recipes

Emotional Cheese

American Entree

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EMOTIONAL CHEESE

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Emotional food really is a thing. Emotions foods evoke positive emotions in you. These foods bring back memories of pleasant, happy dinners with friends and family. Emotional foods also please us due to their simplicity. The world is just getting too complex. We crave simple foods
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The best emotional foods are yummy, simple, and taste like childhood.
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Cheese pizzas are tasty and provide the basis of happy. family memories
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But pizzas do not qualify, at least to me, as an emotional food. They are simple but they take an eternity to make from scratch. Motoring to a Italian restaurant, waiting for a waitress and waiting for the chef to cook your pizza is like watch paint dry. Excessive waiting births negative emotions.
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What then is quick way to make emotional food? Look at the below recipe to find out how.
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INGREDIENT
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1 block of cheese
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PREPARATION
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Cut off a slab of cheese from a block cheese. That’s it. Now you’re filled with yummy cheese and emotions. Yay.
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Serves 1. Takes 1 minute
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And now, your emotional cheese.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Creamy Lemon Chicken

American Entree

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CREAMY LEMON CHICKEN

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INGREDIENTS
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1 lemon
1½ pounds chicken breasts
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¾ cup flour
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1 cup chicken broth
2½ tablespoons lemon juice
1¼ cups heavy cream
2 teaspoons parsley
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Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cut lemon into 4 slices. Cut chicken breasts in half. Cut chicken halves along their width to make thin cutlets. Rub pepper and salt evenly onto chicken cutlets. Add flour to mixing bowl. Dredge cutlets through flour. Shake off any excess.
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Add butter and olive oil to large pan. Use medium heat to melt butter. Swirl pan until butter and oil combine. Carefully add chicken cutlets to pan. Sauté for 4 minutes on each side or chicken turns golden brown on both sides. Stir enough to keep from burning.
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Remove chicken and set aside. Leave butter and olive oil in pan. Add minced garlic. Sauté for 1 minute at medium heat. Stir frequently Add chicken broth and lemon juice. Bring to boil using medium heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer. Add heavy cream. Simmer sauce for 3 minutes. Stir enough to keep from burning. Return chicken cutlets to pan. Ladle sauce over chicken. Simmer for 6 minutes or until sauce starts to thicken. Stir occasionally. Garnish with lemon slices and parsley.
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TIDBITS
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1) Q: Why did the creamy lemon chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side so it could wash off the heavy cream and lemon juice some oaf dumped on it.
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2) Culinary hygienists in France are currently giving chickens regular showers and towel drys to see if that improves poultry-product safety. There’s also evidence that, gosh darn it, chicken just like being clean. As culinary mystic Farine du Ble said, “Of course they wish to be clean. They’re just as vain as we are. The spirit of Helen the Chicken contacted me and told me so.” Now you know.
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­- Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Strawberry Shampoo

STRAWBERRY SHAMPOO

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INGREDIENTS
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½ cup Castile Soap
2 teaspoons coconut oil
½ cup distilled water
15 drops strawberry fragrance oil
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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1 cup bottle
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to bottle. Stir with fork, or shake, until well blended.
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TIDBITS
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1) This shampoo uses strawberry fragrance oil.
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2) The medium-sized cargo box for Ford’s F150 can haul 59,653 medium sized strawberries.
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3) However Uranus, which is much larger than the F150’s cargo box or even this entire truck, occupies the same space as 2.31 * 1027 strawberries.
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4) From this we can deduce that 3.87 * 1022 F150 medium sized cargo beds can fit in Uranus.
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5) You didn’t think Uranus was that big, did you?
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6) NASA never divulges this information.
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7) Our space agency doesn’t even show us Santa Claus’ path on Christmas Eve. Just another thing they keep to themselves..
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8) However NORAD, North American Aerospace Defense Command,  does on noradsanta.org.
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9) Well! I know which agency is getting chocolate chip cookies for Christmas and which isn’t.
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10) In flagrantre dilecto is Latin for “Getting caught in the act of committing a crime.” However, In flagrantre oderem means getting caught in the act of adding a fragrance to something.
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11) Knowing all these awesome tidbits will give you a leg up, should you ever compete on Jeopardy!
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Grape Freezer Jam

