Posts Tagged With: shredded

What I Did Today

 

Klingons were here.

I saw to and took care of finances. They needed tending to. “You never spend any timewith us anymore,” said my finances. “We don’t think you stopped liking us.” So I spent a while with them. We frolicked and gamboled together in the meadows and along sparkling white beaches, metaphorically of course. We parted great friends once more.

Full of the joy that only dancing with finances can yield, I tackled the paper swamp that was my office. It took a long time.

Halfway through I noticed there were Klingons around Uranus. “What the dickens are you doing there? It’s gassy and out of bounds. “Oopsie,” said Commander Frances, “I got lost.” Captain Desdemona Death Defying Daughter of Dangerous Destiny snorted. “I told him he was lost, but does a male Klingon ask for galactic directions? Noooooo.”

And soon, the Klingon spaceship puttered away.

I turned my attention back to my office. I shredded and shredded documents and the like. I shredded enough paper to make a vacation home for a dozen hampsters.

Then I made spaghetti. Ingredients were: tomatoes, leeks, green onions, onion, carrots, ground turkey, mozzarella cheese, allspice, poultry magic, and epicieres. The meal passed in pleasing conversation

And now to relax.

I hope you had a fun day. I’d like to hear about yours.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me, what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Slow Cooker Shredded Chicken

American Appetizer

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SLOW COOKER SHREDDED CHICKEN

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INGREDIENTS
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2 pounds boneless chicken
1 cup chicken broth
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon onion powder
¼ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
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Makes 2 pounds shredded chicken. Takes 3 hours.
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SPECIAL UTENSIL.
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slow cooker
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PREPARATION
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Place all ingredients in slow cooker. Set slow cooker to high and cook for 3 hours. Remove chicken and place it on plate. Use two forks to shred chicken. If desired, drizzle liquid from slow cooker over shredded chicken. Leftover shredded chicken should keep for 3 days in the refrigerator if stored in air-tight container.
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TIDBITS
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1) This recipe asks you to shred chicken.
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2) But chicken do their own shredding.
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3) Indeed, every April 16th Kona, Hawaii  holds the Great Chicken Surfing Invitational.
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4) The chicken that shreds the gnarly waves the best, wins the grand prize of a lifetime supply of Kobe worms.
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5) For there are worms and there are Kobe worms.
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6) Hattie the Hen retired just two weeks ago. She holds the record with six championships. Not a paltry poultry achievement, you bet.
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7) “She will be so missed,” said surfer legend Dude McLain. “Did you ever see one of her 360 airs? Hattie’s was the queen of shredding. She was legit, man. I wish I could have shredded like her.”
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8) A new surfing era beckons. Who will be the next chicken champion? Will it be the crowd’s new favorite, Betsy? Again from McLain, “How’d she master shredding waves in Wyoming? Far out.”
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Vietnamese Shredded Chicken Salad

Vietnamese Entree

SHREDDED CHICKEN SALAD
(Gơi Gà)

INGREDIENTS – CHICKEN

2 chicken breasts
¾ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – SALAD

½ red onion
2 tablespoons rice wine vinegar
⅔ head Napa cabbage or ½ head green cabbage
1 large carrot
½ cup fresh cilantro
½ cup fresh mint
2 green onions
⅓ cup roasted peanuts
¼ teaspoon black pepper

INGREDIENTS – DRESSING

2 garlic cloves
3 tablespoons lime juice
1 tablespoons chili garlic sauce or sriracha
2 tablespoons fish sauce or soy sauce
2 tablespoons sugar

SPECIAL UTENSIL

mandoline

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION – CHICKEN

Add chicken and salt to pot. Add enough water to cover chicken. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Reduce heat to low-medium. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes or until chicken is cooked through and tender to the fork. Remove chicken and shred with two forks.

PREPARATION -SALAD

While chicken simmers, use mandoline or knife to cut red onion into slices ¼” thick. Add red-onion slices and rice wine vinegar to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Let sit for 15 minutes.

