cuisine

Simple Crêpes

French Dessert

SIMPLE CREPES

INGREDIENTS

1 cup flour
1/2 cup water
3 tablespoons sugar
2 eggs
2 1/2 tablespoons butter
3/4 cup milk

UTENSILS

non-breakable mixing bowl
no-stick frying pan
no-stick spray

PREPARATION

Use whisk to mix all the above ingredients in a large mixing bowl. At this point, you can let the batter you have made sit in a refrigerator for two hours or … you can practice your Tarzan yell while banging your non-breakable bowl on the counter top to get the air bubbles out.

Spray the frying pan with no-stick spray, or add just enough butter or cooking oil to coat the bottom. Pour about two tablespoons batter in the middle of the pan. Swirl it around right away, particularly after pan gets hot, so the batter covers as much surface as possible.

Cook for 20 to 30 seconds or until batter has firmed. Carefully flip the crepe over. Try not to fold the batter while doing so. (This takes some practice. Try to get the entire spatula under the crepe.) Cook for 20 seconds more. Keep making crepes until you run out of batter.

Lots of yummy ingredients can go inside a crepe. My favorite is butter and confectionary sugar. Other tasty fillers include: blueberry and strawberry jams, hazelnut spread, ham, and cheese. Place the filler of your choice in the bottom-center part of the crepe. Form the crepes as you would a burrito. Fold the sides in a little bit and roll up from the bottom.

If you want to serve your crepes cold, put them on a plate to cool off. The crepes can be stacked once they are cold. But if you’re like me you’ll want to eat now. Eat them while they’re hot.

TIDBITS

1) Crepes in French is spelled, crêpes.

2) This dish is pronounced creps in France. Many people in America call it crapes. When the waiter takes your order don’t pronounce it, “Creep.”

3) Crepes are often served by themselves or a dessert.

4) Crepes could be served as an hors d’oeuvre.

5) Here’s a tip for little boys. Pronounce hors as oars. If not you might say it in a way that gets you sent to your room, particularly if your mom is entertaining your neighbors.

6) So when your mom asks you to serve her guests, ask them, “Would you like one of these?”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Doro Alicha (Mild chicken stew)

Ethiopian Entree

DORO ALICHA
(Mild chicken stew)

INGREDIENTS

3 pounds white onions
1 garlic clove
2 chicken breasts
2 cups Niter Kibbeh (See recipe in this book for this spicy butter.)
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup red wine
1 1/2 tablespoons lime juiceAll Posts
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon salt

water
6 eggs

Goes well with injera, Ethiopian flat bread.

PREPARATION

Peel and mince 3 pounds onions. (You’ll cry over this recipe.) Mince garlic clove. Cut chicken into 1-inch cubes. Put chicken cubes in bowl. Coat chicken cubes with lime juice, pepper, ginger, and salt.

Put onion, garlic, Niter Kibbeh, water, and wine in large pot and saute at medium-high heat for about 5 minutes. Stir frequently.) Add coated chicken cubes. Simmer for 45 minutes at warm heat, or until most of the water is gone, and it looks like a stew. (Remember, most people have no idea what Doro Alicha looks like. So no matter how it turns out, say it came out well.) Stir occasionally.

Meanwhile back at the range, boil eggs, peel them, and slice them into fourths. (Head ‘em up, move ‘em out.) Put eggs on top of stew and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Lucy, a 3.2-million-year old human skeleton, was discovered in Ethiopia in 1974

2) Lucy van Pelt, the character from the comic strip Peanuts was created in 1951.

3) Lucy of Ethiopia was for many years the oldest human skeleton. Unfortunately, just lost her oldest status to Selam, a 3.45 million year old skeleton. Honestly, you don’t look a day over 3 million.

4) The last new comic strip featuring Lucy van Pelt ran in early 2000.

5) The new millennium has not been kind to either Lucy.

6) Lucy van Pelt used to whisk away the football before Charlie Brown could kick it.

7) Maybe, just maybe, Lucy of Ethiopia did the same thing to another boy 3.2 millions ago?

8) And did they have tailgate parties at football games way back then?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Tangy Buffalo (Bison) Meatloaf

American Entree

TANGY BUFFALO (BISON) MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTS

1/2 medium onion
3 garlic cloves
1/4 cup grated carrots
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
2 pounds ground buffalo (bison) meat
3 large eggs
2 tablespoons parsley
2 tablespoons steak sauce
1/2 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1 cup bread crumbs

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mince onion, garlic, and carrots. Add this to olive oil and saute on medium heat until soft or about 6 minutes.

