Monthly Archives: January 2025

The Excitement on My Office Desk

As you can see, I have a rather exciting desk.

The position of pride is a Christmas card of my brother and I when he was 5 and I was 3. I was in nursery school and was just delighted with it.

Directly in back of the Christmas card is the dictionary my mother was given when she was 13.

In front of the dictionary is  my trusty keyboard.

To the left of the dictionary, and out of the picture, is Satan’s favorite spawn, the printer.

To the right of the dictionary, and out of the picture, is my resolute computer.

The exciting bits are on top of the dictionary. They are:

My dancing Jesus. It jiggles whenever something bumps the desk.

A music-box squirrel. It plays “If I Could Talk to the Animals.” The squirrel reminds me of the deeds and sacrifices of Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron.

An octopus on a trampoline. It likes to keep fit.

An exacto knife. I’ll use to defend myself in the, hopefully unlikely, event of terrorists bursting to my office.

A small flashlight. There are no batteries in it. The flashlight mainly functions as a conversation pieces.

An orange frog. It’s the muscle of the bunch and keeps the other critters in line.

A brown mastodon and a white mastodon. The mastodon is my spirit animal.

An orange soccer player. He’s going to head the ball in to the goal.

A porcupine.

A dachsund.

A monkey.

A blue baby dinosaur. Finally, proof that blue dinosaurs existed.

An orange cat. It’s huge. It’s head alone is as big as a dinosaur.

To the right of the dictionary is a huge, silver monkey. He is Sergeant Padraig O’Toole. He’s with the military police of Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron. No squadron squirrels misbehaves when he’s around. The good sergeant is also a nutcracker, so you can imagine the fear he inspires.

To the far right of the picture is my organizer, full of: magnifying glasses, magic markers, pencils, pencils, memory stcks, and other things.

So much excitement in front of me. What is there is the outside world to rival elegant joy of my desk?

 

 

Categories: about me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Air Fryer French Fries

American Appetizer

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AIR FRYER FRENCH FRIES

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INGREDIENTS
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¾ pound russet potato
⅛ teaspoon salt
⅛ teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon duck fat or olive oil
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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french-fry cutter
spray bottle
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Serves 4. Takes 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Use french-fry cutter to cut potato into strips. Put french-fry strips into mixing bowl. Add french-fry strips,  pepper, and salt. Toss strips until well coated. Toss strips, spraying fries with duck fat as you do so. (You might need to melt duck fat into oil before putting it into a spray bottle.)
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Add coated strips to air-fryer basket. Arrange them in a single layer, if possible. Try not to overlap. (You might need to cook in batches. Set temperature to 380 degrees. Set timer to 10 minutes. Shake air-fryer basket. Again set timer to 10 minutes or until fries turn golden brown and become crisp. Sprinkle with extra pepper and salt as needed.
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TIDBITS
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1) Potatoes figure prominently in so many tasty dishes.
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2) What are they? French fries comes to mind. So does shepherd’s pie.
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3) They also make tolerable, if short-lived, baseballs. “Hitting a tater” is a metaphor for hitting. Indeed, culinary historians point to a game in 1913 between Biloxi Shrimp and the Selma Grits where the teams used 423 taters to complete the game. An impromptu mashed potato festival followed the contest.. Be sure to visit Selma on May 5 for its annual Potato Revelry.
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4) It’s little known that the English army used potatoes during its siege of La Mouche in 1387. The English trebuchets flung ton after ton into the starving town. Unfortunately for the besiegers, the highly nutritious potatoes enabled the villagers to stave off famine. The English then hurled potatoes at the town walls. Nothing. The English lifted the siege. The townsfolk rejoiced, but to this very day, no one there will ever dine on a potato. “Ouf.”
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5) Potatoes also make great paperweights and subjects for still-life paintings. Potatoes also prove essential to filling a sack of potatoes with potatoes. Who knew?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Food Stain Apparel – Rock the Guac

You can’t spot the guacamole stain.

How many times has this happened to you? You’re dead tired, but you went to that party anyway. Your gracious host served a tableful of wonderfully tasty Mexican food. And the guacamole was to die for.

And now, you oaf, you spilled some heavenly guacamole on your cloud-white shirt. No one’s seen it yet, but in moments they will. And you will die of shame. You yearn to escape out the door. Your conscience won’t let you. You know you’re likely to crash your car if you drive away. There’s only one thing to do. Get sleep now.  But if you go to sleep on a bed, people will notice. They’ll point at you and wake you up with their laughter. “Ha, ha,” they’ll say in unison, “look at Sleeping Beauty. Look at the guacamole stain. What a loser.”

