Posts Tagged With: apocalyptic

Online Herbs for Witchcraft

I cook many different dishes from around the world. This means I require herbs from all over as well. Many of these herbs cannot simply be found near my fair city of Poway, California. So today, I browsed Amazon.

There are dozens of sites selling herbs for witchcraft. Okay! But don’t you know, there are many people who aren’t witchcraft masters. Lots of us are completely untutored in witchcraft ways. I am one of them

But Amazon sells herbal witchcraft kits for beginners. I can now practice witchcraft.  I can! I can!

You better not rile me.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Goofy Man Tells Senseless Puns

Goofy Man #3

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Berbe Kafta Kebabs From Morocco

Moroccan Entree

BERBERE KAFTA KEBABS

INGREDIENTS

1 medium yellow onion
1 tablespoon Berbere spices (Or see recipe for BERBERE SPICE MIX)
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ tablespoon ground coriander
¼ teaspoon ground ginger
1 tablespoon parsley flakes
½ teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon sea salt
1½ pounds ground beef

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Electric skillet
Wooden skewers (about 8 inches long. Size matters.)
Spice grinder (if you are making your own Berbere spice mix.)

PREPARATION

Peel and dice onion. Put onion, Berbere spices, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, coriander, ginger, parsley, pepper, salt, and ground beef in mixing bowl. Indulge in gentle primal scream therapy as you mix everything together with your hands. Make meatballs about 1-inch across until mix is used up. Put meatballs in bowl and chill in refrigerator for at least one hour.

Cook meatballs on electric skillet at 350 degrees. Turn just often enough to ensure meatballs are no longer pink on the inside and starting to brown on the outside. Vigilance is a must. (Tasting isn’t a bad idea either. However, if you taste every meatball before your fiancé arrives, then maybe the relationship wasn’t meant to be.)

Let the meatballs cool down enough so they don’t burn your fingers. Gently place 2 or 3 meatballs on each skewer. (It is possible to pierce your hand or finger with the sharp edge of the skewer. These are wooden skewers, you say, how sharp can they be? Okay, I probably couldn’t terrify an intruder armed with a gun, but I could give him an owie he’d never forget.)

Tastes great on its own or serve with lemon wedges and Moroccan yogurt sauce. (See recipe for this.)

TIDBITS

1) In 711, Arab armies crossed over the Straits of Gibraltar and headed northward to the Frankish Kingdom bringing all sorts of Moroccan spices with them. It is hard to say exactly what spices, as most historians, especially military, are strangely mute on this point.

2) In 732, the Frankish leader defeated the Arabs at the battle of Tours ensuring the survival of French spices and cuisine.

3) Frankish and Arab armies marched back and forth in southern France until 915, making certain the fusion of French and Moroccan spices.

4) Culinary arts stagnated during centuries of peace between France and Morocco.

5) Fortunately, French power and imperialism came back in 1907 when Gallic armies occupied Casablanca. A new round of fighting and culinary exchange between the two great nations began.

6) Unfortunately for gourmands everywhere total peace broke out in 1956 with Moroccan independence.

7) For awhile, it seemed as if the tens of thousands of brave French and Moroccan warriors who died in the cause of culinary integration had fallen in vain.

8) But you can’t keep a good spicer down. Over the next few decades, Moroccans headed to France in search of jobs, bringing their spices with them. Now you can find good French and Moroccan restaurants all over the world. Life is good.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Vote Bacon & Chocolate

Bacon & Chocolate is finally ready to hit the campaign trail for 2022.

We would have started earlier, but our campaign chest was empty, $0,00, And let me tell you, you can’t buy many ads with that kind of cash,

However, B&C just came into two windfalls.

1) A lawsuit settlement of $9.83. A toll-booth company had been overcharging and got caught.

2) $1.85 in loose change found under the sofa cushions.

The B&C Party is ready to party.  Vote for us. All you need is a time machine.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Berbere Spice Mix From Ethiopia

Ethiopian Appetizer

BERBERE SPICE MIX

INGREDIENTS

1 teaspoon whole clove
½ teaspoon allspice
½ tablespoon cardamom
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon fenugreek
½ teaspoon ginger
½ teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon onion salt
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon black pepper
3 teaspoons red pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon turmeric

Takes 5 minutes. Makes 5½ tablespoons.

PREPARATION

Grind whole clove. Mix spices together in bowl with fork. This recipes makes about a cup of Berbere spice mix.

TIDBITS

1) In Roman times, cinnamon cost about twelve times as much as silver.

2) Boy, the Romans must have loved their cinnamon on toast.

3) Texas Toast is a thicker type of toast.

4) It’s a good thing the Romans never conquered Texas and the rest of America because I would hate to blow the family budget on expensive cinnamon on Texas Toast every morning.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How to Celebrate Boxing Day

To celebrate Boxing Day, I shall put something in a box.

