To all the mothers, to all those who wish to be mothers, and to all who mother and help strangers, Happy Mother’s Day. You are utterly magnificent and wonderful.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS – PICO DE GALLO
4 Roma tomatoes
1 medium white onion
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro
1 jalapeno pepper (or ½ if you like it milder)
4 teaspoons lime juice
½ teaspoon salt (½ teaspoon more later)
INGREDIENTS – MAIN
1⅓ cups rice
1 pound pork belly*
2 garlic cloves
1 medium yellow or white onion
¼ teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil (2 tablespoons more later)
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 15-oz can red kidney beans, drained
2 tablespoons salsa Lizano* or Worcestershire sauce
INGREDIENTS – FINAL
2 avocados
1 cup tortilla chips
* = Pork belly can be found at CostcoTM. They tend to sell in 5-to-6 pound packages. However, what you don’t use, can be sliced to make bacon.
* = Salsa Lizano can be found online and in ethnic supermarkets.
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
PREPARATION – PICO DE GALLO
Dice tomatoes, white onion, and cilantro. Seed and dice jalapeno. (Wash hands afterward. If you touch your face before washing, it will burn.) Put tomato, white onion, cilantro, jalapeno, lime juice, and ½ teaspoon salt in bowl. Mix with spoon until well blended.
PREPARATION – MAIN
Cook rice according to instructions on package. Cut pork belly into ½” cubes. Dice garlic cloves and yellow onion.
Add pork-belly cubes, garlic, cumin, pepper, and ½ teaspoon salt to small mixing bowl. Mix by hand until pork-belly cubes are well coated. Add 1 tablespoon olive oil to pan. Heat olive oil using high heat until a tiny bit of garlic starts to dance in the oil. Add coated pork belly cubes. Sauté cubes for 10 minutes or until cubes turn golden brown and become mostly crispy. Stir frequently, especially so when they start to brown.
While pork belly sautés, add 2 tablespoons olive oil and yellow onion to pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until yellow onion softens. Stir frequently. Add red kidney beans and salsa Lizon. Reduce heat to medium. Cook until beans are warm. Stir occasionally
PREPARATION – FINAL
Peel avocados and cut them in half lengthwise. Remove pits. Cut avocado halves into 4 slices each. Add equal amounts of cooked rice to 4 serving bowls. Top rice with red kidney beans and yellow onion,. Top red kidney beans with pork belly cubes (chicharrone). Finally, top chicharrone with pico de gallo. Garnish with avocado slices and tortilla chips.
TIDBITS
1) This dish uses Roma tomatoes.
2) Roma is Latin for Rome. The Romans had a word for everything.
3) The Roman legionnaires carried Roma tomatoes into battle.
4) When the Roman soldiers got close to the enemy’s forces, they’d hurl Roma tomatoes.
5) The tomatoes splattered on the faces of the opposing infantry. Tomato juice got into the eyes of the foe.
6) Clear-sighted Romans charged into the ranks of the blinded enemy. The professional Roman army would gain a decisive victory within minutes.
7) “LycopersiciSusceptibility et gladii,” “Tomatoes and Swords.” was the slogan of the Roman soldiers.
8) Indeed, early Roman emperors wore a purple robe with vivid red Roma tomatoes on it.
9) But in late 405, extreme frost conditions totally destroyed the entire Roman Empire’s crop of tomatoes. Barbarian hordes crossed the frozen Rhine River and plunged into the heart of the empire.
10) It had been quite a long time since the legionnaires had fought without tomatoes. They didn’t know how to fight without them. The confused Roman army could no longer hold the barbarian forces at bay.
12) So Rome lost battle after battle. The barbarian conquered everything. Mighty Rome was no more. This is why you should stock your pantry with tomatoes.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Listen to her. She speaks the truth.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1 garlic clove
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
¼ cup olive oil
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
1 16-inch baguette or 2 ciabatta rolls
½ green bell pepper
¼ cucumber
¼ cup Nicoise or Kalamata olives
2 hard boiled eggs
⅓ red onion
1 large tomato
2 5-ounce cans solid white tuna, drained
2 ounces anchovies (optional)
Serves 4. Takes 55 minutes.
PREPARATION
Mince garlic clove. Add garlic, Dijon mustard, olive oil, red wine vinegar, pepper, and salt to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Cut baguette along its length. Use brush to spread garlic/ mustard/olive oil over both baguette halves.
Seed bell pepper. Cut bell pepper and cucumber into slices ½” thick. Cut olives in half. Dice hard boiled eggs. red onion, and. tomato. Spread tuna over baguette bottom. Place bell pepper and cucumber slices on tuna. Sprinkle bell pepper and cucumber with diced egg, olive halves, red onion, tomato, and anchovies.
Place baguette top on egg, onion, and tomato. Place baguette between 2 flat surfaces (such as cutting boards, baking sheets). Place heavy object (such as a skillet) on flat surface. Let sit for 20 minutes. Cut baguette into 4 mini baguettes.
TIDBITS
1) This dish, Pan Bagnat, is an anagram for “Tan Pan Bag.”
2) How do people in France transport their pans? They use bag pans.
