Posts Tagged With: America

I Accuse (This is Very Political)

I accuse that horrible man of:
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Abandoning our allies to Putin
Being a Russian asset
Enabling and encouraging bullies
Being willfully ignorant
Trampling on our constitution
Working towards a one-party state
Intimidating politicians
Intimidating even politicians of his party with threats of violence.
Gutting agencies that we paid for, just because they return our tax dollars to the lower 98%
Destroying governmental agencies that are essential to our nation’s security because he’s too lazy to investigate.
Destroying the wonderful Christian faith by converting huge numbers of them to worshipping him and hatred
Of making all sorts of people live in fear, including outspoken women, political opponents, handicapped people, and immigrants.
Of making America a highly divided country.
Of creating tensions within households of Republicans and Democrats, people who not too long ago lived in harmony. (My parents were such people and they amicably split their vote for over 50 years.)
Of an insane tariff war is not only savaging our economy, but our trading partners as well.
On a personal note, I have no source of outside income, except a little bit from Social Security, so most of my income comes from investments have been damaged from his tariff tantrum.
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I have to go now. I’m so upset, that it’s making my Parkinson’s disease flare up.
– Paul De Lancey, Ph.D.
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Origin of Our Obesity Epidemic

Many people worry about America’s obesity epidemic (AEO) Blame for this health crisis generally falls on processed food and sedentary lifestyles. Culinary historians, however, point to the signing of the Declaration of Independence as the trigger event of the march to obesity. The previously thin founding fathers put on such a lavish, after-signing pot luck that all put on a layer of founding fat. Some of the signers did go on diets to lose their signing blubber. Many of the other great kept piling on the gravy, the turkey dinners and got fatter. Ben Franklin exclaimed later, “I can’t for the life of me lose this founding fat. It’s turned to hard fat.”

During the early 1810s the British made such, unrelenting fun of our tubby politicians that we felt a moral imperative to chastise them in the War of 1812. And so concludes today’s history lesson.

 

 

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: explanations, food, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron

It’s well known that Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron strikes terror into the hearts of America’s enemies. As Colonel Boris Doctorov of Russia’s Intelligence Bureau said, “Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron Пугает пудинг из нас”* Indeed.

But wait! There’s more. Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squardron lends itself out to damsels in distress, bullied school boys, humiliated spreadsheeters, and all other victims of evil people and groups.

Contact them at their Facebook page, Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron and they’ll have a “chat” with your tormenter.

Best stay inside until the “chat” concludes.

* = Translated by culinary linguists as, “Scares the pudding out of us.”

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Flying Squirrel Squadron | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary – Today’s Phrase: Cat Type

How many times has this happened to you? You’re typing up a rather important document. Perhaps it’s to be an instruction manual for a revolutionary space mission for NASA. Perhaps your work will go on the teleprompter for your President’s State of the Union speech. That’s all well and good, for what you wrote is sheer brilliance. Unfortunately, the document that emailed also includes the following enigmatic lines entered by your cat as it walked across your keyboard,

“gr40ggg4 0y68h 4045532ee93d4rfd=0ertggrreed9
fdfefrggtefferrggggeedd”

If this bit gets included in your NASA report, they will most likely ask what sort of a part that is.

If it makes it to the teleprompter for the State of the Union speech, will she spot the mistake and adlib? If she reads these lines as is, will her opposing party come out against, “”gr40ggg4 0y68h 4045532ee93d4rfd=0ertggrreed9 fdfefrggtefferrggggeedd?”

We need a phrase for this event.

And now there is:

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

Cat Type

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Awesome entry #50

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Archer Woman Misheard Lyrics

Maurice Chevalier songs had big hits in America and in France. The debonaire Frenchman even made it big in Hollywood. He truly was a magnificent and popular singer of the 20th century. So it comes as a massive shock to many to discover his immense popularity in England during the Hundred Years Wars (1347 – 1453). Indeed no English army rampaged around the medieval French countryside without singing Monsieur Chevalier’s most beloved songs, collectively known as “Les Chansons de Chevalier.”

All this begs the question, how did M. Chavalier get so popular way back then? Social media.

Anyway, Chavalier’s beautiful song “Louise” starts with the lyrics:

“Wonderful Oh, it’s wonderful
To be in love with you.
Beautiful! You’re so beautiful,
You haunt me all day through.”

