Posts Tagged With: appetizer

Collard Greens

American Appetizer

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SLOW COOKER COLLARD GREENS

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INGREDIENTS
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2 pounds collard greens
1 onion
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon brown sugar
3 garlic cloves
2 ham hocks
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon salt
5 cups water
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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2 3-quart slow cookers or 1 6-quart slow cooker
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Serves 6. Takes 6 hours 40 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cut collard greens into 1″ squares. Dice onion. Add all ingredients to slow cookers. Arrange ingredients so that ham hocks are in the middle. Slow cook on high for 6 hours. Remove ham hock. Remove meat from ham hocks and add to pot. (Discard ham hock.) Stir or until well blended.  Goes well with fried chicken, pork chops, pulled-pork sandwiches, macaroni and cheese and corn bread.
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TIDBITS
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1) This recipe says to collard greens into 1″ squares.
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2) This can be difficult to do as collard-green leaves are not squares.
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3) And if you strive for perfection ,such cutting becomes even harder. You’d have to get out your ruler. Moreover, making completely accurate 90 degrees angle for each square would drive any chef to drink. If you’re a teetotaler, may suggest near beer, or root beer, as your choice?
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4) Now we get to the collard greens’ overwhelming laziness and lack of ambition.
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5) Sure, you could watch television with your bowl of collard greens.
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6) But they will never help you with your crossword puzzles. The only way you could play catch with a bunch of collard greens is to dig a hole, and put the collard greens in the hole. Then toss the baseball into the hole. But even then the collard greens will not toss the ball back to you. This game of catch must be quite short. They will, however, be good listeners while they remain ripe.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Champurrado

Mexican Appetizer

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CHAMPURRADO

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INGREDIENTS
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2 cups water
1¼ cups masa harina* or ⅔ cup corn flour
6 cups water* or milk
1 cinnamon stick
2 cloves (optional)
5½ ounces piloncillo* or ½ brown sugar
6½ ounces Mexican chocolate tablets
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* = The ingredients with an asterisk are authentic Mexican choices. They can be found in most supermarkets and authentic Mexican ones, or online. Water can be found everywhere. ☺
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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electric blender
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Makes 8 cups. Takes 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add 2 cups water and masa harina to electric blender. Set mixer on puree and mix until well blended Add 6 cups water, cinnamon stick, cloves, and piloncillo to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 3 minutes at low heat or until piloncillo melts. Stir frequently.
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Add chocolate tables. Stir until well blended. Add water/masa harina mix. Increase heat to medium high until mixture starts to boil. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until mixture thickens. Stir frequently. Remove cinnamon stick. Serve hot.
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TIDBITS
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1) Champurrado is a portmanteau, coming from the combined words of, champion, purring, and xtqnado. Champion and purring are English words. However, xtqnado is, of course, Incan. Xtqmado means “protection by chocolate.” Thus, champurrado means “protection given from the chocolate purring one.” We would call it a happy brown cat. And oh, you can check out the Official Incan dictionary from the Gainesville Public Library. You might have to reserve it.
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2) Every year the Incas performed a ceremony to find the loudest purring brown cat. As long as the Incas anointed their sacred champurrado, no enemy nation could harm them. Then in 1532, the Inca’s divine protection deserted them when “Chocy,” their anointed cat, ran off to chase a sarcastic mouse. A month later, Pizarro conquered the Incan Empire for Spain. Coincidence? Perhaps.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Persimmon Bread

American Entree

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PERSIMMON BREAD

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INGREDIENTS
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3 Hachiya persimmons
½ cup butter, softened
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
1⅓ cups sugar
3 eggs
1¼ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 cups flour
½ cup chopped walnuts
no-stick baking spray
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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food processor
electric beater
9″ * 5 ” loaf pan
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Makes 1 loaf. Takes 1 hour 55 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cut tops off of persimmons. Scoop out pulp. Add pulp to food processor. Puree pulp. Add butter and vanilla extract to large mixing bowl. Use high setting on electric beater until butter becomes creamy. Add sugar. Use high setting until butter and sugar become thoroughly blended Add eggs. Use medium setting on electric beater until well blended.
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Add baking soda, flour, and salt to medium mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Gradually add flour mix to the butter/sugar mix while blending with electric beater set on medium. Add persimmon pulp. Mix completely with electric beater set on medium. Fold in walnuts with spatula. This is the batter.
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Spray loaf pan with no-stick baking spray. Pour batter into loaf pan. Smooth surface with spatula. Bake for 1 hour at 350 degrees or until toothpick inserted into center comes out clean. Let cool for 10 minutes. Run knife or small spatula around loaf’s edge. Remove bread from loaf pan and place cupcakes on wire rack for 30 minutes or until cooled completely.
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TIDBITS
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1) Persimmon bread tastes great  It makes you so happy that you burst with get up and go. NASA’s scientist Carl La Fong theorized that the energy  in persimmon bread would make NASA rockets get up and go easily out of Earth’s gravitational field. But the persimmon-bread powered rocket got up and went out of the Solar System in just one week. Now no one knows where the rocket might be.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, science | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Gravy