Combine onion/garlic/carrot mix, buffalo (bison) meat, eggs, parsley, steak sauce, meat spice, and bread crumbs in baking dish. Mix this thoroughly. Sorry, you really need to use your hands to do a good job here.

Spray cooking dish with no-stick cooking spray. Transfer the meat mass to this dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 40-to-60 minutes (The shape and size of your baking dish can make cooking times vary greatly.) Let meatloaf cool for 5 – 10 minutes.

Baking is always a bit scary, particularly when cooking a dish for the first time. What will it taste like? Once you put that dish into the oven there is nothing you can do to change the taste.

TIDBITS

1) I didn’t like meatloaf as a kid. My attitude changed when I could decide what went into it.

2) The musician Meatloaf was in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Nearly all links found by GoogleTM about “meatloaf” refer to him.

3) What Americans call “buffalo” is more properly referred to as “American bison” by zoologists. The heck with them, all Americans except for maybe two, call them buffalo. This beast is our critter. We’re calling it “buffalo.” So there.

4) There used to be up to 60,000,000 buffalo in America. Nowadays, only 200,000 exist.

5) Hunters during the 19th century used to kill buffalo only for their hides and tongues. Millions upon millions of buffalo meatloaves were wasted.

6) Although it’s doubtful that Native Americans ever made buffalo meatloaf before the arrival of settlers, they used much more of the critter, making buffalo jerky, for instance.

7) I am also grateful to the Native Americans for corn. Without corn, there would be no popcorn.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Beef Lasagna

Italian Entree

BEEF LASAGNA

INGREDIENTS

water
1/4 teaspoon salt (1/2 teaspoon more later)
12 ounces lasagna noodles
3 garlic cloves
1 white onion
8 ounces mozzarella cheese
1 cup ricotta cheese
1/2 cup fresh Parmesan cheese (2 tablespoons more later)
4 peppercorns
1 pound ground beef
1/3 cup red wine
1 26 ounce jar spaghetti sauce
1 15 ounce can diced tomatoes
1 teaspoon basil
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon salt (1/4 teaspoon more earlier)
1/2 teaspoon thyme
2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese (1/2 cup more earlier)

UTENSILS

9-inch x 13-inch baking dish
cooking scissors (If your baking dish is 8-inches x 8-inches, for example)
spice grinder
no-stick spray

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Boil water in large pot. Add salt and lasagna noodles. Cook noodles according to directions on package or for about 9 minutes on high heat. Remove noodles and set aside. Make sure the lasagna noodles are all separate after you do this. (If not, you’ll need to add another chunk of time separating the noodles that cling to each other with a tenacity rivaling a salesman pitching to a hot prospect.)

Peel and mince onion and garlic cloves. Grate, chop, fold, mutilate, and spindle mozzarella cheese and Parmesan cheese. Mix these cheeses together along with the ricotta cheese. Use spice grinder to well, grind peppercorns. (If you don’t have a spice grinder you can gnash your teeth in rage, use 1/4 teaspoon pepper, or shrug your shoulders in the belief that no one will notice.)

Add ground beef, onion, and garlic to frying pan. Cook at medium heat for about 5 minutes or until meat is no longer pink.
Add red wine, spaghetti sauce, diced tomatoes, basil, bay leaf, meat spice, oregano, salt, thyme, and peppercorns. Cook on medium heat for about 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Use no-stick spray on baking dish. Put a layer of lasagna, most likely 3 side-by-side noodles on the dish. If the noodles are longer than your baking dish, snip off the excess length with your scissors.

In this recipe, 9 noodles will make one lasagna dish with 2 layers of meat sauce. Reserve about 1/2 cup meat sauce. Divide remaining meat sauce and cheese equally between layers.

Cover this first layer of noodles with a layer of meat sauce and a layer of cheese. Add a second layer of noodles, meat sauce, and cheese. Add a third layer of noodles. Spoon just a little meat sauce atop the top layer along with 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese. Put glass lid or aluminum foil on top of baking dish.

Cook lasagna in covered baking dish in oven at 375 degrees for 45 minutes. Cook uncovered for an additional 15 minutes or until bubbly. Remove and let sit for 5 minutes more.

Serve to adoring guests. Become lifelong friends with any who offer to clean up.

TIDBITS

1) Lasagna was first developed in England in the 14th century.

2) The English version had cinnamon and saffron instead of tomatoes.

