Posts Tagged With: love

Amazing Way to Always Find Your Car Keys

How many times has this happened to you?

You’re late to:

1)  Meet the love of your life at a super fancy restaurant. You’re going to propose to her.

2) An interview for your dream job.

3) A meeting with a hostile foreign ambassador. You’re hoping to avoid global armageddon.

But none of these things happen. You spent an hour looking for your care keys.

1)  You love leaves the restaurant before you arrive, vowing to hate you forever.

2) Your would be boss gives the position to a lutefisk vendor because no other applicants showed up.

3) You thought that the stand up ambassador would relay the unforgivable insult to his country. The almost certain missiles never get launched against you beloved country, only because the foreign ambassador couldn’t find his car keys either. But it was a near run thing.

Face it, you’re disorganized. The keys you placed on the hook devoted to them fall to the floor. Or you put the keys down, well you can’t remember where. Then use put some papers on top of them. Now you have no chance to find them.

What to do? Simply buy Bushell’s Model 303 Household Balloon. Simply attach your keys to the little hook beneath the ballon. When you want to find your car keys, simply look up. It’s that easy. You’ll say, “Thank you, Bushnell.”

Or splurge for the enhanced model, the Bushnell Model 303E Household Balloon. The battery powered 303E will follow you as you move from room to room. Your keys will always be right above your head.

So get yourself a 303. You’ll never have to worry starting World War III ever again. Heck, you might even get married.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: science, you need to get | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Hidden Timeline of Tom Jones’ “Delilah”

Delilah and Samson, the other man

Tom Jones was superb sing. His hit song, “Delilah,” tells how the protagonist sees Delilah with another man. Her dalliance enrages him to the point of murder. He knows the police will soon come for him, so he asks for forgiveness..

I feel that this tumultous relationship needs fleshing out. And in the vein of “why, why, why Delilah?” I offer the following timeline.

Sigh, sigh, sigh, Delilah (He sees Delilah and falls in love with her.)
Hi, hi, hi Delilah (He works up the courage to talk to her.)
Tie, Tie, tie Delilah (He takes her out to a fancy-dress restaurant.)
My, my, my Delilah (She falls in love with him and becomes his.)
Guy, guy, guy Delilah (The romance doesn’t last. He sees her with another man.)
Why, why, why Delilah? (He wants to know why.)
Fie, fie, fie Delilah (He’s getting upset with her.)
Lie, lie, lie Delilah (He doesn’t believe the man he saw with her is her cousin.)
Pie, pie, Delilah (He’s upset enough to throw a pie at her.)
Fly, fly, fly Delilah (He wants to kill her, but gives her chance to escape with her life.)
Die, die, die Delilah (She doesn’t flee. He yields to his rage and stabs her.)
Bye, bye, bye Delilah (He bids adieu to her inert body. She doesn’t respond.)
I’ll fry, fry, fry Delilah (He’s caught and convicted of murder. He gets the electric chair.)

Well, bummer.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: love, murder | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Navajo Fry Bread

Navajo Appetizer

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NAVAJO FRY BREAD

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INGREDIENTS
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2 cups flour
3¼ teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1¼ cups milk, lukewarm
3 cups vegetable oil
¼ cup flour
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Serves 4. Takes 40 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add 2 cups flour, baking powder, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whish until well blended. Gradually add milk. Mix with hands after each addition. Knead for 5 minutes or until a smooth dough ball forms.
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Divide dough ball into 4 mini dough balls. Spread ¼ cup flour onto flat surface. Add mini dough balls. Flatten mini dough balls into discs ¼” thick. Let sit for 5 minutes. Make a tiny hole in the middle of the discs. (This prevents the discs from ballooning into a circle.)
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Add oil to large pan. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a bit of dough in the oil will start to dance. Gently add 1 dough disc into oil. Use spatula to press down on disc so that it is covered by oil. Fry dough disc for 0.5-to-2 minutes or until bubbles form on the top and the bottom turns golden brown. Carefully turn disc over with 1 or 2 spatulas. Fry until new bottom turns golden brown and the top bubbles.) Remove fry breads from heat and drain on paper towels. Repeat for remaining discs. Frying times might decrease with each fry bread.
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Use fry breads to make Navajo tacos or top them with honey or confectioners’ sugar to make a tasty dessert.
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TIDBITS
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1) The Navajo fry bread in the above picture is golden brown.
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2) The CL, Chef Legislature, mandates that all cooks know what Golden Brown means and how to bake and fry flour so that these dishes all come out Golden Brown.
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3) The CPD, Chef Police Department, will come for you if you don’t cook bread Golden Brown.
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4) On the other hand, if you master the art of cooking bread Golden Brown, everybody will love you. Crime in your neighborhood will fall to zero. Every financial decision will be golden. You will find gold nuggets just lying around as you take your daily walk. Anybody you fancy will desire your body, and you will be able to do the New York Times’ crossword puzzle.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Chatting With Chefs, cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Simplify Jigsaw Puzzles

