Posts Tagged With: thriller

Greenland, Humanity’s Future Home

IceCubes-

If Greenland, that way-up north country, had the same population density as Bangladesh, it would be home to 23,096,149,702 people. That’s more than three times the population of the entire world. How would that be possible?

1) Let’s face it, there’s not enough fish around Arctic Greenland to feed over 23 billion people and precious little farmland exists there. We will need to eat ice, lots of ice, and like it. Ice is low in vitamins, so we will have to spray Greenland’s entire ice with liquid vitamins. The company that wins that contract will do well indeed.

2) Greenland currently has only has housing for about two million people. Does the land have lumber enough to build homes for another 23 billion people?

No.  We will all have to become adept at making igloos.

3) How will get another 23 billion people?

You’re own on your own with this one. It’s a do-it-yourself project.

4) Why would we all want to move to Greenland?

Easy access to ice so we can all have ice-cold root beers.

 

I hope this helps settle your worries about the future.

– Cool Paul the Seer

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Funny #5, Love Hurts

funny5 See kids, take economics in school.

– Paul R. De Lancey the matchmaker

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Funny #3, Sleeping

funny3

 

Everyone should have a dream

– Philosopher Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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Eternal Questions

ETERNAL QUESTIONS

1) How do washers steal socks?
2) Why do washers steal socks?
3) Why do they steal only one sock from a pair?
4) Where do washers hide their stolen socks?
5) Why do media treat political debates like boxing matches?
6) Who was the better cowboy actor, Roy Rogers or William Boyd?
7) Where are my car keys?
8) No more Twinkies. Why? Why?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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A Query-Letter Failure October 28, 1994

A Query-Letter Failure

October 28, 1994

Mr. Amos Keeto, Editor
Illinois Bankers Association
1313 Mockingbird Lane
Chicago, IL 60606

Dear Mr. Keeto,

For too long the world of fiction has ignored the rich vein of humor to be found in bankers and their mutual funds.

My fictional play, “Let’s Visit Mr. Banker,” illustrates the single-minded advice of a banker who sells mutual funds. For example, if customers ask him about interest rates rising, he advises why they should sell. Similarly, if people question him about interest rates falling, he explains why they should again sell.

I earned a Ph.D. in International Finance from the University of Wisconsin. I base this fiction on my experience with financial experts, especially with those on television.

Please note that there is no need to return the manuscript. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Paul R. De Lancey

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Sugar Cookies

American Dessert

SUGAR COOKIES

INGREDIENTS

3 cups flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
½ cup white chocolate flavored cocoa, or an extra ½ cup sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Makes 55 cookies. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

cookie gun (optional, it’s faster without it)
cookie sheet

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Preparation is easier if the butter is already soft. You can accomplish this by simply taking the butter out of the refrigerator an hour before you’re ready to start. (Or you can pretend you’re Rocky Balboa getting ready for a big fight and batter those butter sticks into submission with your fists of steel.)

Use whisk to blend flour, baking powder, and baking soda in a large mixing bowl. Set aside. Place butter, sugar, flavored cocoa, egg, and vanilla extract in another mixing bowl. Mix with hands or electric beater set on “cookies.” Gradually add in the blended flour mixture. Again, blend thoroughly. If you have a cookie gun or cookie press to make shapes, great. If not, roll dough into little balls 1″ wide. (Keep dough covered until ready to use in a batch.)Place dough onto ungreased cookie sheets.

Bake for 12 minutes or until golden brown. Let stand on cookie sheet for 2 minutes and then cool on wire racks for faster cooling. If you don’t own a wire rack, either let the cookies cool for a long time on the hot sheet or transfer them with a spatula to a cold plate. And who says you have to wait until the cookies are completely cold to eat them? Just as long as the cookies aren’t hot enough to burn your fingers or your tongue.

TIDBITS

1) Don’t try to go through airport security with a cookie gun. I just have a bad feeling about it. Does airport security like doughnuts as much as local police?

2) Britain invaded Afghanistan in the 19th century. Russia invaded it in 1980. Both countries got kicked out. Neither nation’s army carried chocolate doughnuts. However, America there in 2002 with 100,000 soldiers armed to the teeth with chocolate doughnuts. We’re still in Afghanistan.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Fast-Food Philosophy

How many times has this happened to you? You’re in your Geo Metro with your beloved family hoping to find a fast-food chicken restaurant. Easy, of course. But what if you crave philosophy, psychology, and moonlight sonatas as well? Specifically, you’d love to argue with Kant, discourse with Freud, and listen to the lilting sounds of Chopin.

Kant, Freud, Chopin. What if those greats also sold chicken? Wouldn’t that be wonderful? But it can never be. Kant, Freud, and Chopin probably wouldn’t win any trademark fights. Also, being dead, the learned trio would not go out of their way to entertain visitors to their chicken eatery.  Ah well, extra crispy is always good by itself.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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