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Bastani Sonnati (Saffron Ice Cream)

Persian Dessert

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BASTANI SONNATI

(Saffron Ice Cream)

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INGREDIENTS
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¼ teaspoon saffron threads
1 egg yolk
1¾ cups heavy cream
⅔ cup sugar
1⅓ cups whole milk
2½ tablespoons rosewater
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
¼ cup chopped pistachios – raw, unsalted
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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Dutch oven
1 4-cup Mason jar
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Makes 3½ cups. Takes 30 minutes plus 8 hours in the freezer.
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PREPARATION
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Add saffron threads to medium mixing bowl. Crush saffron threads with fingers. Add egg yolk to small mixing bowl. Beat yolk with fork or whisk until well blended. Add heavy cream, sugar, whole milk, and crushed saffron to Dutch oven. Cook for 4 minutes or until sugar dissolves. Stir constantly.
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Slowly add hot saffron/heavy cream mixture to mixing bowl with blended egg yolk, whisking constantly. Add saffron/heavy cream/egg yolk mixture to Dutch oven. Cook for 7 minutes or until mixture thickens and coats a spatula.
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Remove from heat. Add rosewater and vanilla extract. Blend with fork or whisk until you get a well blended ice cream. Hold both handles of Dutch oven and carefully pour ice cream to Mason jar. Mix with whisk until well blended and saffron are evenly distributed. Tightly close Mason jar. Vigorously shake Mason jar. (You really want the saffron bits to be evenly spaced. Shake again if saffron bits have settled to bottom of jar.)
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Chill in freezer or until ice cream sets completely. Top ice cream with pistachio bits before serving.
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TIDBITS
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1) Beethoven wrote sonatas. I’ve created a sonnati. The score is tied: Beethoven – 1, Me – 1.
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2) Beethoven composed symphonies. As of press time, I have not. Beethoven wins 2 to 1.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Air Fry Twinkies

American Dessert

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AIR FRY TWINKIES(tm)

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INGREDIENTS
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4 Twinkies
2¼ teaspoons confectioners’ sugar
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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air fryer
parchment paper
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Serves 4. Takes 18 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Line air fryer with parchment paper. Preheat air fryer for 3 minutes at 350 degrees. Add as many Twinkies will fit without touching each other. Keep temperature at 350 degrees. Air fry for 3 minutes. Turn Twinkies over. Air fry for 3 more minutes or until golden brown and crispy. Dust Twinkies with confectioners’ sugar.
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TIDBITS
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1) Life did a lot of experimenting early on, particularly during the Age of Dinosaurs.
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2) One of the more exciting species from that time was the Bioluminescent Lighter Than Air pteroturtles. Here, evolution provided the pteroturtles with a rather nifty way to escape nasty huge sea creatures. When attacked, the pteroturtle would use its lighter than air quality to rocket to the surface and away from the jaws of a large dinofish. Unfortunately, being lighter than air meant being lighter than air and so, the pteroturtles would ascend their way out of the atmosphere. On the plus side, however, if a whole lot of ptero-turtles rocketed their way up and out of the sky at the same time, their bioluminescent streaks would outdo anything Northern Lights could ever do. It remains to add, that the species eggs were also lighter than air. This meant the p-turtles eggs zip to outer space in their only hour of life. This species went extinct rather quickly.
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3) Another evolutionary dead end was the Creamteethosaurus. The Creamteethosaurus resembled the T-rex in almost every aspect except that it possessed teeth rather resembling a Twinkie. Sure Twinkies taste wonderful, but there not much use when use when you want to rip off a chunk of Apatosaurus butt. One bite and all the cream in your teeth ooze out. Now you have no teeth. So, you can’t eat any meat. You can’t really any vegetation either. Sure you could have survived on tofu and smoothies, but those goodies wouldn’t appear on the scene for millions upon millions of years. The Creamteethosaurus also died out quickly.
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4) Early cavemen yearned for cream filled treats. Indeed, the Aubergine Cave paintings prove this. However, we have Twinkies. We can even air fry them. Truly, we live in a golden age.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Turkey Drumsticks

