Archer Woman #8
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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INGREDIENTS
2 garlic cloves
2 eggs
1 cup bread crumbs
½ teaspoon rosemary
½ teaspoon marjoram
½ teaspoon thyme
1½ pounds ground turkey
1½ tablespoons olive oil
4 tablespoons flour
2 cups chicken broth
3 teaspoons tomato sauce
3 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
½ pound little-shell pasta (or another variety, if you prefer.)
brick for keeping this cook book open to this page
Makes 6 to 8 Salisbury steaks.
PREPARATION
Mince garlic cloves. Use hands to mix minced garlic, eggs, bread crumbs, marjoram, rosemary, thyme, and turkey in large mixing bowl. Form 6 to 8 patties.
Cook pasta according to instructions on package, or boil it for 5-to-7 minutes.
Meanwhile back at the range, pour oil into first of two frying pans. Add patties. Fry on medium-high heat for about 3 minutes on each side or until meat is no longer pink. Cover and keep warm.
While pasta and patties are cooking, add flour, chicken broth, tomato sauce, and Worcestershire sauce to another frying pan. Fry for about 5 minutes at medium-high heat, or until the sauce starts to boil. Stir frequently. Add cooked patties to this frying pan. Cook patties and sauce at low-medium heat for about 3 minutes.
Serve patties and sauce on top of cooked pasta. Yum.
TIDBITS
1) Salisbury steak was one of my favorites at the university cafeteria.
2) Liver and onions was my least favorite. They weren’t prepared well, so no one ever ate them. Well, maybe a few desperate vampires, but they usually dropped out of the university in their freshmen year due to most classes taking place in the daytime.
3) I rapidly learned never, NEVER, to eat the “Chef’s Surprise.” The only surprise about this dish is why people ever ate it. It was usually some gross dish that the chef had left over from the previous dinner. I owe my hold on sanity to forgetting the specifics of these meat masses.
4) On “Chef Surprise” nights, we usually ate at the University’s burger and hot-dog joint.
5) Pancakes at the university tasted well enough, but they were powerful hard to digest. I think some of them could have doubled as cannon balls.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Apparently God has a name and it’s given in the Lord’s Prayer.
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Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Many people thought a line in the Christmas hymn “Away in a Manger” had a startingly vivid depiction of bovine violence toward the Christ child. Instead of hearing, “The cattle are lowing, the poor baby wakes,” they thought the lyrics went,
Misheard Hymn #3
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Yummy Brand knows we like broth and have oodles of uses for it.
Yummy Brand knows we love tacos.
Yummy Brand asks why not have both?
Thank you, Yummy Brand!
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1¼ teaspoon baking soda
2¼ cups gluten free flour*
¾ teaspoon salt
1 cup butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
½ cup sugar
2 eggs
1½ teaspoons vanilla
12 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
* = I used King Arthur Gluten-Free Measure For Measure Flour.
SPECIAL UTENSILS
electric beater
2 cookie sheets
Makes 50 cookies. Takes 1 hour. (Varies with the number of batches.)
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Add baking soda, flour, and salt to 1st, large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until thoroughly blended. Add butter, brown sugar, sugar, eggs, and vanilla to 2nd, larger mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on medium until mixture becomes fluffy. Gradually add dry mixture from 1st mixing bowl to the butter/sugar mixture in 2nd mixing bowl. Mix with beater at medium setting until thoroughly mixed. Fold in chocolate chips. Mix with hands until well blended.
Roll dough into little balls about 1″ wide. Leave a 1″ gap between chocolate chip/dough balls. Bake at 375 degrees for 12 minutes or until golden brown. (Baking times for successive batches may vary.) Let cookies cool for 2 minutes before transferring with a spatula to wire rack or cold plate. Cool for an additional 5-to-20 minutes or as long as you can stand waiting.
