Uncategorized

This Will Happen If America Does Not Pick Bacon & Chocolate In November.

This will happen if America does not pick Bacon & Chocolate in November.

(Picture from Facebook site Jezebel)

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hell Is Walmart Or Costco At Christmas Eve

“These are the times that try men’s souls.”

– Thomas Paine

I’m convinced that Mr. Paine has a time machine and wrote those immortal words after trying to park and shop at WalMart and Costco on December 24. Indeed, you could go seamlessly from life on Earth to an eternity in Hell if you happen to die  while thrashing your way through the sea of Brownian motion that are their customers. You wouldn’t even notice the great passing over had occurred until you tried to leave the parking lot by a red imp with a tail and pitchfork.

Just as the use of land mines by armies is coming under greater and greater pressure by nearly every nation, so is the weekend deployment of Walmarts and Costcos in battle zones.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Breakfast Burritos

Mexican Breakfast

BREAKFAST BURRITOS

INGREDIENTS

1/2 onion
1 1/4 ounces Cotija cheese
4 ounces pork sausage
4 ounces ground beef
3 eggs
1 4 ounce can diced green chiles
1 4 ounce can diced tomatoes
3/4 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1/2 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese
lettuce
8 flour tortillas (bigger tortillas make bigger burritos)
no-stick cooking spray

PREPARATION

Be nice to your helper. Spray the cooking pan with no-stick cooking spray before you start. Mince the onion. Crumble the Cotija cheese. Brown the sausage and beef. Add eggs, onion, and chiles. Cook on medium heat and stir. Add tomatoes, cumin, meat spice and both cheeses. Cook and stir on medium heat. (Cooking on high heat will likely cause the eggs to burn.)

Microwave the big flour tortillas. Put two spoonfuls, or so, of meat mixture and romaine lettuce near top and center of tortilla. Fold in sides, then roll from the top of the tortilla until burrito is formed. Try a little less filling (tastes great) if you have trouble rolling the burrito.

TIDBITS

1) Remember the theme of “Cooking with what’s handy.” Don’t be afraid to use either iceberg or romaine lettuce if that is what you have in the kitchen or another grated cheese if you don’t care for Monterey Jack.

2) I’m afraid flour tortillas are a must, though. Attempting to roll a corn tortilla into the shape of a burrito will drive you to drink. “Sorry about the weaving officer, I used corn instead of flour.”

3) Cotija cheese is the “Parmesan of Mexico.” It is now made from cow’s milk, but at one time it was made from goat’s cheese. What happened? Did all Mexican goats disappear? Are they hiding in the hills only to swoop down to eat the straw of caravaning tourists?

4) The ancient Greeks and Romans used cumin as a cosmetic.

5) The first settlers from Europe thought tomatoes were poisonous.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Great Excuses For Not Turning In Homework

Teacher, I wrote my homework on paper made of matter. While I was walking to school, my homework paper collided with homework paper made of anti-matter. Woowee! It was almost the end of the universe. Thank goodness, it wasn’t, huh? Anyway, my homework and that anti-homework obliterated each other.

– (your name here)

Teacher, my homework got sucked into a black hole. It is gone forever. It’s a tough neighborhood.

–  (your name here)

Teacher, the National Security Agency confiscated my homework in an application of the Patriot Act. You are a patriot, aren’t you?

– (your name here)

Teacher, I was climbing Cadillac Mountain. I am enclosing a sticker from there as proof.

– (your name here)

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Enchiladas Verdes

Mexican Entree

ENCHILADAS VERDES

SAUCE INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 tablespoons fresh cilantro (4 tablespoons more later)
1 16 ounce can green chile enchilada sauce
1/2 tablespoon basil
4 tablespoons parsley

FILLING INGREDIENTS

1 fresh green chile
2 jalapeno peppers
1 green bell pepper
1 medium onion
3 garlic cloves
4 tablespoons fresh cilantro (1 1/2 tablespoon more earlier)
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon vegetable oil

2 cups grated Four Mexican cheeses

OTHER INGREDIENTS

12 corn tortillas (You might want more in case some fall apart)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
no-stick cooking spray

You might need two baking dishes

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Use no-stick cooking spray on baking dish.

