With apologies to Paul Simon and his 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
“The problem is the cold in your fridge”, she said at last
The answer is easy if you thaw it out not last
I’d like to help you serve us good grub for breakfast
There must be fifty ways to cook your bacon
She said it’s really not my habit to be stern
Furthermore, I hope my frying won’t splatter you, make you burn
But I’ll cook a new batch, if you’ll let me have a turn
There must be fifty ways to cook your bacon
Fifty ways to cook your bacon
Don’t cut off the fat, Jack
Grab the old pan, Stan
You don’t need to eat soy, Roy
Just serve it with brie.
Eat without fuss, Gus
You don’t need a big napkin
Just eat in a tree, Lee
And eat it with glee.
[
Ooo leave on the fat, Jack
Grab the old pan, Stan
You don’t need to eat soy, Roy
Just serve it with brie.
Eat without fuss, Gus
You don’t need a big napkin
Just eat in a tree, Lee
And eat it with glee.
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was a cold ice pack and some aspirin for your brain.
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways
She said why don’t we just buy lemon with some quid.
Cuz’ I believe next morning you’ll cook bacon with a lid
And then she kissed me and come morn’ that it is what I did.
There must be fifty ways to cook your bacon
Fifty ways to leave your bacon
You just don’t cut off the fat, Jack
Grab the old pan, Stan
You don’t need to eat soy, Roy
Just serve it with brie.
Eat without fuss, Gus
You don’t need a big napkin
Just eat in a tree, Lee
And eat it with glee.
Don’t cut off the fat, Jack
Grab the old pan, Stan
You don’t need to eat soy, Roy
Just serve it with brie.
Eat without fuss, Gus
You don’t need a big napkin
Just eat in a tree, Lee
And eat it with glee.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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