Posts Tagged With: kittens

I am But a Simple Man

I am known for my simple ways. I cringe at every addition to our cell phones: additions that frequently turn out to be death by enhancement.

No, I like the simplicity of sunrises, kittens, and baking.

Baking involves measuring amounts of butter. The standard American stick of butter contains 8 tablespoons or ½ cup.

Fairly simple, right? But many recipes call for 4 tablespoons or ¼ cup of butter. The standard American butter stick does mark off every tablespoon. However, the wrapper for the butter is often off. So, when we cut the butter at what we think is ¼ tablespoons, we have actually sliced off maybe 4.23 tablespoons butter.

If only there were a simple way for simple souls to accurately measure 4 tablespoons of butter.

Now thanks to Land O Lakes(tm) I have butter sticks that measure 4 tablespoons.

A simple solution for a simple man, All is well. I am content.

An old-style 8 tablespoon stick is there for reference

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me, cuisine | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things I Haven’t Done In Years

My stunt double

1) Wake up rested.

2) Go the entire day without a headache.

3) Feel bursts of energy.

4) Feel a burst of energy.

5) Go the entire day without a backache.

6) Go any length of time without a headache.

7) Go any length of time without a backache.

8) Be able to read easily.

9) For any length of time. (Not only are my eyes nearsighted, but they don’t work together well.)

10) Keep calm when someone says mean things. I just can’t shrug it off.

11)  Accepted serenely the comment, “Don’t get upset.”

12) Go an entire day without dropping things.

13) Do simple manual tasks quickly and easily. Buttoning a shirt can take minutes. (Possibly from neurological problems.)

14) Go the entire day without feeling depressed, about my health, the future of American democracy, the world and just ‘cuz.

15) Not cough. I manage to generate lots of phlegm, perhaps because I have allergies or perhaps just because I’m me.

15) Go the entire without losing my cool because of 1) to 15) and because I’m somewhat Asberger.

 

Some days I can handle life. Some days I can’t.

I’m sorry that this post isn’t funny at all.

Please send pictures of kittens, puppies, and bunnies. Thank you. I love you all.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: about me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Need to See Kittens at Play

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. A stressed out, dull boy. A crabby, stressed out, dull boy. A strong candidate for a heart attack or stroke, crabby, stressed out, dull boy. Doctors pretty much agree that strokes or heart attacks are a bad thing. They’ll tell you to reduce your stress right away. How?

Well, one of the best ways to calm yourself is to pet a kitten or just watch them. But suppose you’re chained to your desk, finishing a knotty project with a rapidly approaching project. Your tyrannical boss is not going to take kindly to you unleashing a litter of frenetic kittens at the office. What to do? Copy the picture in this post to your screen saver. Just looking at this picture, from time to time, will by itself lower your blood pressure. And when your supervisor saunters slyly by, simply tap any key and the kittens will disappear.

You’ll be happier. You’ll be healthier. Download this picture. Do it now.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Nine Things That Make Me Happy

I wrote down nine things I like to see when I’m sad. I wrote them down just as I thought of them. Here they are:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hope these pictures make you happy as well.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: love, observations, you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mocha Coffee Creamer

American Appetizer

MOCHA COFFEE CREAMER

INGREDIENTS

4 cups half and half
6 tablespoons sugar
6 tablespoons cocoa powder
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSILS

2-to-3 screw-top bottles or jars.

Makes 4 cups. Takes 15 minutes plus 30 minutes cooling in refrigerator

PREPARATION

Add half and half and sugar to pot. Warm on low-medium heat until sugar dissolves. Stir constantly. Don’t let it boil. Remove from heat. Add cocoa powder and vanilla. Stir until cocoa powder dissolves and liquid is well blended. Pour into bottles and refrigerate. This creamer will stay fresh up to 7 days.

TIDBITS

1) The bottle in this picture looks tall. It is tall! How tall is it? It’s as tall as Mount Everest. In fact, it was constructed right next to the world’s highest mountain. That’s how we know the bottle’s height.

2) Wow, how did I not notice it? You did. The Tall Bottle Filled With Mocha Creamer Next To Mount Everest story dominated the news for a week.

3) Then thieves stole the bottle for its recycling value. The epic journey of the bottle to a recycling center in Manchester, England became news as well.

4) How do I not remember any of this? Well, other things happened in the world, sports, politics, etc. On Facebook, pictures of kittens and puppies crowded out all other items.

5) Oh, and when the thieves emptied the bottle, they created a vast mocha-creamer glacier right there in Tibet. Inspired culinary scientists are now looking to making sheets made of mocha-creamer to replace the disappearing polar-ice shelves. This is why you can’t find any mocha creamers on your supermarket shelves.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Categories: cuisine, history, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Brisket With Onions

American Entree

BRISKET WITH ONIONS

INGREDIENTSbeefbrisket

2 large onions
4 pounds beef brisket (first or flat cut with fat trimmed to ¼”)
4 garlic cloves
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
½ tablespoon thyme
2 cups beef broth
2 teaspoons parsley

Serves 8. Takes 7 hours.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mandoline
slow cooker

PREPARATION

Cut onions into ¼” slices with mandoline or knife. Dice garlic cloves. Rub pepper, salt, and thyme onto brisket. Add onion slices, garlic, brisket, and beef broth to slow cooker. Cook and cook on high for 6 hours or until brisket is tender to the fork. Cut brisket against grain into 8 or 16 slices. Add brisket to bowls. Ladle liquid from slow cooker over brisket. Garnish with parsley.

TIDBITS

1) No one has ever found the buried treasure of Pierre le Fou, The Terror of the Caribbean.

2) Many historians and treasure hunters have combed dusty books found in nautical libraries. Ambitious souls have prowled bazaars, estate sales, and abandoned castles in search of le Fou’s maps. Still others have surfed the internet for clues before getting distracted by pictures of kittens and even hamster-powered model railroads.

3) However culinary historians believe that the path to Le Fou’s gold and pearls lies through the reading of recipes, this one in particular.

4) First of all, what about the title of this recipe, “Brisket with Onions?” I mean how likely was it that this dish was chosen out of thousands upon thousands of choices. Clearly, this recipe holds the clue to the French pirate’s loot. Indeed, the two nouns in the title, brisket and onions is an anagram for “Be No Skirt Ions.” If that isn’t pirate talk, then I don’t know what is. And “Be No Skirt Ions” clearly means gold. That’s proof you can deny. Now, all you have to do is decipher the hidden code in this recipe for the location of unimaginable wealth. Go for it!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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