Posts Tagged With: beef

What This Country Needs

Posted on February 16, 2025 by pauldelancey

 

 

Be afraid of shredded meat, be very afraid

This country desperately needs shredded beef, pork, and chicken that doesn’t stick in our teeth. We get irriated when shredded meat gets stuck between our teeth. Our irritation turns to rage. Rage transform seamlessly into violence. We hit people. Neighborhood riots ensue. Houses burn to the ground. The newly homeless people take their AK-47s out of their gun cabinets and invade someone else’s home. The victimized people fight back. Violence doubles and redoubles. Soon buildings all across the country collapse in a nation wide inferno.

Or . . .

a man becomes fixated on the tiresome shredded pork lodged between his teeth. So much so that he doesn’t listen to his put-upon wife. She can’t abide his abiding neglect. This is the last time for him. She plunges a steak knife deep in his gullet. Ironically, she could have removed the embedded shredded pork with her steak knife, but hindsight is 20/20. With his last breath the oafish husband phones his friends and ask them to avenge him. They comply. The newly minted, murdering wife calls her friends. Red mist descends on the two sides of the family. A roving firefight erupts. Passersby get gunned dowm. The lethal battles sucks in more and more families demanding lethal justice. A deadly and amorphous civil war envelops our country.

Or . . .

a zoo keeper becomes so distracted by shredded beef stuck by his canines that he forgets to close the gates to the carnivores’ gates. First, the lions plunge their canines into the vistors’ necks. People panic. They pour hot lead at the hungry carnivores. The shooters don’t hit the rampaging beasts; they have panicked, remember? They do manage to riddle a park bus. The panic become pandemic. Soon our once peaceful land becomes a seething cauldron of deadly violence.

All these scenarios are bad. Yes, all of them. So please, will someone, develop shredded meat that doesn’t lodge in our teeth. I will make you a big bag of chocolate chip cookies if you do. Thank you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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What Won the West?

Posted on February 3, 2025 by pauldelancey

Settlers, railroaders, stagecoach drivers, school marms, hard-working plowers, tenacious women farmers, gamblers, and soldiers wrested control of the Wild West and made it their own. What made their victory possible? Grit? Endurance? Faith?

None of this.

It was beef as this sign I picked up in Dodge City demonstrates.

Proof you cannot deny,

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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What I Did Today

Posted on April 9, 2024 by pauldelancey

I got a standing ovation!

I got up and contemplated the infinite; it’s quite complex.

After that I showered and dressed.

I went to one of my exercise classes. Helped a friend I had to hurry with my shopping for I am in the Berlin Circus. Rushed to the airport. I did my act. The crowd gave me a standing ovation. That made me very happy.

Flew back from Germany. Made an appointment for physical therapy. (Ongoing issue, I did not injure myself at the circus.) I cooked beef and bean burritos for dinner. Now, I am taking it easy. Whew.

I hope you behaved yourself when I was out of the country.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

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Beef Lasagna

Posted on September 3, 2023 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