American Breakfast

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GRAPE FREEZER JAM

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INGREDIENTS
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2 cups fresh, crushed grapes (about 1 pound whole)*
3½ tablespoons lemon juice
4 cups sugar
¾ cup water
6 tablespoons or 1.75-ounce box fruit pectin powder)
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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potato masher or food processor
5 * 1-cup hot, sterilized Mason jars (They really must be hot and newly sterilized.)
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Makes 5-cups. Takes 1 hour plus 1-to-2 hours to set.
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PREPARATION* – (Assuming, as is likely, you can’t find crushed grapes to buy)
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Cut grapes in half. Remove stems and seeds from grapes. Smash grape halves with potato masher until thoroughly crushed. (Or add bits to food processor. Pulse processor until thoroughly crushed, but not yet pureed. Some grape bits should remain.)
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Add grape and lemon juice to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Add sugar. Mix with whisk until sugar dissolves completely. (Undissolved sugar makes the jam grainy.)
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Add water and pectin to small pan. Bring to boil using heat. Stir constantly. Boil for 1 minute, stirring constantly. Pour boiling water over grape/sugar mix. Stir constantly for 3 minutes. The mixture should start to jell and thicken.
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Pour grape mixture into Mason jars. Leave ½” gap at the top. Stir until grape bits and juice gel and blend. Cover and let stand for 1-to-2 hours or until set. (Not longer than 12 hours.) If desired, serve some immediately. Store the rest in the refrigerator for 3 weeks or in the freezer for up to 1 year.
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TIDBITS
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1) Sorry, this tidbit isn’t funny. But I am quite proud that I wrote this recipe and then made it. This is my first recipe since getting Covid, a severe ear infection, and surgery back to back to back.
2) Okay, I have space for a joke. Q: How many 1-cup Mason jars filled with grape jam does it take to change a light bulb? A: 122, but it’s far safer to use a step ladder. Ha, ha, ha!
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Strawberry Cucumber Water

American Appetizer

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STRAWBERRY CUCUMBER WATER

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INGREDIENTS – MAIN
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½ pound strawberries (¼ pound more later)
5″ cucumber (2½” more later)
8 cups water
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INGREDIENTS – GARNISH
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¼ pound strawberries
2½” cucumber
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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mandoline (optional)
colander
2½ quart or larger pitcher
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Serves 8. Takes 30 minutes plus 3 hours to refrigerate
PREPARATION – MAIN
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Remove stems from ½ pound strawberries. Slice strawberries as thinly as you can. Cut 5″ cucumber into slices 1/16″ to ¼” thick. Add strawberry slices, cucumber slices, and water to pitcher. Refrigerate for 3 hours. Strain contents through colander. Discard solids. This is the infused water. Return infused water to pitcher. Keeps for 3 days in refrigerator.
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PREPARATION – GARNISH
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Remove stems from ¼ pound strawberries. Slice strawberries as thinly as you can. Cut 2½” cucumber into slices 1/16″ to ¼” thick. Garnish with strawberries and cucumber slices before serving. Stir 2 times with long wooden spoon.
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TIDBITS
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1) Engineers do extensive analysis before building. This usually includes constructing a scale model and subjecting it to all sorts of tests.
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2) In this case a city, which shall remain nameless, wanted to build a bridge to tout their thriving strawberry and cucumber industries. This meant making the world’s first strawberry/cucumber bridge. Alas, the bridge failed on the very first and simple test. With the strawberry slices collapsing catastrophically under the weight of cucumber slices. (See the submerged red slices above.) A bridge that collapses under the weight of small vegetable slices is likely to collapse under the weight of vehicular traffic and even pedestrian traffic. City planners abandoned the fruit hybrid bridge.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Maple Sausage Patties

