Posts Tagged With: entree

Goat Kebabs

Middle Eastern Entree

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GOAT KEBABS

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INGREDIENTS
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2 garlic cloves
1 yellow or white onion
2 green onions
1 pound ground goat
½ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sumac powder
¼ teaspoon turmeric
1 tablespoon melted butter
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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fine mesh colander
6 thin metal skewers
outdoor grill
no-stick grill spray
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Serves 2. Takes 1 hour to prepare plus 4 hours to marinate.
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PREPARATION
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Mince garlic and yellow onion. Put minced garlic and yellow onion in fine-mesh colander. Press down until no juice drips through the mesh. Dice green onions. Add all ingredients except butter to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until thoroughly blended. Cover and marinate in refrigerator overnight or for at least 4 hours.
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Divide marinated goat into 6 equal portions. Form goat portions into sausage shapes around skewers. (As you do so, dip yours hand into ice water. This makes the meat easier to work with and helps keep it on the skewers.) This are your goat kebabs.
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Lightly spray grill with no-stick grill spray. Pre-heat to medium-high. Grill for 5 minutes or until they are firm enough to turn over. Turn kebabs and grill for 4 more minutes. Remove kebabs from grill and brush with butter. Goes well with rice, grilled vegetables, flatbread, and yogurt drink.
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TIDBITS
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1) Prison waiters once allowed visitors to bring Goat Kebabs. After all, who doesn’t crave this tasty dish? But soon, desperate escape attempts occurred as guests used the skewers to attack waiters. Skewer duels broke out as waiters fought back. The waiters barely prevailed.  And after the Great Kebab Riots, prisons banned Goat Kebabs. Waiters and guests were renamed guards and prisoners. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Deep Fryer French Fries

American Entree

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DEEP FRYER FRENCH FRIES

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INGREDIENTS
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1¼ pound russet potato
13 cups vegetable oil*
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* = My deep fryer uses this amount. Amounts vary with each deep fryer. See instructions that come with deep fryer. Duck fat or beef tallow gives a better taste, but it should be completely melted before being put into the fryer.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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french-fry cutter
deep fryer
4 4-cup Mason jars
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Serves 2. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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If desired, remove potato skins with potato peeler. Use French-fry cutter to cut potato into strips. Place these French fries in a bowl. Cover and refrigerate for 40 minutes or until ready to fry.
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Add oil to deep fryer. It should be between the MIN and MAX level on the bowl. Set temperature to 325 degrees. While temperature rises to 325 degrees, drain water from fries. Pat fries dry with paper towels.
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Once the oil’s temperature reaches 325 degrees add French fries to frying basket. Carefully lower basket into oil. Put lid on fryer. Deep fry for 10 minutes or until fries just start to show color. Raise temperature to 360 degrees. Deep fry for another 3 minutes or until fries become crispy and turn golden brown. Drain oil. Sprinkle with salt, if desired. Serve with condiments such as ketchup, mustard, or mayonnaise. Serve hot.
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Strain and drain oil into Mason jars. Reuse the oil until it has a foamy surface,  dirty, dark appearance, or a fishy aroma.
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TIDBITS
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1) How does NASA know if teeny, tiny objects exist in apparently empty stretches of outer space? It flings billions of potato strips into the apparently voids out there. NASA ensures uniform shapes and weights of these tater strips by employing French-fry cutters. The space agency flings these spud bits into space and tracks their orbits. If the orbit wobbles, another object exists close to the erratic fry. By such means NASA hopes to find every teeny, weeny, itsy, bitsy, speck in outer space.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, international, science | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Flatbread Cheese Pizza

