Posts Tagged With: murders

Sad Sack in “Raw Material”

Sad Sack comic books were my favorite when I was growing up. I would spend my allowance on them. I also got some when I was sick for a few days, which, alas, was all too frequent. But these comics always made me smile. This Sad Sack comic book is probably from around 1966.

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: favorite | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Death By Enhancement

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Definition Woman | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hot Dog Provencale

French Entree

HOT DOG PROVENÇALE

INGREDIENTS

2 6 ounce to-be-baked baguettes
2 garlic cloves
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon marjoram
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon tarragon
1 teaspoon thyme
½ teaspoon basil
½ teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon parsley
¼ teaspoon black pepper
6 tablespoons spicy brown mustard
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
4 frankfurters, preferably Hebrew NationalTM
4 slices Swiss cheese

PREPARATION

Preheat to temperature shown on baguette bag or 375 degrees. Cut baguettes in half along their width. Cut each half baguette again in half, this along its height. Do the same for the other baguette. You should now have 8 baguette slices.

Mince garlic cloves. Remove stem from bay leaves and chop them into little bits.

Combine in mixing bowl: garlic, bay leaves, marjoram, rosemary, tarragon, thyme, basil, oregano, parsley, pepper, garlic, mustard, and mayonnaise. Stir with fork until blended.

Spread mixture equally onto the 8 baguette slices. Put 4 frankfurters onto 4 baguette slices. Put slices on cooking tray and put in oven. Cook according to instructions on baguette-loaf bag or 8 minutes at 375 degrees. Put a half slice of Swiss cheese on each baguette slice. Put cooking tray back in oven. Cook for 2 more minutes. The cheese should be melted and the bread crust golden brown. (This paragraph inspected by editor no. 2.)

Remove baguette slices and assemble. Your guests will come running to the dinner table with cries of “Oh, la, la,” and “C’est magnifique.” If they do not, use your guillotine.

TIDBITS

1) One of the last Roman emperors was Marjorianus. It is unlikely that he ever ate hot dogs.

2) The Romans did conquer and possess Gaul, the location of modern-day France, for hundreds of years.

3) The first Gallic province the Romans took was cleverly called Provence.

4) This area is still called Provence.

5) Americans eat lots of hot dogs. We barbeque them.

6) The French eat a few hot dogs. They also wrote stories about Barbar The Elephant.

7) Romans ate no hot dogs. They were conquered by barbarians.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Car Died

 

My car just died a sudden and definitive death. Feckity, feck, feck, feck.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: Bad Day | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Mother as a Young Lady

Today was a horrible day. One of my cars started leaking oil. The repair is going to cost a minimum of $1,500 and the handwriting is on the wall for its demise. Maybe it’s as soon as tomorrow. The other car might last another year, Ugh.

Fortunately, a two-week reorganization of the garage, my office, and part of the living room help me uncover this picture of my mom when was especially beautiful.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My Name is Inigo Montoya

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: My name is Inigo Montoya | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Flu Haiku

THE FLU
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Snot funny, the flu.
I hate it. I so hate it.
This fecking flu. Blecch.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why I Hate WalMart

All the following thoughts come from personal experience, from  watching TV, reading articles, and from what I consider reputable online sites, such as Yahoo Finance, CNN, etc.

THING I LIKE ABOUT WALMART(tm)

You can see what WalMart carries and where they stock it. For example, I looked up Nescafe(tm) Cafe Mocha Creamer. Their website walmart.com said they had it and listed to be in 35A. This is wonderful information for someone who needs a particular ingredient and other things. Sure beats the heck of searching stores all around the county, going up and down one aisle after another. Thumbs up, WALMART.

Unfortunately . . .

THINGS I HATE ABOUT WALMART

1) Their chaotic parking lots.

2) Many of their aisles are tiny.

3) Their apparent war on checkers. I went their today. My WalMart had only one of about twenty checkout stands with a person at it. Of course, the line stretched to the next time zone.

4) Not everyone agrees with me on this one. I hate the self-checkout stands. I always have problems with them. I have seen people who’ve had many experiences with this machine, have problems.

5) I DON’T work for WalMart. I don’t want to do the checking out. Don’t make me do something that all other supermarkets and superstores do.

6) Don’t take jobs away  people. Hire more checkers and have fewer checkout machines.

7) Pay your workers more. Do that and stop telling your workers how to get municipal and state assistance. Stop making taxpayers pay your employees.

8) This is no fault of WalMart’s, but more shoppers there seem to block aisles with their carts than anyone else.

9) Hire checkers with more experience. WalMart checkers seem to need more assistance than anywhere else. Walmart might need to pay more money to get better workers to fix this problem.

10) Stop driving long-standing small stores out of business.

11) Then closing a WalMart. Small towns have seen their small stores shut down because of WalMart. Then when WalMart decides to leave, the small community has nothing. No where to shop. Nowhere to get together.

I’m not a complete grump. I do like some supermarkets. They include Stater Bros., Grocery Outlet, and Sprouts. I also like Target.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Fijian Bacon and Banana

Fijian Entree

FIJIAN BACON AND BANANA

INGREDIENTS

8 strips of bacon
4 bananas
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon parsley
8 bread slices

PREPARATION

Toast the bread. Lightly coat the toast with paprika and parsley. Peel the bananas. Cut them in half lengthways. Sprinkle pepper and salt on them.

Spray the fry pan with no-stick spray. Fry the bacon until it reaches the desired level of crispiness. Put the bacon on a towel to drain the fat. Fry the bananas for about four minutes on medium-to-high heat.

Put a bacon (BACON!) strip and banana half on each piece of toast. Serve hot.

TIDBITS

1) This dish is a favorite in Fiji where about one in five recipes has banana as an ingredient.

2) It’s more of an acquired taste back here in America. My children did not acquire it.

3) My wife and I honeymooned in Fiji. We had a fancy hut maybe fifty yards from the beach and a coral reef not ten yards from the shore.

4) Fiji suffered two coups after we left. We claim no responsibility.

5) Coconuts are expensive in America. They lay by the dozens along the road near our hut.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Saga of the New Stereo System

The new arrival

I have had a rather forlorn stereo system sitting neglected in the corner of my living room. It hadn’t worked well for a long time. The speakers emitted crackling noises the last times I tried to listen to its radio or to records. The CD player refused to release the CD within in it. The leads from the speakers were live wires. The whole system deserved a dignified death. I always meant to do something, yet the years saw backpacks and such get stored in front present an impenetrable barrier.

This reminds me of a joke. Wives, when a husband tells you he will do something, he will do it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Anyway, after a scant two decades I mustered up the get and go up to get a new system. Yes, I am rather proud of my initiative.

First, I wanted to find my records for there was no point of getting something with a turntable if I no longer had LPs.

So, I set out to find them in the garage. Unfortunately, they had found themselves a well-hidden lair. I had to pull about half of the boxes and containers away from the walls before I discovered the records. At that point, Number Two Son I agreed that I might as well sort out the garage.

Just 40 hours later, we’d discarded scads of loose papers and books that would never get read before our Sun went super nova. We organized everything into categories and put them into new containers. We labeled them and stacked against the garage wells. It looks so much neater. If you’re in the neighborhood, you really should come and see my orderly garage. I regard the place as one of the Seven Wonders of the Modern World.

I then reorganized my office as I needed to make space for my new system, my records, and my CDs.

My new stereo system arrived just hours after completing all tidying up. Here it is. It works and looks so neat.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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