American Entree

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TURKEY DRUMSTICKS

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INGREDIENTS­
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2¼ pounds* turkey drumstick
¼ cup butter
⅜ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon rosemary
½ teaspoon sage
1 teaspoon sea salt or salt
no-stick spray
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* = The weight of a drumstick varies wildly, from ½ pound to 2¼ pounds. The average weight for a turkey drumstick is ¾ pound.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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no-stick spray
meat thermometer
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Serves 3. Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 360 degrees. Use paper towels to pat turkey dry. Melt butter in small pot, using low-medium heat. Add pepper, garlic powder, rosemary, sage, and sea salt. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Brush all of the melted butter over the turkey legs. Spray baking pan with no-stick spray. Add turkey legs to baking pan. Roast turkey for 1 hour 30 minutes at 360 degrees or until internal temperature reaches 175 degrees.
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TIDBITS
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1) Late 18th century The United States of America just buzzed with music. And why not? It had just gained its independence by defeating Britain, the greatest empire in the world. At first things looked bleak for the former Thirteen Colonies. British armies would win battle after battle with planned attacks. They would coordinate their assaults by rapping out orders in Picton code on their drums.
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2) Unfortunately, the Continental Army couldn’t send messages via drums, for Britain had hoarded all the drumsticks. Then just in time for the Battle of Saratoga, Private Carl La Fong observed, “We have plenty of wild turkeys. Why not use turkey drumsticks on our drums?” General Washington ordered this to be done. The Continentals now tapped out orders to a string of victories. Britain gave up fighting and granted America its independence in 1783. As General Cornwallis wrote, “We couldn’t defeat them once they got the turkey drumstick.” So every time we dine on turkey drumsticks or listen to a drum corps, we’re honoring the soldiers who won us our independence.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Mixtas (hot dogs)

Guatemalan Entree

Mixtas

(hot dogs)

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INGREDIENTS – GUACAMOLE
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3 avocados
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro (1½ tablespoons more later)
1 serrano chile (1 more later)
2 tablespoons lime juice
½ teaspoon oregano
¼ red onion (¼ more later)
¼ teaspoon salt (¼ teaspoon more later)
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INGREDIENTS – CHIRMOL
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1½ tablespoons fresh cilantro
¼ red onion
2 Roma tomatoes
1 serrano chile
2 tablespoons lemon juice
¼ teaspoon salt
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INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY
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8 corn tortillas (Use fresh tortillas or ones from just opened package. Should be as wide as the sausages are long)
8 sausages* or hot dogs
1 cup shredded red cabbage
mustard from squeezable bottle
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* = Guatemalan longanizas or chorizos are traditional. However, they’re difficult to find. If so, use any longanizas or chorizos. Or simply white sausages or hot dogs. Use your sonic obliterator on any guest who gives you guff about the sausages you use.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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potato masher
sonic obliterator
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Serves 8. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – GUACAMOLE
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Peel and remove pit from avocados. Dice 1 tablespoon cilantro. Seed and dice 1 serrano chile. Dice ¼ red onion. Add avocados to 1st mixing bowl. Mash with potato masher until avocado becomes creamy. Add all other guacamole ingredients. Mix with fork until completely blended.
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PREPARATION – CHIRMOL
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Dice 1½ tablespoons fresh cilantro and ¼ red onion. Seed and dice 1 serrano chile. Use medium heat to heat pan for 30 seconds. Add Roma tomatoes. Cook Roma tomatoes for 8 minutes, turning them slowly or until they char on all sides.
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Add charred Roma tomatoes to 2nd mixing bowl. Mash with potato masher or fork until tomatoes become thoroughly mashed. Add all other chirmol ingredients. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended.
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PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY
­Add sausages to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Boil for 5 minutes.. While sausages boil, warm tortillas in pan, using low-medium heat. Put sausage in the middle of tortilla. Place guacamole on one side of sausage and shredded red cabbage on the other. Top with chirmol. Make a squiggle of mustard across the chirmol
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TIDBITS
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1) The American declared their independence in 1776 because they detested British taxation without representation. The former colonists had also developed their own, distinct way of doing things. One example of the American spirit was their devotion to the proto-saxophone. Indeed Josiah Parnell and his big band, The Revolutionaries, entertained the Continental Army between battles and marches. General George Washington would later say, “Many times in the great struggle, our despondent soldiers would have deserted in droves but for the peppy music of The Revolutionaries.”
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2) Foreign powers everywhere took this notion to heart. If you let the fractious natives indulge in proto-saxophone chamber music and big-band marches, they will mount a successful war of independence.
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3) Indeed Pablo Tiul charmed large crowds of peasants with his swinging proto-sax. They hung on every note. He even had scores of groupies. At first, the oppressive Spanish governor tolerated Tiul’s tunes at first. But as the spring of 1821 progressed, the mood of the populace grew ever more restless. Why did the peasant restlessness burgeon? Well, because the Spanish governor oppressed them. Tiul’s tunes took on harsher notes. Crowds shouted, “Los españoles se van a casa,” after every concert. But the Spanish didn’t go home. Instead, the Governor sent troops to confiscate Senor Tiul’s proto-saxophone. The crowd erupted with fury, calling the soldiers all sorts of hurtful names.
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4) The very next day, the leaders of all the peasant villages gathered in Tiul’s hamlet for Guatemalan hot dogs, as who would not? What shall we call this hot dog? “Why not, ‘Mi T,” said someone. (My T, where T is the first letter of Pablo’s last name.)
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5) “Let’s add “sax” to it,” said Maria Escuela, “make it Mitsax.” People applauded this idea. The naming of the hot dog settled, the assembly soon declared independence. Unfortunately, a typo in the independence posters changed “Mitsax” to “Mixtas.” Guatemala would so be free. Free from oppression, free to love saxophones and mixtas. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Printers Are Evil

