Posts Tagged With: hunks

Foods to Avoid

I like a lot of different foods. However, I can’t stand the following dishes.

Icky Eats

FOODS TO AVOID

Haggis

Lutefisk
Rocky Mountain oysters
Haggis
Liver and onion
Chef’s surprise – a favorite at my college cafeteria
Any meat mass or cooked veggie that has been in your fridge for more than four days.

What foods do you avoid?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, observations, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Late Night Antics

Not again, please.

Last night I checked into the hospital at 7:30 pm for a sleep study.  It was my second one in nine years.

At 7:30 pm, I went into my room.

at 7:45 pm, someone knocked on my door. I said, “Come in.” No one did

At 8:00 pm, my nurse,  I’m not sure of my official title starting putting jelly and vaseline in my hair. Then she put electrodes, conductors on the jelly. Then a plastic seal went all over that. My neck was not neglected. All sorts of electrodes went there. She wrapped my chest and stomach in blue straps. This measured breathing or something. Electrodes or something else went on my feet and legs.

9:00 pm, she was done. “Go to sleep,” she said.

9:00 pm, except I didn’t. An electrode was placed on my finger to measure oxygen content in my blood. But she wrapped the wrapping stuff too light and hurt for the next two hours. Also, I had to try to sleep without a sleep-apnea machine. I don’t think I dozed for a few minutes. I was truly afraid that I wouldn’t sleep at all and that I would have to come back!

11:00 pm, she came back to rewrap my finger and to put me on a CPAP machine. I don’t know when I fell asleep.

6:00am or so, she came back to remove all the electrodes and stuff.

6:30am: She was done. She said I could now sleep in as long as I wanted.

6:50am: She came back for some reason.

7:150 am: Someone from the hospital blundered into my room.

7:30 am: Someone else from the hospital blundered into my room. He said he saw no sign telling him not to. There was.

7:35 am: I gave up and got dressed. I went home.

Don’t you want to party with me?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: Bad Day | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When King Charles and the Prince of Wales Wrote to Me

King Charles was Prince of Wales and William the current Prince of Wales was Prince William when the letter below was written.

It’s nice to know that they have gone up in the world since reading one of my novels.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: book reviews and excerpts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Miracle of Birth

Is there anything more heartwarming and beautiful than the miracle of birth?

Particularly so, when it happens in the wild.

Here then is the rarely seen birth of a red bell pepper.

Just one more push

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Oops, I Almost Forgot

I almost forgot to write a post today. Lots of things to think about, not all of them good.

Take care.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Buttermilk Pancakes

American Breakfast

BUTTERMILK PANCAKES

INGREDIENTS

1 cup cultured buttermilk blend
4 cups water
3 cups all-purpose flour
¼ cup white sugar
¼ cup baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
4 eggs
½ cup butter

SPECIALTY UTENSILS

electric mixer

PREPARATION

Use “batter” setting on electric mixer, or beater, to combine buttermilk blend, water, eggs, and melted butter (You can, of course, buy buttermilk of using buttermilk blend, but your buttermilk will go bad if you don’t use it right away.)

Combine in a second large mixing bowl: flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Melt butter.(Use a mere fraction of an ostrich egg if chicken eggs aren’t available.)

Pour the contents of the second bowl into the first mixing bowl. Mix together with fork until just blended.

Fire up the griddle to 350 degrees. Use a 4-ounce or ¼ cup ladle to pour your batter onto the griddle. Cook for 1 3/4 minutes on the first side and for 1½ minutes on the second side or until brown on both sides.

Makes 22 6-inch diameter pancakes, enough for those neighbors next door so they’ll invite you over for one of their sauna parties.

TIDBITS

1) Buttermilk was originally the non-fat liquid left over after churning milk into butter.

2) Today, buttermilk is made by adding lactic-acid-producing bacteria, usually Streptococtus lactus . . . Oh gosh, I can’t go on. I googled “fun facts about buttermilk” and this is what showed up!

3) People drink buttermilk to soothe their stomachs.

4) But not before reading the expiration date on the carton.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cajun Hamburgers

Cajun Entree

CAJUN HAMBURGERS

INGREDIENTS

1½ pounds ground beef
1 medium onion
1 teaspoon paprika
¼ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
½ teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
½ teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon thyme
½ teaspoon coriander
No-stick cooking spray
6 slices provolone cheese
6 hamburger buns

PREPARATION

Completely defrost hamburger meat. Mince onion in food processor. Preheat skillet to 350 degrees. Mix onion, paprika, salt, cayenne, poultry spice, cumin, thyme, and coriander on large plate. Form 6 hamburger patties. Coat both sides of the patties with no-stick spray.

