Posts Tagged With: bacon

The Bacon And Chocolate Party Will Win In November

 See?  Dated 7/24.

Bacon & Chocolate Party has, through the use of its revolutionary time
machine, uncovered proof of B&C’s upcoming win in November. The
photo on this blog depicts President Paul De Lancey coming down the
steps of Air Force One.

Mr. De Lancey, upon being shown this picture, said, “Who would have
thought we’d win what with our party being a write-in in every state
and having a budget of $0.00? It just shows you the American public
wants bacon and chocolate over politics as usual.”

Indeed. Good luck, President De Lancey.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Bacon Haikus

Bacon haikus is the new wave of literature.

I started off with one that oozes elegant simplicity.

Bacon, my bacon.
Bacon, bacon, my bacon.
Bacon, my bacon.

Did Rembrandt like bacon?
I like to think he did or
I’ll sell his paintings.

Bacon tastes so wonderful.
Makes  jobs for heart specialists.
Bacon tastes wonderful.

Pilgrims farming the
Old West always took bacon
God bless America.

America went to
War to defeat the Nazis
And protect bacon.

America is great
With its fine chocolate
With its crisp bacon.

Don’t care what others
Will say, but give me bacon
Or some chocolate.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Be The Boss Of Your Federal Department – Part 2

All you have to do is follow my blog, pauldelancey.com and like it. In return, when elected President of the United States on the Bacon & Chocolate Party  ticket, I will give you a job as the head honcho of whatever federal department is available. (See below for taken slots and list of federal agencies.) If you can’t decide, but still wish to serve your country at a handsome salary with great health care, I will randomly pick a department for you to run.
http://www.usa.gov/directory/federal/index.shtml

May 21, 2012 – Directory listing for federal agencies and departments:A.

What a deal! What a country!

Our lineup so far:

President: Paul De Lancey
Vice President: Daphne Anne Humphrey

Avoiding Labor: Stephen Parrish
Education: Jan Buckner, Amy Buckheister Gettinger
Extraterrestrial Welcoming Committee: Denise Hemphill
Health Human Services And Cooking: Shauna Roberts
State: Franchesca Todd
Secret Service: Maria Kuroshchepova
Treasury: Andrea Isom

Ambassadorships:
Vatican: John Rucker

Bacon & Chocolate for a Tasty Tommorow

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, politics, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Be The Boss Of Your Very Own Federal Department

All you have to do is follow my blog, pauldelancey.com and like it. In return, when elected President of the United States on the Bacon & Chocolate Party  ticket, I will give you a job as the head honcho of whatever federal department is available. (See below for taken slots.) If you can’t decide, but still wish to serve your country at a handsome salary with great health care, I will randomly pick a department for you to run.

What a deal! What a country!

Our lineup so far:

President: Paul De Lancey
Vice President: Daphne Anne Humphrey
Treasury: Andrea Isom
State: Karina De Lancey
Avoiding Labor: Stephen Parrish
Education: Jan Buckner, Amy Buckheister Gettinger

Bacon & Chocolate for a Tasty Tommorow.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pigs In A Blanket

American Entree

PIGS IN A BUTTERMILK BLANKET

INGREDIENTS

1 16 ounce package jumbo buttermilk biscuit dough
1 cup grated four cheeses
8 turkey franks

PREPARATION

Defrost franks. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Separate the dough into eight pieces. Elongate each dough piece with a rolling pin dusted with flour (Male chefs, this will not work on you.) or simply roll a frozen turkey frank along the dough if any are remaining.

(You don’t have to use turkey franks instead of beef franks or buttermilk biscuits in this dish. In keeping with this cookbook’s theme of “Cooking with what’s handy,” I used, well, what was handy. Similarly, a 10 ounce package of dough will mean thinner blankets for your pigs.)

Sprinkle grated cheese evenly among the eight dough pieces. Put a frank near one end of a dough piece and wrap the dough around the frank. Put this work of art on cookie sheet with the dough overlap on the bottom. Otherwise, the dough will bake apart and you will have “Pigs in a Buttermilk Boat.”

Bake in oven until biscuits are golden brown or about 10 to 15 minutes. This is a bad time to hibernate; monitor your Pigs in a Buttermilk Blanket to make they don’t burn or cook unevenly. It’s discouraging to have part of a baked dish be burnt on one side and doughy on the other. You might need to rotate the Pigs at least once. Heat escapes each time you open the oven, so in these cases you might need to cook the dish a minute longer.

