Angry Man is truly channeling me this tax season.
Angry Man #30
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Wanda Wunder #36
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Yesterday was such a busy day. The Earth’s core is filled with nickel. Yes, it is. Well, have you been there? Anyway, Earth’s Core, EC, was fed up with having an inner, no view, cabin on Cruise Ship Earth.
“Four billion years,” it said, “that’s long enough. I want to be on the surface. I want to see the stars and the Moon. I want to feel the wind brush all over me. I want to see the Folies Bergère. I’m coming out now.”
“Do you mean you’re telling the rest of the world that you’re gay?” I asked.
“I’m not. I’m molten metal. Anyway, I don’t get out much. And speaking of getting out, give me one good reason I shouldn’t bubble to the surface and cover the world,” said EC.
“There wouldn’t be any tacos if you suffocated us all with your metallic self.”
EC sighed. “Ok, but send me some tacos.”
And so, I spent of yesterday drilling a taco tube to EC. EC liked his tacos very much. It says, “Thank you.” The world is again at one with itself.
I am happy to say that I was able to take up latch hooking again today. I have done 4,752 squares out of 8,588. I am up to Charlie Brown’s neck.
Here’s what it looks like:
Latch Hook 3/8/2024
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
How many times has this happened to you? You make a point of remembering a fact such as an address or your appointment, but forget it a day later. The information was important, that’s why you strained your brain and fretted about not remembering. But once more you forgot. All you did was diminish your self worth.
Why stress yourself? And this brings us to
TODAY’S AWESOME WORD
Awesome entry #31
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
It looks blurry because you’ve drunk too much.
Most of us have never had a DUI offense. We simply don’t drink enough to have an illegal Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) high enough for a citation. In California, the limit for alcohol in your blood stream is 0.08%.
But suppose your celebrating your darling daughter’s wedding. You’d like to toast her future life. You’d like to unwind with champagne at such a wonderful event, but you don’t want to drive drunk. It’s not safe. It’s against the law. A DUI offense could cost you thousands. You could lose your license. This would cripple your traveling flea-circus tour.
As it stands, the safe and legal BAC depends of the number of drinks you’ve had, your weight, and your sex as can be seen in table on the right.
Sobering numbers, and rightly so, but the celebrating driver has been given two signficant loopholes, changing your weight and your sex if you’re a woman. Let’s examine these loopholes.
1) Massive weight gain.
BAC is calculated by dividing the alcohol in your blood stream by your weight. Doubling your weight halves your BAC. I’m allowed to drink more alcohol, because of my weight, than are most men. So there is a huge incentive for the drinking man to tub up as the following table shows.
Drinks Legal for man if he Legal for woman if she
weighs more than weighs more than
—————————————————————–
1 75 67
2 150 133
3 225 200
4 300 267
5 375 333
6 450 400
7 525 467
8 600 533
9 675 600
10 750 667
2) Sex Change – Works only for some women
As the DMV’s table (at the top) shows, a woman who weighs 160 will be legally intoxicated if she has two drinks. However, if she opts for a sex-change operation to become a man, those same two drinks will leave her legal to drive.
Similarly, a woman who weighs 240 pounds will also benefit from a gender change.
Note well, these two options might not be the right choices for you. Side effects, consequences, etc.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Plate tectonics
My friend wanted to take the online DMV test. Her friend said it would be easier than driving to the DMV and taking the written driving test. So she plugged away on her cell phone at home. Off and on. For two days. And got nowhere slowly. The DMV’s test site was glacial when it worked. But mostly the test site stopped her cold, Often and early.
So she thought she’d use the computers at her library. Which was closed today. So we drove for 3o minutes to get to a library that was open. Logging on was a snap on the 13th attempt. She started the test, which stopped. For minutes on end. So. Many. Times. The stock market closed before she finished the test. From pillar to post, the test took her three hours. It took 30 minutes. So in total, the online test took four hours*, which is officially slower than plate tectonics.
All in all, I have to say, I was unimpressed.
* = You could have six colonoscopies in that time.**
** = To be fair, the online DMV test is discernably more pleasant.
Now you know.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Sure, we often find ourselves in a situation where we’re unaware of something; being oblivious to things around us. Sometimes, we know we’re supposed to looking for something right in front of our face. In other instances, we ‘re unaware that we’re being unaware of something,
If only there existed a word to describe this scenario. There is, it’s:
TODAY’S AWESOME WORD
Obliviousy
Awesome entry #30
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
LOL stands for laugh out loud. But many of us too restrained, too shy, or too introverted to ever laugh out loud. But we still find things really funny.
This self consciousness leads us to
TODAY’S AWESOME WORD
LI
Awesome entry #29
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paul De Lancey's Blog 