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BEEF LASAGNA

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INGREDIENTS – PASTA­
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3 cups flour*
2 eggs
1 egg yolk
½ cup water or more
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* = More might be needed for dusting, texture.
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INGREDIENTS – BEEF & CHEESE
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3 garlic cloves
1 white onion
½ cup fresh Parmesan cheese (2 tablespoons more later)
½ pound mozzarella cheese
1 cup ricotta cheese
1 pound ground beef
⅓ cup red wine
1 26-ounce jar spaghetti sauce
1 15-ounce can diced tomatoes
1 teaspoon basil
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1 teaspoon oregano
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon thyme
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INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY
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2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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9-inch x 13-inch baking dish
no-stick pastry mat
rolling pin
hand crank pasta machine
cooking scissors (If your baking dish is 8-inches x 8-inches, for example)
no-stick spray
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Serves 12. Takes 3 hours 10 minutes.
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PREPARATION – DOUGH
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Combine 3 cups flour, eggs, egg yolk, and water into large mixing bowl. Knead with hands for 15 minutes. Make a ball of the mixture. It should be only slightly sticky and should just be able to come off your hand. If some of the ball sticks to your hand, then add a bit more flour, mix again, and try the new flour. If the flour ball is powdery, it is too dry. Add a bit more water, mix again, and try the consistency of the next ball. There may be a number of these iterations but it must be done. Divide dough ball into 3 equal mini-dough balls. Wrap mini-dough balls with plastic wrap and let sit in refrigerator for 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – BEEF & CHEESE
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Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Mince garlic cloves and onion. Grate, Parmesan cheese. Add mozzarella, Parmesan, and ricotta cheeses to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended
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Add ground beef, onion, and garlic to frying pan. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Add red wine, spaghetti sauce, diced tomatoes, basil, bay leaf, Italian seasoning, oregano, pepper, salt, and thyme. Cook on medium heat for 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.
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PREPARATION – PASTA
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This preparation needs to be done 3 times. Dust no-stick pastry mat with flour. Remove 1 dough ball from refrigerator. Keep remaining amount in fridge until needed. Put this ¼ dough ball on pastry mat. Dust rolling pin. Roll out dough into oval shape 5½” wide and ¼” thick. (Anything thicker inhibits dough from going through hand-crank pasta machine.)
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Use pasta machine’s thickest setting. (#1 on mine.) Hold dough vertically and straight as possible over pasta machine’s roller. Turn crank slowly to feed dough oval through roller. Fold resulting dough sheet in half. Cut about ¼” off each side to make it rectangular and thus easier to feed into roller. (This also makes for uniform dough sheets.) Run this folded sheet through roller.
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Dust dough sheet. Set pasta’s setting the next narrower setting. (#2 on mine.) Again, hold dough sheet vertically and straight as possible over pasta machine’s roller. Repeat process, selecting a narrower setting each time, until final pasta sheet is about 1/16″ thick. Repeat entire pasta-sheet preparation until all dough is used. Trim pasta sheets to be 13″ * 4½”. The cutoff pieces of dough can be used to make another sheet.
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PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY
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Grate 2 teaspoons Parmesan. Use no-stick spray on baking dish. Put a layer of lasagna, 2 side-by-side noodles on the dish. If the noodles happen to be longer than your baking dish, snip off the excess length with your scissors. In this recipe, 6 noodles will make one lasagna dish with 2 layers of meat sauce. Reserve about ½ cup meat sauce. Divide remaining meat sauce and cheese equally between layers.
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Cover this 1st layer of noodles with a layer of meat sauce and a layer of cheese. Add a 2nd
layer of noodles, meat sauce, and cheese. Add a 3rd layer of noodles. Spoon just a little meat sauce atop the top layer along with 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese. Put glass lid or aluminum foil on top of baking dish. Cook lasagna in covered baking dish in oven at 375 degrees for 45 minutes. Cook uncovered for an additional 15 minutes or until bubbly. Remove and let sit for 5 minutes more.
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TIDBITS
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1) Beef lasagna with homemade noodles takes a lot preparation. I believe it’s worth it. The texture of the homemade noodles far surpasses what you would get from using dry, premade noodles.
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2) Still, it’s lot of continual work. So, be nice to the chef who makes this dish. In fact, lavish gifts would be appropriate.
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3) You might even proposing marriage to the chef who makes this entree. Could you do better with any other eligible bachelor or bachelorette? No, I didn’t think so.
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4) This dish is also complicated for the restaurant. Add in the cost of the beef and cheeses and you can see why can be expensive to order lasagna.
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5) Humor break!
Q: Why did the chicken cross to the other side?
A: It didn’t. It was on a Mobius strip.
Ha! Ha! Ha!
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6) The following are dishes that I’ve made that require a fair amount of preparation or regular monitoring.
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7) Tamales. Why that’s just a lot of corn floury stuff and lead pencil’s worth of filling. Should be cheap. Then you try to make it by hand.
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8) Mincemeat pies. As with this dish, Beef Lasagne, there’s a lot of fuss make the pastry.
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9) Ravioli. Lasagna’s cousin. You make the pasta the same way. However, you still have to form the individual raviolo–Yes, that is indeed the singular form of ravioli–one way or another from the pasta sheets.
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10) Enough of the complicated dishes. Let’s have something easy. Okay, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That surely is the simplest thing to make. Or is it?
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11) Peanut butter sandwich.
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12) Two slices of bread.
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13) One slice of bread.
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14) Nothing on a plate. The virtue of the this dish arises from its utter simplicity in preparation and ingredients. You will never, I guarantee it, need to dash off to the store for a missing ingredient. You might never have on hand some rare herb, but you will always have something of nothing on hand and that’s something. Also, there’s no greater friend to the would-be dieter. There’s literally no calories in nothing.
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15) There’s one more simplification. Dispense with the plate. Serve your nothing on nothing. Nothing on nothing remains the most transportable dish ever devised. There you go.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loco Moco

