wise words

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary: Today’s word – Iratuspeponia

Julius Caesar is, perhaps the greatest military genius ever. He defeated army after army. Jovial Julius feared no man and no army. Caesar was afraid of nothing.

Nothing?

Well no, he has afraid of angry melons. In fact, this fear did jostling Julius in on the Ides of March. Instead of seeing Roman senators converging on him, Caesar’s Salad envisioned knife-wielding melons rolling at him. So he froze like a deer in the torchlight. And the senators easily assassinated the gasping Wheezer Caesar. And the Roman Republic plunged into decades of civil war. Bummer.

If only there were a word to describe this fear. And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

IRATUSPEPONOIA

Awesome entry #44

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay, wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Some Days You Gotta Say

“Iggy, piggy, poo”

“Iggy, piggy, poo.”

You just gotta.

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: wise words, you need to get | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Irony

 

­

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations, wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Classic Quote

­­

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations, wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Need Some Gas Money

The great duo of Jan and Dean  had a great hit with their superb, “Gas Money.” In this song, the only thing preventing the driver and his companion from going out and having fun is the lack of gas in the car. The driver needs gas money. An impressively long and wonderful songwas made from this motoring angst.

Here’s part of the song:

“I need some gas money.
Well, if you really wanna go
You’ll have to come up with some dough.
I need some gas money.”

 

Great theme sure, but they could have extended this song with the following, brilliant ideas.

I need some bass money: He needs equipment for bass fishing.
I need some dash money: He needs money for running shoes.
I need some gassed money: He needs money to buy sleeping pills. He’s so tired that he’s gassed.
I need some brass money: He needs money to buy brass faucets.
I need some cast money: He wants to hire actors for his play, “Taco Tuesday.”
I need some hash money: He wants hash for breakfast.
I need some mass money: He’s going to a Catholic church and needs money for the donation plate.
I need some grass money: He wants to buy sod for his back yard.
I need some ass money: He wants to go to a bordello.
I need some rash money: He needs ointment for his rash.
I need some mast money: He’s building a yacht.
I need some blast money: He needs fuel for his private rocket.
I need some trash money: He can’t pay his waste-disposal bill.
I need some lash money: His girlfriend wants to get false eyelashes.
I need some flash money: He wants to buy a raincoat.
I need some glass money: He wants to drink from glass cups. Plastic ones won’t do.
I need some jazz money: He wants to buy a Louis Armstrong CD.
I need some mash money: He wants to order mashed potatoes.
I need some past money: His bills are past due.
I need some vast money: He’s greedy
I need some crash money: He got his gas money and drove into a tree.

Let me know if you have some more ideas for lyrics.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

Categories: things to see and do, wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Art of Mild Insulting – Part 2

Art of mild insulting – Part 2

Face it, the people out there are unbridled arguers. Just five seconds of listening transforms you from the president of pleasantness to a hardened spewer of profanities that would make a marine blush

Face it, you’re acting like a bit bull that ate a habanero pepper.  But you know it would be so satisfying to insult them. They are such unrelenting pests after all. You want an handy list of ready-made mild-mannered insults in case you need another such scurvy gadfly.

I’m glad you asked.

PAUL’S LIST OF MILD INSULTS

You blanket hog
You germ-ridden sneeze
You spilled milk
You stubbed toe
You nasal trip
You something in my eye
You bean-eating skunk
You butt-dialing cell phone
You static cling
You frizzy hair
You four-minute advertisement break
You junk mail
You robo call
You door-to-door salesman
You road repair
You halitosis
You day at the DMV
You burnt toast
You letter from the IRS
You dripping faucet
You speed bump
You orphan sock
You wilted lettuce
You bread mold
You mislaid car keys
You over ripe avocado
You toilet-paper hoarder
You germ-ridden sneeze

There, you have it. You are now ready for another round of insulting gracefully. Go out and give the give those oafs what for, you magnificent sunbeam, you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: insulting, wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Art of Mild Insulting

Face it, the people out there are downright ornery. Just five seconds of talking is all it takes for your ever-pleasant “Hello” to “f”-you, “f”-word this, “your mama blanks blanks,” and “the horse you rode in on.”

Face it, you got nasty in a hurry.  But you feel a deep, primordial desire to insult them. They are unpleasant oafs after all. You want a list of mild-mannered insults at your command in case you need another such blighter.

I’m glad you asked.

PAUL’S LIST OF MILD INSULTS

You paper cut
You dentist
You tomato stain
You hemarrhoid
You lutefisk
You Brussels sprout
You’re past your best-by date
You rectal itch
You doctor’s waiting room
You 7-10 split
You income tax
You colon blockage
May your shoes pinch
You spam call
You customer service
You movie spoiler
You Facebook(tm) meal
You seven-minute red light
You mosquito
You garbage strike
You line cutter
Your the bo’s bo
You speed trap
You left over that got put into Tupperware(tm) but eventually was pushed to the back of the fridge and became moldy
or more simply
You mold
You hospital gown
You over spice
You stapler without staplers.
You empty ketchup bottle

There, you have it. You are now ready to insult gracefully. Go out and give the give those oafs what for, you magnificent sunbeam, you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Learning to speak, Mild mannered man, wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Good Chefs Always Use Natural Ingredients

Yes, they do.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome Spanish Phrase Book – Four Key Phrases

“Help, I’m going to Spain. I know I know no Spanish. What are the most import things I need to say?

Vlad the Impaler

 

Dear Vlad,

I can help you. Simply buy my handy Paul’s Awesome Spanish Phrase Book. However, if you’re landing in 20 minutes, may I suggest you commit to memory the following four phrases.

Yours truly,

Paul R. De Lancey, Ph. D.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Another Word Added to Paul’s Awesome Dictionary

Gruntjectives: n: (Pronunciation, just like it looks) Adjectives that get so overused that they lose all meaning. The speaker might as well grunt instead. – Paul’s Awesome Dictionary

Today’s Gruntjective Story:

“I just completed a chat with a tech support person. When they asked for the verification number they’d sent to confirm I’m me, apparently I responded exceptionally well. They responded: ‘Awesome’.”

– the great author Judy Reeves on Facebook(tm)

I commented:

“Maybe the support gets filled with awe whenever she hears an identification number. We should all endeavor to be like her. ‘Look, a glass!’ Be filled with awe. ‘Look, it’s full of water.’ Be filled with more awe. See, how happy you could become.”

My comments made it into this little blog. I’ve learned not to waste moments when my synapses fire.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.