Place the patties on plate and move them around until they are coated with spices on both sides. Place patties in skillet, gently turning them over every 1 minute, or until spices are blackened. Keep skillet’s lid on while frying.

This is a great dish if you wish to impress people at a barbeque or at an embassy if somehow you manage to get past the guards.

TIDBITS

1) I’ve never seen a Cajun hamburger, but if I were Cajun and was hankerin’ for a burger this is how I would make it.

2) Hamburg is a major seaport in northern Germany. A panhandler at its main train station kicked me in my shin when I declined to give him a handout. On the other hand, one of the city’s prostitutes smiled and said, “Have a nice day,” after I had said no.

3) I had Chinese food on that stopover in Hamburg. I couldn’t find German food near the train station. I went to Tijuana once with a friend. We couldn’t find Mexican food, so we settled for Chinese. What is it with Chinese food being everywhere? If I went to Beijing, would I only be able to find German or Mexican cuisine?

4) Provolone cheese is not really very Cajun. But its inclusion is in keeping with the theme of “Cooking with what’s handy.” I had provolone cheese, so I used it. Besides, it made a nice culinary contrast and complement to the Cajun spices.

5) Or maybe it is not too hard to imagine a French-Italian couple kicked out of Acadia, Canada by the English in the 18th century settling in the bayous of Louisiana sustaining themselves by selling Cajun burgers with provolone cheese.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Online Herbs for Witchcraft

I cook many different dishes from around the world. This means I require herbs from all over as well. Many of these herbs cannot simply be found near my fair city of Poway, California. So today, I browsed Amazon.

There are dozens of sites selling herbs for witchcraft. Okay! But don’t you know, there are many people who aren’t witchcraft masters. Lots of us are completely untutored in witchcraft ways. I am one of them

But Amazon sells herbal witchcraft kits for beginners. I can now practice witchcraft.  I can! I can!

You better not rile me.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: you need to get | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Goofy Man Tells Senseless Puns

Goofy Man #3

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: goofy man | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Berbe Kafta Kebabs From Morocco

Moroccan Entree

BERBERE KAFTA KEBABS

INGREDIENTS

1 medium yellow onion
1 tablespoon Berbere spices (Or see recipe for BERBERE SPICE MIX)
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ tablespoon ground coriander
¼ teaspoon ground ginger
1 tablespoon parsley flakes
½ teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon sea salt
1½ pounds ground beef

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Electric skillet
Wooden skewers (about 8 inches long. Size matters.)
Spice grinder (if you are making your own Berbere spice mix.)

PREPARATION

Peel and dice onion. Put onion, Berbere spices, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, coriander, ginger, parsley, pepper, salt, and ground beef in mixing bowl. Indulge in gentle primal scream therapy as you mix everything together with your hands. Make meatballs about 1-inch across until mix is used up. Put meatballs in bowl and chill in refrigerator for at least one hour.

Cook meatballs on electric skillet at 350 degrees. Turn just often enough to ensure meatballs are no longer pink on the inside and starting to brown on the outside. Vigilance is a must. (Tasting isn’t a bad idea either. However, if you taste every meatball before your fiancé arrives, then maybe the relationship wasn’t meant to be.)

Let the meatballs cool down enough so they don’t burn your fingers. Gently place 2 or 3 meatballs on each skewer. (It is possible to pierce your hand or finger with the sharp edge of the skewer. These are wooden skewers, you say, how sharp can they be? Okay, I probably couldn’t terrify an intruder armed with a gun, but I could give him an owie he’d never forget.)

Tastes great on its own or serve with lemon wedges and Moroccan yogurt sauce. (See recipe for this.)

TIDBITS

1) In 711, Arab armies crossed over the Straits of Gibraltar and headed northward to the Frankish Kingdom bringing all sorts of Moroccan spices with them. It is hard to say exactly what spices, as most historians, especially military, are strangely mute on this point.

2) In 732, the Frankish leader defeated the Arabs at the battle of Tours ensuring the survival of French spices and cuisine.

3) Frankish and Arab armies marched back and forth in southern France until 915, making certain the fusion of French and Moroccan spices.

4) Culinary arts stagnated during centuries of peace between France and Morocco.

5) Fortunately, French power and imperialism came back in 1907 when Gallic armies occupied Casablanca. A new round of fighting and culinary exchange between the two great nations began.

6) Unfortunately for gourmands everywhere total peace broke out in 1956 with Moroccan independence.

7) For awhile, it seemed as if the tens of thousands of brave French and Moroccan warriors who died in the cause of culinary integration had fallen in vain.

8) But you can’t keep a good spicer down. Over the next few decades, Moroccans headed to France in search of jobs, bringing their spices with them. Now you can find good French and Moroccan restaurants all over the world. Life is good.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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