American Appetizer

GRAVY

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INGREDIENTS
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1 bouillon cube (the same type as the stock)
2⅓ cups chicken, beef, or turkey stock
¼ cup butter
¼ cup flour
½ teaspoon onion powder
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon rosemary
½ teaspoon sage
¼ teaspoon thyme
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Serves 6.  Takes 15 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Smash bouillon cube into bits. Add bouillon bits and broth to microwavable bowl. Microwave for 2 minutes or until bouillon bits dissolve. Mix with spoon until well blended. Add butter to pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Stir frequently and gently. Add flour. Stir constantly with whisk or fork for 2 minutes or until mixture turns golden brown.
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Slowly add stock/bouillon liquid to pan. Stir as you do so. Reduce heat to low-medium. Simmer for 4 minutes or until mixture bubbles and thickens to the consistency of gravy. Stir frequently, Add remaining ingredients. Stir with spatula until well blended.
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TIDBITS
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1) Is there nothing that gravy doesn’t make better? Here’s a partial list of dishes and foods made tastier with gravy. Biscuits, biscuits and sausage, butter, chicken fried steak, fried chicken, hamburger patties, herbed pork roast, mashed potatoes, meatloaf, mushrooms, polenta, pork chops, rice, roast beef, roasted turkey, Salisbury steak, sausage, stuffed bell peppers, stuffing, vegetables
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2) Are there any foods made worse by gravy? Pumpkin pie and orange juice come to mind.
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3) Fun historical fact. The first humans to come to North America came from Asia via the famous land bridge. Only the bridge wasn’t made with land. Wandering tribes came to the Bering Strait, which of course, filled with water. Well, poo. But these first North American were terrific problem solvers and gravy lovers. They carried millions of tons on the backs of pack animals wherever they went. Why so much? They loved gravy as who does not? (See tidbit 1.)
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4) Anyway, the problem solvers dumped half of their gravy into the Bering Strait. This water proved cold enough to freeze a gravy bridge connecting Siberia with Alaska. The land rush of North America was on! Note: you can no longer find this famous bridge. Cycles of prehistoric warming thawed the gravy bridge. Oh well.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Refrigerator Pickles

American Appetizer

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REFRIGERATOR PICKLES

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INGREDIENTS
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1½ tablespoons salt
1½ tablespoons sugar
2 cups white vinegar
2¾ cups cold water
2 pounds Kirby cucumbers of pickling cucumbers
4 teaspoons coriander seeds
10 sprigs fresh dill
6 garlic cloves
½ tablespoon mustard seeds
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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2-to-3 4-Cup Mason jars.
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Serves 6-to-8. Takes 25 minutes plus 30 hours for marinating.
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PREPARATION
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Make sure Mason jars have been sterilized. Add salt, sugar, and vinegar to pot. Cook at high heat until salt and sugar dissolve. Transfer contents to mixing bowl. Add cold water. Mix with spatula or fork. This is the brine.
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Divide cucumbers equally betweens Mason jars. Smash garlic cloves. Divide brine, coriander seeds, dill sprigs,  garlic, mustard seeds, and red pepper flakes evenly between Mason jars. Discard excess brine. Seal lids on Mason jars. Chill in refrigerator for 30 hours.
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TIDBITS
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1) Number One Son said, “It tastes nice. It tastes like a pickle.”
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2) *Beams*
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3) Lots of things taste like chicken. This is because lots of animals share a common flying-dinosaur ancestor.
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4) Chickens can fly. I believe the record for chicken flight is 243.
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5) I cannot fly at all. I am not as good as chicken.
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6) Can you imagine what football would be like if we could fly? I don’t know why the NFL doesn’t sign chickens. A chicken could fly up and swat down a field-goal attempt. I’d pay to see that.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tostada Shells