3) Tan is the color of the baguette, a food vital to emotional well being So, in France, only chefs may own a tan pan bag. France. All other people must pick a different color. But if you do own a tan pan bag and you’re not a chef, you may expect a midnight visit from the police. Now you know.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Is there anything more heartwarming than seeing a little boy making his first solo journey? And blossoming trees, too? Oh my gosh, I’m happy.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Wanda Wunder #16
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1 slice white bread
2 teaspoons butter, softened
1 tablespoon chocolate sprinkles or Dutch chocolate sprinkles, hagelslag, if you can find it
Serves 1. Takes 3 minutes.
PREPARATION
Spread butter all over bread. Sprinkle with sprinkles.
Ponder on what an amazingly versatile and speedy chef you’ve become.
TIDBITS
1) In 1633, little Pieter van Voorburg went outside to play.
2) He got hungry. He went inside for food. Mama took time to give Pieter a slice of bread.
3) He ate the bread. Little bits of bread fell from his mouth on to an ant hill.
4) The black ants swarmed the crumbs and took them back to their hill. The ants’ antics entranced the little boy for over an hour. Then he grew hungry once more. He went inside for more food.
5) “Oh Pieter!” cried his very busy mother, “Here, have two slices and some butter too. Now leave me be.”
6) Pieter buttered the bread with his fingers. But now he also wanted meat on his bread. He started back to the house. Then he remembered how cross Mama had been. What to do? Aha! Ants were meat, weren’t they?
7) He grabbed some ants and spread them on the buttered bread. Pieter, ate his slice. It was good. He’d give the other ant-smeared slice to Mama. She’d be pleased at his thoughtfulness.
8) Mama’s scream told Pieter she thought otherwise. Once the shrieking abated, she said in between sobs, “There’s so many black ants that they look like chocolate sprinkles..”
9) Pieter and Mama looked at each other. Looked again. Mama said, “Why I declare, bread with butter and chocolate sprinkles would be very tasty.” And so, a national breakfast was born.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
And you need to see it looking at floating petals. Right away. Think of this picture while sitting through another interminable meeting. The very thought of this little hedgehog will help you survive.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Dear Cat Owner,
Why spend tons of money on gourmet cat food when your cat will only turn up its nose at what you feed it, then go outside to eat bugs and twigs?
Why not give your feline what it really wants? Mr Whiskers. It wants Mr. Whiskers.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS – MARINADE
2¼ pounds beef, chuck, top round
3 garlic cloves
3 lemongrass stalks or 1 tablespoon lemongrass paste
¼ teaspoon annatto powder
2 teaspoons Chinese five spice
½ tablespoon minced ginger
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons fish sauce
1½ tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon palm sugar or brown sugar
INGREDIENTS – STEW
3 carrots
3 shallots
1 tomato
1 green chile or Thai chile
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 cinnamon stick
3 kaffir, curry, or bay leaves
3 star anise pods
2⅓ cups coconut water, beef stock, or beer
¼ cup fresh* Thai basil or basil
⅓ cup fresh** mint leaves
* = or 4 teaspoons dried Thai basil
** = 5¼ teaspoons dried mint
Serves 4. Takes 2 hours 10 minutes.
PREPARATION – MARINADE
Cut beef into 1″ cubes. Mince garlic cloves. Remove white outer leaves from lemongrass stalks. Mince remaining green part of lemongrass. Add all marinade ingredients to mixing. Mix with hands until well blended and beef cubes are well coated. Marinate for 30 minutes.
PREPARATION – STEW
Dice carrots, shallots, and tomato. Seed and mince chile. Dice Thai basil and mint. Add vegetable oil to large pot. Heat oil using medium-high heat. Oil is hot enough when a little bit of shallot starts to dance in the oil. Add marinated beef cubes. Sauté at medium-high heat until beef cubes turn completely brown. Stir enough to ensure even browning. Add shallot. Sauté at medium-high heat until shallot softens.
Add tomato, chile, cinnamon stick, kaffir leaves, and star anise. Stir until well blended. Add coconut water. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Stir until well blended. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 30 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add carrot. Simmer for 30 minutes more or until beef cubes and carrot become tender. Remove cinnamon stick, kaffir lime leaves, and star anise pods. Garnish with Thai basil and mint.
1) The Western Roman Empire fell in 476.
2) Too many barbarian armies attacked Rome for its vast supply of eggs.
3) The barbarians loved to eat Pionono.
4) For every single meal.
5) This meant they needed Rome’s eggs.
6) Rome had lots of eggs and chickens. All civilizations have them.
7) So, the invading hordes destroyed Rome. The lands descended into anarchy.
8) With the collapse of Western Civilization, came the disappearance of the poultry industry.
9) Hardly anyone had eggs.
10) If word got out that you had a chicken ranch, cutthroat gangs would raid your lands and carry you off to lead a hard existence in some faraway land.
11) And you’d never eat another egg.
12) Not ever. And without eggs, you could never eat Pionono again. Who’d want to go through life knowing that?
13) Clearly, this was an untenable existence.
14) But would could be done?
15) As we all know, the gene that directs some people to chicken ranching, also makes them extremely poor fighters. These ranchers needed brave, sturdy fighters to protect them.
16) Indeed in the sixth century, strongmen emerged all over Western Europe to protect the chicken ranchers in return for eggs. This arrangement soon extended to all aspects of agriculture. This system became known as feudalism.
17) Now, no inventions occurred under feudalism as thinking stagnated. But hey, eggs.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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