3) Saffron is incredibly expensive. It runs about $170 an ounce today. Tomatoes cost $2 to $3 a pound.

4) This price differential put an incredible pressure on English cooks to substitute tomatoes for saffron.

5) Many more tomatoes are widely grown in France and Italy. English cooks turned there eyes to these regions.

6) Most historians believe England under Edward III invaded France  in 1347 for various dynastic reasons.

7) But there was pressure on King Edward by his kingdom’s cooks to secure a source of lasagna ingredients far cheaper than saffron.

8) The Hundred Years War lasted until 1453, which shows just how fiercely people will fight for their tomatoes.

9) I fear a war over saffron.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Breakfast Burritos

Mexican Breakfast

BREAKFAST BURRITOS

INGREDIENTS

1/2 onion
1 1/4 ounces Cotija cheese
4 ounces pork sausage
4 ounces ground beef
3 eggs
1 4 ounce can diced green chiles
1 4 ounce can diced tomatoes
3/4 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1/2 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese
lettuce
8 flour tortillas (bigger tortillas make bigger burritos)
no-stick cooking spray

PREPARATION

Be nice to your helper. Spray the cooking pan with no-stick cooking spray before you start. Mince the onion. Crumble the Cotija cheese. Brown the sausage and beef. Add eggs, onion, and chiles. Cook on medium heat and stir. Add tomatoes, cumin, meat spice and both cheeses. Cook and stir on medium heat. (Cooking on high heat will likely cause the eggs to burn.)

Microwave the big flour tortillas. Put two spoonfuls, or so, of meat mixture and romaine lettuce near top and center of tortilla. Fold in sides, then roll from the top of the tortilla until burrito is formed. Try a little less filling (tastes great) if you have trouble rolling the burrito.

TIDBITS

1) Remember the theme of “Cooking with what’s handy.” Don’t be afraid to use either iceberg or romaine lettuce if that is what you have in the kitchen or another grated cheese if you don’t care for Monterey Jack.

2) I’m afraid flour tortillas are a must, though. Attempting to roll a corn tortilla into the shape of a burrito will drive you to drink. “Sorry about the weaving officer, I used corn instead of flour.”

3) Cotija cheese is the “Parmesan of Mexico.” It is now made from cow’s milk, but at one time it was made from goat’s cheese. What happened? Did all Mexican goats disappear? Are they hiding in the hills only to swoop down to eat the straw of caravaning tourists?

4) The ancient Greeks and Romans used cumin as a cosmetic.

5) The first settlers from Europe thought tomatoes were poisonous.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Rice Onion Soup Provencale From Forthcoming Cookbook

French Soup

RICE ONION SOUP PROVENÇALE

INGREDIENTS

1 large onion
2 garlic cloves
1/2 cup brown rice
1 cup water
1 1/2 tablespoons butter
1 quarts beef broth
1/2 tablespoon red wine
1/3 cup Gruyère cheese
1/3 cup Swiss cheese
1/2 baguette
2 bay leaves
2 tablespoons herbes de Provence

(If you cannot find herbes Provence, use the following spices.)
1/2 teaspoon basil
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoons marjoram
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon parsley
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon tarragon
1 teaspoons thyme

PREPARATION

Mince onions and garlic. Slice Gruyère and Swiss cheese into thin 1-inch squares. Cut baguette into slices no wider than 1-inch. Toast slices on cookie tray in toaster oven at 275 degrees for 5 minutes. Cook rice according to instructions shown on bag or heat rice and water in rice cooker.

Meanwhile back at the range, saute onions and garlic in butter in pot at low-medium heat for 15-to-20 minutes or until onions start to turn brown. Stir frequently

Add broth, red wine, and herbes de Provence to pot. Cook on low heat for 30 minutes. Add done rice to soup and cook on low heat for another 5 minutes. (Use this time to practice your Gallic shrug.)

Ladle soup into bowls. Top each bowl with 3 or 4 baguette slices. Sprinkle squares of Gruyère and Swiss cheese on top. Wait 1 minute and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Gruyère cheese costs over $16 a pound at my supermarket. Serve it only to people you like.

2) Gruyère cheese comes from Switzerland.

3) Switzerland was one of the few European countries that never got invaded by the Germans during World War II.

4)Gruyère cheese has more than 100 calories per ounce. An infantryman could get his daily allowance with far less food than the gruyèreless soldiers of The Third Reich. This enabled the Swiss soldier to carry more ammunition than his aggressive northern neighbor.