This is a box

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: things I wonder about | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Merry Christmas and Happy Everything

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wish you all the best.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: love | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Beer Brats en una Cobija

Fusion Entree

BEER BRATS EN UNA COBIJA

INGREDIENTS

1 serrano pepper
1 jalapeno pepper
1 red bell pepper
½ medium onion
1 avocado
½ cup fresh cilantro

1 tablespoon peanut oil (1 tablespoon more later)
1 tablespoon vegetable oil (1 tablespoon more later)
½ tablespoon lime juice

4 beer bratwursts
1 tablespoon peanut oil
1 tablespoon vegetable oil

2 16 ounce packages of jumbo biscuit dough
½ cup Monterrey Jack cheese
No-stick spray

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. (350 degrees is normal for most dishes. We are throwing caution to the wind today.)

Remove seeds from serrano pepper, jalapeno pepper, and red bell pepper. Dice serrano pepper, jalapeno pepper, red bell pepper, onion, and avocado. Chop cilantro. Cut bratwursts into four pieces, one cut by length and another by width.

Cook peanut oil and vegetable oil in frying pan at medium heat. Add serrano pepper, jalapeno pepper, bell pepper, onion, avocado, and cilantro. Continue cooking for about 10 minutes or until vegetables soften. Stir periodically. Remove sautéed vegetables.

Cook peanut oil and vegetable oil in frying pan at medium heat. Add bratwurst. Cook for about 5 minutes at medium heat or until bratwurst begins to brown. Make sure to turn over bratwurst so that all sides cook evenly.

Flatten individual pieces of biscuit dough to get a larger surface. Put bratwurst piece in center, bottom part of biscuit dough. Put about a tablespoon sautéed vegetable on top of the bratwurst. Sprinkle biscuit dough with Monterey Jack cheese. Roll up dough from the bottom until the tops and the bottoms meet.

Spray biscuit sheets with no-stick spray. Bake at 375 degrees for 10 to 16 minutes or until the biscuits are golden brown on the outside and no longer doughy on the inside. Note times needed to bake biscuits can vary wildly given the oven’s size, age, and nearness of the biscuits to a heating coil. So it’s best to keep a careful eye on the biscuits closest to a heating coil.

TIDBITS

1) This is a classic German-Mexican-American, breakfast-dinner cuisine.

2) This was almost called Fiery Brats In a Blanket.

3) There are 17.88 milligrams of magnesium in 100 grams of bratwurst. I don’t see how this fact could help you.

4) Madison, Wisconsin, holds the annual “World’s Biggest Brat Fest.”

5) I went to graduate school at the University of Wisconsin at Madison in the early 80s. I don’t ever recall seeing the festival. I must have been studying.

6) About sixty years earlier, Hitler tried to overthrow the German government by taking over a beer hall.

7) German beer halls serve beer and bratwursts.

8) German bratwursts are excellent.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Need to See Two Children Holding Hands

The world can be harsh and mean. People, even close ones, do hurtful things to you. Your heart shrivels under the onslaught. All people are hateful.

But no.

Friendship still stalks the land.

Look at these happy children holding hands as a new day dawns*

Pour this picture onto your heart and feel it grow once more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* = I assumed the Sun is in the East in this picture. If, however, it is setting in the West, then the children are happy because the day has gone well.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

CHDCPI Says American Inflation is Zero Percent

The true inflation gauge

Economists squabble continually over how to measure inflation. Some argue that the Federal Reserve Bank uses inflation indexes that measure inflation as it had been months ago. This is like trying to drive by looking only at the traffic in the rear view mirror. Another bone of contention is what durable goods, foods, etc. to include in an accurate inflation index.

Ideally, we want to include items that everyone in the entire country uses. As exhaustive research shows there is only one such item.

The Costco(tm) hot dog combo.

It’s yummy and everyone buys it. So I am including it, and it alone, in my consumer price index (CPI.) I call my new CPI, the Costco Hot Dog Combo Price Index or CHDCPI.

Astoundingly enough, the CHDCPI demonstrates conclusively that America’s inflation rate has been ZERO percent for the entire year. Wow. Moreover American inflation has been ZERO PERCENT FOR EVERY YEAR since 1985. i

And if for some reason, your household budget stretches less and less every year, then you need to buy only Costco Hot Dog Combos every year. Make the switch and you’ll notice a big difference.

There.

I foresee a Nobel Prize in Economics in my very near future.

And now a sexy table of supporting evidence.

——–Annual               Total
——–Inflation             Inflation
Price   each year            Since 1985
1985   $1.50     0.00%     0.00%
1986   $1.50     0.00%     0.00%
1987   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1988   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1989   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1990   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1991   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1992   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1993   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1994   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1995   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1996   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1997   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1998   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
1999   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2000   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2001   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2002   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2003   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2004   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2005   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2006   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2007   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2008   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2009   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2010   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2011   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2012   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2013   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2014   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2015   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2016   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2017   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2018   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2019   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2020   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2021   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%
2022   $1.50    0.00%      0.00%

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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