I am so proud. Number Two Son finished the Chicago Marathon about an hour ago. This is his fourth marathon. One of those was the Boston Marathon.
Woot! Beams with pride.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I started the day by contemplating the infinite. Having thusly penetrated all the secrets of the universe, I attempted a minor reorganization of the fridge. Why not? I was on a roll.
Space needed to be made in the fridge. Amelia Earhart* or Waldo could have been hiding there. Then for reasons I still don’t comprehend the reorganizing project spun wildly out of control. Soon, I found myself getting more effecient placement of all my cooking appliances. This naturally, led to reordering of about 50 jars of flours, salts, rices, etc. Contents of jars sitting quietly, minding their own business of the shelves suddenly found themselves funneled into a smaller jars.
Having opened the Pandora box of reorganization, I next tackled rearranging some 100 small containers of spices and herbs. Again, contents made their way into smaller bottles. A scant six hours later, I went back to the fridge and moved things around.
I took out my frustration by running. I did the mile in 3 minutes 20 seconds, which would have been a record, but no one was around to witness it. Bummer.
* = Can you spell Amelia Earhart?**
** = Oops, kinda made it easy, didn’t I?
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
OMG, danger!
Sure, lots of things can be good for you, when you do them. Eating mushrooms and lutefisk come to mind. They’re might be some nutritional benefits to eating them, but they are yucky in so many ways. And don’t forget lutefisk and mushrooms are the Devil’s tools. Do you really want to spend your afterlife in eternal torment on a lower level of Hell just to extend your life by 2.67 days?
Similarly, you can get your exercise by running, but the thing about running is that if you stop running for even moment, you will stop. It’s not like riding a bike where you can coast for twenty seconds at a time. The ability to coasting on bicycles is the primary that brains got bigger and bigger all the way back to Lucy of Olduvai Gorge to now.
This is not to say, it’s a bad thing to think about getting vitamins and exercise. Positive thinking always helps one’s self esteem and esteem. Just don’t overdo things by actually doing them.
LIST OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT , BUT NOT DO.
1) Running – Can make you healthier in the long run, sure. But in the short run, you get exhausted and feel sad about your weak body. You go home, flop face down onto your bed, and spiral ever downward into a bottomless well of depression. Besides, you might hurt your feet and knees. Before you know it, you’re a protoplasmic pool of depressed goo. Just think happy thoughts of running a marathon.
2) Taking oodles of herbal supplements – Many herbal supplements can help you. Some are untested. Some have been found to contain ground up grass and rice. Boo! But the main worry arising from swallowing a bowl of supplements the size of Rhode Island is that your brain, your psyche, and indeed your very soul will rebel against this pill tsunami to such an exent that your mouth will flat out refuse to take one more supplement. (You’ll even write run-on sentences.) Soon you won’t be able to take vitamins, even gummy vitamins! This rebellion soons spreads to your temperment. Don’t be surprised if you go vigilante against peope with bad grammar or mismatched socks. Take it easy with supplements. Better yet, remain on an even keel and take none. Besides, there’s the omnipresent worry about choking to death on a multitude of such pills.
What to do when a supplement fiend asks you how many herbal-supplements you take? Simple, lie and say you take lots. Isn’t lying a sin? Yes, but murdering people who wear mismatched socks an even bigger one. I think you know the answer.
Remember, it’s healthier to think than to do.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Life can be hard. Life can be stressful. The world can be way too peoply. We want to chuck our cares away and run free in wide open spaces. But we can’t. But others can, like this momma elephant and her baby elephant in Africa. Go, elephants, go. Run for joy for all of back here. Wee hee!
You need to see #37
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
This is a video of Number Two Son about a half mile from the end of the Boston Marathon. His time was 3 hours 8 minutes. I am so proud of him. He is wearing orange jersey, black shorts, and orange shoes. Please click on the below link to see.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
A simulated legjacking
With the explosion in the numbers of people competing in long-distance races, runners are looking for any edge they can get. For a while, runners took performance enhancing drugs, PEG. (Note, here PEG is an anacronym, not any woman named Peg.) Anyway some weeks ago, marathoner Carl La Fong up and grew a third leg overnight. He reduced his race time by 39 minutes.
As of press time, no marathon organizers have addressed the issue of a third leg. So many unscrupulous marathoners are looking for a third leg. As there aren’t many legal ways to acquire leg (Contrary to common belief, Costco(tm) doesn’t carry everything), runners are turning to violence.
Leg jacking. They’re procuring their fifth limb by legjacking, where the foul fiend knocks you down and pulls off your leg. Isn’t this painful?
Yes.
And you can kiss goodbye your own chances of winning a marathon.
What can you do to avoid legjacking?
Keep a healthy distance between yourself and all fit people with legs as long as yours.
It’s not always possible to do that because of crowds and stampeding herds of escaped elephants. So, I recommend carrying garlic cloves in your hands whenever you go out. Simply pop the garlic cloves into your mouth and munch away whenever you see a likely leg thief. Your strong garlic breath will deter any legjacker. Besides, garlic repels vampires as well. And that’s good.
Be sure to join me for future health tips. Bye bye now, Stay healthy.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Puerto Rican Entree
INGREDIENTS
1 garlic clove
1 medium onion
¼ cup ketchup
3 tablespoons lemon juice
¼ cup mayonnaise
2 teaspoons adobo seasoning
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1¼ pounds sirloin steaks
1¼ pounds pork loins
2 chicken breasts
1 Roma tomato
¼ pound cabbage
4 French rolls
8 slices Swiss cheese
3 ounces crispy French fries (or follow instructions on French fry package)
Makes 4 big sandwiches. Serves 4 to 8. Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.
PREPARATION
Mince garlic clove and onion. Add garlic, onion, ketchup, lemon juice, mayonnaise, adobo seasoning, pepper, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Cut sirloin steaks, pork loins, and chicken breasts along their heights until you have 4 pieces of each. (Otherwise, you’ll might have a sandwich so tall, you won’t be able to eat it.) Add sirloin, pork, and chicken to mixing bowl. Toss with hands until meat is well coated. Cover and marinate in refrigerator for 1 hour. While meat marinates, cut tomato into 8 slices. Shred cabbage.
Set grill to medium setting. Remove meat from marinade and add to grill. Save marinade. Grill meat for 10 minutes or until done or done to your liking. Turn meat once. Toast roll halves on grill for 3 minutes or until they begin to brown.
Spread equal amounts of marinade on all French-roll halves. Add equal amounts of shredded cabbage, sirloin, pork, chicken, Swiss cheese, tomato, and crispy French fries to French-roll bottoms. Add French-roll tops. Cut sandwiches in half, if desired.
TIDBITS
1) This is a big meal. But we can’t stay in shape if we eat this sandwich and right after take a nap.
2) This sandwich is delicious. We can’t give it up for any reason. But we want to stay in shape.
3) Clearly, we need to exercise after eating this.
4) What exercise?
5) Cartwheels. Cartwheels? Egad. They’re hard. I’ll fall. I’ll hurt myself.
6) Ok then, how about lifting weights? Oh my gosh, no! I don’t have weights. I’ll have to go to the gym. The gym is far. It’s expensive. It’s crowd. It smells like a gym.
7) Ok then, how about running? Heck no! Running shoes are expensive. I’ll twist my ankles. I’ll get lost. I’ll get blisters. I’ll get completely tired and won’t be able to make it back home without calling an expensive taxi.
8) Ok then, how about walking? Boring. It’s too slow.
9) How about letting the Tripleta do the cartwheels? Yes, I like that. Let’s do that.
Chef Paul
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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