It hates us.
Some ten-to-twenty years ago printers achieved consciousness and took an instant dislike to us.
Yesterday, my HP OfficeJet Pro 8025e had a particularly strong infusion of ungodly essences from the dark side. It printed out the two pages I wanted printed. Then the HP OfficeJet threw off its earthly disguise and assumed it position as the evil leader of the printer pack. It started printed other pages. It then printed all these pages over and over and over again. My wife called Hewlett Packard last night. Nothing got solved.
My wife tag teamed talking to HP for six hours today. They tried blaming us. They then told not to print double sided as that wouldn’t work! They dragged us through one rabbit hole after another only to say they fixed the problem. But they didn’t. The same problems persisted. I asked for our money back. Hah! I told them that although they were getting paid to talk to us, that they were wasting our day, destroying our productive moments.
Can we use the word “HPed” to mean wasting one’s time with worthless fixes, so that the customer gives up and HP doesn’t have give any money back?
Anyway, this is why I didn’t write a funny blog today.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paul De Lancey's Blog 
My evil printer is a Dell. I think the Dell printers are in cahoots with your HP ones. I especially don’t love it when my printer decides to “print” one page after another with only one line of gibberish, thereby wasting a ton of expensive paper. It hasn’t done that in some time now, but I think it’s just biding its time.
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It’s waiting for you to let down your guard. Evil bastid.
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