Uncategorized

Strange Car Sticker

Posted on December 12, 2024 by pauldelancey

I saw this car sticker while walking around the clock and it gladdened me enormously.
It also pleases me to say, “Moo,” whenever I see a cow. I just that sort of guy.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: beneficial, car sticker, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cow, cows, girl, gladdened, good food, loves, moo, murders, sticker, strange, thriller | Leave a comment

Strawberry Bundt Cake

Posted on November 14, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

STRAWBERRY BUNDT CAKE

INGREDIENTS – CAKE

1 pound fresh strawberries (1 ounce more later)

2 teaspoons baking powder

½ teaspoons baking soda

3¼ cups flour

¾ teaspoon salt

⅔ cup butter, softened (2½ tablespoons more later)

3 eggs

1½ cups sugar

½ tablespoon vanilla extract (½ teaspoon more later)

⅔ cup vegetable oil

1 cup whole milk (2½ tablespoons more later)

2 drops red food coloring gel

no-stick baking spray

INGREDIENTS – GLAZE

1½ ounces fresh strawberries

2½ tablespoons butter, softened

1¾ cups confectioners’ sugar

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

2½ tablespoons whole milk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric blender

electric beater

10″ bundt pan

Serves 12. Takes 3 hours.

PREPARATION – CAKE

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add 1 pound strawberries to electric blender. Puree strawberries. Add baking powder, baking soda, flour, and salt to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add ⅔ cup butter, eggs, sugar, ½ tablespoon vanilla extract, vegetable oil, and 1 cup whole milk to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add pureed strawberries and red food coloring gel. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.

Gradually add in the dry mix from the small bowl into the liquid mix of the large bowl. Mix with electric beater set on low until just combined into batter.

Generously spray bundt pan with no-stick baking spray Pour batter into bundt pan. Level batter with spatula. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Use butter knife to loosen cake from the bundt pan Let cake cool for 15 minutes. Invert cake onto plate. Let cool completely before icing.

PREPARATION – GLAZE

Add 1½ ounces fresh strawberries to blender. Puree strawberries..Add pureed strawberries, 2½ tablespoons butter, confectioners’ sugar, and ½ teaspoon vanilla extract to medium mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on low until well blended. .

Gradually add 2½ tablespoons whole milk or until glaze thickens and is just pourable. Pour glaze evenly over the cooled cake. Allow glaze to drip down the size. Let set for 5 minutes before serving.

TIDBITS

1) Strawberries were known as wartsberries in France in from 1178 to 1347.

2) All Medieval peasants suffered greatly from warts.

3) Their wart-free neighbors shunned them. “Ew,” said the nearby farmers.

4) Downcast, dispirited, and depressed, the wart-ridden peasants joined the King’s army in hopes of campaigning abroad.

5) What luck!. The Hundred Years War erupted, started even, in France in 1347.. Off went the English to France. Archer Jack Strawberry wasn’t even on French soil for six minutes when he stumbled, falling face first into a wartberry patch.

6) When he arose and drew himself up to 90 percent of his full height, his archer companions gasped. His warts has completely disappeared. “By St. George’s darned socks, it’s a miracle,” said Elric Sod. And with Elric’s impimatur, the entire English army rolled and rolled into the wartsberry patch. Grateful archers, men at arms, and knight renamed the wartberry to, strawberry in his honor.

7) I don’t know if you’ve ever seen it happen, but when an army miraculously loses all its warts, it becomes world beaters. “God is clearly on our side,” said Sod. “Who can stand against us.”

8) And indeed, no French army could stand up to the wartless English.

9) Then everything changed. In 1428, the Archangel Michael appeared to Joan, a peasant botanist living in the town of Do Re Me. “Joan, take your botanical knowledge to King Charles VIII; as he surely has none.”