Posted on June 30, 2023 by pauldelancey

Hawaiian Entree

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LOCO MOCO

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INGREDIENTS – RICE & PATTY­
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1⅔ cups rice
1 small onion (½ small onion more later)
1 pound ground beef (80%-to-85%)
¾ teaspoon garlic salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
½ tablespoon Worcestershire sauce (1 teaspoon more later)
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INGREDIENTS – GRAVY
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1½ tablespoons butter (softened)
½ small onion
1¾ cups beef broth
1½ tablespoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon ketchup
4 teaspoons soy sauce
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
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INGREDIENTS – FINAL
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4 eggs
1 green onion
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Serves 4. Takes 40 minutes.
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PREPARATION – RICE & PATTY
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Cook rice according to instructions on package. Mince 1 small onion. Add all patty ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Form into 4 patties, each 3″ wide. Smooth the edges. Add patties to large pan. Fry at medium heat for 5 minutes. Flip patties and fry for 5 minutes more. (More or less time) Remove patties. Keep drippings in pan.
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PREPARATION – GRAVY
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Mince ½ small onion. While patties cook, add all gravy ingredients to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add gravy to pan. Sauté for 4 minutes or until onion softens and gravy thickens. Stir occasionally.
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PREPARATION – FINAL
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While patties and gravy cooks, add eggs to 2nd frying pan. Fry eggs to your liking. Put 1 cup steamed rice on plate. Smooth the edges into a circle about 3″ across, Top rice with patty. Ladle ¼th of the gravy onto patty. Place fried egg on gravy. Repeat three times. Dice green onion. Garnish eggs with green onion.
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TIDBITS
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1) About 50 years ago, Om Corporation(tm), Om Co., dominated all other Hawaiian food distributers.
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2) Stop and ponder how cool is it to live in a universe where there is a word that has the sequence “aiia,” in it.
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3) We are truly fortunate that over billions–or maybe just ten millions of years, I really don’t for sure how may years as I wasn’t there–that Earth’s plates shifted in such a way that Hawaii formed. With-out Hawaii, there be no word Hawaii, and thus no word with out aiia in it. We certainly have no Hawaiian pizzas. Nor ever Hawaiian luaus. That would have been a great loss indeed.
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4) But how would we have known what we would be missing from the loss of Hawaiian luaus? Maybe things would have gotten something better in return.
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5) Like Greek luaus for example. Especially likely, if Greece could grow pineapples.
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6) Anyway, Om Co., or Omco as people who hate spaces used to call it, developed the very first Hawaiian pizza boomerang pizza.
“I want a Hawaiian pizza.”
“But I want a functioning boomerang.”
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7) “Wait, both your desires will be fulfilled with Omco’s new and exciting Hawaiian boomerang pizza. Take a bite. Mmm, wasn’t delicious. Now, fling the boomerang. It’ll come back. But in the meantime, you can continue your statewide volleyball tournament. You don’t want to miss that. After you’ve spiked the volleyball down the other team’s throats, wait a second and your boomerang pizza will come back to your hand. Take another tasty bite and fling the boomerang pizza away again. Pizza and high-stakes volleyball at the same time. Way cool. Way cool.”
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8) In fact the boomerang pizza was so cool, that Hawaiians took to calling, Om. Co, “Cool Omco.” Dyslexics, over time, changed this name to “Cool Moco.” The next generations of dyslexic Hawaains altered this to “Loco Moco.”
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9) The name stuck. And a bit later Om Corporation held a recipe contest to honor its golden anniversary.
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10) Carl La Fong won first prize with this entree. He called it “Loco Moco “in honor of Om Co.’s stellar culinary reputation. There you go, innovative chefs and companies and plucky dyslexics* making life a little better.
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11) * = I am slightly dyslexic. Maybe this explains things.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bife Koygua (Beef Stew)

Posted on June 25, 2023 by pauldelancey

Paraguayan Entree

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BIFE KOYGUA

(Beef Stew)

