Posts Tagged With: Candace Bowen

These People Will Run America in 2016

B&Ctasty

Everybody likes bacon and chocolate. Few people like our current politicians. It stands to reason that the Bacon & Chocolate Party will sweep to victory in 2016. Who are these people? Mostly Facebook friends. Some, I’ve even met. All nice people. That’s enough for me to appoint them to important positions.

America’s Future Government

President – Paul R. De Lancey
Vice President – Candace C. Bowen
Secretary of Agriculture – Launa McNeilly
Secretary of the Crisper – Michelle Hickman
Secretary of the EPA – Lee Diogeneia
Secretary of State – Mark Kennet
Tsar of Holidays – Kathleen Smiley
Ambassador to Cote d’Ivoire – Stacy Fisher
Ambassador to Cuba – Daphne Anne Humphrey
Ambassador to Fiji – Amy Buckheister Gettinger
Ambassador to Luxembourg – Donna Cavanagh
Head of the Secret Service – Mike Allsopp
Speaker of the House – John Rucker

Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Ideals

1. Bacon is good.
2. Chocolate is good.
3. We will save our bees.
4. Car alarms suck. They’re loud, go off all the time, and they no longer serve a purpose.
5. We don’t like people who block aisles in supermarkets.
6. We like to take naps.

Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Current Campaign Chest

$0.00*

* = There is some dispute over this. Some say a person found a quarter under the sofa cushions and donated it to Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Super PAC.

Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Corporate Sponsor

HumorOutcasts Press

Visit our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/BaconChocolateParty

– Paul R, De Lancey, America’s next presidentCoverFrontFinal

Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com.

 

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Arepas, Venezuelan Griddle Cakes

Venezuelan Entree

AREPAS
(griddle cakes)

INGREDIENTSArepas-

2 cups masa harina (or masarepa or white cornmeal)
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups warm water
1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil (or more as needed)
no-stick cooking spray
1 cup queso blanco (or mozzarella)
no-stick spray

Maybe a bit more masa harina or water depending on the dough.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

baking sheet

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Combine masa harina and salt in large mixing bowl. Add warm water. Mix with spoon. If dough is dry, add a bit more water. If dough is wet, add a bit more masa harina. Dough should be easy to handle and not stick to your hands. Let dough sit for 10-to-15 minutes.

Divide dough into 16 equally big balls. Flatten balls with your fingers, making dough circles about 1/2″ thick. and 2″ across. Add vegetable oil to skillet. Add about 4 dough circles, arepas, to skillet. Cook arepas on medium heat for 3-to-5 minutes on each side until they just begin to brown and blister. Repeat for all arepas.

Remove and open arepas. Slice open arepas and fill them with 1 tablespoon queso blanco. Close arepas. Spray baking sheet with no-stick cooking spray. Put sheet with arepas in oven. Bake arepas at 350 degrees for 10-to-15 minutes or until they puff up or turn golden brown. Remove from oven.

Diced green chiles also taste great inside an arepa. Be adventuresome with the fillings.

TIDBITS

1) In September, 2013, I ran for the position of El Presidente of Venezuela. My running mate was the talented author, Candace C. Bowen.

3) Oh, Bacon & Chocolate Party lost badly in Venezuela. We suspect massive bribes to the electoral commission by the winning candidate. An alternative explanation is that our tactic of campaigning to non-Venezuelans was flawed. Moreover, our campaign chest of $0.00 often proved a hindrance to effective electioneering.

4) We are sadder, but wiser politicians. This experience will help us when we run for president and vice president of the United States of America in 2016.

5) Bacon & Chocolate Party, https://www.facebook.com/BaconChocolateParty, strives to promote prosperity and world peace by ensuring plentiful and affordable supplies of bacon and chocolate. We are against GMO foods and are friends of the bees.

6) Okay, we are not great friends of killer bees. In fact, we generally run away from them.