5) The earlier First and Second German Reichs also collapsed. Their soldiers didn’t eat Gruyère cheese either.

6) My family eats Gruyère cheese. We ate it today.

7) Do your part for your country. Eat Gruyère cheese often

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Enchiladas Verdes

Mexican Entree

ENCHILADAS VERDES

SAUCE INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 tablespoons fresh cilantro (4 tablespoons more later)
1 16 ounce can green chile enchilada sauce
1/2 tablespoon basil
4 tablespoons parsley

FILLING INGREDIENTS

1 fresh green chile
2 jalapeno peppers
1 green bell pepper
1 medium onion
3 garlic cloves
4 tablespoons fresh cilantro (1 1/2 tablespoon more earlier)
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon vegetable oil

2 cups grated Four Mexican cheeses

OTHER INGREDIENTS

12 corn tortillas (You might want more in case some fall apart)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
no-stick cooking spray

You might need two baking dishes

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Use no-stick cooking spray on baking dish.

SAUCE PREPARATION

Dice 1 1/2 tablespoons cilantro. Add cilantro, green enchilada sauce, basil, and parsley to first saucepan and bring to boil on high heat. Then simmer on warm heat for 5 to 10 minutes or until sauce thickens. Set aside.

FILLING PREPARATION

Remove seeds from green chile, jalapeno peppers, and green bell pepper. Dice green chile, jalapeno peppers, green bell pepper, onion, garlic, and 4 tablespoons cilantro. Use second saucepan to saute green chile, jalapeno pepper, green bell pepper, onion, garlic, cilantro, and cumin in vegetable oil for 5 minutes or until onion is soft.

TORTILLAS PREPARATION

Heat the tortillas for about 20 seconds in a microwave to make them easier to roll. Pour enough oil to cover the sauce pan. Dip one tortilla at a time in the hot oil. Cook for about 5 seconds.

USE TONGS TO DO THIS. You really don’t want your hands near searing oil. USE A BACK BURNER to heat the tortillas. Repeated dipping tortillas into hot oil can result in hot oil splattering on you. (While you scurry to the faucet for blessed cool relief, be thankful you live on a planet where 71 percent of the surface is water. You’d be out of luck on Mercury. No water utility companies there.)

Have a plate just a few inches away for your heated tortilla. It’s distressing to find out how quickly a hot, oil-dripping tortilla can fall apart.

Cover each heated tortilla with a paper towel to absorb oil.

FINAL PREPARATION

Dip tortilla in sauce. Add about 1/12 of the fillings’ ingredients plus grated Four Mexican cheeses on top of each tortilla. Roll each tortilla and put it against the side of the baking dish or as close to another rolled tortilla as possible. Hold the tortillas together with a toothpick if desired. (Be sure to have the toothpick as conspicuous as possible to avoid biting into it later.)

Pour the sauce evenly over the tortillas. Sprinkle any remaining ingredients on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until any cheese on top bubbles.

TIDBITS

1) Enchilada means “served with chile pepper.”

2) My aunts fled from their ranch before the forces of Pancho Villa during the Mexican Revolution. One of them made enchiladas from scratch. Pancho Villa was not after them for their enchiladas, only their ranchero.

3) Every year Las Cruces, New Mexico makes the world’s biggest enchilada.

4) The Nixon administration was fond of the expression, “the whole enchilada.”

5) “Enchiladas Suizas” means “Swiss enchiladas.” Swiss immigrants to Mexico topped their enchiladas with cream-based sauces. Swiss immigrants in Mexico, who knew?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Italian Pork Chops

Italian Entree

ITALIAN PORK CHOPS

INGREDIENTS

4 pork loin chops
1 red bell pepper
2 garlic cloves
1 onion
1 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons butter
1 8-ounce can tomato sauce
1 14.5 can diced tomatoes, Italian style
1/2 teaspoon basil
1/2 teaspoon marjoram
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon rosemary
1/2 teaspoon sage
1/2 teaspoon thyme
8 ounces mozzarella cheese

PREPARATION

Remove bone from pork loins. (My wife doesn’t like bone in pork. Good enough for me.) Remove seeds and whitish stuff from inside of red bell pepper. Cut pepper into 8 rings. Mince garlic cloves and onion. Cover both sides of pork loins with pepper. Melt butter in frying pan. Saute pork in frying pan on medium heat until both sides are brown and inside is no longer pink.

