Posts Tagged With: soccer

I Might Just Cancel the World Cup Final

Germany versus Argentina: Meh. Can’t get excited about this one. Argentina just beat one of my three favorite teams, Netherlands. Germany defeated the United States. SoccerBall2Boo! I like German and Argentinian food equally well. And oh gosh, the game the Dutch lost was a mind-numbingly 0-0 tie that ended in a shoot-out. The Netherlands team played their last 240 minutes of World Cup play without ever scoring! I might just take my soccer ball and go home. They can’t play the final without a soccer ball. I know billions of people are waiting excitedly for this game, but I’m having a really bad day. So there! Unless, of course, Argentina or Germany let me play for them. Not only will I bring the soccer ball necessary for the game, I promise to score the winning goal. Wait could be more fair than that? I’m waiting for a phone call from Argentina and Germany. Taps foot.

(Photo of my soccer ball shown above.)

– Sports Czar Paul R. De Lancey

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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My Favorites for the World Cup Semifinals

Brazil over Germany. I’m feeling very hemispheric right now. I’m also upset about the vicious tackle that took out a Brazilian star. I didn’t see it, but still. I just got reminded how SoccerBallWest Germany and Austria effectively colluded in a World Cup match in 1982 to keep Algeria from advancing. Grr! Besides I like Brazilian food a lot more. BRA is the three letters internet reports use for Brazil or Brasil. Women wear bras. I like women. GER for Germany, is one letter away from being germ. Germs make us sick. Advantage, Brazil.

Netherlands over Argentina. I’m not feeling hemispheric loyalty anymore. Besides, I lived in the Netherlands and enjoyed it very much. My brother played soccer in the Netherlands for the American International School. No one in our family has even been to Argentina. Got to love those orange uniforms. The Dutch monarchy is descended from the House of Orange. A popular drink in the Netherlands is Oranjeboom, or Orange Tree. There’s also Dutch ovens. I love Dutch ovens. They make cooking so much easier. There’s no such item or beer, that I know off that has anything about Argentina in its name. Poffertjes is a great Dutch dessert. Sure, the Argentinian barbecue is great, but I’m in a mood for dessert. Oh, and hot air rises in Holland. A real estate agent  once told my mother and I that. I have no such confirmation for Argentina.

– sports reporter, Paul De Lancey

 

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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My Favorites for the next round in Soccer’s World Cup

France over Germany. I’m a direct descendant of the French emperor Napoleon Bonaparte. I’m ready if they ever come to their senses and restore me to my rightful throne. On the other hand, they did kill some of my Hugenot ancestors in their religious wars some centuries ago. I bicycled through France while in grad school and had a great time, except for that one French driver who ran me off the road and sent me to the hospital. France has invaded Germany many more than times than vice versa over the centuries. However, Germany has done the last three invading. I took French in school and at my peak, I could go toe to toe with any French eight year old. While I like German food very much, I love French food much more and have so many more French recipes. And my gosh, how could I not root for the country that invented the chocolate eclair?

Brazil over Columbia. Brazil speaks Portuguese. Portuguese names are cool. Is there any name cooler than Vasco di Gama? (Quite possibly spelled correctly.) I liked the variety of Brazilian cuisine over Columbian. Brazil has had brutal dictatorships, while Columbia has been in the thrall of drug cartels. It’s gotten better in both countries. In grad school at Wisconsin, I sometimes worked registering students. One semester the whole process got horribly messed up. Students who registered at the end found no classes open that they liked. Some were nearly in tears, afraid they couldn’t register for any class at all and would have paid tuition for nothing. Fortunately, there was a poster behind me that read, “Why not Portuguese?” Apparently the Portuguese department had openings in their classes for the tired, huddled masses of freshmen yearning for credits so they could graduate in four years.  I hope that helped the beleaguered students.

