Posts Tagged With: politics

I’m So Tired Of . . .

My blog double is sad.

1)  Lack of sleep.

2) Chronic fatigue, even when I get sufficient sleep.

3) Arthritis and other reasons for shoulder. Taking 10 minutes to ever so slowly my arms back into place without causing blinding pain.

4) Not having my neural system work well enough without a tiny, tiny bit of food seep out one corner of my mouth.

5) ”        ”   so I don’t wobble when walking, especially when tired.

6) Being negative. I don’t like being like that. But that what I am. I don’t know whether its genetics, over awareness of what’s happening out there. Or maybe it’s home grown.

7) of trying so hard to respect and be empathetic to everyone, then in one moment inadvertently making people hate me for all eternity.

8) religion be used as a way to legitimize hatred of despised groups.

9) of having empathy being classified as a sin.

10) of having allergies.

11) of dropping food because I fingers don’t always work as they should.

12) sometimes taking minutes to put on my shirt.

13) my eyes not working well together.

14) of having reading being a struggle. It’s hard to keep my place.

15) how far our country has come from, “Ask not what your country can do for you, rather ask what you can do for your country.”

16) having the precepts stated in the Beatitudes being labeled as “woke.”

17) having our democratic priniciples being eroded in favor of corruption and bullying.

18) of having to use a CPAP machines with nasal pillows to counter severe sleep apnea.

19) straying so far from worshiping God and obeying his commandments in favor using him as muscle.

20) so much drama in my life in the world out there.

21) driving with so many horrible and aggressive drivers out there.

22) mostly low level, but continual, headaches, neck and lower back pain.

Oh, I can’t go  on.

I’m sorry that this is not funny at all. Usually, I can be funny. I shudder to think about my general outlook if I had a sense of humor.

Take care.

 

Categories: about me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Every Year Has a January 2 in It

Things change all the time. Relationships change. Politics change Food prices change. Computers change. Change change; the back of our quarters vary with each passing year. Synonyms mutate.  And even years change! Leap years have a February 29 in them. Other years don’t. Or so we thought! Isn’t nearly every 100th year bereft of a February 29?

Is life just a whirlwind? Is nothing constant? Surely, there must be some unyielding constant in our lives, something that makes us shout, “Yes, yes, we can tether our emotions and sanity to this touchstone.”

Fortunately, there is such a rock.

Every year possesses a January 2. Every. Single. Year.

You can check your old calendars. I show a past January calendar as proof.

You can now hold on to your sanity.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: danger, explanations, lifestyle, Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Win Gunfights

How many times has this happened to you? You’re minding your own business, when all of a sudden you find yourself in a showdown. Indeed, you’re in a gunfight.

How did this parlous situation occur? Perhaps you blundered into a political discussion. Perhaps you found yourself in a discussion on peace through religion. Maybe you argued too much on whether or not to add pickle juice to potato salad. Or perhaps you both went for the last piece of chocolate cake. Maybe you were at a supermarket getting ingredients for your holiday meal and some oaf is blocking the aisle with his shopping cart and words got said, words that couldn’t be taken back.

Whatever the reason, your getting set for a gunfight. You don’t want to die. The blighter who blocked the aisle nust perish. What do you do to win?

I’m glad you asked.

By all means, get ready to draw. Put your hand on your six shooter,

BUT DO NOT DRAW FIRST!

The person drawing first will actually find himself pulling the gun out of his holster slower than you because he is too busy thinking about when to draw, while you will draw faster because you act on reflax when you see his move.

Do this and you will win every time. You’ll acquire a reputation and shoppers will always, always, more their carts out of the way when you make your way down the aisle.

HOW DO WE KNOW THIS METHOD WORKS?

1)  Linus Pauling, the Nobel Prize Winner, observed all this during the many Western movies he watched. One day, he put his hypothesis to the test. He won every single simulated gunfight with his grad students.

2) Marshall Dillon won every showdown with the guys. Every single episode.

3) I employed this method in the gunfight at the start of the Gunsmoke episodes. I won every showdown. I repeatedly outdrew the great Marshall of the Old West.

THAT’S PROOF YOU CANNOT DENY.

So gun down the other guy. Stay alive by using my gunfighting technique.

