Posts Tagged With: plague

Descruffifying a Runway Model – Day One

Gentle readers,

The razor is dead! Long live the razor! I ordered a new razor. In the meantime, I had let my face get scruffy. One of the homesteaders tolerated my scruffiness as long as I didn’t have a razor. The razor, it arrived. The homesteader pooh poohed the idea of any current razor working. Alas, I chose my razor too well. It works. The homesteader, then wanted me to shave off all my scruff.

But I had in the meantime published the photo of me in my full, glorious scruffiness. Adoring fans pleaded for me to keep the scruff. My modeling agency liked the new look. They loved the new contracts it would bring in. However, all these people are far, the homesteader is near. I had a problem. What to do?

I shall descruffify in steps. Today, I shaved the cheeks and the chin. I now sport a rather snappy fu Manchu. Tomorrow, a little bit more will disappear. It’s a bit like inoculating oneself against the plague, a horrible future surely. However, if your body is prepared for such an event, you can proceed with you life. In the same way, we will be able to go on when you have to live our lives without my scruff.

Courage, my friends, we will get through this trying time together. I will still be a supermodel.

 

 

Right: Day 1 of descruffication.
(Taken by me. This is why the agency has a photographer.)

 

 

Left: Full scruff
(Taken by agency’s photographer)

 

Supermodel Paul De Lancey

 

(Please click on my name and submit Bad Advice questions to my Facebook page and simply make a comment to this post. I look
forward to hearing from you.)

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with 180 wonderful recipes is available on amazon.com. My newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, is also available on amazon.com

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Categories: humor, Paul De Lancey | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Lavender Lemon Chicken

French Entree

LAVENDER LEMON CHICKEN

INGREDIENTSLavLemChicken-

4 chicken breasts
1/2 tablespoon thyme
2 teaspoons lavender
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
2 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons lemon juice
zest from 1 lemon
1/4 cup chicken stock
1/2 cup white wine
5 teaspoons honey

PREPARATION

Crush lavender with rolling pin. Mince garlic cloves. Add lavender, garlic, honey, thyme, lemon juice, lemon zest, salt, pepper, white wine, and chicken stock to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Add chicken breasts to mixing bowl. Coat chicken thoroughly with mixture in bowl. Marinate chicken for at least 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Put chicken and marinade in roasting pan. Roast chicken at 400 degrees for 40-to-50 minutes or until chicken has an internal temperature of 165 degrees or until juices from chicken, pierced by a fork, are clear. Turn chicken breasts over halfway through.

Transfer chicken breasts to large serving bowl. Pour juice from roasting pan over chicken. Serve and enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) People in the Middle ages believe lemon juice dissolved fish bones. That is why they served a lemon slice with a fish entree; the slice would get rid of any accidentally swallowed fish bones.

2) Tidbit 1) shows us why the Middle Ages were also know as the Dark Ages. A fish bone might get stuck in a diner’s throat, the place where the bone could do the most harm. But how would a lemon slice help clear the tracheal passage? I would think the lemon slice would prevent breathing much more than a small fish bone.

3) Indeed in 1355, Antonio Pesto, of Pavia, Italy, thought the same way. In his horribly misspelled work, Pescatus Lemonatus Librecum Keteris Pareebus, experiments show how lemon juice will absolutely not dissolve a fish bone in time to prevent choking. Indeed, a lemon slice caught in the throat will cause many more deaths by asphyxiation.
4) Mortality rates plunged in plague ravage Europe after Pesto’s findings became widely disseminated.

5) Indeed, many modern scholars believe that 35% to 63% of all deaths attributed to the horrific Black Death plague of 1347 to 1352 were actually caused by lemon slices stuck in throats.

6) Lemonade was invented in 1378 as a way of letting people savor the taste of lemon without the danger of its slices. Life has gotten better for humanity ever since.
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Lavender Cookies

American Dessert

LAVENDER COOKIES

INGREDIENTSLavenCookie-

1 cup butter
1/3 cup sugar
1 tablespoon dried lavender (lavender buds)
2 cups flour (a bit more later for dusting surfaces)
3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons water

PREPARATION

Use fork to cream butter and sugar in mixing bowl. (It’s easier if your butter is already soft from being outside the refrigerator.) Add flour, lavender, flour, vanilla extract, and water. Mix with fork until thoroughly blended. Roll mixture into large dough ball. Cover with plastic wrap and chill in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Dust plate with flour. Put dough on plate and roll it out. Cut out cookies with knife, cookie cutter, or small cup. Dust cookie sheet with flour. Place cookies on cookie sheet and put in oven. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes or until they just begin to brown.

Remove sheet from oven. Let cookies cool for 10 minutes. Remove from cookie sheet and place on wire rack. Let cool for another 10 minutes.

Cookie fiends will find waiting these 20 minutes difficult.

TIDBITS

1) Lavender has a long history of supposedly beneficial uses.

2) According to Chicago’s Smell and Taste Research Foundation, the most sexually exciting smells for men are lavender and pumpkin pie.

3) Having a man over lemon and lavender chicken and a pumpkin pie for dessert really loads the odds in your favor.

4) Unless, of course, your man has a migraine.

5) Good news, the German nun Hildegard of Bingen (1098-1179) believed drinks mixed with lavender cured migraines.

6) So why serve you headachy hunk a nice cooling drink of lavender lemonade? The lavender makes his head feel better. The lavender also makes him amorous. Can ViagraTM do as much? I think not.

7) Lavender was once claimed to cure impotence in mice. Why test it on mice? Why? Why? Do we need more mice?

8) But if lavender could cure impotence in men caused by evil spirits, it would be a great thing. Cheaper than ViagraTM. The pharmaceutical industry must be afraid of lavender.

9) And hah, Spanish churches used to burn lavender to keep away evil spirits.

10) Let’s recap. Lavender chases away evil spirits that cause male impotency, cures impotency, banishes headaches, puts a man in a loving mood, makes a great entree, and is the just the thing for a nice cooling drink.

11) And if you don’t have a date lavender will: protect you from the plague, alleviate muscular pains, diminish cold sores, soothe insect bites, banish head lice, mask halitosis, and control dandruff.

12) Yay lavender.
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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