Belgium over Argentina. While much better now, Argentina once had a brutal dictatorship while Belgium has remained pretty much harmless. Years ago, I bicycled through Belgium without incident. Yay. Who could not love the Argentinian barbecue, but for goodness sake, Belgium gifted humanity with the French fry. And who does not feel warm and fuzzy about the Belgian waffle? Belgium did beat America, boo!, and if the Belgians had invented only the French fry, I’d be saying, “Viva, Argentina!” But the Belgian waffle brought me back to backing Belgium. Close call, though.

Netherlands over Costa Rica. I don’t know anything about Costa Rican cuisine, sorry. However, the Dutch have the most amazing spicy mustard they put on their French fries. And my gosh, the Dutch know how to cook their French fries just right! Their mini pancakes with confectionery sugar is one of the world’s best desserts. You can get great Indonesian food anywhere in the Netherlands. Sure, that’s because the Dutch invaded Indonesia in the 1600s, which was bad. But the Dutch left Indonesia in 1948 taking home a love for Indonesian food, one of the world’s greatest cuisine. I lived in the Netherlands for three years while a teenager and loved it. The people there are very nice. They keep everything clean except for a strange blind spot about dog poop everywhere on the side walks.

– Sports reporter, Paul De Lancey

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Finnish Dilled Beef Stew

Finnish Entree

DILLED BEEF STEW
(Tilliliha)

INGREDIENTSDilledBeef-

3 pounds boneless chuck roast
1 onion
3 tablespoons butter
3 ½ cups beef broth
1 teaspoon allspice
½ tablespoon coarsely ground pepper
1 bay leaf
½ teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons flour
2 ½ teaspoons sugar
2 ½ teaspoons red wine vinegar
½ cup cream
4 teaspoons dill

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

Serves 6 (How big are your bowls?) Takes 2 hours 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut chuck roast into 1″ cubes. Mince onion. Put roast and butter into Dutch oven. Sauté for 5-to-10 minutes on medium-high heat or until chuck-roast cubes turn brown. Stir occasionally. Add beef broth and bring to boil. Reduce heat to low. Add onion, allspice, pepper, bay leaf, and salt. Cover and simmer on low heat for 90 minutes. Skim off foam as it occurs. Remove meat from Dutch oven and set aside.

Add flour, sugar, and red wine vinegar to broth and increase heat to medium. Stir continually until sauce thickens. Add cream and dill. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.

TIDBITS

1) Ronkainen, a legendary Finnish robber of the 1700s, had would-be gang members carry a heavy woman over an obstacle course to prove their strength. The annual wife-carrying championships in Sonkajaarvi, Finland derive from this test. Wife carrying is not an Olympic sport. However, synchronized swimming is.

2) Finns excel at non-traditional sports as well. Be sure to make your way to Savonlinna, Finland during August for its prestigious Cell Phone Throwing Championship. Participants throw the cell phones over their shoulders and are judged by distance and techniques. Cell-phone-throwing mania is going global having caught in the rest of Europe and in the United States. This would be one Olympic event I would watch. Contact the proper agency for rules of competition. Despite the obvious tie in, I don’t believe Nokia is an official sponsor.

3) Air guitar enthusiasts won’t want to miss the Air Guitar season. Prestigious events are held in Germany along with Japan’s own elimination tournament. However, the crème de la crème of air guitardom is the World Final, held in Oulu, Finland in late August. Don’t forget to pack your air guitar or you’ll be forced to buy one at the local Ouluan shops and you’ll know what high prices you’ll see there.

4) The Mosquito Swatting Championship is held each year in Finland. Contestants try to swat the most mosquitoes in 5 minutes. Over thirty is a good number. I don’t know when the event takes place, but I imagine it is in the mosquito season. Visitors who attract mosquitoes like flies, hee hee, will be asked to sit in the back rows as the mosquitoes biting them diminish the number of mosquitoes available to the contestants.

5) Finland hosts the Ant Nest Sitting Competition. Athletes–whom am I kidding?–sit on an ant hill for as long as they can stand the ant bites. Okay, this one is weird.

6) Relax while competing! Enter the Finnish Sauna World Championship Simply stay the longest inside Finnish sauna in a temperature 110 degrees centigrade, 240 degrees fahrenheit. Held in August in Heinola, Finland, this contest makes a natural companion to tourists taking in the Air Guitar final.