10) So Brainy Joan made her way to the royal court. “Your majesty,” said she. “To defeat the cursed English, you must destroy every strawberry patch in France. Without strawberries, warts will once more sprout like weeds upon the soldiers. Their morale will plummet and your army will vanquish them time after time. Impressed by Joan’s piety and botanical acumen., Charles VIII did what she said. The French would evict the English for good. Brainy Joan would become Saint Joan. Yay.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: American, Archangel Michaeil, archers, bundt cake, dessert, English, France, glaze, Hundred Years War, Joan of Arc, King Charles VIII, miracle, strawberries, strawberry, warts | Leave a comment

Gravy

Posted on November 10, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

GRAVY

INGREDIENTS

1 bouillon cube (the same type as the stock)

2⅓ cups chicken, beef, or turkey stock

¼ cup butter

¼ cup flour

½ teaspoon onion powder

¼ teaspoon pepper

½ teaspoon rosemary

½ teaspoon sage

¼ teaspoon thyme

Serves 6. Takes 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Smash bouillon cube into bits. Add bouillon bits and broth to microwavable bowl. Microwave for 2 minutes or until bouillon bits dissolve. Mix with spoon until well blended. Add butter to pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Stir frequently and gently. Add flour. Stir constantly with whisk or fork for 2 minutes or until mixture turns golden brown.

Slowly add stock/bouillon liquid to pan. Stir as you do so. Reduce heat to low-medium. Simmer for 4 minutes or until mixture bubbles and thickens to the consistency of gravy. Stir frequently, Add remaining ingredients. Stir with spatula until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) Is there nothing that gravy doesn’t make better? Here’s a partial list of dishes and foods made tastier with gravy. Biscuits, biscuits and sausage, butter, chicken fried steak, fried chicken, hamburger patties, herbed pork roast, mashed potatoes, meatloaf, mushrooms, polenta, pork chops, rice, roast beef, roasted turkey, Salisbury steak, sausage, stuffed bell peppers, stuffing, vegetables

2) Are there any foods made worse by gravy? Pumpkin pie and orange juice come to mind.

3) Fun historical fact. The first humans to come to North America came from Asia via the famous land bridge. Only the bridge wasn’t made with land. Wandering tribes came to the Bering Strait, which of course, filled with water. Well, poo. But these first North American were terrific problem solvers and gravy lovers. They carried millions of tons on the backs of pack animals wherever they went. Why so much? They loved gravy as who does not? (See tidbit 1.)

4) Anyway, the problem solvers dumped half of their gravy into the Bering Strait. This water proved cold enough to freeze a gravy bridge connecting Siberia with Alaska. The land rush of North America was on! Note: you can no longer find this famous bridge. Cycles of prehistoric warming thawed the gravy bridge. Oh well.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: American, appetizer, Asia, Bering Sea, broth, chicken, gravy, land bridge, North America, prehistoric, roast beef, roast turkey, rosemary, sage | Leave a comment

I Haz Sad

Posted on November 6, 2024 by pauldelancey

My stunt double

Things are not go well with the world, my outlook, and my health.

I will try to forget by cooking and blogging.

Behave yourselves while I recover. If the world recovered, that would be nice too.

– Paul De Lancey

Categories: Uncategorized | 1 Comment

My Grandma’s Wisdom – Cooking, Part Two

Posted on November 2, 2024 by pauldelancey

My grandma tried hard to cook us meals that we all loved.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: my life, wise words | Tags: beneficial, chef, clean, cleaning, Comic Chef, cooking, good food, hunks, kitchen, Lutheran, meal, my grandma, outstanding, stunt double, wisdom

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: aims to please, beneficial, Chef Paul, Comic Chef, cooking, entree, good food, grandma, loved, Lutheran, meals, my grandma's wisdom, recipes, stunt double, wisdom | Leave a comment

National Weather Service to Counter Storm Winds

Posted on October 31, 2024 by pauldelancey

Storm hero

Fires can cause untold devastation. Sometimes the only way to stop them is to start counterfires. The counter fires eliminate all burnable vegetation in a strip of land (BVSL). When the raging inferno reaches the BVSL, there’s nothing left to burn. The conflagration dies out.

If only we could stop gale force winds in the same way.