Mexican Appetizer

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TOSTADA SHELLS

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INGREDIENTS
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6 corn tortillas
1½ tablespoon olive oil (½ teaspoon on each tortilla side)
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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baking sheet
aluminum foil or parchment paper
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Serves 6. Takes 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line baking sheet with foil Place tortillas on foil so that they don’t touch each other. Use brush to spread ½ teaspoon olive oil on each tortilla side. Bake for 7 minutes at 400 degrees. Flip tortillas. (Be careful.) Bake for another 7 minutes or until tortillas become crispy like a tortilla chip.
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Remove from heat and cool on plate cover with paper towel.
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TIDBITS
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1) Tostada is an anagram for DA toast. Because district attorneys everywhere have loved tostadas, as who does not? However, DAs have an especially deep and abiding love for tostadas that transcends national boundaries and the centuries. If you wish, I can direct you to volumes of research by culinary lawyers.
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2) The tostada craze first infected jurisprudence when in 1920 Pablo Erickson bribed a Manhattan DA to mount a particularly feeble prosecution. Of course, Mr. Erickson was as a guilty as sin, but he was a great chef. (All Mexican-Swedish chefs are. It’s in their blood.) Anyway Chef Erickson served a tostada to the DA each and every day of the trial. Of course, the jury acquitted Pablo. However, this decision astounded the nation. Newspaper headlines screamed, PABLO ACQUITTED IN ERICKSON v GOODNESS.
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3) Hardened criminals took note and bribed DAs everywhere. Our streets teemed with ruffians and bad eggs. The height of our judicial system illness occurred from 1920 to 1933. How do we not know this? Because the Great Tostada Corruption (GTC) coincided rather closely with Prohibition. Sure, GTC and Prohibition spawned corruption, but the bootleggers also emphasized violence. Illegal tostadas simply could not compete with hooch for newspapers headlines. Now you know why DA never let people take their pictures while they are eating a tostada.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Yoga Instructor on Google Translate

My anxiety level is already diminishing.

Yoga instructor #13

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: yoga instructor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Starter Free Sourdough Bread

American Appetizer

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STARTER FREE SOURDOUGH BREAD