7) Love soccer? Love mud? Head on over to Hyrynsalmi., Finland where over 200 teams from all over the world vie to win the Swamp Soccer World Cup. It’s held during Finland’s mud season.

8) If the idea of bodies writhing in mud gets you hot and bothered, be sure to take in the Kutemajarvi Sex Festival and Matchmaking Festival held in the towns Kangasniemi and Kurikka, Finland. If you are interested, please visit the Rakkausfestivalli’s website where a knowledge of the Finnish language helps a lot.

9) Speaking of speaking Finnish, consider attending the Finnish Dialect Speaking Championship held in early July in Kuopio, Finland. Past winners have usually demonstrated a strong command of this Nordic language.

10) Can’t speak Finnish, but still love to make yourself heard? Alapitka, Finland, puts on the renowned Cattle Calling Championship. Techniques of the champions are closely guarded secrets.

11) Lost at the Cattle Calling Championship? Want to take out your frustration from months of wasted practice? Redeem yourself by entering Milk Stool Throwing contests held all over rural Finland in early summer.

12) But above all else behave yourself while visiting Finland. Finnish prisoners are only allowed to use the sauna once a week. Scared straight, you bet.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paraguayan Corn Bread (sopa Paraguaya)

Paraguayan Entree

PARAGUAYAN CORN BREAD
(sopa Paraguaya)

INGREDIENTSCornBread-

6 tablespoons butter (used three times for 1, 2, and 3 tablespoons)
1 large sweet onion (or onion)
1 2/3 cups whole milk (or milk)
2 cups cornmeal
3/4 cup grated mozzarella (or white cheese)
1/2 cup grated cheddar (or yellow cheese)
3 eggs
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper

SPECIAL UTENSIL

bread-loaf pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Mince onion. Separate egg yolks from egg whites. Melt 6 tablespoon butter. Coat sides of bread-loaf pan with 1 tablespoon of melted butter. Add 2 tablespoons of melted butter to frying pan. Sauté the onions at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onions soften. Reduce heat to low. Add milk, stirring constantly. Do not let milk boil. Reduce heat to warm if necessary. Add cornmeal gradually, stirring constantly until mixture becomes well blended.

Remove pan from heat. Add mozzarella cheese and cheddar cheese, 3 tablespoons melted butter, salt, and pepper. Mix with fork until cheese melts. Add egg yolk and stir again with whisk until well this batter is well blended. Stir eggs white with whisk in another mixing bowl until stiff peaks form. Fold egg whites carefully into batter.

Pour batter into buttered bread-loaf pan. Bake at 400 degrees for 30-to-40 minutes or until corn bread is golden brown or until toothpick comes out clean after insertion.

TIDBITS

1) Paraguay became independent from Spain in 1811. For years, maps listed the country as “Parrot Gay”. Some centuries ago a Jesuits settlers befriend a homosexual parrot. They named the gay parrot, Frank. The settlers eventually ate Frank. This region could have been called Parrot à l’orange.

2) Paraguay is now rated “boring” by many travelers.

3) In1812, Portugal helped celebrate Paraguayan independence by invading the little country. A period of anarchy followed by a dictatorships. None of these dictators did anything fun, such as promote soccer or karaoke.

4) Indeed, the dictatorship of Francisco Lopez, 1862 – 1869, was a particularly grumpy time. Not only were popular sports, arts and Wi-Fi connections neglected, but he managed to tick off the neighboring superpowers Argentina and Brazil. An unarguably unpleasant war followed where some 80% of adult males perished without ever having a chance to sing in karaoke clubs or even dance in conga lines.

5) By 1900, there were again equal numbers between males and females had been reestablished. My goodness, the Paraguayans were busy between the years 1869 and 1900.

6) Okay, there wasn’t an exact equivalence of males and females as the census of 1900 showed an odd number of people, 635,571 in Paraguay.