In fact, the National Weather Service (NWS) has a plan. Simply put, it will deploy its Synchronized Counter Farters (SCFs) to all severe storm fronts. Legions of SCFs will be airlifted en masse to a spot just in front of the approaching gale. CFs will then gorge themselves on buckets of beans. At a signal from the fart coordinater (FC) the SCFs will, as one, point their butts at the approaching wind tsumani and let rip. The resulting butt gale should stop cold the storm gale.

This approach is, as of press time, untested, but the National Weather Service holds out high hopes for its success. It does, however caution residents and storm chasers to carry nose plugs until the fart odor dissipates.

By the way, the American Bean Growers Association (ABGA) heartily endorses this plan.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: apocalyptic, beans, burnable vegetation, butts, Comic Chef, counter fires, devastation, farts, fires, National Weather Service, nose plugs, odor, storm fronts, tsunami, wind | Leave a comment

Angie the Angry Avocado on Supermarket Behavior

Posted on October 23, 2024 by pauldelancey

Angie Avocado #8

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: Angie, Angie the Angry Avocado, angry, avocado, brothers, Comic Chef, cookbook, find a home, good food, never, prepare to die, recipes, sisters, squeezed, supermarket | 1 Comment

Blueberry Cheesecake

Posted on October 20, 2024 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE

INGREDIENTS – CRUST

¼ cup butter

1 ¼ cups graham crackers, usually about 1 package

¼ cup sugar (1 cup and 6 tablespoons more later)

INGREDIENTS – FILLING

4 8-ounce packages of cream cheese

5 eggs

1 cup white sugar

2 tablespoons cornstarch (1 tablespoon more later)

¼ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – TOPPING

2½ cups, about a 16 ounce bag, of fresh or frozen blueberries

1 tablespoon cornstarch

1½ cups sour cream

6 tablespoons white sugar

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

¼ cup water

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor

9″ * 12″ casserole dish

wire rack

PREPARATION – CRUST

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Use medium heat to melt butter. Turn the graham crackers into crumbs by using food processor. Pour the melted butter, crumbs, and ¼ cup sugar into casserole dish. Mix thoroughly with fork. Press firmly and uniformly on the mixture. Bake at 325 degrees for 10 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool on a wire.

PREPARATION – FILLING

Place cream cheese, eggs, 1 cup sugar, 2 tablespoons cornstarch, and salt into large mixing bowl. Use electric beater to combine ingredients. Start on lowest setting and gradually increase the speed of the beaters to the highest setting. (Your kitchen walls might resemble modern art if you immediately start with the highest setting.) Add to casserole dish. Bake for 70 minutes at 325 degrees or until cheese center barely moves when casserole dish is moved. Let dish cool down. Chill completely in refrigerator.

PREPARATION – TOPPING

Puree blueberries and 1 tablespoon cornstarch in food processor. Add to medium mixing bowl. Add sour cream, and 6 tablespoons sugar, vanilla extract, and water. Blend with fork or electric beater set at medium. Add this topping to saucepan. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Stir constantly. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for about minutes. Stir constantly. Ladle topping onto cheesecake. Spread evenly with spatula. Refrigerate until chilled.

TIDBITS

1) Barbarian tribes used the cover of winter to repeatedly mount surprise invasions of China. “Let’s pay attention,” said General Hua. “They can’t get past us if we’re ready.” But General Hua got fired for eccentric whistling. The barbarians surprised the successor commander. And so it went.

2) “We need something that never relaxes its guard,” roared Emperor Foo Yung. “Make it so.”

3) A light bulb lit up above the chief ice sculptor’s head. “No one can push his way through a wall of frozen blueberries. Why not fortify our northern border with a line of frozen blueberries?” So, engineers constructed the Great Frozen Blueberry Wall of China (GFBWC.) The winter invasions ceased.

4) The wily barbarians moved their cross-border incursions to summer. For there are measures and counter measures to everything.

5) Disgusted with the failure of the GFBWC, Emperor Wing ordered it to be torn down.

6) Northern riff raff now raided China all year long. “Stop the barbarians,” commanded Wing.

7) A light bulb lit up above the chief food taster’s head. “No one here eats blueberry. No civilized people would climb over blueberries. It’s bad luck. Why not put mounds of blueberries across our northern border? ” So, the Ting Tang Chinese constructed the Great Blueberry Wall of China. (GBWC.)

