Posts Tagged With: recipes

Baked Chocolate-Covered Doughnuts & Little Sad Sack Comic

Posted on January 1, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

BAKED CHOCOLATE-COVERED DOUGHNUTS

INGREDIENTSBakeCCD-

1 cup pastry flour or regular flour if not available
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons milk
2 large eggs
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
6 tablespoons creamy milk chocolate frosting
sprinkles (optional)

SPECIALTY UTENSILS

doughnut mold, or tray, for 6 doughnuts
no-stick spray.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Combine flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in medium mixing bowl until all ingredients appear to be well mixed. Add milk, eggs, and vegetable oil to another medium bowl. Blend with whisk until mixture starts to get foamy. Pour the milk mixture into the flour mixture and mix until all is combined.

Spray doughnut mold with no-stick spray. Scoop combined mixture into each dough form until half full. Put in oven and cook at 375 degrees for 10 to 12 minutes. Doughnuts should be done when they spring back when gently poked.

Remove doughnut mold from oven. Let sit for about 3 to 4 minutes. Gently pry doughnuts from mold with knife or small wooden spatula. Use wooden spatula to gently (Yes, today’s cooking word is gently) spread chocolate frosting on top half of doughnut.

(Lots of people love doughnuts. The primal drive of the caveman to pounce on a bison has nothing on the modern person’s urge to eat a doughnut. This urge is so intense that your doughnuts might get eaten before they are even coated with chocolate. That’s okay. They’re happy and you will have less to clean up.)

TIDBITS

1) So many places proclaim themselves to be “Donut Shops” that I ever open one of those stores, I will say that my doughnuts are made with “real dough.”

2) “Dough” as American slang for money dates back to 1851.

3) I’ve heard that some economists claim that the size of the doughnut hole correlates with the health of the economy. When the economy booms, more dough gets used and so the doughnut hole becomes smaller.

4) My degree is in economics and I’ve never seen such studies, not even in my wilder classes or in the most blood-stirring journals of economics.

6) The exciting Gertrude Stein once used the phrase, “the hole of the doughnut,” to describe people personalities or souls.

7) Empirical economists use multiple equations replete with Greek letters to examine hypotheses.

8) During such examinations we economists like to eat pizza. However, we never turn down a good doughnut. In this way, we are like people everywhere.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

sadsack7

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Blueberry Cheesecake

Posted on December 25, 2012 by pauldelancey

Merry Christmas, everyone.

American Dessert

BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE

INGREDIENTSBluebCh-

CRUST

4 tablespoons butter, usually a half stick
1 1/4 cups graham crackers, usually about 1 package
1/4 cup sugar (used 3 times in recipe for a total of more than 1 1/2 cups)

FILLING

4 8 ounce packages of cream cheese
5 eggs
1 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon salt

TOPPING

2 1/2 cups, about a 16 ounce bag, of fresh or frozen blueberries
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 1/2 cups sour cream
6 tablespoons white sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup water

PREPARATION OF CRUST

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Melt butter in small saucepan, one designed specifically for butter if you have it. Turn the graham crackers into crumbs by using food processor. (If you have the urge to make the crumbs with a hammer, it’s probably time to take a deep breath, pour yourself a nice, cold glass of root beer, sit down, and listen to few songs by Alvin and the Chipmunks before continuing.)

Pour the melted butter, crumbs, and sugar (First use of sugar.) into a baking dish at least 9-inches wide. Mix thoroughly with fork. Press firmly and uniformly on the mixture. Bake at 325 degrees for about 10 minutes or lightly browned. Let cool, on a baking rack if you have one.

PREPARATION OF FILLING

Place cream cheese, eggs, sugar, (Second use of sugar.) cornstarch, and salt in large mixing bowl. Use electric beater to combine ingredients. Start on lowest setting and gradually increase the speed of the beaters to “cream,” or almost the highest setting. (Your kitchen walls might resemble modern art if you immediately start with the highest setting.)

Bake for 70 minutes at 325 degrees or until cheese center barely moves when baking dish is moved. Let dish cool down. Chill completely in refrigerator.

PREPARATION OF TOPPING

Combine blueberries and cornstarch in food processor and chop and grind away until mixture is pureed.

Pour mixture into mixing bowl. Add sour cream, sugar, (Third use of sugar.) vanilla extract, and water. Blend with fork or electric beater set to “blend.”