TIDBITS
1) Culinary archaeologists hold Lucy of Olduvai Gorge baked the first cookies 3.2 million years ago. Lucy cookies inspired her hominid neighbors to evolve into humans and to develop agriculture. Farming freed people from non-stop hunting and gathering. This left time for adults to get frisky. Frisky adults sparked a population explosion that ate up all the wheat. Whole tribes left Africa searching for new lands suitable for wheat and gluten-free substitutes. Humanity’s ascent had begun.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Gourmet bunny
There’s a bunny outside my outside window! I have to watch it.
It likes to eat weeds. I like that it likes weeds.
Specifically, it prefers stray bits of weed that have been cut off by my weed whacker and have started to turn brown.
I have gourmet bunnies living out front in the hedge.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Haikus are little three-line poems. The first lines has five syllables. The next line has seven, while the last lines reverts back to five.
See the following traditional haiku. It evokes clumsiness, mess, iredeemable loss, and hunger.
LOSS
I dropped my soup bowl.
Soup went all over the floor.
I shall go hungry.
Sure, that’s brilliant but, in general, writing good poetry is hard. That’s why today’s aspiring poets are flocking to one-word haikus.
The following one-word haiku evokes tacos.
TACOS
Tacos.
See great one-word haikus are easy. Give it a whirl. Please send me what you come up with.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
¼ medium onion
½ red bell pepper
1 avocado
¾ cup rice
1½ cups water
1 15-ounce cans pinto beans with jalapeno peppers
1 7-ounce can diced tomatoes
2 ounces Cotija cheese
¼ cup sour cream
¼ teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon onion powder
½ cup grated Four Mexican Cheeses
8 medium flour tortillas
8 teaspoons Parmesan cheese
4 slices Swiss cheese
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Dice onion and bell pepper. Peel avocado, remove pit, and slice the good part into thin slices. Cut each Swiss cheese slice into 3 strips.
Cook the rice according to instructions shown on bag. (Unless, of course the instructions are in a foreign language. In this horrible case, take the appropriate intensive three-minute foreign language course.) If you are fortunate to own a rice maker, follow its instructions. (If you don’t own a rice maker, ask for one for Christmas. Make gentle hints as well for a gun to protect the first gift from increasingly desperate gangs of rice-maker thieves.)
While rice is cooking, drain water from pinto beans and diced tomatoes. Add onion, bell pepper, pinto beans, diced tomatoes, Mexican cheeses, Cotija cheese, sour cream, cumin, and onion powder to large frying pan. Cook on low-to-medium heat. Stir occasionally. (Unless, of course you are a hibernating polar bear, then just chill.)
When rice is ready, add it to frying pan. Stir. Put about 4 tablespoons of frying-pan mixture in lower-center part of tortilla. Fold edges in and roll up from the bottom. Spray cookie sheet with no-stick spray. Put burrito on cookie sheet with folded side down. Sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top of burrito.
Put cookie sheet with burritos on it in pre-heated oven. Bake for 10 minutes, or until tortilla or most of the Parmesan cheese is turning golden brown.
Remove cookie sheet from oven and cover the top of each burrito with thin avocado slices. Add a half slice of Swiss cheese on top of each burrito. Bake for 2 minutes or until the Swiss cheese turns brown or begins to melt.
TIDBITS
1) Avocado comes from a Native American word meaning “testicle.” Apparently, they thought avocados looked liked that. My Gosh, these early Americans must really have bulged in their loincloths.
2) Rocky Mountain Oysters are beef testicles. Yuck. Who would eat them? Deliberately?
3) Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company is, not surprisingly, famous for its chocolate.
4) Chocolate has been confirmed to have a slight–-slight means slight, guys-–effect on women. This is why, over the decades, men have given women chocolate when going on dates.
5) And if the woman refuses the chocolate, it wasn’t meant to be and the man has something to eat.
6) But, at least, the man has much higher chance of success with his date if he offers chocolate instead of Rocky Mountain Oysters.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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