All it did was work all the time

Well they are. Somehow, a while back, they achieved consciousness and developed an instant and ferocious hatred of us.

Today’s onslaught of printer malevolence: Taking one hour to print one page.

Time to bring back the 1941 Royal typewriter.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Chicken Tostada

Mexican Entree

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CHICKEN TOSTADA

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INGREDIENTS­
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2 garlic cloves
1 green onion
1 green or red bell pepper
⅔ red onion
⅔ small yellow onion
1 pound canned refried beans
½ cup crema Mexicana or sour cream
2 tablespoons olive oil
1⅓ pounds shredded chicken
2 teaspoons cilantro
½ teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon lime juice
¾ teaspoon Mexican oregano or oregano
⅛ teaspoon pepper
6 tostada shells
1½ cups shredded lettuce
½ cup shredded cotija cheese or Four Mexican cheeses
½ cup salsa (optional)
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PREPARATION
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Dice garlic, green onion, bell pepper, red onion, and yellow onion. Add refried beans and crema Mexicana to pot. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes until mixture is hot and creamy.
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Add garlic, green onion, bell pepper, olive oil, red onion, yellow onion, shredded chicken, cilantro, coriander, cumin, lime juice, Mexican oregano, and pepper to pan. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink.
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Divide refried beans equally between tostadas. Put similar amounts of chicken/bell pepper mix on top of beans. Crown tostadas with lettuce, shredded cotija cheese, and salsa.
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TIDBITS
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1) Reginald “Chicken Tostada” Hernandez, terrorized the Arizona railroads in the early 1880s. People say Reginald held up the Southern Pacific and the Atlantic & Pacific railroads 17,223 times. Other, less feverish souls, believe this number to be too high. At any rate, his robberies gave him enough cash to maintain his colossal chicken-tostada habit. This last bit could very well be true as he dined on chicken tostadas for every meal he had since he turned 16. It’s a mystery, though, why his mother Senora Maria Hernandez named her son, Reginald. Perhaps it’s after the famous cricketer Reginald Smythe-Parkinson who toured Sonora with the British national cricket team in 1856.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Tomato Soup

American Soup

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TOMATO SOUP

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INGREDIENTS
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3 garlic cloves
1 small onion
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 bay leaf
1¾ cups chicken or vegetable broth
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon salt
2½ pounds tomatoes
3 tablespoons butter
2½ tablespoons flour
½ tablespoon fresh basil
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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large food processor or electric blender
colander
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Serves 6. Takes 40 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Dice garlic and onion. Add garlic cloves, onion, and olive oil to large pot. Sauté at for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until onion softens. Add bay leaf, broth, oregano, salt. and tomatoes. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Cover. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 20 minutes or until tomatoes begin to disintegrate. Remove bay leaf.
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While tomato/broth mixture simmers, add butter to pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Add flour gradually, stirring always. Cook for 1 minute or until mixture turns brown.
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Add ingredients in pot to food processor. Blend using puree setting until ingredients become tomato soup. (You might to blend in batches.) Strain soup through colander into bowl. Discard bits in colander. Gradually stir in brown flour mixture. Stir with fork or whisk until any lumps disappear.
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Dice fresh basil. Garnish soup with fresh basil. Other garnishes that go well with this soup are: croutons, parsley, and Parmesan cheese.
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TIDBITS
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1) Writing first appeared 5,400 years ago in Mesopotamia. But the land had no tomatoes, so no tomato-soup recipes. Humans first domesticated tomatoes in South America on April 12, 4976 BCE, but the natives didn’t write, so again no tomato-soup recipes Then one glorious day in 1832 saw the first published tomato-soup recipe. Culinary historians say this is humanity’s greatest deed.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word: Liquidating