8) But the Mongols were not civilized. In addition to their incessant fighting, killing, and pillaging, the Mongols loved desserts. But no blueberries grow in their homelands. They could not make Blueberry Cheesecake. The lack of their favorite dessert would make them crabby enough to fight, kill, and pillage blueberry-rich countries.

9) Then one fine day, Lil’ Genghis rode up to his father. “Daddy, the Chinese have built a huge wall made entirely of blueberries! We can make all the Blueberry Cheesecake we want.”

10) The next day, Mongol dessert chefs used up every blueberry in the GBWC to make countless Blueberry Cheesecakes. The way to China lay open. Genghis Khan would take full advantage. The Scourge of the Mongols would paralyze Asia and Europe for over 100 years. But the ice sculptor and the food tester went on to invent hovering light bulbs. So, some good came out of this.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: American, barbians, blueberry, cheesecake, civilized, cornstarch, cream-cheese, dessert, emperor, engineers, Genghis Khan, graham crackers, Great Wall of China, invasions, Mongols | Leave a comment

Inigo Montoya on Trafic Etiquette

Posted on October 9, 2024 by pauldelancey

I feel Inigo Montoya’s pain.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: apocalyptic, beneficial, Comic Chef, etiquette, Inigo Montoya, intersection, Italian, murders, pain, prepare to die, recipes, thriller, traffic, traffic light, turned green | Leave a comment

Chicken Flautas – 2

Posted on October 2, 2024 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

CHICKEN FLAUTAS

INGREDIENTS

2 pounds chicken breasts

2 garlic cloves

1 small onion

2 tablespoons vegetable oil (4 cups more later)

¼ teaspoon cumin

¼ pound queso fresco or feta cheese

½ cup salsa

12 uncooked or freshly made corn tortillas*

2 cups vegetable oil (or at least ½” deep)

2 tablespoons fresh cilantro

* = Cooked tortillas from the store require softening in the skillet or microwave. Uncooked tortillas while harder to find, make preparation easier.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

toothpicks

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into parts weighing ½ pound. Add chicken parts and enough water to cover to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 25 minutes or until chicken shreds easily. Move chicken to plate. Shred chicken using forks.

While chicken simmers, mince garlic and dice onion. Add garlic, onion, and 2 tablespoons oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic and onion soften. Stir frequently. Add shredded chicken and cumin. Stir until well blended. Remove from heat. Add equal amounts of the shredded chicken/onion mixture, queso fresco, and salsa to the middle of each tortilla. Roll up tortillas tightly and pin together with toothpicks. Break off toothpick ends if they stick out more than ¼” or so. (Rolled-up tortillas that have toothpicks that stick out a lot are difficult to turn over when frying.)

Add oil to pan. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a tiny piece of the tortillas starts to dance in the oil. Add rolled-up tortillas to pan seem-side down. Sauté at medium-high heat for 4 minutes or until tortillas turn golden brown. (You will probably need to turn the heat down or sauté for less time with succeeding batches.) Turn frequently to ensure even browning. (Be careful of splattering.) Remove from heat. Drain on plate covered with paper towel. Dice cilantro. Garnish with cilantro. Goes well with salsa.

TIDBITS

1) Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, “The Angler of Vienna,” was also a pretty darn talented musician, writing such toe-tapping operas such as, Il re Pastore, Zaide, Die Entführung aus dem Serail, Le Nozze di Figaro, Don Giovanni, and Cossi Fan Tutte.” By the way, Mozart’s agent, Paolo Fettuccine, arranged for tutti frutti, a new ice cream with chopped and candied fruits in it to be served at Cossi Fan Tutte’s debut. It was a stroke of P.R. genius. Ice cream lovers came for the dessert and stayed for the opera. Wolfgang never looked back, except when on the way to his secret fishing places. But it is in Mozie’s culinary operas where The Angler of Vienna’s talents really shined. Who can fail to be uplifted by his sole English work, The Three Penny Hot Dog? or feel the anguish of Gibt es wirklich keine Apfelkuchen? (Is There Really No Apple Pie?)

