG can then allocate its new billions to buy used aircraft carriers, fighter planes, bombers, tanks, and landing craft listed irresponsibly on eBay.

This is where the nightmare starts PNG has a population of 4,600,000. (I counted them twice.) Even if it puts just 10% of its people in the military, it will have a striking force of 460,000. Who has the population, the might to stop them? Not neighboring Nauru with its tiny population of 11,000 and maybe soldiers.

Emboldened by this easy conquest, Tuvalu, Palau, Marshall Islands, Kiribati, and Tonga, with their combined population of 260,000 will fall like leaves in a Wisconsin autumn. This disaster will have worldwide ramifications. Does anyone doubt the Palauan contingent keeping the peace in South Ruritania will remain under such dire circumstances? No, they will go home to fight a war of liberation. The whole idea of UN peace-keeping forces will unravel. Minor skirmishes will become full fledged regional wars. So it goes.

Soon, Micronesia and Vanuatu will topple. I don’t know much about them so let’s move onto the Solomon Islands and Fiji–biggish but still smaller than PNG. We cannot let these two nations fall. We cannot let PNG monopolize the best snorkeling sites in the world. Have you snorkeled at Key Largo? Well, let me tell you, the snorkeling at Fiji is much better. And by the way, conquest of these countries would enable PNG to block all airborne and seaborne trade across the Pacific. The snorkeling industry and the world economy would collapse.

What can Americans do? Simple. Cut off the funds for PNG’s drive for conquest. Whenever getting a mud treatment at your local spa, be sure to ask for good ol’ American mud. It’s good for your face. It’s good for world peace.

– Correspondent Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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