Posts Tagged With: dessert

Banana Crunchies From New Caledonia

Posted on August 31, 2013 by pauldelancey

New Caledonian Dessert

BANANA CRUNCHIES

INGREDIENTS

12 tablespoons or 1 1/2 sticks butter
1/2 cup unsalted, raw peanuts
2 ripe bananas
1 3/4 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 3/4 cups rolled oats
no-stick spray

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Let butter soften. Grind peanuts in food processor. Peel bananas. Mash bananas.

Use fork or whisk to mix flour, sugar, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt in large bowl. Add butter and eggs. Mix with fork. Add banana, rolled oats, and peanuts. Mix with fork until well blended

Drop 1 tablespoon of mixture from bowl onto sprayed cookie sheet. Use hands to roll mixture into a log. Repeat until mixture is used up. Makes about 4 dozen crunchy logs.

Bake crunchies in oven at 450 degrees for 12 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool on wire rack for 15 minutes.

TIDBITS

1)Nutmeg has a hallucinogenic effect if taken in large amounts.

2) This is why this recipe uses only 1/4 teaspoon. I want you to be able to drive safely.

3) But honestly officer, I only took a pinch of nutmeg.

4) Nutmeg loses its flavor and potency when ground. So if you must drive and nutmeg, please consume the ground variety. Think of your reputation. Think of your family.

5. Nutmeg goes well with desserts, fruit, spinach, cheese, pork, pumpkin, eggs, and cabbage. Sure, you’re just trying to get high. Pumpkin pie for dessert, a likely story.

6. Alabama cares about safe driving as well. You may not drive blindfolded there.

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: Alabama, baking soda, banana, butter, cinnamon, crunchies, dessert, egg, family, hallucinogenic, New Caledonia, New Caledonian, nutmeg, oats, Peanuts, salt | Leave a comment

Agua Tamarindo

Posted on August 6, 2013 by pauldelancey

Mexican Dessert

AGUA TAMARINDO

INGREDIENTS

8 cups water
1/2 cup tamarind syrup
1/4 cup confectionary sugar

PREPARATION

Use long wooden spoon to mix all ingredients in pitcher. Stir until sugar dissolves. This goes well served over ice.

TIDBITS

1) There are no weird facts about tamarinds.

2) Not even fun facts.

3) Tamarinds came India. Sailors carried them back on rest-infested vessels.

4) The rats often were so numerous and ravenous the sailors had to throw whole handful of tamarind pods at the rats.

5) Hence the popular nautical saying and anagram, “Tamarinds, I damn rats.”

6) Not all rats were pests. Some could be trained to race each other . Bosun Arthur Beans of the HMS Kidney could amuse for his ship mates with his trained rats.

7) Other seamen of the British Royal Navy trained their rats to do tricks, such as jumping through hoops.

8) However, Arthur’s trained rats could prove the Pythagorean Theorem and to waltz. Eventually, their fame spread so much that every Christmas Eve the Admiralty would witness a palindromic performance of Art’s Star Rats.

9) Or so I’ve heard.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: agua, British, British Royal Navy, Christmas Eve, confectionary sugar, dessert, India, Mexican, Mexico, Pythagorean theorem, rats, tamarind, tamarindo | Leave a comment

Lavender Cookies

Posted on July 26, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

LAVENDER COOKIES

INGREDIENTS

1 cup butter
1/3 cup sugar
1 tablespoon dried lavender (lavender buds)
2 cups flour (a bit more later for dusting surfaces)
3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons water

PREPARATION

Use fork to cream butter and sugar in mixing bowl. (It’s easier if your butter is already soft from being outside the refrigerator.) Add flour, lavender, flour, vanilla extract, and water. Mix with fork until thoroughly blended. Roll mixture into large dough ball. Cover with plastic wrap and chill in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Dust plate with flour. Put dough on plate and roll it out. Cut out cookies with knife, cookie cutter, or small cup. Dust cookie sheet with flour. Place cookies on cookie sheet and put in oven. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes or until they just begin to brown.

Remove sheet from oven. Let cookies cool for 10 minutes. Remove from cookie sheet and place on wire rack. Let cool for another 10 minutes.

Cookie fiends will find waiting these 20 minutes difficult.

TIDBITS

1) Lavender has a long history of supposedly beneficial uses.

2) According to Chicago’s Smell and Taste Research Foundation, the most sexually exciting smells for men are lavender and pumpkin pie.