Fusion Entree

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FLATBREAD CHEESE PIZZA

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INGREDIENTS­
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3 Roma tomatoes
6 9″ flatbreads
2 tablespoons olive oil (1 teaspoon on each flatbread)
1½ cups pizza sauce (¼ cup on each flatbread)
½ tablespoon basil
2 teaspoons minced garlic
½ tablespoon oregano
½ teaspoon pepper
3 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (½ cup on each flatbread)
¾ cup shredded Parmesan cheese (2 tablespoons on each flatbread)
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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2 baking sheets
parchment paper
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Serves 6. Takes 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Slice each Roma tomatoes into 6 slices. Use brush to spread 1 tablespoon olive oil on each flatbread. Use brush to spread ¼ cup pizza sauce over each flatbread. Add 3 tomato slices to each flatbread. Sprinkle basil, minced garlic, oregano, and pepper evenly over each flatbread. Sprinkle ½ cup mozzarella cheese on each flatbread. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese on each flatbread.
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Put parchment paper on baking sheets. Place flatbreads on baking sheets. Bake at 400 degrees for 12 minutes or until cheese starts to brown.
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TIDBITS
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1) Flatbread is great. It sure can satisfy any hunger. Flatbread is great. Just let it dry out and it can patch sails.
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2) Columbus used dried flatbread to patch his ship’s sails during his epic voyage of discovery in 1492.
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3) Columbus and his Spanish explorers gave the natives flatbread. In return, the local tribes presented the adventurers with corn. Relations between the two peoples would soon deteriorate, but it wasn’t the flatbread’s fault.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Creamy Lemon Chicken

American Entree

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CREAMY LEMON CHICKEN

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INGREDIENTS
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1 lemon
1½ pounds chicken breasts
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¾ cup flour
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1 cup chicken broth
2½ tablespoons lemon juice
1¼ cups heavy cream
2 teaspoons parsley
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Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cut lemon into 4 slices. Cut chicken breasts in half. Cut chicken halves along their width to make thin cutlets. Rub pepper and salt evenly onto chicken cutlets. Add flour to mixing bowl. Dredge cutlets through flour. Shake off any excess.
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Add butter and olive oil to large pan. Use medium heat to melt butter. Swirl pan until butter and oil combine. Carefully add chicken cutlets to pan. Sauté for 4 minutes on each side or chicken turns golden brown on both sides. Stir enough to keep from burning.
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Remove chicken and set aside. Leave butter and olive oil in pan. Add minced garlic. Sauté for 1 minute at medium heat. Stir frequently Add chicken broth and lemon juice. Bring to boil using medium heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer. Add heavy cream. Simmer sauce for 3 minutes. Stir enough to keep from burning. Return chicken cutlets to pan. Ladle sauce over chicken. Simmer for 6 minutes or until sauce starts to thicken. Stir occasionally. Garnish with lemon slices and parsley.
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TIDBITS
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1) Q: Why did the creamy lemon chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side so it could wash off the heavy cream and lemon juice some oaf dumped on it.
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2) Culinary hygienists in France are currently giving chickens regular showers and towel drys to see if that improves poultry-product safety. There’s also evidence that, gosh darn it, chicken just like being clean. As culinary mystic Farine du Ble said, “Of course they wish to be clean. They’re just as vain as we are. The spirit of Helen the Chicken contacted me and told me so.” Now you know.
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­- Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Zereshk Polo Morgh (Barberry Rice Chicken)

Persian Entree

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ZERESHK POLO MORGH

(Barberry Rice Chicken)