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INGREDIENTS
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4½ cups flour (¼ cup more later)
18 grams (.63 ounce) instant sourdough* (yeast and sourdough culture)
2¼ teaspoons salt
1¾ cups warm water (100 to 105 degrees)
1½ tablespoons flour (1 more tablespoon later)
1 tablespoon rice flour or flour
1 t­ablespoon flour
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* = Instant sourdough can be found online. It skips the step of making active starter. It changes the taste somewhat but makes the whole process easier.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric beater
tea towel, flour sack, or dish towel
banneton or bread-proofing basket.
parchment paper sheet.
6-quart enameled cast iron Dutch oven
bread lame or sharp knife
instant-read thermometer
sonic obliterator
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Makes 1 loaf. Takes 2 hours 20 minutes plus overnight plus 3 hours.
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PREPARATION
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Add 4½ cups flour, instant sourdough, salt, and warm water to large mixing bowl. Mix with beater set at low-medium until smooth-sticky dough ball forms. Shape with hands, if needed, Cover with tea towel. Let rise in warm (70-to-75 degrees) place for 2 hours. Then refrigerate loaf overnight. At any point, gently dent the loaf with your fingertip. If the dent springs back rapidly, more rising time is needed.
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Dust flat surface with 1½ tablespoons flour. Add dough to flat surface. Gently lift up the side of the dough closest to you, gently pulling it upward and stretch over the dough’s center. (Avoid tearing the dough.) Press down on this fold to seal and keep it into place. Rotate dough a quarter turn and lift, stretch, fold, and press again. Repeat quarter rotations and folding 2 more times.
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Dust cloth that comes with banneton with 1 tablespoon rice flour. (If you don’t have a banneton, put tea towel in mixing bowl and dust that.) Put dough in banneton. Cover with tea towel and let rise in a warm place (70-to-75 degrees) for 1 hour. Brush or scrape off excess flour.
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30 minutes before baking, place Dutch oven with lid in oven. Preheat oven to 500 degrees. Dust parchment paper with 1 tablespoon flour. Place dough on parchment paper, seam side down. Score the bread ball when the oven temperature reaches 500 degrees. (Scoring is a way of making shallow cuts in the top of the dough just before baking. Scoring can be a simple pattern or as complicated as you’re to do. Scoring also prevents the gas that builds up during from causing uncontrolled ruptures on the loaf top.)
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Spray the dough’s top with water just before baking. (This keeps the surface flexible for longer and let the bread rise more.)
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Put on oven mitts. Hold 2 sides of parchment paper to lower dough into Dutch oven. Put lid on Dutch oven. Immediately reduce heat to 450 degrees and bake for 20 minutes. Remove lid and bake for another 20 minutes or loaf turns a deep golden brown and becomes crispy. (Or when instant-read thermometer shows 205 degrees.) Place on wire rack and let cool completely before slicing.
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Feel free to use sonic obliterator on any guest who gives any guff at all about your sourdough bread. It’s okay to do so. See Levain v. Miche, 2007.
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TIDBITS
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1) Ancient Egypt got a big jump on civilization compared to its Mediterranean and Near Eastern neighbors. Why was Ancient Egypt so advanced? It was the first nation to bake sourdough bread. Sourdough bread originated in ancient Egypt around 1500 BC.
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2) Rome didn’t even get founded until 753 BC. It didn’t start conquering until about 250 BC.
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3) Rome’s empire did not derive from  vast amounts of sourdough bread. Oh sure it had some. (See Pistoria Uvam Massam Panis by Flavius the Younger.)
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4) Rather, Rome conquered the Mediterranean and parts of Europe with its vast, superbly trained army. So, global importance arises from sourdough bread and big armed forces.
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5) The Unites States operates a huge military. America also has lots and lots of sourdough bread, especially from San Francisco.
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6) China also possesses an immense military, but relatively few loaves of sourdough bread. China is also powerful, but not as much as America.
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7) Sourdough starters have been found in Egyptian tombs, indicating that the Egyptians baked sourdough bread. A hieroglyph in a Theban temple depicts Keith Richards baking sourdough bread for Pharaoh Amenhotep II.
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8) In 1620, Yeoman Keith Richards sailed on the Mayflower to Plymouth Rock. He ,brought sourdough starters with him. Soon sourdough baking spread all through the 13 colonies. Not so much, in the mother country, Great Britain. This is why is America is the more powerful nation.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Smoked Ham Rub

American Appetizer

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SMOKED HAM RUB

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INGREDIENTS­
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1 cup brown sugar
½ teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground cloves
2 tablespoons garlic powder
½ teaspoon ginger powder
½ teaspoon mustard powder
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
2 tablespoons onion powder
2 tablespoons paprika
1½ tablespoons pepper
2 tablespoons salt
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Makes 1½ cups. Takes 10 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended.
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TIDBITS
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1) Idle minds often come up with great ideas such as electronic banking, air travel, and tacos.
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2) Great artists take their inspirations from subjects as diverse as: portraits, urban landscapes, pastoral settings and bowls of fruit, particularly bowls of still-life bowls of fruit.
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3) So it’s quite common and only natural to think how the great artists would have painted our tasty culinary creations. I’ve been wondering the same thing lately. So many great painters to chose from.
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4) I channeled  Señora Magdalena Carmen Frida Kahlo y Calderón to help me paint my Smoked Ham Rub. She was a great Mexican painter renowned for her many portraits, and works inspired by the nature of Mexico.
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5) Magdalena Carmen Frida Kahlo y Calderón (MCFKC) and I first tried using an Etch-A-Sketch(tm), but we couldn’t get the hang of that children’s toy.
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6) So, I let MCFKC’s thoughts guide my paint brush. Here’s what we came up. I hope you like it. Channeling spirits isn’t easy.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: art, cuisine | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary: Today’s Word – Pqfkqpltw

Foreign words can be difficult to pronounce. Words that we’ve never seen before are also hard to say correctly, such as ‘”reconnaissance” was for eight-year old me. Sure, we could say, “That word is hard to pronounce.” However, that is a sentence, of six words no less. What if we want to say that in just one word, one that evokes the difficulty of a nearly unpronounceable word?

This  paragraph brings us to

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

PQFKQPLTW

Awesome entry #36

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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