2) The years 1784 – 1787 were his happiest; he had great fishing spots to himself. These interludes of quietude were also the moments of his greatest musical creativity as witnessed by the Fish Cycle operas: Der Kabeljau auf dem Markt (The Cod at the Market), Limone Pesce Impanati (Lemon Breaded Fish), and of course, “The Angler of Vienna’s favorite, Il Mio Punto di Pesca (My Own Fishing Spot.)

3) It’s ironic that Mozart, a famous fan of German cuisine, would write his greatest opera about Mexican food. But who could not be inspired by the brilliant cuisine of Vienna’s famous restaurant, Los Cinco Tacos? Wolfang tried the restaurant’s chicken flautas and fell in love with them. He would stay up all night to compose the brilliant, brilliant I say, opera, Las Flautas Mágicas (The Magic Flautas.) Unfortunately, the politics of that year dictated that no operas be performed in Spanish. (Do try to see it if it’s being performed nearby.) Broken hearted that he was, Mozart rewrote his opus. And so we have the not too shabby Die Zauberflöte (The Magic Flute.) But Mozart would never again write about Mexican food.

4) Then on December 5, 1791, Mozart’s muse, Ernestine, imparted to him the idea of writing the opera Stoßen der magische Kugelfisch, (Puff the Magic Pufferfish.) So strong was Mozie’s excitement over what he knew what would be his magnum opus that he grabbed his fishing pole and raced to Danube River. He continually glanced over his shoulders to see if anyone were following, for all the local anglers would descend on him en masse and fish and fish out his little side pond. It was heartbreaking. Mozart had to scrap one seafood opera after another because he couldn’t bring in enough fish to give a true, abiding sense of its flavor and abiding soul. On one occasion, competitors once fished all the trout from his special inlet. This is why we never got to hear Guten Morgen, Forelle (Good Morning, Trout) and had to settle for the markedly inferior, Don Giovanni.

5) Anyway, Mozie eluded all anglers that day and caught six pufferfish. (1791 was an extraordinarily bountiful year for Viennese pufferfish.) Wolfie scurried home as fast as his chubby little legs would carry him. He cooked all the fish. Unfortunately, he died. For while his wiener schnitzel was second to none, he didn’t know how beans about preparing the potentially fatal pufferfish. His last words were, “Gott im Himmel, where are my car keys?” There were, of course, no cars in 1791 and so no need for car keys. Culinary historians Mozart had channeling the frustration of millions upon millions of people two centuries later.But Wolfgang’s musical vision for the pufferfish lasted through the centuries floating through the atmosphere until it found a suitable vessel, a worthy receptacle. This is how we got the classic song, “Puff the Magic Dragon” by Peter, Paul, and Mary. Sure the name and length of Stoßen der magische Kugelfisch changed a bit, but that magnum-opus had been floating around for centuries and became susceptible to modern musical scenes. And there you go.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: chicken, Danube River, Don Giovanni, flautas, guten morgen, Kugelfisch, Le Nozze di Figaro, Mozart, operas, pufferfish, queso fresco, salsa, tortillas, Vienna, Wolfgang | Leave a comment

Uncategorized

Strange Car Sticker

Strawberry Bundt Cake

American Dessert

STRAWBERRY BUNDT CAKE

Gravy

American Appetizer

GRAVY

I Haz Sad

My Grandma’s Wisdom – Cooking, Part Two

National Weather Service to Counter Storm Winds

Angie the Angry Avocado on Supermarket Behavior

Blueberry Cheesecake

American Dessert

BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE

Inigo Montoya on Trafic Etiquette

Chicken Flautas – 2

Mexican Entree

CHICKEN FLAUTAS

Follow Blog via Email

Paul’s archives

Uncategorized

Share this:

American Dessert

STRAWBERRY BUNDT CAKE

Share this:

American Appetizer

GRAVY

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

American Dessert

BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE

Share this:

Share this:

Mexican Entree

CHICKEN FLAUTAS

Share this:

Follow Blog via Email

Paul’s archives