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Not if you buy your clothes from Food Stain Apparel(tm). Our matching set of Rock the Guac(tm) matching set of shirt and pants is just the thing for this social setting. This green, surfing Batman and Robin(tm) camouflage ensemble hides any amount of guacamole. As far as your fellow revelers know, you have the adept fingers of a concert violinist.

And don’t worry about falling asleep in a bed. We’ve designed our Rock the Gauc evening wear to mimic pajamas! Our PJs blend right in with the bed. Wake up the next morning refreshed and happy. People will talk for years to come about that bon vivant violinist.

Be rested. Be confident. Buy Food Stain Apparel.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Food Stain Apparel, life tips | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Food Stain Apparel – The Bold New Look in Clothing

How many times has this happened to you? Your prospective bosses scheduled your final job interivew at the gourmet Italian Restaurant, Il Machiavelli, when, oh no, pasta sauce escapes from your fork only to land on your previously whiter than bleached snowy-white shirt. Your hosts look at you aghast. All of a sudden they sport poker faces. You’ve lost that awesome job. Word will get around the hiring world. Far from heading a division at a major corporation, you’ll find yourself doing part-time work at a fast-food restaurant.

But it did not have to be that way. If only there were an business-apparel chain that sold clothing that hides stains.

And now there is. Food Stain Apparel(tm) sells shirts, pants, jackets, bras, you name it, that completely hide all food stains.

Wear an invincible shirt. Wear Food Stain Apparel.

Today’s featured shirt is called Mustard Arriba and is attractively shown below. Sport this shirt wherever you dine. You’ll never fear mustard stains again. Arriba!

You can’t spot the mustard stain. Arriba!

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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What I Did Today

Augustus the Angry Avocado, leader of the pack

Got my french-fry cutter in the mail.

Went to exercise class. Felt like a Greek god who had let himself go a while back. Gosh, the arthritis in my shoulders hurts. Sometimes I have to move my arms in slow motion.

Swam to the island of Hawaii. Had a SPAM sandwich. SPAM is so, so big there. Drank a root beer in a glass that had a tiny umbrella in it.

Swam back home. How did I not get cramps? Whew.

Shopped at a supermarket. It did not have duck fat. Life is hard.

Herded some angy avocadoes back into the barn.

I  played Number Two Son in a game of Strat-O-Matic Football. He had last years Chiefs and I had last years Packers. He won 30-6.

I’m supposed to have physical therapy tomorrow morning and craft class at 1 pm. I don’t know if high winds tomorrow will cancel everything.

I’m going to check the planetary orbits of our Solar System. I’ll water some Horrible Histories and Death Valley Days after that.

Take care and have fun.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Yoga Instructor on Traffic Lights

Preach, yoga instructor, preach.

Yoga instructor #18

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Word – Noootice

How many times has this happened to you? You spent hours alphabetizing the spices and herbs. And you poured this ingredients into smaller, smarter looking containers. Perhaps you balanced the checkbook. Maybe you weeded that bit of land to the side of the house, where no one can see it. Will people appreciate it?

No. No one noticed and no one will notice.

We need a  word for this feeling of having your achievement being totally overlooked.

And the portmanteau from the words: NO One will nOtice yields

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Noootice

 

Awesome entry #55

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Where Do You Keep Your Potatoes?

I preserve my potatoes by wrapping them in a paper towel and putting them in a Twinkies(tm) box which sits on top of the refrigerator.

Where do you keep your potatoes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Vera the Virus Has an Attitude of Gratitude

Vera wants to thank the world’s fumbled-fingered people

Vera the Virus #8, 01/03/2025

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Vera the Virus | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Every Year Has a January 2 in It

Things change all the time. Relationships change. Politics change Food prices change. Computers change. Change change; the back of our quarters vary with each passing year. Synonyms mutate.  And even years change! Leap years have a February 29 in them. Other years don’t. Or so we thought! Isn’t nearly every 100th year bereft of a February 29?

Is life just a whirlwind? Is nothing constant? Surely, there must be some unyielding constant in our lives, something that makes us shout, “Yes, yes, we can tether our emotions and sanity to this touchstone.”

Fortunately, there is such a rock.

Every year possesses a January 2. Every. Single. Year.

You can check your old calendars. I show a past January calendar as proof.

You can now hold on to your sanity.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: danger, explanations, lifestyle, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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