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INGREDIENTS
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2 garlic cloves
1 large onion
1 medium potato
1 tomato
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
2 8-ounce steaks, sirloin or tenderloin
2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil (1 tablespoon more later)
1 tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
1 bay leaf
½ teaspoon oregano
2 cups water
2 eggs
2 teaspoons fresh parsley
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
mandoline (optional)
“
Serves 2*. Takes 40 minutes.
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* = Multiply the amount of ingredients by 2 if you’re serving 4. Multiply by 1.896,310 if everyone in Los Angeles is coming for dinner. And with that many people coming, insist that they at least bring their dishes to the sink. That’s how I was raised.
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PREPARATION
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Mince garlic. Cut onion and potato into ¼” slices using mandoline or knife. Dice tomatoes. Rub garlic, pepper, and salt onto steaks. Add oil and onion to large pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Remove onion. Add 1 tablespoon olive oil. Add steaks. Sauté steaks for 3 minutes or until they brown. Flip steaks once.
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Add potato slices, bay leaf, oregano, and water, enough to cover potato. Cook at medium-high heat for 15 minutes or until potato becomes tender. Place onion and tomato on steaks. Crack an egg over each steak. Reduce heat to medium. Cook until eggs and steaks are done to your liking. (If you prefer your meat to be less cooked, the steaks may be taken out before the eggs are done or even before the eggs are added.) Remove bay leaf. Dice parsley. Garnish steaks with parsley.
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TIDBITS
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1) Look at the above photograph for Bife Koygua. There’s something about this entree that’s different from any other.
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2) Notice the potatoes.
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3) No, the potatoes slices are not worthy of note because they all are exactly ¼” thick, although well spotted you!
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4) It’s because the spud bits are just wee bit off the close end of the plate.
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5) That’s is no accident. The potato slices are, indeed, trying to make an escape.
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6) If I had delayed snapping this photograph by just ten minutes, they would have completely escaped the plate. Ten more minutes would have seen them escaping the open front door for the safety of your bushes. (Another reason to keep your home locked up.)
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7) For no sentient potato looks forward to being eaten.
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8) Are all potatoes capable of rational thought?
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9) No.
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10) The only cogitating tuber is the Patata Rapida of Paraguay.
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11) Who grows the Patata Rapida?
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12) Patatas Son Nosotros Corporació (PSNC) does.
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13) Why did PSNC come up with the quick moving Patata Rapida?
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14) The corporation was not trying for sprinting spuds. Instead they had hoped to create potatoes that cooked quicker. Imagine baking a potato in just five minutes instead of up to an hour or more?
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15) What could you do with all the extra time?
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16) You could take up painting. Or you could spend some frisky time with your spouse.
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17) Unfortunately, PSNC’s genetic experiments yielded quick taters, not to be confused with dictators.
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18) Can you find Patatas Rapida in supermarkets?
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19) No, they always escape. Culinary police point with horror to the mass Rapida escape of 2021 in Paducah, Kentucky. Surly gangs of Patatas Rapida (PRs) roamed the Paduchan night, harassing good citizens out for a pleasant evening stroll. Most states and municipalities now ban the sale of PRs. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Loving Poem About Cows

Posted on April 6, 2023 by pauldelancey

Cows

Bovine warrior

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Praise to the noble cow.
Its flesh gives us beef.
Its hide gives us baseballs.
Its udder gives us milk.

What does the cow get from us?
A little bit of food in a small pen.
Artificial insemination.
Then we kill it with whirling knives.

Bovine silence can’t be good.
It’s thinking up something.
Chomping. Chomping. Plotting revenge.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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Mexican Pizza

Posted on February 13, 2023 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

MEXICAN PIZZA

INGREDIENTS

PIZZA CRUST (If you have a bread maker or buy at store)

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup water
2 ½ tablespoons vegetable oil
¾ teaspoon sugar
¾ teaspoon salt
2 ½ teaspoons active dry yeast
no-stick cooking spray

TOPPING

1 cup or ½ pound ground beef
1 teaspoon cumin
½ small onion
⅓ green bell pepper
½ cup diced green chile
1 cup diced tomatoes in sauce
1 cup grated Four Mexican cheeses.
Pasta sauce (½ cup or more)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

pizza pan

PREPARATION OF PIZZA CRUST
Measure out the flour and set aside. Pour the water into the bread maker. If you measure the water before the flour, the flour will stick to the sides of the measuring cup. Egads!

Add oil, sugar, salt, and yeast to the bread maker. Do not put the yeast directly on top of the salt. Salt is bad for yeast and yeast makes the dough rise.

Set the timer or the menu on the bread maker to “Dough.” Wait the required time, probably a bit more than an hour. In the meantime, organize your tax-receipts, preheat the oven to 400 degrees and liberally spray the pizza pan with no-stick spray. This will prevent the crust from forming a glue-like bond with the pan.

