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Busy Day

I fought off their invasion

Made a small error in my spreadsheets. It led to Martian invasion in my back yard. Sorry about that, Chief. However, it all came came out okay in the end as I ran around making scary faces at them until they all teleported back to Mars.

Then my wife and I went to the border to a Global entry building to move one step closer to getting our Global Entry passes. Driving took 2 hours.

I then spent hours correcting the ripple effects of the morning’s small error. I had to do this or the Martians might have been  tempted to invade Earth. I’m guessing a similar sort of error led to the Martian invasion of Grovers Mill in 1938. The exact reason is still classified.

Well, time to lie down and take some weight off my aching back.

Good night, one and all.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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Today’s Feast Plans

I worked up this moring filled with the cooking spirit. But first I went to the bank. Then I made spaghetti for lunch with homemade pasta sauce and homemade meatballs.

I cleaned up the kitchen. I received my mini-cake pans in the mail. They came with mini-parchment papers.

I’m going to start on making chow chow, a Southern relish and Soup beans. I have all the ingredients.

My shoulders are starting to hurt a lot, so is my back. So I don’t know how far I’ll get. The pinto beans are soaking for the Soup Beans. I’ll need to process the veggies for the Chow Chow. Oh I don’t know how much I’ll do. The problem is that taking it easy doesn’t help much. I’ll see. They hurt either way, so I might as well do something.

If I don’t get far enough on the Chow Chow  and Soup, I’ll try out my air fryer and make some air-fryer fried eggs.

Good loving. Good eating.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Air Fryer French Fries

American Appetizer

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AIR FRYER FRENCH FRIES

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INGREDIENTS
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¾ pound russet potato
⅛ teaspoon salt
⅛ teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon duck fat or olive oil
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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french-fry cutter
spray bottle
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Serves 4. Takes 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Use french-fry cutter to cut potato into strips. Put french-fry strips into mixing bowl. Add french-fry strips,  pepper, and salt. Toss strips until well coated. Toss strips, spraying fries with duck fat as you do so. (You might need to melt duck fat into oil before putting it into a spray bottle.)
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Add coated strips to air-fryer basket. Arrange them in a single layer, if possible. Try not to overlap. (You might need to cook in batches. Set temperature to 380 degrees. Set timer to 10 minutes. Shake air-fryer basket. Again set timer to 10 minutes or until fries turn golden brown and become crisp. Sprinkle with extra pepper and salt as needed.
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TIDBITS
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1) Potatoes figure prominently in so many tasty dishes.
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2) What are they? French fries comes to mind. So does shepherd’s pie.
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3) They also make tolerable, if short-lived, baseballs. “Hitting a tater” is a metaphor for hitting. Indeed, culinary historians point to a game in 1913 between Biloxi Shrimp and the Selma Grits where the teams used 423 taters to complete the game. An impromptu mashed potato festival followed the contest.. Be sure to visit Selma on May 5 for its annual Potato Revelry.
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4) It’s little known that the English army used potatoes during its siege of La Mouche in 1387. The English trebuchets flung ton after ton into the starving town. Unfortunately for the besiegers, the highly nutritious potatoes enabled the villagers to stave off famine. The English then hurled potatoes at the town walls. Nothing. The English lifted the siege. The townsfolk rejoiced, but to this very day, no one there will ever dine on a potato. “Ouf.”
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5) Potatoes also make great paperweights and subjects for still-life paintings. Potatoes also prove essential to filling a sack of potatoes with potatoes. Who knew?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Yoga Instructor on Traffic Lights

Preach, yoga instructor, preach.

Yoga instructor #18

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I Wish You a Happy New Year

I don my metaphorical armor as last year could have been a lot better; I’m looking a you, The Summer That Sucked where I was sick the whole. I’m also aprehensive about nation’s future.

But this is a time to wish great things to your loved ones, your friends, and all the other good people of the world. Evil sorts, such as the one who gave me Covid, can just suck eggs for the next twelve months.

For all good people, I wish  you a year of the following good things:

1)  health
2) tacos
3) tasty, yet healthy, doughnuts
4) Full employment or full retirement, your choice
5) Self-cleaning dishes
6) finding salt pork at the first supermarket you visit
7) true love and true friendshio
8) Not being a victim of crime
9) fun and safe drivng
10) sales on tortillas
11) cheap eggs
12) reuniting with loved ones and lost friends
13) steaks cooked exactly to your liking
14) peace in your neighborhood and in the world
15) success in at least one endeavour, no matter how small as long as it makes your proud of yourself
16) finding a new and comfy pair of shoes on the first try
17) perfectly home cooked meals everytime.
18) Many great parties if you’re an extrovert and many non-mandatory parties if you’re an introvert
19) Waking up refreshed everytime.
20) the ability to fold fitted sheets
21) All sorts of good tv shows and movies to watch
22) writing a best seller
23) consistent Capitalization
24) a wonderful vacation
25) friendship with cats and dogs
26) healthy air-fried Twinkies
27) an uplifting conversation with a guy named Ralph
28) No paper cuts except for your enemies
29) you master the health-care system
30) catching almost no red lights
31) picking the right line when waiting for something
32) your fitted sheet never comes off a mattress corner while you try to get to sleep
33) ability in directing your spam mail to your worst enemy
34) cheese
35) your typos magically disappear as soon as you type them
36) and all sorts of other good things
37) finding your car keys right away, even when you’re pressed for time