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INGREDIENTS – SAFFRON BLOOM
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½ teaspoon saffron threads
⅓ cup hot water
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INGREDIENTS – CHICKEN
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1 large onion
½ red bell pepper
3 pounds bone-in chicken pieces (breast, thighs, or legs)
2 teaspoons saffron bloom (obtained below in preparation, 4 more tablespoons later)
½ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon turmeric
2 tablespoons butter
1½ tablespoons olive oil (3 tablespoons more later)
1 tablespoon olive oil (2 tablespoons more later)
¾ teaspoon advieh* (Persian spice mix) or coriander
2 tablespoons tomato paste
2 tablespoons saffron bloom (obtained below in preparation, 2 more tablespoons later)
1⅔ cups water
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INGREDIENTS – BARBERRY RICE
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1 cup dried barberries*
1⅔ cups long-grain rice or basmati rice
2 tablespoons saffron bloom (obtained below in preparation)
1 tablespoon butter
2 tablespoons olive oil
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* = May be obtained at Middle Eastern supermarkets or online.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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Dutch oven
rice cooker
colander
4 ramekins or cups
sonic obliterator
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Serves 4. Takes 2 hours.
PREPARATION – SAFFRON BLOOM
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Add saffron threads to 1st small mixing bowl. Use fingers to crush saffron threads. Add crushed saffron to small bowl. Pour ⅓ cup hot water on crushed saffron. Let steep for 10 minutes or until liquid turns deep orange.
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PREPARATION – CHICKEN
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Dice onion and red bell pepper. Add chicken pieces, 2 teaspoons saffron bloom, pepper, salt, and turmeric to large mixing bowl. Turn chicken parts over until thoroughly coated. Marinate in refrigerator for 20 minutes. Add marinated chicken, 2 tablespoons butter, and 1½ tablespoons olive oil to Dutch oven. Sauté for 10 minutes at medium-high heat or until chicken turns golden brown. Stir and flip occasionally . Remove chicken and set aside. (Keep remaining olive oil in Dutch oven..)
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Add 1 tablespoon olive oil, diced bell pepper, onion, and advieh to Dutch oven. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add tomato paste. Sauté at medium-high heat for 2 minutes. Stir constantly.
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Add 2 tablespoons saffron bloom and 1⅔ cups water to Dutch oven. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Add back the set-aside chicken. Cover, reduce heat to low and simmer for 45 minutes or until chicken pieces become tender.
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PREPARATION – BARBERRY RICE
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While chicken simmers, While barberries sit, rinse rice in colander. Add rice to rice cooker. Cook rice according to instructions that come with rice cooker or on rice package. (You might need to cook in batches.) Add barberries to 2nd small mixing bowl. Add enough water to cover. Let sit for 15 minutes. Drain barberries in colander.
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Add 2 tablespoons saffron bloom to the barberries in the 2nd small mixing bowl. Mix with spatula or spoon until barberries become well coated. Add 1 tablespoon butter and 2 tablespoons olive oil to pan. Sauté at low-medium heat for 2 minutes or until barberries swell. Stir frequently.
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PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY
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Fluff rice with fork. Add rice and sautéed barberries to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Fill ramekins with sauce from Dutch oven. Add a chicken to each guest’s plate. Place barberry rice next to chicken. Set ramekin next to chicken and rice. By all means, use your sonic obliterator on any oaf who gives you guff, any guff at all, about this creation of yours or if he arrives to dining table more than two minutes late.
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TIDBITS
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1) What if a man comes running toward you yelling, “Zeresk polo morgh?” Your frantic brain might think he’s saying, “I want to bury you in zucchinis.” That’s terrifying. Now if you know he’s saying “Barberry rice chicken,” you’d be less frightened. Okay, a man charging you shouting, “Barberry rice chicken” is still intimidating. Best to run away, but not as fast as when he wanted to bury you in zucchinis. So, never shout your country’s entrees while running toward someone or not.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Grandma’s Wisdom – Cooking, Part Two

My grandma tried hard to cook us meals that we all loved.

 

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: my lifewise words | Tags: 
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Turkey Drumsticks

American Entree

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TURKEY DRUMSTICKS

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INGREDIENTS­
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2¼ pounds* turkey drumstick
¼ cup butter
⅜ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon rosemary
½ teaspoon sage
1 teaspoon sea salt or salt
no-stick spray
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* = The weight of a drumstick varies wildly, from ½ pound to 2¼ pounds. The average weight for a turkey drumstick is ¾ pound.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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no-stick spray
meat thermometer
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Serves 3. Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 360 degrees. Use paper towels to pat turkey dry. Melt butter in small pot, using low-medium heat. Add pepper, garlic powder, rosemary, sage, and sea salt. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Brush all of the melted butter over the turkey legs. Spray baking pan with no-stick spray. Add turkey legs to baking pan. Roast turkey for 1 hour 30 minutes at 360 degrees or until internal temperature reaches 175 degrees.
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TIDBITS
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1) Late 18th century The United States of America just buzzed with music. And why not? It had just gained its independence by defeating Britain, the greatest empire in the world. At first things looked bleak for the former Thirteen Colonies. British armies would win battle after battle with planned attacks. They would coordinate their assaults by rapping out orders in Picton code on their drums.
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2) Unfortunately, the Continental Army couldn’t send messages via drums, for Britain had hoarded all the drumsticks. Then just in time for the Battle of Saratoga, Private Carl La Fong observed, “We have plenty of wild turkeys. Why not use turkey drumsticks on our drums?” General Washington ordered this to be done. The Continentals now tapped out orders to a string of victories. Britain gave up fighting and granted America its independence in 1783. As General Cornwallis wrote, “We couldn’t defeat them once they got the turkey drumstick.” So every time we dine on turkey drumsticks or listen to a drum corps, we’re honoring the soldiers who won us our independence.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Mixtas (hot dogs)