Take the dough out of the bread maker and roll it out until the dough covers the pizza pan. If you do not possess a rolling pin, any food can will do as long as it is at least 6 inches tall. It is best to spray the can or coat it with a thin layer of flour before spreading the dough.

After rolling, let the dough sit and rise for 30-to-60 minutes. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

PREPARATION OF TOPPING

While the bread maker is making the dough, dice the onion (Does anyone juggle onions professionally?) and green pepper. Don’t liquefy them. The green and white of these ingredients along with the red of the tomatoes will give you the colors of the Mexican flag. Olé.

Cook the ground beef on medium-high heat until it is no longer pink. Taste and see if you want to add more spice.

Apply tomatoes in sauce to pizza crust slowly and spread evenly until you have a thin layer of sauce over the whole pizza. Remove any excess as too much sauce will make your pizza soggy.

Spoon ground beef, onion, bell pepper, chile, tomatoes, and cheeses evenly over the pizza.

Bake pizza for about 20 minutes or until cheese is golden brown. Depending on the efficiency of your oven you will probably want to check your pizza after 12 minutes and every few minutes after that.

Arriba. Arriba.

TIDBITS

1) The ancient Greeks covered their bread with oil, herbs, and cheese.

2) The first time I saw Mexican pizza was about ten years ago at a Taco Bell(tm).

3) Cinco de Mayo, May 5, celebrates a Mexican victory over a French army. It is a minor holiday in Mexico. However, in America, it has become a major “Drink Mexican Beer” day.

4) My birthday is May 5. When I was little, I was always quite grateful to Mexicans everywhere for celebrating my birthday. One of the greatest illusions of my life. I still hang onto this one, a little.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beef on Spiced Potatoes From Belize

Posted on December 17, 2022 by pauldelancey

Belizean Entree

BEEF ON SPICED POTATOES

INGREDIENTS

2 large unpeeled baking potatoes

BEEF MIXTURE
3 garlic cloves
1 pound lean ground beef
1 14.5 ounce can Mexican, or spicy, diced tomatoes
1 teaspoon Jamaican Jerk spice
½ teaspoon red recado (This Belizean spice is found online.)

POTATO SPICES
1 teaspoon Jamaican Jerk spice
1 teaspoon sea salt
½ teaspoon black pepper

TOPPING
½ cup plain yogurt
½ teaspoon Jamaican Jerk spice
1 teaspoon garlic salt
1 tablespoon diced tomatoes

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Cut potatoes lengthwise into ¼-inch thick slices. Well, this is the ideal. You might end up with ½-inch thick slices. Whatever you do, don’t rush this part or use too big a knife or cleaver. (One big mistake and you won’t be able to use the expression, “I’m all thumbs” anymore.) Use fork to pierce each potato slice multiple times. Mince garlic cloves.

Cook ground beef in skillet on medium-high temperature until beef is no longer pink. Reserve 1 tablespoon of diced tomatoes. Add remaining diced tomatoes, minced garlic, Jerk seasoning and red recado to beef. Stir. Bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 12 to 15 minutes. Stir this beef mixture occasionally.(I won’t be responsible for the burning of the mixture or the rending of the time-space continuum if you don’t stir at all.)

Meanwhile, back at the spuds. Dip potato slices in cold water. Sprinkle lightly with Jerk spice, sea salt, and black pepper. Place slices in a single layer on no-stick baking pan. Bake for 6 minutes then turn. Redo this baking for 6 minutes and turn until the slices are soft and lightly browned.

(There can be a huge variance in cooking time for this step due to the size and efficiency of your oven and the thickness of your potato slices.)

Mix yogurt, Jerk spice, garlic salt, and remaining diced tomatoes in bowl.

Spoon beef mixture over potato slices. Then add topping.

TIDBITS

1) Potatoes, or spuds, contain lots of calories.

2) So does beer.

3) Budweiser(tm) once used a dog named “Spuds McKenzie” to sell its beer.

4) The New York Yankees had a pitcher during the 1940s called Spud Chandler.

5) Other great baseball names are: Art “What A Man” Shires, Mike “The Human Rain Delay” Hargrove, Luke “Old Aches and Pains” Appling, Bob “Death to All Flying Things” Ferguson, Walter “Boom Boom” Beck, The Only Nolan, Walt “No Neck” Williams, Dave “Swish” Nicholson, and Harry “Suitcase” Simpson.