3) Having a man over lemon and lavender chicken and a pumpkin pie for dessert really loads the odds in your favor.

4) Unless, of course, your man has a migraine.

5) Good news, the German nun Hildegard of Bingen (1098-1179) believed drinks mixed with lavender cured migraines.

6) So why serve you headachy hunk a nice cooling drink of lavender lemonade? The lavender makes his head feel better. The lavender also makes him amorous. Can ViagraTM do as much? I think not.

7) Lavender was once claimed to cure impotence in mice. Why test it on mice? Why? Why? Do we need more mice?

8) But if lavender could cure impotence in men caused by evil spirits, it would be a great thing. Cheaper than ViagraTM. The pharmaceutical industry must be afraid of lavender.

9) And hah, Spanish churches used to burn lavender to keep away evil spirits.

10) Let’s recap. Lavender chases away evil spirits that cause male impotency, cures impotency, banishes headaches, puts a man in a loving mood, makes a great entree, and is the just the thing for a nice cooling drink.

11) And if you don’t have a date lavender will: protect you from the plague, alleviate muscular pains, diminish cold sores, soothe insect bites, banish head lice, mask halitosis, and control dandruff.

12) Yay lavender.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: butter, cookies.American, dandruff, dessert, halitosis, head lice, history, lavender, lavender buds, lavender cookies, migraine, plague, pumpkin pie, sexually exciting smells, Spanish churches, vanilla extract, Viagra | Leave a comment

Yansoon (aniseed drink)

Posted on July 21, 2013 by pauldelancey

Egyptian Dessert

YANSOON
(aniseed drink)

INGREDIENTS

4 cups water
6 tablespoons aniseed
2 tablespoons sugar

SPECIAL UTENSIL

tea strainer
or
cheesecloth

PREPARATION

Boil all ingredients together for 2 minutes. Stir until sugar dissolves. Pour through tea strainer or cheesecloth into teapot or cups. You’re done. Enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) Yansoon is an anagram for Nano soy.

2) Nano means one billionth. A nano soy is one billionth of a soy.

3) How can you have one billionth of a soy? Maybe a tiny part of a soy bean.

4) Tofu is made from soy. So, it’s probably the merest speck of a tofu cube.

5) A mere speck is just a tiny dot. A meerkat is a mammal. The San Diego Zoo has meerkats.

6) Did you know that a colony, or is it a coagulation, of meerkats always has a designated lookout. This sentinel’s only job is to search the sky and warn the colony of approaching hawks?

7) There are no hawks at the San Diego Zoo, so this precaution is unnecessary.

8) But it’s not harmful either. And how do these San Diegan meerkats know for sure they won’t wake up tomorrow in Hawkland?

9) If a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing well. Would the many, many industrial accidents and disasters throughout the years have occurred if meerkats had been overseeing the projects? I think not.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: aniseed, dessert, drink, Egypt, Egyptian, hawks, meerkat, San Diego Zoo, soy | 3 Comments

Tropical Milkshake

Posted on July 16, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

TROPICAL MILKSHAKE

INGREDIENTS

3 bananas (best when ripe)
1 cup coconut milk
1 cup milk
1 cup orange juice (no pulp)
2 tablespoons raspberry syrup

PREPARATION

Peel the bananas. Put bananas, coconut milk, milk (moo!), orange juice, and raspberry syrup in blender. Use “milkshake” setting. Blend until shake is sufficiently smooth for your taste.

TIDBITS

1) August 1 is National Raspberry Day. Why? I don’t know. How do you get a national day for anything? Is there a federal form or anything? Life can be so confusing.

2) Some raspberries have a golden-yellowish hue. These are mutant raspberries. Ooh, that sounds like a sci-fi movie from the 50s, Attack of the Mutant Raspberries.

3) It is not generally known that King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain sent Christopher Columbus west to discover new lands teeming with raspberries, raspberries needed to make Tropical Milkshakes.

4) Tidbit 3) is not generally known because it isn’t true.

5) But oh my gosh wouldn’t that have been more interesting.

6) And the natives could have given the illustrious Spanish monarchs the raspberry.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: America, American, bananas, Christopher Columbus, coconut milk, dessert, King Ferdinand, mutant, National RaspberryDay, orange juice, Queen Isabella, raspberry, smoothie, Spain, tropical | Leave a comment

Sunshine Milkshake

Posted on July 8, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

SUNSHINE MILKSHAKE

INGREDIENTS

1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups milk
1 cup orange juice
1/2 cup sugar
2 bananas

SPECIAL UTENSIL

blender

PREPARATION

Peel the bananas. Put bananas, milk, orange juice, sugar, and vanilla extract. Use “milkshake” setting. Blend until shake is sufficiently smooth for your taste.