Guatemalan Entree

Mixtas

(hot dogs)

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INGREDIENTS – GUACAMOLE
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3 avocados
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro (1½ tablespoons more later)
1 serrano chile (1 more later)
2 tablespoons lime juice
½ teaspoon oregano
¼ red onion (¼ more later)
¼ teaspoon salt (¼ teaspoon more later)
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INGREDIENTS – CHIRMOL
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1½ tablespoons fresh cilantro
¼ red onion
2 Roma tomatoes
1 serrano chile
2 tablespoons lemon juice
¼ teaspoon salt
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INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY
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8 corn tortillas (Use fresh tortillas or ones from just opened package. Should be as wide as the sausages are long)
8 sausages* or hot dogs
1 cup shredded red cabbage
mustard from squeezable bottle
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* = Guatemalan longanizas or chorizos are traditional. However, they’re difficult to find. If so, use any longanizas or chorizos. Or simply white sausages or hot dogs. Use your sonic obliterator on any guest who gives you guff about the sausages you use.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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potato masher
sonic obliterator
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Serves 8. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – GUACAMOLE
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Peel and remove pit from avocados. Dice 1 tablespoon cilantro. Seed and dice 1 serrano chile. Dice ¼ red onion. Add avocados to 1st mixing bowl. Mash with potato masher until avocado becomes creamy. Add all other guacamole ingredients. Mix with fork until completely blended.
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PREPARATION – CHIRMOL
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Dice 1½ tablespoons fresh cilantro and ¼ red onion. Seed and dice 1 serrano chile. Use medium heat to heat pan for 30 seconds. Add Roma tomatoes. Cook Roma tomatoes for 8 minutes, turning them slowly or until they char on all sides.
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Add charred Roma tomatoes to 2nd mixing bowl. Mash with potato masher or fork until tomatoes become thoroughly mashed. Add all other chirmol ingredients. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended.
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PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY
­Add sausages to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Boil for 5 minutes.. While sausages boil, warm tortillas in pan, using low-medium heat. Put sausage in the middle of tortilla. Place guacamole on one side of sausage and shredded red cabbage on the other. Top with chirmol. Make a squiggle of mustard across the chirmol
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TIDBITS
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1) The American declared their independence in 1776 because they detested British taxation without representation. The former colonists had also developed their own, distinct way of doing things. One example of the American spirit was their devotion to the proto-saxophone. Indeed Josiah Parnell and his big band, The Revolutionaries, entertained the Continental Army between battles and marches. General George Washington would later say, “Many times in the great struggle, our despondent soldiers would have deserted in droves but for the peppy music of The Revolutionaries.”
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2) Foreign powers everywhere took this notion to heart. If you let the fractious natives indulge in proto-saxophone chamber music and big-band marches, they will mount a successful war of independence.
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3) Indeed Pablo Tiul charmed large crowds of peasants with his swinging proto-sax. They hung on every note. He even had scores of groupies. At first, the oppressive Spanish governor tolerated Tiul’s tunes at first. But as the spring of 1821 progressed, the mood of the populace grew ever more restless. Why did the peasant restlessness burgeon? Well, because the Spanish governor oppressed them. Tiul’s tunes took on harsher notes. Crowds shouted, “Los españoles se van a casa,” after every concert. But the Spanish didn’t go home. Instead, the Governor sent troops to confiscate Senor Tiul’s proto-saxophone. The crowd erupted with fury, calling the soldiers all sorts of hurtful names.
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4) The very next day, the leaders of all the peasant villages gathered in Tiul’s hamlet for Guatemalan hot dogs, as who would not? What shall we call this hot dog? “Why not, ‘Mi T,” said someone. (My T, where T is the first letter of Pablo’s last name.)
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5) “Let’s add “sax” to it,” said Maria Escuela, “make it Mitsax.” People applauded this idea. The naming of the hot dog settled, the assembly soon declared independence. Unfortunately, a typo in the independence posters changed “Mitsax” to “Mixtas.” Guatemala would so be free. Free from oppression, free to love saxophones and mixtas. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Çilbir (Turkish Eggs)

