At first, I thought the following sign said “All-day consciousness.” Some days, I’d like that. Other times, not so much. The picture below is at odds with my rapid, out of the corner of my eye, scan. It kinda changes the message.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I spend bits of time all year long assembling documents for my taxes. I spent more time this month. I labored all freakin’ day collating information that gladdens the IRS’ heart.
What really gets my goat is that frigging complicated tax form. With all the schedules that go along with the main page, a taxpayer could easily fill out over 30 pages. You’ll need to hire a tax preparer. That’ll run you hundreds of dollars. And that’s after spending three days assembling all the information. What makes it even more horrible is that the IRS scans all the returns looking for mistakes.
Looking for mistakes. Let that sink in. That means they already have the numbers you need to type in on the forms. And they will tell you when they think–no, when they now–you are wrong. What can be done to fix all this madness and frustration?
I’m glad you asked. Let the IRS do your taxes for you, They know what they want on your forms, schedules, and attachments anyway. I hereby propose a new and quite simple form to replace all the tree-devouring pages you used to submit.
Much of this rant comes from a blog written three years ago. But, as you can see the IRS has neglected to enact my clever, nifty idea. So, it is with a sense of eternal optimist that I suggest brilliantly simple tax form.
It’s called the 1040-P. (P stands for Paul, me. I created this glorious, time saving, liberating page. I deserve some recognition.)
Anyway, I give you the 1040-P
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Who doesn’t love eggs? No one! Who loves paintings? Most of Us. So, it stands to reason that paintings of eggs are the bees’ knees. Of course, they are. With that in mind the American Egg Producers (AEP) and the National Association of Museums (NAM) are proud to host Great Egg Paintings exhibits across the country from May 1st to October 22nd. Be sure to go; you’ll be impressed and uplifted.
Lebrun’s still-life painting, “Les Oeufs Jolie”
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Poway, California, has just nailed the bid to host this year’s acclaimed Blank Verse Poetry Slam Contest (BVPSC.) Beautiful Poway edged out strong entries from such fine cites as: San Franciso, New York, New Delhi, and Lhasa (Tibet), Is there nothing Poway can’t do? It’s the happening place, for sure
The cut-off date for submitting applications is June 29. Don’t delay! The competition is sure to be fierce. See you there.
Just remember the main rule. Your entry must not contain any written or spoken words. It’s a blank-verse competition after all. Please send your application form, your blank page, and a tape of silence, for those submitting a audio entry.
Note that mimes and monks who’ve taken a vow of silence are usually the most likely to win.
Last year’s winner, Amos Keeto’s “Ode to an Artichoke”
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Poway, California, is fit to burst with pride. My fair city has won the rights to host this year’s prestigious Upside Down Accordion Playing Contest (UPAPC.) Poway beat out strong entries from such fine cites as: Paris, New Orleans, London, and Tokyo, Hurray for Poway.
The cut-off date for submitting applications is May 29. So hurry! And start practicing. The competition is sure to be fierce. See you there.
Current favorite, Carl “On my head” La Fong
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
How does Paul get his water so clean?
Most people, if they wish to have truly clean water, go to the supermarket to buy distilled water, purified water, or even spring water. But I don’t have to do anything like that. I clean my water at home. I simply put detergent in the clothes washer and press start. Whizzo, boffo, the washer washes the water filling the washer. Nothing wishy washy about this water washing. It gets the job done. Presto change, I have clean water.
Just remember two things. First, don’t put any clothes in the washer before pressing the start button. You’ll end up washing your clothes, not the water. Second, be sure to scoop out your water before the washer drains the water.
And you too can develop this super power with a little practice.
You super man, or woman, you.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I slept even worse than usual. I drove to doctor’s appointment. There was a hospital emergency, so I had to wait quite a bit. It wasn’t the worst of news, but it could have been better. I drove to another crafts place. There seems to be about four different latch-hooks patterns in the whole county. So I purchased one that’s okay. I drove and made Tacos Adobada for the natives.
Monday, I think, Number Two Son and I will drive to his new job in Chicago.
I was tired that I accidently ordered an invasion, but I was so exhausted that I never started the darn thing.
Take care. You’re important to me.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I’m rhe Emperor
The day started off well. I played free-bingo at a senior’s center. I got my first bingo and won a big, glass beer mug. The lunch afterward was good, surprisingly good for institutional food. Then things went downhill. I’m tired and my back hurts. So this is all the news I’m giving today.
Oh, I almost forgot. I repaid the Martian invasion with one of my own. I’m now Emperor of Mars. Cool.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I fought off their invasion
Made a small error in my spreadsheets. It led to Martian invasion in my back yard. Sorry about that, Chief. However, it all came came out okay in the end as I ran around making scary faces at them until they all teleported back to Mars.
Then my wife and I went to the border to a Global entry building to move one step closer to getting our Global Entry passes. Driving took 2 hours.
I then spent hours correcting the ripple effects of the morning’s small error. I had to do this or the Martians might have been tempted to invade Earth. I’m guessing a similar sort of error led to the Martian invasion of Grovers Mill in 1938. The exact reason is still classified.
Well, time to lie down and take some weight off my aching back.
Good night, one and all.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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