You’ll say, “Thank you, Paul.”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: gunfights, how to, how to use, Westerns | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Angel Food Cupcake

American Dessert

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ANGEL FOOD CUPCAKE

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INGREDIENTS – CUPCAKES
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½ cup cake flour*
⅓ cup sugar (⅓ cup more later)
⅛ teaspoon salt
¾ teaspoon cream of tartar
5 egg whites
¾ teaspoon vanilla extract (¾ teaspoon more later)
1 tablespoon warm water
⅓ cup sugar
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* = or ½ cup flour and 3 tablespoons cornstarch
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INGREDIENTS – WHIPPED CREAM FROSTING
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¾ cup confectioners’ sugar
1½ cups heavy whipping cream
¾ teaspoon vanilla extract
fresh fruit topping (optional)
sprinkles, also known as nonpareils.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric beater
cupcake pan or pans with 15 cups
15 non-stick cupcake liners
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Makes 15 cupcakes. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION – CUPCAKES
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put cupcake liners in cupcake pan. Add cake flour, ⅓ cup sugar, and salt to medium mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.
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Add cream of tartar, egg whites, ¾ teaspoon vanilla extract, and warm water to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on low-medium for 1 minute or until egg whites become foamy. Set beater to medium-high and slowly add ⅓ cup sugar. Blend for 3 minutes or until soft peaks form.
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Use spatula to gradually and gently fold the cake-flour mixture into the egg whites. (Adding the cake flour too quickly will cause the egg whites to deflate.) This is the batter. Spoon batter into non-stick cupcake liners until they are ¾ full. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees or until lightly brown around the edges and toothpick inserted all the way down into the middle of a cupcake will come out clean. Place cupcakes on wire racks until completely cool.
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PREPARATION – FROSTING
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While cupcakes cool, add confectioners’ sugar, heavy whipping cream, and ¾ teaspoon vanilla extract to 3rd mixing bowl. Set electric beater to medium-high and whip until mixture becomes fluffy. (A medium peak should form when the beater is taken out of the mixture. Over whipping the mixture will turn it into butter. This step happens quickly.) Use spatula to spread frosting over cupcakes. If desired, garnish with fruit bits and sprinkles.
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TIDBITS
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1) The act of throwing someone out a window is called defenestration.
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2) In 1419, the good people of Prague threw important government officials out a window. The event is known as the First Defenestration of Prague and the Second Tidbit of Angel Food Cupcakes.. The result proved to be unarguably bad for the officials as they died. The defenestration arose from religious and political factors and a shortage of cupcakes.
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3) From 1420 to 1482 no defenestrations at all took place in Prague as cupcakes were plentiful.
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4) In 1483, discontent reared its ugly head. Common sense and government officials went out the window. Culinary historians point to the religious radicalization of the cup-cake guilds.
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5) From 1484 to 1647 no defenestrations at all took place in Prague as cupcakes remained plentiful. Tidbit 2) and Tidbit 4) were truly golden ages of peace and prosperity in Prague.
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6) Prognostication, the study of predicting events does not derive from the word “Prague.” However, don’t feel bad if you thought it did, as you are in good and numerous company.
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7) Window tossing made a comeback in 1618 when the Prognosticators, oops, Praguers tossed two government officials out a window. This is known as the Third Defenestration of Prague. The usual trio of politics, religion, and cupcakes prompted this notorious aerobic act. Unlike the previous two window hurlings, this one started a continent-wide war of 30 years. In 1649, everybody said, “I’d like to take back the Third Defenestration. If only we could return to halcyon era of Tidbit 4.”
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8) I’ve been to the window of tidbit 7. The government officials survived their fall due to the fact the window was only on the second floor and the mulch below cushioned their fall. No one likes to be pitched down onto decomposing hay, vegetables, and perhaps manure. So, we can well understand the officials advocating for a thirty-year war.
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9) On the other hand, starting a war than convulsed Europe for decades does seem to be an over reaction to a bit of out-the-windowing. If only the officials had taken an anger management course. Then bloody conflict would not have stalked the lands. Ah well.
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10) In 1994, Prague’s city council passed laws and regulations ensuring adequate cup cake production. The municipality has been at blessed peace ever since. Whew.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome Buyers’ Report – Plastic Wrap

While we’ve been concentrating on foreign wars, domestic politics, and the economy, an issue of great importance to all of us has been allowed to fester.

Namely, the truly fetid state of many plastic wraps. Plastic wraps, WHEN THEY WORK, are invaluable in helping food last longer. When they don’t work, the plastic usually is doing a fantastic job of adhering to itself. It’s nigh on impossible to remove any plastic from the rest of the plastic on the roll. Indeed, the whole state of affairs has gotten so bad, that some of the poorer militaries around the world use rolls of plastic wrap in their bazookas.

American consumers yearn for information on plastic wrap. Who will help them choose the good wraps and avoid the bad ones? Who? Who will bear the consumers’ burden?

America, Paul’s Awesome Buyer’s Report hears you. Here is its first in depth analysis.

But first, we must go over PABE’s, Paul’s Awesome Buyers’ Report, rating system.