7) A moderate number of fair-to-middling strikes, anarchy, repression, and rebellions filled Paraguayan life until 1930. Soccer probably came to Paraguay during this time. We know even less about the state of Paraguayan soccer and conga lines during this era. Historians are frustratingly mute on this. But we know everything about a gay parrot that was dined upon hundreds of years ago. Go figure.

8) In 1932 Paraguay went to war with another country starting with the letter “B,” Bolivia over the supposedly oil rich lands of Chaco. This was sponsored by Standard Oil of New Jersey, who backed Bolivia, and Royal Dutch Shell, who supported Paraguay. Paraguay almost went to war with Chile which starts with the letter “C.” However, Chile, had no corporate sponsor and sat out the entire Chaco conflict.

9) Chaco rhymes with taco. Tacos are from Mexico. Tacos are a peaceful food.

10) Peace between Bolivia and Paraguay broke out in 1935. Paraguay got most of the Chaco land and Bolivia got guaranteed access to the sea via the Paraguay River. So some good came out of the war. Paraguay was safe for karaoke, conga lines, and vaudeville.

11) But not for long, a military revolt resulted a new dictator in 1936. Unrest, repression, lutefisk vendors, and murders cursed the country for decades. Soccer managed to flourish; it is a resilient.

12) In 2000, a stable civilian government finally took over. The new leaders vigorously support karaoke and conga lines. (Vaudeville disappeared worldwide decades ago.) Tourists are starting to flock to Paraguay. The future looks bright for this county.

13) However, researchers from the University of Dili, recently concluded that Paraguayans were among the crabbiest people on Earth.

14) You’d be crabby too if your country missed out on vaudeville. But soccer, karaoke and conga will heal all. And boring would sound pretty darn good after centuries of conflict. So there.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Roti, Guyanese Flatbread Recipe

Guyanese Entree

ROTI
(flatbread)

INGREDIENTSRoti-

2 cups and more flour (don’t put it away)
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
3/4 cups water
up to 1 cup vegetable oil (don’t put it away)

SPECIALTY ITEM

electric skillet

PREPARATION

Combine 2 cups flour, baking powder, salt, and water in mixing bowl. The amount of water added should be enough to make a fairly firm dough, so a bit more or less water maybe needed.

Sprinkle plate or board with flour. Divide dough into six lumps. Put a lump on board. Dust rolling pin with flour. Roll out dough until it is a circle 8″ across . Put 1 teaspoon on dough. Smooth the oil so it covers the entire circle. Sprinkle 1/2 teaspoon flour uniformly over dough or roti. Fold in corners of roti. Shape roti into a ball. Keep board and rolling pin dusted with flour as you repeat this process for 5 move rotis.

Let rotis stand for 30 minutes while you straighten out the world or sip on a nice, cold Roy Rogers soda.

Set heat on electric skillet to 350 degrees. Put 2 tablespoons oil in skillet. Flatten a roti by hand and put it in skillet. Cook the flatbread, roti, for 3 minutes or until both sides are starting to turn light brown. Turn roti over frequently, at least once every 20-to-30 seconds. Repeat for the other 5 rotis. Add enough oil to the skillet to maintain 2 tablespoons for each roti.

Mango chutney, see recipe, goes great with roti.

TIDBITS

1) Flatbread is flat.

2) The Earth is not flat. It is round.

3) Round, Earth, round.

4) Round in the morning, round at night.

5) In 1492, Columbus sailed west. Flat Earthers took fright.

6) Ooh yes, scary, scary.

7) And now in a seamless transition to more complex sentences, most people in 1492 thought the Earth to be round.

8) The flat-earth myth became popular with the1828 publication, Washington Irving’s imaginative, A History of the Life and Voyages of Christopher Columbus.

9) Hundreds of thousands of American school kids have written essays about Christopher Columbus that have been wrong. All because of Washington Irving.

10) Someone should go back in time and send Mr. Irving to the principal’s office.

11) It’s a good thing, though, the world is not flat. What if you were playing soccer and someone kicked the soccer ball over the edge of the Earth and the soccer ball was gone for ever and no one had another soccer ball?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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