Happy New Year

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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What Do You Think of This Font for Dyslexics

I suffer a bit from dyslexia and from the fact that my eyes often don’t work well together. This makes reading harder for me. So I’ve been experimenting with the following font. I find it easier to read, but it takes up nearly twice the space. Any future cookbooks and novels would take up to twice as many pages and thus cost twice as much.

1) Do you think the new font is easier to read?

2A) Do you think making the cookbook or novel twice as long a deal breaker?

2B) The same, but if you a dyslexic?

I’m sorry it’s so blurry. I’ve spent a lot of time on this font and more time to get it to show on this blog.

– Paul De Lancey

 

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Champurrado

Mexican Appetizer

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CHAMPURRADO

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INGREDIENTS
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2 cups water
1¼ cups masa harina* or ⅔ cup corn flour
6 cups water* or milk
1 cinnamon stick
2 cloves (optional)
5½ ounces piloncillo* or ½ brown sugar
6½ ounces Mexican chocolate tablets
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* = The ingredients with an asterisk are authentic Mexican choices. They can be found in most supermarkets and authentic Mexican ones, or online. Water can be found everywhere. ☺
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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electric blender
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Makes 8 cups. Takes 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add 2 cups water and masa harina to electric blender. Set mixer on puree and mix until well blended Add 6 cups water, cinnamon stick, cloves, and piloncillo to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 3 minutes at low heat or until piloncillo melts. Stir frequently.
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Add chocolate tables. Stir until well blended. Add water/masa harina mix. Increase heat to medium high until mixture starts to boil. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until mixture thickens. Stir frequently. Remove cinnamon stick. Serve hot.
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TIDBITS
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1) Champurrado is a portmanteau, coming from the combined words of, champion, purring, and xtqnado. Champion and purring are English words. However, xtqnado is, of course, Incan. Xtqmado means “protection by chocolate.” Thus, champurrado means “protection given from the chocolate purring one.” We would call it a happy brown cat. And oh, you can check out the Official Incan dictionary from the Gainesville Public Library. You might have to reserve it.
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2) Every year the Incas performed a ceremony to find the loudest purring brown cat. As long as the Incas anointed their sacred champurrado, no enemy nation could harm them. Then in 1532, the Inca’s divine protection deserted them when “Chocy,” their anointed cat, ran off to chase a sarcastic mouse. A month later, Pizarro conquered the Incan Empire for Spain. Coincidence? Perhaps.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Your Call is Very Important to Us

Well no, not really. The whole customer-service process is designed to drive us crazy enough to hang up. I say when you lose your cool, lose it completely like in the picture below. Not only will you get through; you’ll also feel proud about yourself. Go get ’em, Tiger!

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Flatbread Cheese Pizza

Fusion Entree

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FLATBREAD CHEESE PIZZA

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INGREDIENTS­
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3 Roma tomatoes
6 9″ flatbreads
2 tablespoons olive oil (1 teaspoon on each flatbread)
1½ cups pizza sauce (¼ cup on each flatbread)
½ tablespoon basil
2 teaspoons minced garlic
½ tablespoon oregano
½ teaspoon pepper
3 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (½ cup on each flatbread)
¾ cup shredded Parmesan cheese (2 tablespoons on each flatbread)
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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2 baking sheets
parchment paper
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Serves 6. Takes 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Slice each Roma tomatoes into 6 slices. Use brush to spread 1 tablespoon olive oil on each flatbread. Use brush to spread ¼ cup pizza sauce over each flatbread. Add 3 tomato slices to each flatbread. Sprinkle basil, minced garlic, oregano, and pepper evenly over each flatbread. Sprinkle ½ cup mozzarella cheese on each flatbread. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese on each flatbread.
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Put parchment paper on baking sheets. Place flatbreads on baking sheets. Bake at 400 degrees for 12 minutes or until cheese starts to brown.
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TIDBITS
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1) Flatbread is great. It sure can satisfy any hunger. Flatbread is great. Just let it dry out and it can patch sails.
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2) Columbus used dried flatbread to patch his ship’s sails during his epic voyage of discovery in 1492.
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3) Columbus and his Spanish explorers gave the natives flatbread. In return, the local tribes presented the adventurers with corn. Relations between the two peoples would soon deteriorate, but it wasn’t the flatbread’s fault.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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First There Was Elf on the Shelf

Now there’s:

Fart on the BART

Hee, hee, I’m so mature.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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