Jigsaw puzzles can be lots of fun.  Finishing them elicits effusive praise from guests. Completing the puzzle makes your spouse respect you for the first time in months. “You completed a project. Well done!”

However, puzzle solving can take hours, dozens of hours, and even dozens of weeks, if you even finish. Yep, you’ll probably give up. Your latest failure will drive her to desert you. Her farewell note of “You clod, I’ve run off with the milkman” will be all the more hurtful for the fact that your neighborhood hasn’t had a milkman in 40 years.

And if you stick to your puzzle quest, no matter the cost, chances are there will be a missing piece. Where did the piece go? Is it hiding somewhere on the floor, did it migrate to your sock drawer, or did your puzzle box simply have a piece missing? No matter, it’s missing. You won’t regain your mate’s love and adoration.

He: You didn’t finish the puzzle.
You: I did. All but one piece.
He: Like I haven’t heard that one before.

And then he leaves, claiming to go to the store to buy a particle accelarator. He doesn’t come back. Your life is bereft of joy. Well mostly, you do look forward to not picking up his socks anymore.

What’s the solution? A one-piece puzzle! Everyone of us finish that. And quickly, too. No more looking at a box of 1,000 pieces and guessing if they are all there. Buy the one-piece puzzle. We can all count to one. Yes we can.

Look below to see the one-piece puzzle I just completed..

1 piece puzzle of the world.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: I simplify | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Loving Poem About Love

Love
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Loving Poem #14

My love is like a red, red rose
Covered with green, green aphids.
Hurry! Quick!
Spray my red, red rose with Aphids B-Gon(tm).

Now my red, red rose is aphid free.
At least metaphorically so.
Did using the Aphids B-Gon
Pollute the love garden of the world?

Boy, I hope not!
Love is complicated.
Isn’t it?
Metaphors too.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wanda Wunder Wonders About That Mamas and the Papas Song

I’ve always thought what Wanda’s wondering about.

Wanda Wunder #26

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: Wanda Wunder | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lorna Dune – Hollywood Blockbuster

Do you love movies? Do you jump for joy when Hollywood updates old classics? If so, you’ll need to see:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Dear Readers

Thank you for reading my blogs. I’m grateful.

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Magwinya With Mince (Fat Cakes With Beef Filling)

Botswanan Entree

MAGWINYA WITH MINCE
(Fat Cakes With Beef Filling)

INGREDIENTS – MINCE FILLING

1 medium potato
2 garlic cloves
1 large onion
1 tomato
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 tablespoon curry powder
⅔ pound ground beef
2 tablespoons chutney, mango or other fruit
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
½ cup water

INGREDIENTS – FAT CAKES

3¼ cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons sugar
½ tablespoon yeast
1½ cups warm water
2½ cups vegetable oil

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

Serves 5. Takes 2 hours 20 minutes.

PREPARATION – MINCE FILLING

Peel potato. Cut potato into ¼” cubes. Mince garlic cloves, onions, and tomato. Add garlic, onion, and vegetable oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add curry powder and ground beef. Reduce heat to medium. Cook for 2 minutes or until beef browns. Stir frequently.

Reduce heat to medium. Add potato, tomato, chutney, Worcestershire sauce, and water. Cook for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low. Partially cover and simmer for 25 minutes or until liquid thickens to a sauce. Stir enough to keep filling from burning. Remove from heat.