Turkish Entree

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ÇILBIR

(Turkish Eggs)

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INGREDIENTS
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2 garlic cloves
1 cup Greek yogurt or yogurt
¼ cup olive oil
1 tablespoon Aleppo pepper or red pepper flakes
4 eggs
3 tablespoons white vinegar
4 slices bread or flatbreads
1 teaspoon dill (optional)
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Serves 4. Takes 25 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Mince garlic. Add garlic and yogurt to mixing bowl. Mix using fork or whisk until well blended. Add olive oil to pan. Heat olive oil at medium heat until a tiny bit of Aleppo starts to dance. Add Aleppo pepper. Cook at medium heat for 1 minute or until Aleppo pepper becomes fragrant. Remove from heat.
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Add enough water to pot to poach 4 eggs. Bring water to boil using high heat. Add eggs and white vinegar to pot. Poach eggs for 3 minutes or until the egg whites are cooked through, or until the eggs are done to your liking. While eggs poach, toast bread.
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Add toast to plate. Evenly spread the garlic/yogurt mix on the 4 pieces of toast. Use slotted spoon to transfer a  poached egg to each slice of toast (Let water drain from spoon.) Drizzle Aleppo pepper/oil evenly over the toast slices. Garnish evenly with dill.
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TIDBITS
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1) A horse is a horse, of course, of course. But who ever heard of a talking horse?
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2) “Çilbur!”
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3) Çilbur is Turkish for the name of this dish.
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4) It is also what all Turkish horses say. Turkish don’t neigh, they çilbur.
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5) The first Turk, Adlee Badem, to make this dish was quite pleased with it, and why not? But he didn’t have a name for it? How could he boast of it when it didn’t know what to call it?
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6) As luck would have, the exact moment Badem plated his entree, his horse said, “Çilbur.” “That’s a great name,” thought Adlee. Ever since then, we’ve all called this dish, “Çilbur.” Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beef Ravioli