Pour this topping into saucepan. Bring to boil while stirring constantly. Reduce heat to medium and cook for about 5 minutes while stirring.

Pour topping on top of cheesecake and spread evenly. (Yes, you will wash dishes with this dessert.) Refrigerate until chilled.

This recipe can be made in various ways: with or without sour cream, or with the sour cream separated out into another layer. Experiment and enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) During the Roaring ‘20s, “cheesecake” meant a woman who showed her legs.

2) Marshall Bernadotte of Napoleon’s Grande Armée was known as “Belles Jambes,” or “Beautiful Legs.”

3) Rod Stewart sang the hit song, Hot Legs.

4) Chicken legs are deep fried in hot oil.

5) America is dependent on foreign oil.

6) But it wasn’t in the ‘20s when “cheesecake” meant a woman who showed her legs.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Lemongrass Chicken

Posted on December 24, 2012 by pauldelancey

Cambodian Entree

LEMONGRASS CHICKEN

INGREDIENTSLemGrCh-

2 boneless chicken breasts
1 1/2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon soy sauce (2 more tablespoons)

2 stalks fresh lemongrass (or 2 teaspoons dried or 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest or 1 teaspoon lemon juice.)
1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 garlic cloves
1 1/2 teaspoons ginger
1/2 tablespoon onion salt
1 tablespoon lime juice
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons rice vinegar

1 cup rice
2 cups water

PREPARATION

Cut the chicken breasts into strips 1/2-inch wide and 2-inches long. Mince garlic cloves. Cut off the root end of the lemongrass stalk and strip off outside leaves. Mince inside core. (Or use dried lemongrass, or grated lemon zest, or lemon juice. Sometimes fresh lemongrass is as easy to get as Icelandic habañero peppers. Just do your best. I feel your spicing pain.)

Combine honey and soy sauce in mixing bowl. Thoroughly coat the chicken strips in this mixture.

Heat vegetable oil in wok or no-stick frying pan. Add chicken strips, garlic, lemongrass, onion salt, lime juice, soy sauce, and rice vinegar. Cook on medium high until chicken turns white. Stir frequently. Add more soy sauce if too sweet and more honey if not sweet enough.

You really should have a supply of fresh onions around the kitchen. At the time of writing this recipe my onions had gone bad, surly even, and my wife rightfully pointed out I was crazy to think she’d be going to the store when she had the kids’ baseball uniforms to clean. Hence, the onion salt. Life is like that.

Cook rice according to instructions shown on bag.

Serve on lovingly cooked rice. (Your guests will sense the love that went into the rice and the whole dish and gaze upon you with undisguised affection. And if they complain about the freshness of the lemongrass or its absence, send them to Iceland. If you can place them in the path of a lava flow, even better.)

TIDBITS

1) Yes, Iceland has volcanoes.

2) It also produces bananas.

3) Icelandic farmers have burned bananas on at least one occasion to drive up prices.

4) Cambodia produces bananas as well.

5) I first had this dish in Nantes, France, the hometown of the great novelist Jules Verne.

6) Iceland and Cambodia have never gone to war with each other.

7) Probably because they both grow bananas and understand each other on a deep level.

8) Germany and France have been pretty much free of banana plantations. But they fought each other three times from 1870 to 1945. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

9) Bananas were also a favored prop during the heyday of the silent-film era. The world was at peace then. When bananas disappeared from cinema the world went to war.

10) Besides ending war, the banana’s potassium helps boost bone mass.

11) So, write your Congressman and ask him to sponsor banana plantations all across America and indeed the world.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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La Daube Provencale

Posted on December 15, 2012 by pauldelancey

French Entree

LA DAUBE PROVENÇALE

LaDauPr-

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 pounds stewing steak or better
2 yellow onions
8 whole cloves
1 carrot
4 garlic cloves
1 10 ounce can diced tomatoes
4 tablespoons olive oil
4 ounces bacon strips
1 bay leaf
6 peppercorns
1/2 teaspoon orange zest
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon parsley
1 teaspoon sage
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon thyme
1/4 cup red wine

PREPARATION

Cut the steak into 1/2-inch cubes. It is all right to use a better grade of steak than stewing. (As I write this recipe, my local supermarket is having such a sale on top sirloin it’s cheaper than the fattiest ground beef. Go figure. Now if they would only have a sale on gold.)