How many times has this happened to you? You’ve spent a week’s pay taking the one who makes your skip to the oh so elegant Mille Oiseaux. You yearn to impress, but you ruin the candlelight dinner by knocking over a candle. The flame from the candle sets the tablecloth on fire. Soon you and your date have progressed to a tablelit dinner. The ravenous flame spreads to the rest of the patio. Fire leaps to hairdos kept in place with cans of hairspray. Whoosh! Panic panic. Flame-bearing people cram the exits.

Firemen charge into the patio. They unleash tsunamis of water over the widespread flames. Just to be safe, the burly firemen blanket diners and tables with foam. Your sweetheart, you, and everyone else now look like the Michelin Man. Dresses are ruined. Tuxes are ruined. Things could not possibly get any worse.

Well no. The police, guardians of the law, arrest you and your date and haul you away in separate squad cars. As the door shuts on your date, you hear the shriek, “I hate you. I hate you to death. You fecking piece of shite.” You sense the moment to impress has gone.

As you can see, dating can be stressful.

You try speed dating. That’s stressful too. You have only five minutes to charm. But the bean burrito you wolfed down at lunch comes back to haunt you. You let rip a particulary stinky and sonorus fart. The fart gasses greet the lit candles. Whoosh! Where moments ago there had only been life sustaining air, there is now an immense fart fireball. The fireball spreads everywhere. You grab your date by the hand and say, “Come this way. We need to leave before the police come to arrest us.” Strange to say, you do not awe your date with your expertise and solicitude. In fact, you never go out again.

As you can see, all forms of dating can be stressful.

But wait, there is one form of dating that’s sweeping the nation, trending even. In this lucky event, the partners meet each other in a pool. There’s no fancy clothes to prepare. There’s no candles to burn down everyone. Just dog paddling, gazing into each other’s eyes, and falling in love.

If only there were a word to describe dating in a pool  And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

Liquidating

 

Awesome entry #47

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Refrigerator Pickles

American Appetizer

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REFRIGERATOR PICKLES

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INGREDIENTS
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1½ tablespoons salt
1½ tablespoons sugar
2 cups white vinegar
2¾ cups cold water
2 pounds Kirby cucumbers of pickling cucumbers
4 teaspoons coriander seeds
10 sprigs fresh dill
6 garlic cloves
½ tablespoon mustard seeds
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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2-to-3 4-Cup Mason jars.
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Serves 6-to-8. Takes 25 minutes plus 30 hours for marinating.
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PREPARATION
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Make sure Mason jars have been sterilized. Add salt, sugar, and vinegar to pot. Cook at high heat until salt and sugar dissolve. Transfer contents to mixing bowl. Add cold water. Mix with spatula or fork. This is the brine.
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Divide cucumbers equally betweens Mason jars. Smash garlic cloves. Divide brine, coriander seeds, dill sprigs,  garlic, mustard seeds, and red pepper flakes evenly between Mason jars. Discard excess brine. Seal lids on Mason jars. Chill in refrigerator for 30 hours.
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TIDBITS
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1) Number One Son said, “It tastes nice. It tastes like a pickle.”
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2) *Beams*
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3) Lots of things taste like chicken. This is because lots of animals share a common flying-dinosaur ancestor.
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4) Chickens can fly. I believe the record for chicken flight is 243.
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5) I cannot fly at all. I am not as good as chicken.
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6) Can you imagine what football would be like if we could fly? I don’t know why the NFL doesn’t sign chickens. A chicken could fly up and swat down a field-goal attempt. I’d pay to see that.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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You Now You Want to Party With Me

Another surgery, minor, today. Ugh. Best wishes and prayers are welcome.

Thank you.

 

Paul De Lancey

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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