sports

Slow Cooker Shredded Chicken

Posted on September 15, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

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SLOW COOKER SHREDDED CHICKEN

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INGREDIENTS
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2 pounds boneless chicken
1 cup chicken broth
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon onion powder
¼ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
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Makes 2 pounds shredded chicken. Takes 3 hours.
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SPECIAL UTENSIL.
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slow cooker
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PREPARATION
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Place all ingredients in slow cooker. Set slow cooker to high and cook for 3 hours. Remove chicken and place it on plate. Use two forks to shred chicken. If desired, drizzle liquid from slow cooker over shredded chicken. Leftover shredded chicken should keep for 3 days in the refrigerator if stored in air-tight container.
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TIDBITS
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1) This recipe asks you to shred chicken.
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2) But chicken do their own shredding.
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3) Indeed, every April 16th Kona, Hawaii  holds the Great Chicken Surfing Invitational.
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4) The chicken that shreds the gnarly waves the best, wins the grand prize of a lifetime supply of Kobe worms.
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5) For there are worms and there are Kobe worms.
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6) Hattie the Hen retired just two weeks ago. She holds the record with six championships. Not a paltry poultry achievement, you bet.
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7) “She will be so missed,” said surfer legend Dude McLain. “Did you ever see one of her 360 airs? Hattie’s was the queen of shredding. She was legit, man. I wish I could have shredded like her.”
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8) A new surfing era beckons. Who will be the next chicken champion? Will it be the crowd’s new favorite, Betsy? Again from McLain, “How’d she master shredding waves in Wyoming? Far out.”
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I Did Not Medal in the Olympics

Posted on August 12, 2024 by pauldelancey

I did not medal in the Olympics.

I forgot to write my trials on the calendar.

The officials there disqualified me for not showing.

One day I’ll be over 70

And be past my prime.

I am bereft of joy.

Paris is no longer the City of Lights for me.

Poetry is hard.

I need a taco.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Buddha’s Hand Vinaigrette

Posted on December 13, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

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BUDDHA’S HAND VINAIGRETTE

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INGREDIENTS
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½ cup olive oil or grapeseed oil
½ tablespoon salt
¼ cup lemon juice
5 tablespoons Buddha’s hand zest *
2 garlic clove
2 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
½ teaspoon thyme
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* = It is quite possible that you’ll need to make your own zest from a Buddha’s hand citron.  Buddha’s hand citron in organic or specialty supermarkets such as SproutsTM.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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zester, if as likely, you bought Buddha’s hand citron
Mason jar
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Makes 1 cup.  Takes 10 minutes or 25 minutes if you need to make your own zest.
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to Mason jar. Shake until well blended.
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TIDBITS
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1) Buddha’s Hand is supposed look like the hand of Buddha. Apparently, Buddha had about 16 fingers on a hand. Who knew?
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2) Baseball at one time, also had strange nicknames that referred to parts of the body. The best ones are:
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Bris “The Human Eyeball” Lord. His middle name is Robotham. Really.
Nick “Tomato Face” Cullup
Walt “No Neck” Williams
Wilbur “Raw Meat” Rodgers
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Football had Lou “The Toe” Groza
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The best non-body nickname is “Death to Flying Things” and was applied to Jack Chapman, Bob Ferguson, and Franklin Gutiérrez.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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When I was Unambiguously Better Than a Professional Football Player

Posted on October 14, 2023 by pauldelancey

1) I forget the year, but the San Diego Chargers were essentially one play away from making it to the Super Bowl. They had their best team ever.

The situation: The Chargers were leading the New England Patriots by less than a touchdown. Tom Brady was driving the Patriots toward a game-leading touchdown. They had not enough time for another possession. It was a 4th town and perhaps 25 yards to a first down. Brady passed the ball downfield. The Charger defender intercepted the ball. Then he inexplicably tried to make yardage on his interception. Someone on the Patriots stripped the ball. Another Patriot recovered the ball. A few plays later, Brady threw for a touchdown. The Patriots went to the Super Bowl.  The San Diego Chargers didn’t. In fact, they would never go to the Super Bowl before leaving town.

HOW I WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THIS FOOTBALLER

1) I would not have caught the ball. The pass gets ruled incomplete. The Chargers take over on downs and run out the clock. Thanks to me, they go to the Super Bowl.

2) I would not have even tried to catch the ball. I would have let the pass fall to the ground. The pass gets ruled incomplete. The Chargers take over on downs and run out the clock. Thanks to me, they go to the Super Bowl.

3) If for some reason, I had actually caught the ball, I would immediately crumpled to the ground and stayed there. The Chargers gain possession and run out the clock. Thanks to me, they go to the Super Bowl.

If only I had been on defense for this play.