With the time you saved making this simple recipe over a more complicated one, you can read War and Peace.

TIDBITS

1) Seasoned fishermen put vanilla extract on their hands so fish can’t smell them. How fish hundreds of feet deep in the ocean can smell human way up there in a boat is beyond me.

2) If fish have such a good sense of smell, maybe the TSA should hire them to sniff for drugs and explosives at airports.

3) Of course, the TSA would have to provide fish bowls for their aquatic brethren or the fish would die. And stink. And then no one would want to fly, except the bad guys who would be easy to arrest as they were the only ones flying.

4) Unless, of course, the TSA people eat the fish when they die. Maybe use some lemon juice.

5) It’s an interesting legal question. May a fish working for the federal government be eaten?

6) In 1519, Montezuma invited Cortez to share a chocolate drink (Xocolatl) with him. Cortez accepted the invitation. Cortez soon afterward seized Montezuma and executed him. This is more than bad manners on the part of a guest. If Cortez had not gotten into see Montezuma, he couldn’t have decapitated the leadership of the great Aztec nation. The resulting disarray in the Aztec command gave Cortez enough of an advantage to conquer Mexico.

7) The Spanish went on to conquer Central America, much of South America, and what became the southwestern part of the United States. One can only imagine how culinary history would have been changed in the Americas if this had not have happened.

8) So think about that when you invite someone over for hot chocolate.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, recipes | Tags: airports, America, American, Americas, Aztec, bananas, chocolate, cookbook, Cortez, De Lancey, dessert, Mexico, milkshake, Montezuma, orange juice, recipes, Spanish, sugar, sunshine, TSA, United States, vanilla, War and Peace, xocolatl | Leave a comment

Citrus Agua Fresca from Mexico

Posted on July 1, 2013 by pauldelancey

Mexican Dessert

CITRUS AGUA FRESCA

INGREDIENTS

2 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup lime juice
1 1/2 cups orange juice
1 1/2 cups pineapple juice
6 tablespoons confectionary sugar

PREPARATION

Use long wooden spoon to mix all ingredients in pitcher. Stir until sugar dissolves. This goes well served over ice.

TIDBITS

1) Doesn’t the list of ingredients look like a ski slope?

2) One of the most popular sports televison ever was “The Wide World of Sports.” The intro to the program shows an athlete performing a great feat to the “thrill of victory and an athlete failing to the words “the agony of defeat.

3) The victorious athlete changed quite a few times. However, the failing athlete was Vinko Bogataj. Vinko wiped out in spectacular fashion just moments after starting to ski down a steep slope. Vinko remained blissfully unaware that tens of millions of people had been watching his snow tumble every week for twenty years.

4) Success is overrated. We remember spectacular failures. We embrace them.

5) Eddie the Eagle represented Britain in the 1988 Winter Olympics. He would soar like an eagle with folded wings. Eddie’s ski jumps brought him last place in every event he entered. He might have set records for the short jumps if the Olympics had bothered track such a thing.

6) Naturally Eddie became a national hero. The world remembered his name for decades. The winners in the ski jump? Tee hee.

7) Who can name a movie about bobsled gold medals? No one. Well, practically no one. But millions have seen the movie about the Jamaican bobsled Olympians, “Cool Runnings.” They didn’t win a medal. They only achieved cinematic immortality.

8) As the song says, “We don’t need another hero.” We need another Citrus Agua Fresca.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: agua fresca, citrus, confectionary sugar, dessert, Eddie the Eagle, lime juice, Mexican, Mexico, orange juice, pineapple juice, Wide World of Sports | 2 Comments

Horchata From Mexico

Posted on June 27, 2013 by pauldelancey

Mexican Dessert

HORCHATA

INGREDIENTS

2 cups uncooked long-grain rice (white is best)
2 cups water
3 1/2 cups milk
1 tablespoon cinnamon (freshly ground is best)
1 1/4 cups sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

PREPARATION

Put rice and water in blender. Blend using highest setting for 2 minutes. Put blender container in refrigerator overnight.