SAUCE PREPARATION

Dice 1 1/2 tablespoons cilantro. Add cilantro, green enchilada sauce, basil, and parsley to first saucepan and bring to boil on high heat. Then simmer on warm heat for 5 to 10 minutes or until sauce thickens. Set aside.

FILLING PREPARATION

Remove seeds from green chile, jalapeno peppers, and green bell pepper. Dice green chile, jalapeno peppers, green bell pepper, onion, garlic, and 4 tablespoons cilantro. Use second saucepan to saute green chile, jalapeno pepper, green bell pepper, onion, garlic, cilantro, and cumin in vegetable oil for 5 minutes or until onion is soft.

TORTILLAS PREPARATION

Heat the tortillas for about 20 seconds in a microwave to make them easier to roll. Pour enough oil to cover the sauce pan. Dip one tortilla at a time in the hot oil. Cook for about 5 seconds.

USE TONGS TO DO THIS. You really don’t want your hands near searing oil. USE A BACK BURNER to heat the tortillas. Repeated dipping tortillas into hot oil can result in hot oil splattering on you. (While you scurry to the faucet for blessed cool relief, be thankful you live on a planet where 71 percent of the surface is water. You’d be out of luck on Mercury. No water utility companies there.)

Have a plate just a few inches away for your heated tortilla. It’s distressing to find out how quickly a hot, oil-dripping tortilla can fall apart.

Cover each heated tortilla with a paper towel to absorb oil.

FINAL PREPARATION

Dip tortilla in sauce. Add about 1/12 of the fillings’ ingredients plus grated Four Mexican cheeses on top of each tortilla. Roll each tortilla and put it against the side of the baking dish or as close to another rolled tortilla as possible. Hold the tortillas together with a toothpick if desired. (Be sure to have the toothpick as conspicuous as possible to avoid biting into it later.)

Pour the sauce evenly over the tortillas. Sprinkle any remaining ingredients on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until any cheese on top bubbles.

TIDBITS

1) Enchilada means “served with chile pepper.”

2) My aunts fled from their ranch before the forces of Pancho Villa during the Mexican Revolution. One of them made enchiladas from scratch. Pancho Villa was not after them for their enchiladas, only their ranchero.

3) Every year Las Cruces, New Mexico makes the world’s biggest enchilada.

4) The Nixon administration was fond of the expression, “the whole enchilada.”

5) “Enchiladas Suizas” means “Swiss enchiladas.” Swiss immigrants to Mexico topped their enchiladas with cream-based sauces. Swiss immigrants in Mexico, who knew?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“Nobody Attends” Event to be Held in Barrow, Alaska on October 16

If you wish to attend by not attending, please RSVP by
e-mailing paulthehero@yahoo.com, commenting on
this blog, or commenting in Facebook on the event
“Nobody Attends.” We are pleased to announce the
musical legend Paul McCartney is highly likely to not
attend and may be persuaded to not sing for us.
Remember the event’s slogan:

“We’re all here because we’re not all there.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poems About Hamburger And Parachuting

Hamburger

Oh hamburger! Oh hamburger!
Recession proof, yet so yummy.
Gastric juices assault you
In my tummy.

Companies making fillet mignon
Are awash in red.
But McD’s is in the green with
Beef and bread.

In recessions, such as this,
People buy more burgers
Because they’re cheap and tasty.
Yum!

Parachuting

I’d like to take up parachuting.
I’d jump at least once
And maybe one more time
If I were successful.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Together We Will Upgrade The English Language

If something has a bad odor, it stinks. What do you call it if it has a nice odor? There is no verb for this. We need a verb. Other languages probably have a word for it. We cannot allow a “verb gap” to occur.

My suggestion: To vanil, from the noun vanilla which has a wonderful fragrance.

Your suggestions please. The state of the English language and civilization at large depends on your participation.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Regret

Regret*

Said the mother penguin to her chick,
“Bring your furry ass over here
I need to regurgitate
and make room for beer.”

“No, mom, no I want a pizza
A pizza eater I shall be.”

“No, son you’re a penguin.
A fish eater you’ll be.”

“You’ll be neither,” said the fishermen
as he harpooned them both.
“I’ll mince you and can you
For Penguins of the sea.”

“Bummer,” said the expiring penguins.

* – Best Poem at the Southern California Writers’ Conference – 2009. First such award in a decade

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.