Peel the 2 onions and cut each of them into 4 wedges. Stick a whole clove into each of the 8 onion wedges. Scrape off the surface of the carrot. Cut the carrot into round pieces no more than 1/2-inch thick. Peel and mince garlic cloves.

Put olive oil and bacon strips in skillet. Heat at medium-heat until bacon begins to brown. (Some versions of this recipe call for strips or slices heavily marbled with fat. This is no problem at all. Simply pick the package of bacon that is on top of the others. Some good Samaritan has gone before you, heroically going through all the bacon packages looking for the meatiest and leaving you exactly what you wanted.)

Back at the range it is time to add to the skillet: steak cubes, onion wedges with cloves in them, carrot pieces, garlic,
diced tomatoes, bay leaf, peppercorns, orange zest, sea salt, parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme. (“Are you going to Scarborough Fair?” Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

Cook on medium heat until steak cubes start to brown. Add red wine. Bring to boil. Lower temperature to between off and warm. Cover with lid and let stew simmer for 2 1/2 hours.

This is great. Give it only to loved ones or a boss at promotion time.

TIDBITS

1) Insects don’t like the scent of onions. So, cut open an onion and rub the two halves all over your body before crossing a mosquito-infested swamp.

2) The French tried to build the Panama Canal before the Americans did. They failed because too many of their workers succumbed to malaria.

3) The Americans succeeded because they discovered malaria was borne by mosquitoes. We destroyed the pesky critters by destroying their swamps.

4) Mightn’t it have been simpler to have the canal workers rub their bodies with onion halves before going to work each day?

5) Of course, the thousands of sweaty, oniony workers would have had problems convincing beautiful ladies to dance with them after work.

6) But just how many spiffed-up young ladies could the workers have found in the middle of a mosquito-riddled swamp?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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A Query-Letter Failure October 28, 1994

Posted on November 30, 2012 by pauldelancey

A Query-Letter Failure

October 28, 1994

Mr. Amos Keeto, Editor
Illinois Bankers Association
1313 Mockingbird Lane
Chicago, IL 60606

Dear Mr. Keeto,

For too long the world of fiction has ignored the rich vein of humor to be found in bankers and their mutual funds.

My fictional play, “Let’s Visit Mr. Banker,” illustrates the single-minded advice of a banker who sells mutual funds. For example, if customers ask him about interest rates rising, he advises why they should sell. Similarly, if people question him about interest rates falling, he explains why they should again sell.

I earned a Ph.D. in International Finance from the University of Wisconsin. I base this fiction on my experience with financial experts, especially with those on television.

Please note that there is no need to return the manuscript. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Paul R. De Lancey

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Recipes from my Forthcoming Cookbook

Posted on November 25, 2012 by pauldelancey

http://ow.ly/i/1aqFH

Recipes from my forthcoming cookbook.

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Buttermilk Pancakes

Posted on November 19, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Entree

BUTTERMILK PANCAKES

INGREDIENTS

1 cup cultured buttermilk blend
4 cups water
3 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 eggs
1/2 cup butter

SPECIALTY UTENSILS

electric mixer

PREPARATION

Use “batter” setting on electric mixer, or beater, to combine buttermilk blend, water, eggs, and melted butter (You can, of course, buy buttermilk of using buttermilk blend, but your buttermilk will go bad if you don’t use it right away.)

Combine in a second large mixing bowl: flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Melt butter.(Use a mere fraction of an ostrich egg if chicken eggs aren’t available)

Pour the contents of the second bowl into the first mixing bowl. Mix together with fork until just blended.

Fire up the griddle to 350 degrees. Use a 4-ounce or 1/4 cup ladle to pour your batter onto the griddle. Cook for 1 3/4 minutes on the first side and for 1 1/2 minutes on the second side or until brown on both sides.

Makes 22 6-inch diameter pancakes, enough for those neighbors next door so they’ll invite you over for one of their sauna parties.

TIDBITS

1) Buttermilk was originally the non-fat liquid left over after churning milk into butter.

2) Today, buttermilk is made by adding lactic-acid-producing bacteria, usually Streptococtus lactus . . . Oh gosh, I can’t go on. I googled “fun facts about buttermilk” and this is what showed up!

3) People drink buttermilk to soothe their stomachs.