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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World Marbles Challenge

Posted on August 18, 2023 by pauldelancey

Akeem “The Thumb” Hassan, this year’s favorite

Yes indeed, sports fans, the 47th  World Marbles Challenge starts tomorrow in Kotzebue, Alaska and ends in Durban, South Africa. This course shall be quite the challenge for the globe’s top marbleists with: freezing blizzards, snow blindness, sheer icy cliffs, thirst, starvation, encounters with the Yukon’s very few remaining mastodons, rapids, rush hour in Seattle, cars passing them at 90 miles per hour on freeways, lutefisk vendors, border walls, Black Friday sales, jungle diseases, boa constrictors, gangs of apes, the New York Times(tm) sunday crossword, poisonous snakes, terrorists, pandemics, kidnappers, blow darts, storms in the Atlantic Ocean, crossing the Atlantic in tiny rafts purchased by collecting labels from Ovaltine jars, collisions with oil tankers millions of times larger than the tiny rafts, fishing for fish and pulling up sharks and killer whales, bicycle couriers, more jungles, traversing lands bloodied by unrelenting civil war, Walmart(tm) parking lots, carrying the tons of water needed to cross the Sahara dessert, salesmen, plunging down the world’s greatest waterfalls, poisonous spiders, scorpions,getting eating by crocodiles, getting crushed by hippos, lack of internet connection, and murderous gangs.

Then the Marbles Challenge gets difficult. It’s no picnic moving your marble forward twelve hours a day for six months. What if you lose your shooter? What if you get thumb-tunnel syndrome? It’s best not to dwell on this.

Go luck marbleists! May this be the year that one of you crosses the finish line.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Easy Poutine

Posted on June 3, 2023 by pauldelancey

Canadian Entree

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EASY POUTINE

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INGREDIENTS
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1½ pounds French fries
¾ pound cheese curds
1½ cups beef gravy
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Makes 4 bowls. Takes 35 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cook French fries according to instructions on package. While French fries cook, warm gravy in small pot. Put fries on large plate. Place cheese curds on top of fries and ladle gravy over everything.
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TIDBITS
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1) We call this entree “Easy Poutine” because it has only three ingredients and is easy to make.
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2) Or maybe, it got its name from “Easy” Poutine of hockey fame. Easy Poutine’s real name was Farine Poutine. It still is.
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3) “Easy” didn’t mean she was an “easy” date. Oh no, Easy was an enforcer for the Sudbury Sirens All Canadian Ladies’ Hockey League, (ACLHL.)
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4) Indeed, Miss Poutine sent many an opponent player to the hospital. She also caused many dates who attempted non-consensual liberties to intensive wards. Not easy with her heart, you bet.
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5) In fact, sportswriters bestowed her nickname on her for the easy way she racked up uncontested goals, hat tricks even, game after game.
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6) Then, in 1945, World War II ceased. Most culinary historians agree that ending the massive bloodshed was on the whole, a good thing.
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7) Not so for Easy. The need for her vaunted strong-arm tactics evaporated with the onset of peace. She failed completely when she searched for a position in traditional female jobs; her violent reputation prevented her hire. She became an enforcer for the Canadian mob. She didn’t last. The underworld patriarchy made sure of that.
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8) The world soon lost track of Farine Poutine. Although, the Canada’s intelligence services would suspect her involvement whenever a small country’s government toppled from a violent coup.
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9) So be kind and give Easy Poutine a caring thought before digging into this delicious entree.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Number Two Son Completes Boston Marathon

Posted on April 21, 2023 by pauldelancey

This is a video of Number Two Son about a half mile from the end of the Boston Marathon. His time was 3 hours 8 minutes. I am so proud of him. He is wearing orange jersey, black shorts, and orange shoes. Please click on the below link to see.

https://www.facebook.com/messenger_media/?attachment_id=557321243175280&message_id=mid.%24cAABa9F0mrqWNwdQOtWHkI7AsPgae&thread_id=100004831784891

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Now On ESPN8 – Turtle Pole Vaulting

Posted on April 10, 2023 by pauldelancey

Come watch Turtle Pole Vaulting on ESPN8. It’s just the thing for the jaded couch potato.

Notice that contrary to human pole vaulters, turtles grab the vaulting pole with their beak or is it their mouth? They’re not saying.

Thrill as your favorite turtle vaulter speeds like the wind down the runway, then up into the sky and over the cross pole.

Huzzah! Huzzah!

“The jump was made before I even finished my emails.” – Wanda Wunder

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Turtles That Tango

Posted on February 27, 2023 by pauldelancey

 

Hector’s vegetable matter outfit makes him irresistible Photo Courtesy of Steve Kramer

What’s the latest craze sweeping the nation?

Is it televison dance contest with stars?

No.

Is it a television dance contest with ordinary men and women?

No. And that’s rather specieist of you.

It’s a dancing with turtles.

Specifically, Turtles That Tango.

Yep, that gets your heart pumping faster as you root for your favorite turtles to out tango the rest. Fill your adrenaline fix by watching it every week on ESPN8. You’ll never watch football or soccer again.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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You Need to See a Rabbit Do a Complete Flip

Posted on November 18, 2022 by pauldelancey

And here it is.

 

 

 

 

I think Fluff Fluff did rather well, don’t you? Watch for her when competes for the first time on Bunny Flips on ESPN8, next Friday, 8pm, EST.

I spent hours learning how to do this. It might not seem like a mighty achievement, but it kept me off the streets where I would only foment revolution. And that’s a good thing.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: sports, you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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