Italian Entree

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BEEF RAVIOLI

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INGREDIENTS – DOUGH
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3 cups flour (about 1 cup more)
2 eggs (4 more eggs used later)
1 egg yolk
½ cup water or more
about 1 more cup flour (primarily for dusting)
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INGREDIENTS – FILLING
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6 garlic cloves (2 more cloves used later)
1½ pounds ground beef
1½ tablespoons parsley
6 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
½ tablespoon salt (½ tablespoon more later)
3 eggs (1 more later)
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INGREDIENTS – MARINARA SAUCE
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6 Roma tomatoes
½ large white onion
2 garlic cloves
2 teaspoons basil
½ teaspoon marjoram
1 teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon thyme
1 6-ounce can tomato sauce
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INGREDIENTS – PASTA SHEET
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flour for dusting
1 egg
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INGREDIENTS – FINAL
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water
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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no-stick pastry mat
rolling pin
hand crank pasta machine
square ravioli stamp
pastry brush (I used a 2½” square stamp.)
sonic obliterator
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Serves 4. Makes 28 2½”-ravioli. (The amount of ravioli depends greatly on the size of the ravioli stamp.) Takes 3 hours 40 minutes.
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PREPARATION – DOUGH
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Combine 3 cups flour, eggs, egg yolk, and water into large mixing bowl. Knead with hands for 15 minutes. Make a ball of the mixture. It should be only slightly sticky and should just be able to come off your hand. If some of the ball sticks to your hand, then add a bit more flour, mix again, and try the new flour. If the flour ball is powdery, it is too dry. Add a bit more water, mix again, and try the consistency of the next ball. There may be a number of these iterations but they must be done. Divide dough ball into 4 equal mini-dough balls. Wrap mini-dough balls with plastic wrap and let sit in refrigerator for 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – FILLING
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While dough balls sit, peel and mince 6 garlic cloves. Put garlic, ground beef, Parmesan cheese, parsley, and ½ tablespoon salt in frying pan. Cook on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until beef is no longer red. Put contents of frying pan into bowl. Add 3 eggs to bowl. Mix and put beef filling in fridge.
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PREPARATION – MARINARA SAUCE
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While dough ball cools in refrigerator, mince Roma tomatoes. Peel and mince onion and 2 garlic cloves. Add tomato, onion, garlic, basil, marjoram, oregano, ½ teaspoon salt, thyme, and tomato sauce to sauce pot. Cook ingredients on medium-high heat until it boils, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 20 minutes with the lid on. Stir occasionally.
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PREPARATION – PASTA SHEET
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Dust no-stick pastry mat with flour. Remove mini-dough ball from refrigerator. Keep remaining amount in fridge until needed. Put this ¼ dough ball on pastry mat. Dust rolling pin. Roll out dough into oval shape 5½” wide and ¼” thick. (Anything thicker inhibits dough from going through hand-crank pasta machine.)
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Use pasta machine’s thickest setting. (#1 on mine.) Hold dough vertically and straight as possible over pasta machine’s roller. Turn crank slowly to feed dough oval through roller. Fold resulting dough sheet in half. Cut about ¼” off each side to make it rectangular and thus easier to feed into roller. (This also makes for uniform dough sheets.) Run this folded sheet through roller.
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Dust dough sheet. Set pasta’s setting the next narrower setting. (#2 on mine.) Feed sheet through machine. Repeat process, selecting a narrower setting each time, until final pasta sheet is about 1/16″ thick. (This would result from #8 setting on mine.) You should be able to see your hand behind the pasta sheet if you hold it up to the light.) Repeat for 3 remaining dough balls..
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PREPARATION – RAVIOLI
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Add 1 egg to cup. Blend with fork. Liberally dust pastry mat. Put pasta sheet on mat. Gently push 2½” square ravioli stamp into pasta sheet to make square outlines. Form 1 tablespoon meat mixture into a mound. Place meat mound in the middle of the square outline. (The meat mounds should be about 1″ apart.) Repeat until pasta sheet is covered with squares. Brush edges of squares with egg. (This keep your ravioli together.)
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Place a 2nd pasta sheet over the 1st pasta sheet which is covered with meat mounds. Place ravioli stamp so that the meat mound is in the middle the of the stamp. Press down firmly enough to separate stamped squares. Press around meat mounds to seal them in place. Then press toward the edges to remove air pockets. (This helps ravioli to stay together and cook evenly.)
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PREPARATION – FINAL
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Fill pot with enough water to cover ravioli. Add 1 teaspoon salt and olive oil. Boil water. Add ravioli. Cook ravioli for 12 minutes or until tender, yet firm to the bite.(There can be quite a bit variation in time. Tasting is encouraged.) Drain and put ravioli in bowl. Add pasta sauce. Serve to adoring guests. Use sonic obliterator on unappreciative ones; you did a lot a careful work on this. Zap ‘em, zap ‘em, I say.
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TIDBITS
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1) If your sweetheart makes this dish for you, propose marriage immediately. You’ll never meet anyone more suited for you. Not ever.
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2) Restaurant ravioli might or might not warrant a roll in the hay. But a permanent relationship, not really.
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3) A homemade tossed salad earns you a kiss.
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4) If you’re the salad your date serves comes with homemade dressing, upgrade the kiss you bestow to French.
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5) No ravioli and no salad for dinner. What? What? Is the potential sweetheart stupid or oblivious? Favor your date with a perfunctory peck on the cheek and no more.
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6) For, there are plenty of fish in the sea. And as for fish, may I suggest smoked tuna?
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7) Anyone who owns a smoker is also quite the catch. As of press time 172,337, and counting, muli-decade marriages have started with a meal made with a smoker.
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8) I wonder if there is such a thing as smoked ravioli. Well there is, sorta. You can use smoked cheese or smoked meat in the filling. But again, as of press time, there are no recipes for smoking entire ravioli.
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9) But maybe, just maybe there will be. After all, we have landed men on the moon. We are even on the verge of landing astronauts on Mars. It stands to reason we’ll soon be smoking entire ravioli.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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