PREPARATION – FAT CAKES

Add flour, salt, sugar, and yeast to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork. Add water, a little a time, mixing with spoon until a soft dough forms. Knead dough with hands for 5 minutes or until you get a smooth dough ball. Cover and let sit for 40 minutes or until dough doubles in size.

Form 10 smaller dough balls. or magwinyas, with hands. Stretch the magwinyas until they become oval, Add vegetable oil to Dutch oven. Heat oil at medium heat. Oil is hot enough when a bit of added dough will start to dance. Add 3 or 4 magwinyas at a time. Cover. Deep fry for 2 minutes or until bottom of magwinyas turn golden brown. Turn over with spatula or fork. Deep fry for 2 minutes or until the new bottom of the magwinyas turn golden brown and fork inserted into them comes out clean. Remove with slotted spoon and place on plates covered with paper towels. Repeat for successive batches.

PREPARATION – FINAL

Wait until magwinyas cool enough to be touched, about 10 more minutes. Slice magwinyas along their length almost to the bottom. (It should look like an open hot-dog bun.) Push the sides of the magwinyas in from the inside. (This lets it hold more.) Place ⅓ cup filling in magwinyas. Close magwinyas.

TIDBITS

1) Look at the above photo for this dish. The mince filling sits securely in the fat cake. It doesn’t fly up to the ceiling However, if you were to turn the magwinya with mince upside down something dramatic would happen. The mince would fall out of the fat cake and fall onto the plate.

2) The plate is just a wee bit closer to the center of the Earth than in the picture. Perhaps there’s a reason for the falling mince filing.

3) Spoiler alert, it’s gravity.

4) In 1686, Isaac Newton and his sweetheart were sitting under a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g when an apple fell on his head and stopped all the smooching.

5) “Ow,” said Isaac. “I wonder why the apple fell,” said his amour. “Perhaps some unseen force acted on it.”

6) “Wahdu,” said Isaac. (Wahdu is an Indonesian word expressing amazement. You’ll have to excuse the great scientist lapse into Indonesian. It’s likely he suffered from a temporary conclusion.) “I’ll bet it’s one of the elemental forces of the universe. I shall call it gravity.”

7) Isaac left his love in the lurch and scurried back to his study to write up his theory on gravity and other basic forces. He called his magnum opus, his great contribution to scientific understanding, Principia Mathematica. He presented his worthy work to the Royal Society of London.

8) Who promptly turned it down. They had no money having blown their entire publishing budget on “The History of Fishes.”

9) Thank goodness, for the great astronomer, Edmund Halley, who paid for the printing of Principia Mathematica. Isaac never did marry, but the world was made safe for the study of physics.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Simplify Solitaire

How many times has this happened to you? You’ve spent the Christmas bonus on a week-long vacation on the sun-lit beaches of Hawaii. You’re up earlier than your spouse, rather earlier as you’re just so excited to splash in the warm ocean water. But it’ll be two hours before he wakes up. What to do? You decide to play solitaire to pass the time. Only the game takes so freaking, but find you can’t  ever leave anything unfinished.

He arises and cajoles you to take to the beach. Enthralled in your game; you do not. He pleads again. You do not hear him. He says he is heading to beach and asks you to join him later. You favor him with a perfunctory wave. He leaves.

Finally, the game is over. You look at your watch. Oh my gosh, is that the time? Oh my gosh, is that the day? Horrors, you have played the entire vacation away. Your plane leaves in hour. You shout for your husband. He does not respond. There is a note on the table. He found a beautiful mango heiress while you were playing solitaire. He’s going to spend the rest of his life with her on the French Riviera.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Now we all know the object of Solitaire is place the right cards on an ace. This, as we have seen above, can take a lot of time. My brilliant idea is to shrink the 52-card deck down to one, the ace of spades. As you soon as you play this card, the game is done. You can get one with your life. You and your wedded love remain inseparable. Life is good.

I show to the right a simulated game of Ace of Spades Solitaire. You’ve won!

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: I simplify, observations, travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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