American Breakfast

MAPLE SAUSAGE PATTIES

INGREDIENTS
1 pound ground pork
5 teaspoons maple syrup
½ teaspoon garlic powder
¾ teaspoon fennel seeds
¾ teaspoon garlic powder
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon onion powder
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon sage
¾ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon thyme
no-stick spray
Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.
PREPARATION
Add all ingredients except spray to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Shape into 8 3″ patties. Place patties on plate. Cover. Let sit in refrigerator for 30 minutes.
Spray large pan with no-stick spray. Add patties to pan. Cook at medium heat for 4 minutes or until bottom of patties turn brown. Move patties occasionally to prevent sticking. Flip patties over and cook for 3 minutes more or until the new bottom of the patties brown. Move patties occasionally to prevent sticking.
TIDBITS
1) Maple Sausage Patties, a tongue twister.
Maple Meat Patties
Maple meat meal
Miss Marple’s meat meal
Mabel, Miss Marple’s meat meal
Marvel Mabel, Miss Marple’s meat meal
Marvel Mabel, Miss Marple’s marbled meat meal
Marvel maven Mabel, Miss Marple’s marbled meat meal
Mean marvel maven Mabel. Miss Marple’s marbled meat meal
Marvel mean maven Maiden Mabel, Miss Marple’s marbled meat meal.
Meet mean marvel maven Maiden Mabel, Miss Marple’s marbled meat meal.
Meet mean marvel maven Maiden Mabel, Miss Marple’s many marbled meat meals.
Meet mean marvel maven Maiden Mabel, Miss Marple made many marbled meat meals.
Meet mean marvel maven Maiden Mabel, Miss Marple made mainly many marbled meat meals.
Meet mean marvel maven Maiden Mabel, Mad Ms. Marple made mainly many marbled meat meals.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Strawberry Balsamic Chicken

American Entree

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STRAWBERRY BALSAMIC CHICKEN

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INGREDIENTS­
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⅔ pound (about 2 cups) strawberries
4 chicken breasts
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup balsamic vinegar (½ cup more later)
½ cup balsamic vinegar
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
½ tablespoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon fresh basil
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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8″ * 12″ casserole dish.
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Serves 4.  Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Remove stems from strawberries. Cut each strawberry into 4 pieces. Rub pepper and salt over chicken breasts. Add chicken breasts and ½ cup balsamic vinegar to mixing bowl. Turn chicken breasts until they are completely coated. Let marinate in refrigerator for 1 hour. Add chicken to casserole dish. Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink inside.
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Add strawberry bits. Simmer at low heat for 4 minutes or until strawberry bits start to lose their shape. Add a chicken breast to each plate. Ladle strawberry glaze over chicken breasts. Goes well with rice or spinach.
Add strawberry bits. Simmer at low heat for 4 minutes or until strawberry bits start to lose their shape. Add a chicken breast to each plate. Dice basil. Ladle strawberry glaze over chicken breasts. Garnish with basil. Goes well with rice or spinach.
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TIDBITS
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1) At the first Iowa Caucus, the Iowa Strawberry Growers Association (ISGA) made a mad attempt to showcase their strawberries to the nation. In return the “strawberry candidates” wore strawberries on their lapels. Political analysts counted strawberries distributed to determine the ISGA’s strength. This was the first strawberry poll. Strawberry poll got shortened to straw poll to save newspaper ink. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Digaag Qumbe (Coconut Yogurt Chicken)

Somali Entree

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DIGAAG QUMBE

­(Coconut Yogurt Chicken)