While chicken simmers and sliced red onion sits, shred Napa cabbage. Julienne carrot. Dice cilantro, mint, and green onion. Add shredded chicken and all remaining salad ingredients to mixing bowl with red onion..

PREPARATION – DRESSING

Mince garlic cloves. Add all dressing ingredients to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.

Add dressing ingredients to bowl with chicken and salad. Toss salad and dressing with two forks until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) Shredded Chicken Salad uses shredded chicken.

2) You can tell my synapses are really firing today.

3) Shredding is also a surfing term. It means to surf a wave in a flamboyant and adept manner.

4) Shredding and shredding means to shred a wave then shred chicken for a meal or eat shredded chicken for a meal. The following conversation illustrates the two meanings of shredding.

Surfer 1: “Whoa dude, you really shredded the gnarly waves out there.”
Surfer 2: “Thanks man, primo waves. Primo waves.”
Surfer 1: “Ya hungry for Ho Chi’s chicken shack?”
Surfer 2: “Cowabunga dude, he really shreds the chicken.”

5) Wouldn’t The Two Meanings of Shredding be a great title for a book on Eastern philosophy?

6) Potato chip is a derisive term for a ridiculously small surf board.

7) Note that a small surf board is relative to the size of a surf. What is a potato chip for a 6′ 7″ man would be an okay board for a petite woman.

8) Surf boards for chicken are never called potato chips.

9) Because chickens are so small to start with.

10) Most chickens never master the art of surfing. Turkeys never do. Roosters could shred the waves if they would only concentrate. But after every successful maneuver, they’ll crow to the heavens, lose sight of the waves, and wipeout. And let me tell you, there’s nothing surlier than a rooster that’s bailed.

11) However, a small number hens can really surf. If you’re lucky you can see hens shooting the curls at your local beach. But if you want to be guaranteed world-class hens shredding the waves, you really must attend the Hilo Chicken Surfing Invitational every May. Be sure to book right away. Tickets and rooms disappear months in advance.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Brazilian Shredded Collard Greens

Brazilian Appetizer

SHREDDED COLLARD GREENS

INGREDIENTS

2 pounds collard greens (about 4 bunches)
4 garlic cloves
3½ tablespoons olive oil
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt

Serves 6. Takes 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Wash collard greens. Remove the thick part of the stems. Bundle up 8 leaves at a time. Cut bundle crosswise into ¼” strips. Mince garlic cloves. Add olive oil to large pan. Sauté garlic on medium-high heat for 1 minute or until fragrant. Stir occasionally. Add collard greens. Reduce heat to medium and sauté for 5 minutes or until greens have started to wilt, but still are semi-firm. Stir frequently. Add pepper and salt. Stir until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) In Greek mythology, Ancient Earth was not peopled with people. It was horsed with horses. Zeus let the horses roam free with the stipulation that they never ate all the tacos from the Olympian taco truck.

2) But they did and Zeus was so angry for he loved the mighty taco. As who would not? So Zeus put green collars made from veggies on the horses and tied the beasts to trees. He could eat tacos again. And he was happy. So happy, in fact, that he created humans.

3) Zeus kept the gift of fire from the humans. People who knew how to use fire, would learn to make crispy shredded tacos. With that knowledge people would soon become powerful enough to overthrow Zeus. They would send him to clean restrooms in casinos for all eternity.

4) Then, on August 10th, Prometheus, the first poor sport, lost a game of ScrabbleTM to Zeus. Enraged, he set loose all the horses and gave fire to humanity. Zeus took his revenge on Prometheus, but it was not enough. Humanity soon dethroned him.

5) Right now, Zeus cleans men’s rooms at a casino in Monaco. Be sure to live him a small tip. He really is in a bad way. Oh my gosh, his apartment is tiny. It got a lot better for us humans, though. We learned how to make tacos and have become ever more advanced since them. Now you know.

Chef Paul

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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