(Unless you’re experienced, the best way to see if the inside of the pork is pink is to cut off a piece and see. If the piece has turned white inside then the best thing to do is eat it. If it tastes great, try tasting the other pork loins. You might want to sample the other side of the loins as well. And if your diligent sampling gets out of hand and the pork loins in the pan are shrinking visibly, that is why we chefs cover everything in sauce. No one need ever know how much you ate.)

Add tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, basil, marjoram, oregano, rosemary, sage, thyme, and onion to the pork loins. Bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer with lid on for about 8 minutes.

Put 2 red bell pepper rings on top of each pork loin. Put about 1 ounce of mozzarella inside each bell pepper ring. Put lid back on and cook at medium-high heat for about 4 minutes or until cheese starts to melt.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe has sage, rosemary, and thyme in it.

2) Dagnab it. No parsley! I was so close to making a dish with “parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.”

3) This line is from the famous Simon and Garfunkel song, which was also a medieval ballad.

4) Much thought has gone in the meaning of the four spices in this song.

5) Three schools of thought predominate.

6) First school believes mixing parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme together makes a love charm. Before you stampede the local supermarket, remember that we no longer believe this… Oh what the heck, go for it!

7) Second school notes that these ingredients were used in Four Thieves Vinegar to ward off the Plague.

8) The third school of thought says, “I dunno.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Thai Burger Wrap

Thai Entree

THAI BURGER WRAP

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 pounds turkey meat
1 medium carrot, about 1/4 cup
3 stalks green onions, about 1/4 cup
1/4 teaspoon sesame oil
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
2 garlic cloves
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
2 tablespoons smooth peanut butter
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 tablespoon peanut oil
1/4 cup fresh cilantro
2 teaspoons mayonnaise

romaine or iceberg lettuce

PREPARATION

Mix top ingredients thoroughly by hand. Make patties. Fry patties on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes, flipping them once. Wrap patty with a leaf of romaine lettuce. Wash hands before greeting dinner guests, likable or not.

TIDBITS

1) Steve Martin was a romaine-lettuce salesman appearing on a Saturday Night Live takeoff of Family Feud.

2) Thailand used to be called Siam. The musical, The King and I, was set in Thailand. The non-fiction book, on which it was based, is much more serious in tone.

3) Thailand was never conquered by the Europeans.

4) At one time, Thailand’s new army officers were required to master golf.

5) Golf is a good way to learn cussing.

6) There is no 6).

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Aigo Boulido Soup From Forthcoming Cookbook

French Soup

AÏGO BOULIDO

INGREDIENTS

1 head or bulb of garlic (The number of cloves will vary.)
2 cups water
4 thin slices of French bread (Baguette style is best.)
4 tablespoons grated Pecorino Romano cheese (Plain Romano cheese will do. And yes, Italian cheeses are allowed in a French dish.)
1 bay leaf
1/2 teaspoon sage
1/2 teaspoon olive oil

(Makes two bowls)

PREPARATION

Peel and mince all the cloves in the head of garlic. (If the number of cloves in the head of garlic varies from head to head, will the intensity of the garlic taste vary as well? Yes, it will. Either way, this is a dish best eaten after a job interview.)

Pour 2 cups water into pot. Add minced garlic and cook on high for 15 minutes. Keep lid on to avoid evaporation. Monitor occasionally to avoid boiling over. Add bay leaf and sage. Stir.

While the garlic and water is cooking for 15 minutes, toast four slices of bread. Try to cut them as thin as you would for a sandwich. Sprinkle olive oil on both sides of toasted slices. Sprinkle 1/2 tablespoon Pecorino cheese on each side of each slice. Do this over a soup bowl so that the cheese that doesn’t stick on the bread falls into the bowl.

Put two bread slices into each of two bowls. Pour garlic/water mix into bowls. Add 1/4 teaspoon olive oil to the surface of the soup, but don’t mix it in.

Bon goût.

TIDBITS

1) “Taste great, less filling” translates into French as “Bon goût, moins de remplissage.” Not as catchy, is it?

2) Foreign cookbooks can be so darned vague. Augh! Augh! Augh! There, I feel better now. I hope this version is clear.

3) The French sure like garlic and onions. Mais oui.

4) The average American eats about twenty-one pounds of onion a year. Libya leads the world with an average of sixty-seven pounds per person per year.

5) America is a robust republic. Culinary political analysts fear the new Libyan republic will be on shaky ground unless it brings its per capita onion consumption below fifty pounds.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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