Add cinnamon, sugar, and vanilla extract to rice/water in blender. Blend at highest setting for 5 minutes. Pour mixture into large pitcher. Add milk. Stir with long wooden spoon. This goes well served over ice. Olé

TIDBITS

1) The director for the middle school near my home loves the song, “Tequila.” However, he and the school disapprove of alcohol, so the band changed the word in the song to “horchata.”

2) “Horchata” is an anagram for “CAA, Thor.” The initials for the Canadian Automobile Association is CAA. Thor was a powerful Norse god. I think this means Thor drives a car and is a naturalized Canadian.

3) What types of car would Thor drive? A Thunderbird.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: Canadian, Canadian Automobile Association, cookbook, De Lancey, dessert, Eat Me, God, horchata, Mexican, Norse, recipes, Thor, vanilla | Leave a comment

Banana Peanut-Butter Honey Milkshake

Posted on June 13, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

BANANA PEANUT-BUTTER HONEY MILKSHAKE

INGREDIENTS

3 bananas (best when ripe)
2 1/2 cups milk
1/2 cup smooth peanut butter
1/2 tablespoon honey

SPECIAL UTENSIL

blender

PREPARATION

Peel the bananas. Put bananas, milk, peanut butter, and honey in blender. Use “milkshake” setting. Blend until shake is sufficiently smooth for your taste.

This tasty milkshake is a diet buster.

TIDBITS

1) Bees must visit two-million flowers to make one pound of honey. The average worker bee makes 1/12 teaspoon in her lifetime. Bees need to unionize for better working conditions.

2) A 15,000-year-old cave painting shows a human stealing honey from a hive. Oh sure, the little bee visits fifty-five millions flowers in her lifetime and then it’s gone. Honestly, it’s enough to make a grown bee cry.

3) Can bees cry?

4) Honey bees do have five eyes.

5) This makes their going to the optometrist a major event, especially as their command of even the simplest human languages is rather limited.

6) This linguistic deficiency often leads to tragedy. The optometrist doesn’t understand the bee’s buzzing. The bee interprets this incomprehension as an aggressive act.

7) The enraged bee stings the optometrist. The optometrist’s face swells up. The optometrist goes to the hospital. The bee dies.

8) No specialized glasses get sold. News of this leaks to Wall Street. The stock market plunges. Economies collapse. Money becomes worthless. And have you stocked up on toilet paper?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: America, American, banana, bees, dessert, honey, human, languages, milkshake, money, optometrists, peanut butter, stock market, toilet paper, unionize, Wall Street, worker bee | Leave a comment

Lemonade Recipe

Posted on June 3, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

LEMONADE

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 cup sugar
2 cups water (6 more cups later)
2 cups lemon juice (might need 8 to 12 lemons if freshly squeezed)
6 cups water

PREPARATION

Use juicer to extract lemon juice or open up bottle of lemon juice. Put sugar and 2 cups water in saucepan. Cook at medium heat until sugar dissolves. (This keeps sugar from settling to bottom.) Stir constantly.

Add sugar water, lemon juice, and 6 cups water to pitcher. Stir with long spoon. Cool in refrigerator for 30 minutes or more.

TIDBITS

1) “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

2) “When life gives you loquats, make loquatade.

3) Lemon zest is chockfull of bioflavonoids called rutins. Sounds healthy, doesn’t it.

4) My spell checker didn’t recognize “chockfull” but was perfectly fine with bioflavonoids. Odd.

5) When I grew up we had not only a lemon tree and a loquat tree in the back, but a guava bush as well. I had a rich childhood.

6) Peter, Paul, and Mary had a hit song called, “Lemon Tree.” The guava bush, in my opinion, has many similarities to the lemon tree. They could have called their song, “Guava Bush.”

“Guava bush, very pretty, and the guava flower is sweet, but the fruit of the poor guava is impossible to eat.”

7) Would Peter, Paul, and Mary still have had a hit song if they had warbled about the humble guava instead? It’s hard to say without shifting into the correct parallel universe. And that seems risky.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, America, American, and Mary, bioflavonoids, childhood, dessert, guava, Kindle, lemon, Lemon Tree, lemon zest, lemonade, lemons, loquat, lordsoffun, Nook, parallel universe, Paul, Peter, recipe, rutins, universe | 2 Comments

Posts Tagged With: dessert

Banana Crunchies From New Caledonia

Agua Tamarindo

Lavender Cookies

Yansoon (aniseed drink)

Tropical Milkshake