However, Archer Woman, mighty warrior that she was, felt this song spoke directly to her because she thought it went:

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Misheard lyrics #22

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: misheard | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Golden Berry Pico De Gallo

Fusion Appetizer

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GOLDEN BERRY PICO DE GALLO

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INGREDIENTS
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1 jalapeno chile or serrano chile
6 ounces cherry tomatoes
6 ounces golden berries
½ red onion
½ cup fresh cilantro
1½ tablespoons lime juice
¼ ounce pepper
½ ounce salt
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Serves 4. Takes 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Remove seeds from chile if you desire a milder salsa. Dice cherry tomatoes, cilantro, golden berries, jalapeno, and red onion. Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Stir with fork until well blended. It should last for about 5 days if stored in the refrigerator in an airtight container. Golden berry pico de gallo goes well with tortillas chips or as a side to any Mexican dish.
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TIDBITS
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1) This recipe asks you to use a half a red onion.
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2) Sure, you could buy an entire red onion and use half of it. But can you do with the unused half?
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3) You need an entire red onion to participate in red-onion bowling leagues. So that’s out.
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4) People really don’t appreciate red-onion halves as a stocking stuffer.
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5) I suppose if you have twelve red-onion halves and your opponent has twelve white-onion halves, you could play onion checkers. But as of press time, America displays a rather striking lack of interest in such a pastime.
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6) And you know in your heart of hearts, some neighbor, perhaps just a block away, needs a red-onion half. Perhaps she needs it to make her own Golden Berry Pico de Gallo. Whatever, she needs it and would dearly love to obtain your red onion half.
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7) Wahoo! The answer’s obvious. Organize a market for such a thing. Set it up for Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday at 11 am. Bring your half vegetables and swap for the half vegetables you do need. You save money. You cut on waste. And don’t have to waste time and gas needed to go to the store for just a half a head of lettuce. You’ll make America safer from a possible oil embargo.
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8) And you’ll meet new people. Perhaps a romance will bloom. How cool is that?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I am Running for the Speaker of the House

Tantrums by various politicians are keeping America from electing a Speaker of the House. America needs a Speaker of the House to move various bills toward legislation. I can do this. At least, I won’t stop it, especially the ones with bipartisan support.

People across America and the world tire of politicos throwing hissy fits on camera. Will I throw a hissy fit on camera? No, I am a confirmed introvert. I shall strive mightly to avoid ever appearing on tv or in print.

What will I do to reduce conflict in the House of Representatives (HORs)? Make midday naptimes mandatory for this august body. Naps in kindergarten prevented the kids from getting overtired and fusing. It will also work in the HORs.

There, what more do you need to know about me?

Oh, and save our bees.

And I like to cook. Would you like a homemade cookie?

Speaker Paul

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Favorite Pizza Toppings Around the World

Craving a different sort of pizza? See what the world has to offer.

America: bacon, Canadian bacon, ground beef, bell pepper, extra cheese, mushrooms (ugh. Sorry, I don’t like them), onion, pepperoni, pineapple, sausage, tomatoes
Australia: shrimp, pineapple, barbecue sauce

Brunei: honey, garlic, barbecue, chicken
Brazil: green peas, hard-boiled eggs
Canada: spaghetti
China: thousand island dressing, eel sushi

Costa Rica: coconut, pineapple
France: flambée (bacon, onion, fresh cream)
Germany: egg, asparagus, tuna

India: pickled ginger, lamb, chicken tikka
Italy: pepperoni, prosciutto, sausage, pancetta, tomato, peas, olive
Japan: ketchup, eel, squid, and Mayo Jaga (mayonnaise, potato, bacon)

Korea: sweet potato, shrimp
Netherlands: double meat, double cheese, double onion
Pakistan: curry
Russia: mockba (a combination of sardines, tuna, mackerel, salmon, and onions), red herring

Sweden*: allspice, artichoke, banana, bacon, beets, bell pepper, Bearnaise sauce, cabbage, caper, carrot, chicken, chocolate, crab, curry, duck, eggplant, filet mignon, French fries, fruit cocktail, gorgonzola, guacamole, ham, hard-boiled eggs, honey. kebab meat. leeks, mashed potato, mayonnaise, onion, peanut, pepperoni, pickles, pineapple, raisin, salami, sausage, shallot, shrimp, white sauce, taco spices, tuna, and zucchini.
Venezuela: corn, goat cheese

Enjoy!

* = Sweden really is the cutting edge of pizza toppings.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Puzzle Status: 10pm

I started this puzzle at 8am, I think. It’s now 10:30pm

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Learning to Speak Tagalog, Lesson #1

20 million people in the Philippines speak the Tagalog language. 1.6 million people living in America speak it. Even 400,000 Canadians converse in Tagalog. So you can see how essential it is for the modern American man and woman to be fluent in Tagalog in this world of ever increasing globalization.

Sure, I hear you say, “But Paul, learning a new language is hard. Can’t start with a few important words. I feel your pain.

This is why this, the first lesson, starts out with the 32 most important words in Tagalong. Master these words and soon you feel absolutely at home in any Tagalog community.

Of course, if you’re reading and come across a word in Tagalog, simply find it in the Tagalog column and look up the English translation. You, linguist, you.

Lesson #1

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Learning to speak | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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