– Paul De Lancey, Friend of the Animals
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Diaper Haiku #1
Oh you diapers,
You need better fragrances.
The standard one stinks.
Diaper Haiku #2
Sam changed a di’per
His wife will forever hear
Of this selfless deed.
– Paul De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Despite getting a doctorate in economics, Mr. De Lancey nevertheless managed to get married and produce two children.
– Paul De Lancey, from the great beyond
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
SUPERMARKET-SIGN HAIKU #1
Please sir, will you move?
Stop reading those cans and move.
I need to buy soup.
SUPERMARKET-SIGN HAIKU #2
Don’t care if it has
Monosodium glutamate
Buy the frickin’ can.
– Paul De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I love the old western series Gunsmoke. I enjoy testing my gun slinging skills with Matt Dillon at the start of the show. The result is bad for the marshal of Dodge City. I’ve won everyone showdown except three. My secret?
Don’t try to draw first, even when standing your ground. You’ll waste precious moments deciding when to draw and when you do that you’ll find a lead bullet burrowing through your chest. And that’s a bummer. However, when you wait for the other fella to draw your reflexes will take over and you’ll clear leather first.
I got the idea the idea from scientist Niels Bohr and fellow Ph.D.* He loved westerns and enjoyed fake gunfights with his grad students. He won everytime using the above method.
There you have it. There’s no downside to this. The annoying stranger is dead, you’re alive, and he made for his gun first so the killing is in self defense.
And as always, have a nice day.
* = Unfortunately, we are not fellow Nobel Prize winners.
– Paul R. De Lancey, gunslinger
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I heard on the radio that scientists are planning to rid the world of that dread curse, malaria! Hooray! What an admirable goal. Excelsior. But how are they planning to this?
By injecting mosquitoes with malaria resistant bacteria. Um, this presents problems to my mind.
1) How are they going to get mosquitoes to show up for their injections? I like to think I am rather smarter than a mosquito, but I still put off visits to the doctor.
2) What’s in for the mosquito? Injections are painful and let’s face it, how much street cred do we have with them what with one mosquito eradication campaign after another.
3) Mosquitoes are tiny. The needle to be used on the mosquitoes must be tiny indeed. How is any doctor going to give the mosquito an injection if he can’t even see the needle?
4) How do you find a suitable vein on the tiny mosquito, particularly if the critter insists on flying around the room?
5) How do we get the doctors to this public service? Is there a fund set up to do this? Does spending government money on injecting mosquito enjoy widespread public support? Witness the controversy over Obama’s health care plan and as far as I know he didn’t include even one dollar for injecting mosquitoes.
One final thought. Why can’t we inject the mosquitoes with vitamins, so that every time we get bitten by them we also get needed nutritional supplements?
Just saying.
– Paul R. De Lancey, medical correspondent
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
RESOLUTIONS HAIKU #1
I won’t eat any
Lutefisk, mushrooms, and haggis
No matter how tempted.
RESOLUTIONS HAIKU #2
I hereby resolve
Not to misplace my glasses
More than once daily.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
CHRISTMAS HAIKU #1
I will always know
Why this day is so special.
Thank you, Jesus.
CHRISTMAS HAIKU #2
Didn’t shop Walmart.
Christmas lights up for next year.
I must have been good.
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Some time ago*, Joe Biden, the Vice President, of this august land sent me a post titled, “I’ve had it up to here.” I don’t know what I’ve could have done to upset him. I’ve never even met him. If someone teepeed his house, all I can say is that I didn’t do it. Sure I ran for the presidency back in 2012, as part of the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Sure I could have won. Sure, I could have taken enough votes away from the democrats for the republicans to have elected Romney. But I didn’t. Obama’s president and Biden’s vice president and I’m not and Candace Bowen isn’t the VP, and that’s that. We got over the election. I thought Obama and Biden could do the same.
And just when I thought it had all calmed down, I got the following post from the Vice President:
“Dig Deep, Paul”
Again, Joe, I protest. I didn’t do anything. If someone sent you a pizza to your home, I’m not paying for it. This is a typical college prank. I’m not digging deep.
My I suggest you calm down with a nice, cold root beer. Life’s too short.
* = I have no idea when. Indeed, the sequence of events might be off. Having a poor memory could be a good thing if I ever have to deny knowing anything.
– Paul R. De Lancey, presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate Party.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
MY WISH HAIKU #1
May 2015
Be as wonderful to you
As you are to me.
MY WISH HAIKU #2
You brighten my life,
Friend, with everything you do.
I am so grateful
– Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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