From worst to best:

Evil
Bad
So so
Good
Heavenly

In this issue I analyzed the following wraps

Saran(tm) Premim Wrap – Evil

I could not any plastic to pull off the roll no matter how hard and long I tried. I ended up throwing it away,

Reynolds(tm) Kitchens Plastic Wrap – Good

The great virtue of this product is its built-in side cutter. As Reynolds states, “Clean cut every time.” You’ll never again buy any plastic wrap without a built-in a side cutter.

Reynold’s = Good
Saran’s = Evil

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There.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Paul's Awesome Buyers Report | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vote Bacon & Chocolate – Doughnuts

The unrelenting grimness and humiliation of Bacon & Chocolate Party from November’s election sobered up its leadership something considerable. I’m glad to say that we’ve learned from our mistakes and will move on. To glory.

We will now doing our campaign before the election and not after it was we have just done. Sure, that seems obvious now. But that’s all in the past. As indeed, is everything we’ve ever done.

Any way here is B&C’s first campaign promise.

Vote Bacon & Chocolate #2

Take that, mainstream parties.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Uncle Sam Wants You to be Civil

Please, please, please, do what he asks.

Uncle Sam #3

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Don’t Block the Aisle With Your Shopping Cart

You work hard all day. Things went wrong. You’re seething with barely suppressed anger. But food is needed at home. So off to the supermarke you go. The one particular item you need is all the way down the aisle. This aisle is so long you can barely see the other end for the curvature of the Earth. You almost make it to your package of squid-ink spaghetti you need for that meal you were going to make for your Venetian boss, where you were going to ask for a much needed raise.

But, but, but, there’s someone blocking your way with her cart. You summon your last reserves of patience and say, “Excuse me, would you please move your cart.” But no, the oaf, she doesn’t move her cart. She is oblivious. You shout at her, “Move your fecking cart.” She sneers at you. “How rude.”

Your self control evaporates. The two of you tussle. Another shopper has filmed the whole thing and posts it everywhere. Shoppers everywhere take this video as a license to attack other shoppers. Shopping-cart riots engulf our great nation. This unbridled anger spreads to politics. Soon, all of America descends into undeclared civil war. Lutefisk vendors take advanage of the widespread chaos to sell lutefisk at our grammar schools. My forward-looking mind shuts down at this point.

DON’T BLOCK THE AISLE WITH YOUR SHOPPING CART!

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul R. De Lancey

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mason Jar Chocolate Ice Cream

American Dessert

MASON JAR CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTS

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 cups heavy whipping cream
5 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
⅛ teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor or blender
3 cup Mason jar

Makes 2½ cups. Takes 20 minutes to make and 4 hours to firm in freezer.

PREPARATION

Add chocolate chips to pan. Melt using low-medium heat. Stir constantly. Add melted chocolate chips and all other ingredients to 3 cup Mason jar. Make sure that the lid to Mason jar is screwed on tightly. Shake jar vigorously for 5 minutes or until mixture thickens to the consistency of batter. Put jar in freezer. Let sit for 4 hours or until firm.

TIDBITS

1) Family dinners can often be quite contentious.

2) Why?

3) There’s always someone who doesn’t like some dish that you made for the gathering on the clan.

4) And you spent up to two days making your feast.

5) And someone always brings up politics, which always gets people riled.

6) But this argument gets forgotten when someone offers to help and puts your grandmother’s cast-iron skillet in the washer. 30 minutes your angel of a daughter, Sally, looks up at you with soulful eyes. Tears drip down as she quavers, “Mommy, you were going to give that skillet one day.” Her distress punches you in the feels as you review the ingratitude and argument of the dining room. You wish, you really wish that just once serenity could prevail while eating with those oafs.

7) With this recipe your wish is granted. Everybody, absolutely everyone loves chocolate ice cream. Eating this dessert makes everyone so happy that they become strangely pleasant. Furthermore, this dish takes almost no effort to make and is so easy to clean. What more could you want?

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Emperor Paul I

The picture to the right shows what I would look like were I to become emperor. And why not? I’m a nice guy. Also, according to long standing family belief, I am the fifth generation, direct descendant of Emperor Napoleon I. So you can see I have a valid claim to be the ruler of France. And I’m quite up on French history as well as being aware of French politics. Also, I have spent time in France on multiple occasions, I’ve bicycled from one end of France to another, love French cuisine, am adept at cooking French dishes. At my peak, I could speak fluent French at a third-grade level. What more do you want? Anyway, the country is a total mess, I am less so. Time to make me leader of France. My slogan is, “Take naps. Do no harm.” Aux armes, citoyens.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., Paul I

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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