4) But not before reading the expiration date on the carton.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pineapple Pie

Posted on November 18, 2012 by pauldelancey

Fijian Dessert

PINEAPPLE PIE

INGREDIENTS

2 egg whites (2 entire eggs used later.)
3 tablespoons sugar

1 1/4 cups minced pineapple (no juice)
1/4 cup pineapple juice
4 tablespoons flour
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
juice from three limes
2 eggs
1 pie crust

PREPARATION

Combine 2 egg whites (The yolks from these eggs are not used here.) and 3 tablespoons sugar in bowl. Beat until thoroughly mixed. Set aside. Squeeze juice out of three limes. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Heat crushed pineapple and pineapple juice on medium heat. Mix in 4 tablespoons flour, sugar, salt, lime juice, and two entire eggs. Heat and stir constantly until eggs are cooked and the mixture thickens. (The phrase “the plot thickens” is of culinary origin. Well, quite possibly.)

Pour pineapple mixture into pie crust. Make sure surface is smooth. Spread egg white mixture evenly over top. Put pie in oven and bake at 350 degrees for about 35 minutes or until top is golden brown. Take pie out to cool. If the hungry horde will let you, put the cooled pie in the fridge to chill. It’s okay if they don’t. It also tastes great warm.

TIDBITS

1) Jim Carrey’s character in the movie, The Truman Show, dreamed of going to Fiji. I have the identical map that adorns his wall in one scene.

2) Why is “fridge” spelled with a “d,” but “refrigerator” spelled without it?

3) Why is a bicycle feminine in French, but a bike is masculine?

4) The idea behind the FrisbeeTM came from pie tins.

5) “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.” – Mary Poppins

6) At one time British sailors were called “limeys” because they ate limes at sea. This was done to prevent scurvy.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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French Hamburger

Posted on November 16, 2012 by pauldelancey

French Entree

FRENCH HAMBURGER

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1 medium red onion
1/2 cup sour cream
1 tablespoon mayonnaise
1 teaspoon Grey PouponTM
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 packet onion soup mix

8 French rolls
romaine lettuce

PREPARATION

Mince the onion. Mix all top ingredients by hand. (Yes, it’s mushy.) Form 8 elongated patties. Fry patties on medium-high heat until juice coming from patties is no longer red or meat is no longer pink. Don’t turn patties over as frequently as you would for an American hamburger. There is plenty of moisture in these patties. You don’t have to worry as much about them drying out and early turning might cause them to crumble.

Toast French rolls. Put patty and lettuce on roll. This is a French hamburger. Any mustard must be Grey PouponTM. Sacré bleu.

TIDBITS

1) I was last in France in 1993. At that time, there were dozens of McDonald’sTM. The best one was in Nice. Most restaurants in France are only open during meal times. McDonald’sTM remains open throughout the day.

2) A McDonald’s in Budapest, Hungary, charged for ketchup.

3) I am a fifth-generation direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. He died on the fifth hour of the fifth day of the fifth month. I was born at that same time. Different years, of course. He also conquered a few more countries than I.

4) I bicycled across France in 1983. At that time, my French was on the level of a distracted third grader.

5) I had a burger in France. It came in a French roll.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Cheesy Chile Corn Muffins

Posted on November 14, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Appetizer

CHEESY CHILE CORN MUFFINS

INGREDIENTS (makes about 18 muffins)

1/2 cup grated Four Mexican cheeses
7 ounces diced green chiles
1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup yellow corn meal
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 cups milk
2 eggs lightly beaten
1/3 cup vegetable oil
3 tablespoons butter

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT

baking cups
cupcake pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put all ingredients in large mixing bowl. Combine ingredients with blender set on “cake.” Put baking cups in cupcake pan. Pour mix into baking cups until each cup is 2/3 full.

Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until fork inserted in muffin comes out clean and easily. Remove baking cups filled with muffin and let cool for five minutes.

Spread butter on top of muffin if desired.

TIDBITS

1) I’ve always enjoyed the phrase, “eggs lightly beaten.” Are there recipes with the phrases, “eggs thoroughly defeated,” or “eggs humiliated and thirsting for revenge?”

2) My baking powder’s brand is Clabber GirlTM. My mother used this brand. My grandmother used it as well. Clabber GirlTM has been around since 1879. Their website boasts of a peanut-free facility. Why would there be peanuts in a baking-powder factory?

3) However, Southwest AirlinesTM informs us the peanuts in their tiny snack bags are made in a facility where peanuts are present.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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