6) Even more great baseball names include: Bombo Rivera, Clarence “Choo Choo” Coleman, Dick “Dr. Strangeglove” Stuart, Al “The Mad Hungarian” Hrabosky, “Blue Moon” Odom, Mick “Killer” Kelleher, Dave “King Kong” Kingman, Wilmer “Vinegar Bend” Mizell, Van Lingle Mungo, “Boileryard” Clarke, and perhaps my favorite, Bristol “The Human Eyeball” Lord.

7) And who can ever forget Joe Shlabotnik?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Beef Ravioli

Posted on December 14, 2022 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

BEEF RAVIOLI

INGREDIENTS

PASTA

3 cups or more of flour (¼ cup more later)
2 eggs (1 more egg used later)
¾ cup water or more

FILLING

2 garlic cloves (2 more cloves used later)
½ pound ground beef
1½ teaspoons parsley
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
½ teaspoon salt (Used 3 times for a total of 2 teaspoons)
1 egg

MARINARA SAUCE

6 Roma tomatoes
½ large white onion
2 garlic cloves
2 teaspoons basil
½ teaspoon marjoram
1 teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon thyme
1 6 ounce can tomato sauce

FINAL PREPARATION

water
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil
¼ cup flour

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION OF PASTA

Combine 3 cups flour, eggs, and water. Mix with hands. Make a ball of the mixture. It should just be able to come off your hand. If some of the ball sticks to your hand, then add a bit more flour, mix again, and try the new flour. If the flour ball is powdery, it is too dry. Add a bit more water, mix again, and try the consistency of the next ball. There may be a number of these iterations but it must be done. (You don’t want to let all the Italianos and Italianas in the world down, do you?)

Sprinkle a generous amount of flour on your cutting board and rolling pin. Roll flour ball out until it is 1/16″ or NO THICKER than ⅛”. Frequently sprinkle the rolling pin to keep the dough from sticking. Let rolled-out flour sit for AT LEAST 4 hours. It should be nearly dry.

PREPARATION OF FILLING

While rolled out flour dries, peel and mince 2 garlic cloves. Put garlic, ground beef, Parmesan cheese, parsley, and ½ teaspoon salt in frying pan. Cook on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until beef is no longer red. Put contents of frying pan into bowl. Add egg to bowl. Mix and put beef filling in fridge. (Time to sneak a nice, cold root beer or maybe something even stronger.)

PREPARATION OF MARINARA SAUCE

Mince Roma tomatoes. Peel and mince onion and 2 garlic cloves. Add tomato, onion, garlic, basil, marjoram, oregano, ½ teaspoon salt, thyme, and tomato sauce to sauce pot. Cook ingredients on medium-high heat until it boils, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes with the lid on. (Although the Republic will stand if you chose to cook with it off, you wild child you.) Stir occasionally.

FINAL PREPARATION

Dust cutting board with ¼ cup flour. Use knife to cut 1½”- wide strips in the flour. Cut these strips into rectangles every 3 inches. Dust strips with flour. Put a ½ teaspoon or so of the filling on the right side of the 1½-inch by 3-inch flour rectangle. Fold the left side over the filling. Push down on the open sides with the tines of the fork to seal the ravioli.

Fill pot with enough water to cover ravioli. Add 1 teaspoon salt and olive oil. Boil water. Add ravioli and cook for 20 to 30 minutes. Ravioli should float to the top and the dough should be completely soft. (Pure gold is soft as well. However, it’s not a great ravioli ingredient. Gold’s extreme lethality in a molten state make using it an expensive culinary faux pas.)

Meanwhile back at the range, cook pasta sauce in pot on medium heat until it is warm. Put ravioli in bowl and add pasta sauce.

TIDBITS

1) This tidbit was traded for a second-round and a third-round tidbit in a future cookbook.

2) Flour is extremely flammable. You might want to sweep up spilled flour instead of vacuuming it. Flour mills make strong efforts to prevent flour dust from getting into the air and onto the floors. Metallic and coal dust are also quite flammable.

3) Indeed, the Germans in World War II tried to make thermobaric bombs by releasing coal dust in the air just before the Allied Air Force would make its bombing runs. The Germans planned to ignite the coal dust, but could never do so satisfactorily due to problems in getting the dust to disperse.

4) But if you had tons of coal dust and thousands of giant fans on the ground, I mean really huge, you could ignite the air around the enemy bombers with a powerful flare.

5) It might be hard to smuggle thousands of giant fans into an enemy city, though. Maybe if you did it at night.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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