7) Whatever happened to the big killer-bee scare of a few decades ago? Did they get lost? Did they have trouble entering a destination into their bee-sized GPS units and turned around and headed by mistake to frigid Tierra del Fuego at the tip of South America?

8) This seems a mite far fetched. They probably mated with contented bees to produce a new strain of irritable bees. Cranky bees sure, but not angry to kill anyone.

9) I get cranky when I don’t get enough sleep. Do you think bees sting people because they are cranky from a lack of sleep as well? Maybe their sleep is so light that they skip their dream cycles. Maybe we should put machines that play soothing music near their hives.

10) I see a Nobel Prize for Agriculture in my future.

11) What do bees dream about? They’re not telling us.

12) Dream, Dream, Dream was a great song by the Everly Brothers.

13) The Aaron Brothers played Major League Baseball. Hank Aaron hit 755 home runs. His brother Tommie hit 13. The Everly Brothers hit zero Major-League home runs and none in the minors leagues for the that matter. However, the Everly Brothers had many more hit songs than the Aarons.

14) Hank Aaron did have a candy bar named after him. Advantage Aaron brothers.

15) Most brothers enjoy honey. Honey is made by bees. Bacon & Chocolate Party looks out for the welfare of bees.

16) Bacon & Chocolate, promoting brotherly love since 2013.

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Press Release

Without any real effort on our own the B&C has developed a nascent social consciousness. As far as I can tell our platform is:

1: We promote and enjoy bacon.fudge
2: We promote and enjoy chocolate.
3: We will save our bees.
4: We sick Ms. Elizabeth Warren on the banks.
5. We will not monitor your phone records. Heck, we hardly look at our own. Who can understand them?

Note: the fourth point assumes Ms. Warren will be a part of Bacon & Chocolate’s team when it sweeps to victory in November, 2016. Would someone who knows her please ask her to join our party? Thanks. We’re kinda shy.

Paul R. De Lancey – Presidential Candidate
Candace C. Bowen – Vice-Presidential Candidate
Jonna Pattillo – Political advisor

Visit our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/BaconChocolateParty

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“The Darwin Murders” ebook Anthology is Available

Come read stories of happy murdering from 42 amazing authors. Free days are the next five Sundays.DarwinCover

The Darwin Murders

The dark humor of The Darwin Awards inspired this anthology. The authors here achieved the same mood with murder, feeling humanity should be better off without their victims. Happy murdering for goodness sake. You can make people happy by giving them a cookie as well, but that’s another anthology.

The Darwin Murders ebook is available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/The-Darwin-Murders-ebook/dp/B00ENQBI7Q/

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James McShane: A Winner of The Darwin Murders Literary Event

In The  Darwin Murders Literary Event, I am pleased to announce winner number two of two. Please join with me in congratulating James for his submission: The Television Licence Inspector.

james

James McShane

The Television Licence Inspector

It was the last time he would ever come to my door, the last time he’d make my life a misery. Don’t get me wrong, he had a job to do, but he didn’t have to make it personal; he didn’t have to push me as far as he did.

I knew he’d be around on Friday. He made it a habit to make sure I was his last call of the week, letting me know he’d be thinking about how much he was going to make the following week a misery for me. I couldn’t take it anymore – something had to give.

So that fateful Friday, after much planning, I admitted to him that yes, I did indeed have a television licence, and would he like to come and see it? He didn’t know what to say, the poor chap, and when I offered him a cup of Earl Grey tea, the bottom nearly fell out of his world. He sat at my table, taking sip after sip of bergamot flavoured tea, while I rooted through my drawer looking for a television licence that didn’t exist.

The poison took full effect within two minutes. I watched the poor bastard struggle to breathe, spluttering tea all over my nice Ikea table. I saw the hopelessness in his eyes as at last he understood why I did what I did. Why pay a television licence when there’s never really anything on to watch? It’s enough to drive a man to murder.

✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍

James McShane is a writer from Dublin, Ireland. Struggling to write and complete his first novel, he spends much of his time on Facebook.

 

Paul R. De Lancey

www.lordsoffun.com

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Deborah K. Mason: A Winner of The Darwin Murders Literary Event

In The  Darwin Murders Literary Event, I am pleased to announce winner number one of two. Please join with me in congratulating Deborah for her submission; A Crushing Weight.

mason

Deborah K. Mason

A Crushing Weight

She was waiting when he finally arrived home, always waiting. A blubbery mass of human flesh. That was how he thought of Maude nowadays. However, tonight there was something different about her. Not that he paid much attention to her lately. Peggy at the local diner he paid plenty of attention to, along with numerous other women. All thin, unlike big Maude. Standing there naked smiling at him.

She wordlessly took his hand leading him to the bedroom they hadn’t shared in years. Her grip on his hand was strong. Her hair hung loose, makeup flawless. In the candle lit bedroom he saw the woman he married. A beautiful shrewd woman, foundation of his real estate empire. A passionate woman, until illness caused her to balloon in size.

They were the most hated couple in Cedar Woods, snapping up property, tossing folks into the streets. Maude was the brains behind their legal and illegal operation. The reason he didn’t divorce her despite his aversion to her weight. Maude captured his attention as she laid him on the bed, music softly playing. She danced as she removed his clothes. A fire started deep in his loins. Maude was a vixen, a Jezebel. Teasing him until he was naked.

Relax.” She whispered. Liquid heat raced through his body. Maude mounted him, her weight bore down until he passed out.

After the funeral Maude kept her appointment for bypass surgery. She returned property to victimized homeowners before beginning a new life. Far from town.

✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍

Deborah K. Mason is an avid reader who enjoys writing short stories and poetry. Writing, researching and reading up on gruesome murders, mysteries, horror. She lives somewhere on Planet Earth with her children, The “Crew.”

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The Darwin Murders Literary Event: Get Happy

Authors Candace C. Bowen and Paul R. De Lancey cordially invite you to contribute a short story to the Kindle e-book anthology, The Darwin Murders. This event takes place July 20 on Facebook. Click on the below link to find out more.

https://www.facebook.com/events/137774169753258/

We encourage you to have Fun with this event. C’mon, get happy.

And now a picture to inspire you as you plot your Darwin murder.

brunette2

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Book Review for Candace C. Bowen’s, “Jack of Hearts”

Another Candace Bowen Triumph. This review is from: Jack of Hearts (Kindle Edition)jackofhearts

Candace C. Bowen, queen of the romance novels, has written another brilliant, page-turning novel. Set in Victorian Britain, the fiesty Katherine Kelly journeys to London’s seedy, dangerous East End to find her sister.

Katherine combs the dark back alleys for her sister, Mary. She sets out on this task alone; Mary has become and a prostitute and has been disowned by her status obsessed family.She reluctantly accepts the assistance of the handsome Constable Edward Stanhope, the only man to believe in her.

Katherine and Edward rapidly fall in love. However, reconciling their desires with the stifling moral codes of Victorian England and gaining acceptance from her family prove to be as difficult as saving her sister from bloody Jack the Ripper.

I bought her novel Spur of the Moment and I was immediately hooked by her style, enough romance for women and sufficient blood and guts for men. I thoroughly recommend Jack of Hearts.

I have had the great good fortune to co-edit a murder anthology, Bump Off Your Enemies, with her. She is as easy to work with as she is exceptional in her writing.

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Bump Off Your Enemies Anthology Is Available

Nearly fifty of the world’s finest authors contributed to Bump Off Your Enemies.
Available on Amazon Kindle. Free days are May 5, May 12, May 18, May 19, and May 26.
Oh, this is a work of fiction.

http://www.amazon.com/Bump-Off-Your-Enemies-ebook/dp/B00CJWAVAQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367249448&sr=8-1&keywords=bump+off+your+enemies

bumpoff

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