Posts Tagged With: grammar school

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary: Today’s Word – Frimp

How many times has this happened to you? Either your GPS has broken down or you just didn’t bother with directions. The Sun went down two hours ago. You don’t know which way to go?  You get out of the care to answer the call of nature, when suddenly you see an imp not five feet away. How the heck did it get so close? You notice that is imp is carrying an axe. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, you are going to die! You’re gonna die. Then the most amazing thing occurs. The imp carefully lays down its axe. He smiles at you. His name is Ian, Ian the Imp. He asks you to play charades. Ian does not get many opportunities to play charades. You play the game with him. Until dawn. You become friends.

If only there were a word to describe this new friend. And now we have.

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

FRIMP

Awesome entry #40

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul's Awesome Dictionay, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary: Today’s Word – Pqfkqpltw

Foreign words can be difficult to pronounce. Words that we’ve never seen before are also hard to say correctly, such as ‘”reconnaissance” was for eight-year old me. Sure, we could say, “That word is hard to pronounce.” However, that is a sentence, of six words no less. What if we want to say that in just one word, one that evokes the difficulty of a nearly unpronounceable word?

This  paragraph brings us to

TODAY’S AWESOME WORD

PQFKQPLTW

Awesome entry #36

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Misheard Lyrics of Traditional Scottish Folk Song

The haunting lyrics of “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean” evokes feelings of deep sorrow. This sorrow derives from the fact the Pretender to the British Throne, Bonnie Prince Charlie, lies across the English Channel. Or perhaps someother body of water if had been struck with a feeling of wanderlust. Did they have Club Med(tm) then?

Or, a Scotsman is pining for his love, Bonnie, who for some reason took a cruise to the continent. As after the disastrous defeat at Culloden in 1745, the victorious English banned all support for Bonnie Prince Charlie. So, apprehended Scotsmen could say, “Why no, constable, I wasn’t singing about the Prince, I was singing about my lass, Bonnie.” And the constable would have to walk away.

And so goes the story for the correct lyrics.

But in or grammar school song time we heard, “My body” instead of “My bonnie.”

This turned the story into something existential and eerie.

The true lyrics are:

“My Bonnie lies over the ocean,
My Bonnie lies over the sea,
My Bonnie lies over the ocean,
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.

[Chorus]
Bring back, bring back,
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me, to me.
Bring back, bring back,
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.”

Eventually, our teachers told us that we were to sing “My Bonnie.” Of course, this made us sing “My body” even louder. We were ever so clever back then. The thought just struck me today that “My bottom lies over the ocean” would be hilarious as well. Apparently, I’m still as brilliant as I was back then.

And now the misheard lyrics:

Misheard lyrics #17

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Shrimp Gravy

American Entree

SHRIMP GRAVY

INGREDIENTS

1 green bell pepper
1 celery stalk
1 medium onion
1½ pounds shrimp, peeled and deveined (41-50 count)
¼ teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon seasoned salt
6 bacon slices
2 tablespoons butter
¼ cup flour
1½ cups beef stock

Serves 6 Takes 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Seed and dice bell pepper. Dice celery and onion. Add shrimp, garlic powder, and seasoned salt to mixing bowl. Stir with fork or hands until shrimp are completely coated.

Add bacon to pan. Cook at medium-high heat until crisp. Remove bacon with slotted spoon and place on paper towels. Crumble bacon. Keep bacon grease in pan. Add bell pepper, celery, and onion. Sauté for 4 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add butter and flour to pan. Reduce heat to medium. Cook for 5 minutes or until flour turns copper brown. Stir constantly. Reduce heat if necessary, to prevent burning.

Add beef stock and coated shrimp to pan. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 4 minutes or until shrimp turns pink or orange. Stir frequently. Add crumbled bacon. Mix with fork until well blended. Goes well over freshly cooked rice or grits.

TIDBITS

1) When I was a kid, I took speech therapy classes. One of the phrases I had to master was “Butter makes the bitter batter better.” I enrolled in one acting class. I had to say easily, “You need New York, unique New York. You know you need unique New York.”

3) I played Snoopy in my grammar school’s version of You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I even danced and sang. I built upon this success to play Wildcat Willie in my middle school’s production of Wildcat Willie Carves the Turkey.

4)Strange to say, I landed no more roles after that. I do however, have the occasional dream where I’m on stage and I don’t know the name of the play or my lines. Sigh.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Coconut Pepper Steak

Mauretanian Entree

COCONUT PEPPER STEAK

INGREDIENTScoconutpeppersteak

2 cups rice
3 tablespoons cornstarch
¼ cup dry white wine
3 green bell peppers
3 garlic cloves
3 pounds beef tenderloin
2 cubes beef bouillon
⅓ cup peanut oil or vegetable oil
¼ teaspoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon pepper
½ tablespoon salt
⅔ cup coconut milk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Fist of Doom, kitchen mallet, or heavy can
Dutch oven

Serves 8. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on package. Add cornstarch and dry white wine to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until cornstarch dissolves. Seed bell peppers. Mince garlic cloves. Slice bell peppers and beef into strips 1″ and up to 3″ long. Smash bouillon cubes with Fist of Doom.

Add peanut oil, bell-pepper strips, garlic, chili powder, pepper, and salt to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Add beef strips. Sauté for 3 minutes on medium-high heat. Stir occasionally. Add coconut milk and smashed bouillon cubes. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Add dissolved cornstarch in wine to pan. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes or until sauce thickens. Stir occasionally. Ladle beef strips, bell-strips, and sauce over rice.

TIDBITS

1) This and nearly all other recipes employ fractional amounts of ingredients, such as ½ teaspoon. Fractions are learned in grammar school. This is why there are no kindergarten chefs.

2) There are precious few recipes that list “x teaspoons” and then challenge you to solve for x. There’s been some speculation that Xavier Cougat once wrote a cookbook for algebra lovers, but there’s evidence for it.

3) The letter x is a palindrome. This is why mathematicians love to use it.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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