Remember, vigilance when baking.

TIDBITS

1) This tidbit was eliminated during editing.

2) April 24th is National Pigs in a Blanket Day.

3) This dish is also known somewhere as “Weiner Winks.”

4) The British make Pigs in a Blanket by wrapping up small sausages in bacon.

5) Footballs were originally made from pigs’ bladders. This sounded so gross, people took to calling them pigskins. These early footballs could very well have been the inspiration for air pumps.

6) But footballs made from cows’ bladders would have been huge, while ones coming from chickens would have been tiny. Would Payton Manning have thrown all those touchdowns if he had been tossing chicken bladders downfield?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Volunteers Needed For Mind-Numbing Work

The Bacon & Chocolate Party needs volunteers in all fifty states to gather signatures to put our glorious party on the state ballot. The work is hard. The hours are long. The remuneration is non-existent.

Oh crap, I need a chocolate doughnut.

Bacon & Chocolate: “We’re tasty.”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, politics | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

State Of The Bacon-And-Chocolate Party

My wife is going to vote for Bacon-And-Chocolate in November. Our number of committed voters has thus gone up at an infinite rate. Take that, President Obama and Romney. Sources close to me believe that I am going to vote for B&C as well. Join the Bacon-And-Chocolate Stream Roller.

Our lineup so far:

President: Paul De Lancey
Vice President: Daphne Anne Humphrey
Treasury: Andrea Isom
State: Karina De Lancey

The standards are high. You must ask for the position or at least express some transitory interest.

Our cause is tasty. We cannot lose except by defeat.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, politics | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

How The Bacon-And-Chocolate Party Will Eliminate Crime

Crime is bad. Let’s get rid of it. Is our present system of incarceration working? No. Who was responsible for this? The Democrats and Republicans. Who will fix it? Bacon-And-Chocolate. How? I’m glad you asked. Here is our five point program.

1) Convicted criminals will never get bacon or chocolate.  Our current system allows prisoners to enjoy socialized bacon and chocolate.  That’s no deterrence at all. Geez!

2) Convicted criminals will download software for all the law-abiding citizens in their community. They will work with customer service until the myriad of issues are resolved.

3) Convicted criminals will be forced to stay at home. Municipal, county, state, and federal governments will save billions and billions of dollars on prison construction costs, prison maintenance, and prison staff.

4) Criminals who leave their homes will be sent to maximum-security cells for life. It bears repeating, these ne’er do wells will still be without chocolate and bacon for life . They will still do software downloads for life.

5) These ne’er do wells will also be forced, in their short free periods, to read and re-read James Joyce’s Ulysses until their minds explode trying to understand it. Moreover we will, if allowed, by human rights organizations, serve lutefisk everyday to our hardened criminals.

No person alive would even contemplate committing any crime when faced with the above five consequences. Crime would disappear from our great country within the year.  Money spent on law enforcement could be used to balance budget and distribute free bacon and chocolate to all Americans.

Vote Bacon-And-Chocolate. Honest and Tasty.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

State Of The Bacon-And-Chocolate Party

Great news! Interest in our Bacon-And-Chocolate Party continues to surge. Bad news. Instead of contributing to our party, people content themselves with eating bacon and chocolate.

Good news, we are almost on the ballot in all fifty states and D.C.. We only fall short of being on the ballots by the merest of margins, the required number of signatures.

Campaign war chest: $0.00. Good news: your campaign contribution will buy so much more influence than the same amount would with the Republican or Democratic party.

Call out for people willing to gather signatures. Hard work will be rewarded out of the campaign war chest.

Our cause is tasty. We cannot lose.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, politics | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Paul De Lancey Set To Debate Barack Obama And Mitt Romney

I’m throwing down the gauntlet. On July 5, I will debate my two closest contenders for the presidency. The debate will be at my place in Poway, gem of east San Diego County. Greek egg flower soup, tzatziki sauce with gyros,  la daube Provencale, and doro wat will be the main courses. With Obama and Romney sleepy from the feast the debate will begin. The topic for the first part of the debate will be the role of bacon and chocolate in economic recovery. I should shine in this segment.

The second part of the debate will include lying, cussing, and name calling. I expect to finish a distant third to the professional politicians.

Post-debate refreshments will include root-beer floats-nectar of the gods, vanilla ice-cream malts, and with a touch of impishness to the politicians, Fijian orange fool.

The whole world will be watching.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, politics | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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