Posts Tagged With: Comic Chef

I Simplify Jigsaw Puzzles

Jigsaw puzzles can be lots of fun.  Finishing them elicits effusive praise from guests. Completing the puzzle makes your spouse respect you for the first time in months. “You completed a project. Well done!”

However, puzzle solving can take hours, dozens of hours, and even dozens of weeks, if you even finish. Yep, you’ll probably give up. Your latest failure will drive her to desert you. Her farewell note of “You clod, I’ve run off with the milkman” will be all the more hurtful for the fact that your neighborhood hasn’t had a milkman in 40 years.

And if you stick to your puzzle quest, no matter the cost, chances are there will be a missing piece. Where did the piece go? Is it hiding somewhere on the floor, did it migrate to your sock drawer, or did your puzzle box simply have a piece missing? No matter, it’s missing. You won’t regain your mate’s love and adoration.

He: You didn’t finish the puzzle.
You: I did. All but one piece.
He: Like I haven’t heard that one before.

And then he leaves, claiming to go to the store to buy a particle accelarator. He doesn’t come back. Your life is bereft of joy. Well mostly, you do look forward to not picking up his socks anymore.

What’s the solution? A one-piece puzzle! Everyone of us finish that. And quickly, too. No more looking at a box of 1,000 pieces and guessing if they are all there. Buy the one-piece puzzle. We can all count to one. Yes we can.

Look below to see the one-piece puzzle I just completed..

1 piece puzzle of the world.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: I simplify | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hard Day

No full-blown blog today. Today has been physically tiring and emotionally draining.

You’ll have to behave yourself in my absence.

metaphorical me

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: lifestyle | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Metanap

Nearly all of us, or our friends, have served time in Facebook’s(tm) jail for unwittingly violating community standards. Bereft of social interaction we start to nod off.

But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.

It’s high time to correct this oversight.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

metanap

Awesome entry #20

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What Does the Flat Earth Look Like?

Flat Earthers walk among us. They claim, of course, that the Earth is flat. But what sort of flat shape do they assert our planet to be? Is it a rectangular disc? A oval one? Or even a flat doughnut with a hole in the middle? Do we eat doughnts to symbolically eat our home? This discussion is important if we don’t walk off the Earth’s edges? I do hope Earth isn’t a flat doughnut. We might fall into our planet’s doughnut hole! We’d drop forever!

Anyway, here are three leading theories for the Earth disc.

rectangle                                                                               oval                                                                doughnut

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: explanations, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Techfind

Our forefathers and foremothers tamed the wild frontiers, desserts, and ocean armed only with: grit, the five senses, and above all, single-minded determination.

The present batch of humanity is not so impressive. We can do so little using only what our creator gave us. We need inventions to accomplish anything.

But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.

It’s high time to correct this oversight.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

techfind

Awesome entry #19

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

We are Living In End Times

Let’s face it, calls for violence increase daily. Slogans urging murder and extermination even show up at your local breakfast restaurant. It happened here. In my home town. Today. Be afraid, be very afraid.

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Loralist

We are so proud of ourselves. We finally wrote down every last item we wanted, only to forget that piece of paper. Augh!

But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.

It’s high time to correct this oversight.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

loralist

Awesome entry #18

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pearl Sugar

Belgian Dessert*

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PEARL SUGAR

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INGREDIENTS
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3 cups sugar
3½ tablespoons water
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Takes 40 minutes. Make 3½ cups.
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* = Belgian pearl sugar is larger than the Swedish variety and resembles pearly white pebbles. It’s sugar, if you can find it, has large granules made from sugarbeets. The Belgian variety is best for Liege, or Belgian, waffles. Swedish pearl sugar, pärlsocker, has smaller sugar granules. Use Swedish pearl sugar to top pastries, cakes, and breads.
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PREPARATION
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Add both ingredients to 2 large pans. Mix with wooden spoon or spatula. Use low heat. Stir constantly until clumps start to form. (If too much loose sugar remains, add 1 more teaspoon sugar and stir again.) Try for larger clumps if you want Belgian pearl sugar and smaller clumps if you’re going for Swedish pearl sugar.
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When happy with clump sizes, dry them out over low heat for 20 minutes. Stir occasionally. Remove from heat and let cool until clumps harden.
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TIDBITS
1) Swedish pearl sugar granules are small. Belgian pearl sugar granules are big. But are they the world’s biggest?  No. Sugarologists say Tahitian granules are 23-to-25 percent than those from Belgium.
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2) Culinary historians says the largest pearl sugar granule came from Greenland during the Viking Age. Please Bengt Erickson’s The Sugar Cane Fields of Greenland’s East Settlement, (Sockerrörsfälten i Grnlands Östra Bosättning.)
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3) Erickson raised cane from 1012 to 1025. His success encouraged hundreds of other Swedish Vikings to voyage over and do the same. Unfortunately, so many came to harvest sugar that they completely chopped down all the trees in Greenland’s vast forest just to build their log cabins.
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4) What, you you’ve never heard of the Great Greenlandic Forest? You say that aren’t any trees there? Sure, now.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Eride

Why is humanity so mired in mediocrity? Why do we not post better blogs?

Because we erase ideas from our brains from lack of writing them down or simply forgetting them as soon as their thought up.

But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.

It’s high time to correct this oversight.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

eride

Awesome entry #17

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Candidate Paul Fights for American Motorists

Consider all the things that infuriate you every day. Does the present lot of politicians ever propose anything to help end such frustration?

They do not.

America clearly needs me to be its president. Right away.

If elected, I will . . .

If elected #2

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­– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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