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INGREDIENTS­
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½ cup rice
2 garlic cloves
1 red onion
1 carrot
1 small potato
1 pound boneless chicken thighs
1 jalapeno
1 red bell pepper
2 tomatoes
¼ cup olive oil
2½ teaspoons ginger
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons Xawaash spice (See above recipe or buy online or at Middle Eastern stores.)
½ cup coconut yogurt or plain yogurt
1 tablespoon ghee or butter
2½ teaspoons tomato paste
¾ cup coconut milk
¼ cup fresh cilantro
6 bananas
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Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 25 minutes.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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food processor
mandoline
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PREPARATION
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Cook rice according to instructions on package. Mince garlic and red onion. Use mandoline to cut carrot into circles ¼” thick. Cut potato into ½” cubes. Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Add jalapeno, bell pepper, and tomatoes to processor. Puree until smooth. Add olive oil, garlic, and red onion to large pot. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until onion softens. Stir frequently.
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Add ginger, salt, Xawaash spice mix, and mixture from blender. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low-medium. Simmer for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add coconut yogurt, ghee, and tomato paste. Simmer for 3 minutes. Add coconut milk, chicken, carrot, and potato. Simmer for 35 minutes or until chicken, carrot and potato are tender and sauce thickens. Stir occasionally. While chicken, carrot, and potato simmer, dice cilantro. Add rice to plates. Top with coconut yogurt/veggies/chicken. Garnish with cilantro. Serve alongside a peeled banana.
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TIDBITS
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1) According to Google Translate(tm). digaag, part of this entree’s name, translates into English as “digaag.”
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2) Digaag translates into French as “digaag.*”
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3) Digaag translates into Spanish as “digaag.”
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4) Tiny Luxembourg has its own language. It’s Luxembourgish. Digaag translates into Luxembourgish as “digaag.”
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5) Digaag even translates into Swahil as “digaag.”
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6) What can we conclude from this?
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7) That “digaag” is an important word to humanity.
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8) How important?
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9) So important that when humanity fractured into different group when they marched out from their common birthplace, Africa, they all hung onto a few common concepts. These common concepts remind us that we share common ground with our brothers and sisters all over the Earth.
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10) When an American man says, “digaag” to a French woman living in Paris, she will understand him just as clearly would any listener in Colorado, Columbia, or Germany.
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11) When we understand our foreign neighbors, we realize just how much we resemble them.
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12) When we know just how much other nations’ peoples resemble ours, our fears of them evaporate.
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13) When our fears evaporate, world peace breaks out.
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14) And that’s a good thing.
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15) So if you hear people speaking in a foreign tongue, go up to them and say, “Digaag.” They will appreciate your effort to communicate to them. They will even smile. You’ll smile back. And just like that, you’ll have new friends.
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16) And that’s a good thing, because one of your old friends still owes you money.
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17) Great news! Other words are the same* in other languages. They are: banana, coffee, computer, dollar, euro, film, gram, huh, internet, kilometer, mama, no, okay, papa, stool, sauna, sushi, and taxi.
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18) The possibilities for talking to people of other languages are endless. You could say, “banana, coffee, sauna, sush” or alternatively, “Internet, film, papa, taxi” and you’d be understood!
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19) You’d be taking one small step for new friends, one giant step for world peace. Yay!
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: history, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shrimp Gravy

American Entree

SHRIMP GRAVY

INGREDIENTS

1 green bell pepper
1 celery stalk
1 medium onion
1½ pounds shrimp, peeled and deveined (41-50 count)
¼ teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon seasoned salt
6 bacon slices
2 tablespoons butter
¼ cup flour
1½ cups beef stock

Serves 6 Takes 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Seed and dice bell pepper. Dice celery and onion. Add shrimp, garlic powder, and seasoned salt to mixing bowl. Stir with fork or hands until shrimp are completely coated.

Add bacon to pan. Cook at medium-high heat until crisp. Remove bacon with slotted spoon and place on paper towels. Crumble bacon. Keep bacon grease in pan. Add bell pepper, celery, and onion. Sauté for 4 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add butter and flour to pan. Reduce heat to medium. Cook for 5 minutes or until flour turns copper brown. Stir constantly. Reduce heat if necessary, to prevent burning.

Add beef stock and coated shrimp to pan. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 4 minutes or until shrimp turns pink or orange. Stir frequently. Add crumbled bacon. Mix with fork until well blended. Goes well over freshly cooked rice or grits.

TIDBITS

1) When I was a kid, I took speech therapy classes. One of the phrases I had to master was “Butter makes the bitter batter better.” I enrolled in one acting class. I had to say easily, “You need New York, unique New York. You know you need unique New York.”

3) I played Snoopy in my grammar school’s version of You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I even danced and sang. I built upon this success to play Wildcat Willie in my middle school’s production of Wildcat Willie Carves the Turkey.

4)Strange to say, I landed no more roles after that. I do however, have the occasional dream where I’m on stage and I don’t know the name of the play or my lines. Sigh.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Adventures in Cooking

I often list substitutes in my recipes as the original ingredient is found easily only in the recipe’s native land. Sometimes though, finding the ingredient, usually an herb, is impossible even on the internet.

My most exciting ingredient search was for an herb that grows only in the wilds of Sinkiang Province. And even there, the herb is rare. Then there’s the problem of the Chinese police not believing I was scouring the countryside for an herb.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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