Nobel Prize

Aliens Exist!

Posted on February 4, 2025 by pauldelancey

They do! They do! Number Two Son (NTS) and I met one at a gas station in Roswell, New Mexico. NTS needed to fill up his Subaru and The Alien needed fuel for his UFO. Communication proved to be difficult as I only can converse in English and in French. NTS knows only English and Spanish, and who knows what tongue the outer spacer uses?

Things remained awkward until I broke out the chocolate-chip cookies. Tension rapidly dissolved as all carbon-based life forms love that cookie. Anyway, good will soon prevailed to such an extent that we all posed for a selfie. I’m so happy the know that if we ever become able to travel deep into space that the new civilizations will look favorably on our arrival. I am so proud. I forsee a Nobel Peace Prize in my future.

And now, the picture with The Alien.

Proof you cannot deny

­

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: about me, Nobel Prize, things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Neil deGrasse Tyson and Strawberries in Uranus

Posted on July 6, 2024 by pauldelancey

Uranus is on the right

This blog derives from quite a similar blog called, “How Many Strawberries Will Fit in Uranus?” There, I  calculated the number to be 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries. Afterward, my mind naturally thought of a way of confronting my arch enemy, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Why is he my arch enemy? He helped engineer the downfall of our beloved Pluto from planet to mere dwarf planet. Such a debasement of celestial status!

How would I confront Mr. Tyson? By attending a conference of astromers and engaging in the following conversation:

Me: Mr. Tyson.

Tyson: Yes, do you have a question?

Me: Yes, I do. Thanks (Always start out respectfully.) Did you know Uranus was originally called George?

(People titter. Mr. Tyson looks both annoyed and a tad worried.)

Me: Did you know that 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries could fit in Uranus?

(The auditorium erupts into laughter. The shaken man recognizes the absurdity of his views on Pluto. He withdraws his assertion that  Pluto is a dwarf planet. The other astronomers follow his lead. They vote again. The magnificent Pluto regains its rightful place in the heavens as a proud, glorious planet. I’d then bask in the knowledge that I had righted a grievous wrong.)

Well no. In “How Many Strawberries Will Fit in Uranus?” I had used the figure of 6.83 * 10^13 cubic miles for the volume of Uranus. This was incorrect, Uranus’ volume is 6.83 * 10^27 cubic kilometers. The true volume of Uranus in miles equals 1.639 * 10^13 miles. This adjustment lowers the number of strawberries fitting in Uranus to 2.311 * 10^27.

Oh gosh, I’m ever so glad I didn’t cross words with Mr. Tyson  back then. Eventually some astronomer would have checked my calculations and detected my error. He, probably Bob, would have published my error. The whole community of astronomers would have laughed and laughed at me. I’d have be mortified. The astronomer cabal would have taken my humiliation to dethrone Pluto, once again, to dwarf planetar status. And once again, life would have been bereft of joy.

But I didn’t see Mr. Tyson at such a conference. My goof has gone unnoticed. (Unless, of course, the learned man reads this blog.) Now, I have the opportunity to alter one line of my conference conversation to:

Me: Did you know that 2.311 * 10^27 strawberries could fit in Uranus?

And the conference will surely erupt into laughter. Pluto will once more be a planet. And I will win a Nobel Prize. Yay! The Sun will again shine over our lives.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Nobel Prize, science | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

I Solve the Time Zones Problem

Posted on May 30, 2024 by pauldelancey

Away with time zone confusion

How many times has this happened to you? It’s nine o’clock. You’ve had a satisying day at work. You’ve made a wonderful dinner and cleaned up afterwards. You’re happy with your life. You’re happy with the world. You want to reach out and contact an old friend. Why not call Jacques Bonhomme? But wait, he lives in Paris! What time is it in Paris? Does anyone even know? Even Parisians might not. Is he at work? Is he at home? If so, is he sleeping?

Wouldn’t it be nice to know? Would it be easy if it were simply the same time everywhere? Then if it were 8:49 pm, as it is now in my beloved Poway, it would be 8:49 pm in Paris. Merveilleux, c’est trop facile.

Now, I can call Jacques knowing that he’ll be at home and awake.

I know the benefits of having a universal time are immense, but what place shall we use for the universal time?

Poway, California

Why Poway? I live there. It’s my idea. I call dibs. There, it’s settled.

Will this brilliant idea meet with universal approval?

Probably not at first. I go to bed around 10 pm. So will Jacques, because 10 pm is the time most people drift off to sleep. However, the Sun will just be coming up at 10 pm in France under the new Poway Universal Time System (PUTS.)

Jacques and billions of other people need some time (hee, hee see what I did there) to adapt to seeing the moon overhead at lunchtime. Yacht races and other fol de rol will become particularly challenging, not to mention archery contests.

Yet there is hope the teething period with the onset of PUTS will be short and easier than expected.

Afterall, a polar day at the South Pole lasts six months. And you never hear the scientists there explaining.

PUTS starts tomorrow. I hope you find adjustment easy. I know I will.

I see a Nobel Prize in my future.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Nobel Prize, observations, There Comes A Time | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Giving “War and Peace” to Viruses and Bacteria

Posted on May 27, 2024 by pauldelancey

I hate viruses and bacteria. They gave me Covid. This is in clear contravention of the tacit treaty that I don’t attack them and they don’t attack me.

Yet here we are, I’ve been as a sick as a dog and am taking forever to get better.

The gloves are off. I shall be using my brain to get back at them.

I shall shrink billions and billions of copies of War and Peace to molecular size. I shall put these tiny books into pills, just like we do with antibiotics.

Covid19s are voracious readers, they’ve just never given the chance to ready anything. (Clearly, this is a great, untapped market for the major publishing houses.)

Anyway, I call tell you that War and Peace is tremendously hard to plow all the way through,

Imagine then, how hard it would be and how long it take for the Corona19 virus to read that lengthy novel. Prima facie evidence suggests our brain is much bigger than that of the evil virus. Take this simple test: Look in a mirror. You can see your head at first glance. Assume your brain is surrounded by an inch of skull. Logic then dictates your brain must be inches long in all directions. Consider the virus. You can’t see it with the unaided eye. You can’t even see it with that Mr. Professor microscope you gave your five-year old for Christmas. No, you need a super-duper microscope used by the biggest-research facilities.

So, the virus must be incredibly tiny. Only part of the virus is reserved for its brain. Then take away the virus’ skull from that and you’re left with a really itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny virus brain. A brain that small must make reading War and Peace a frightfully slow slog for Joe Virus.

Now here’s the genius of my plan. No virus, or bacterium for that matter, is going to live long enough to finish War and Peace. Indeed, it will be so busy trying to read the great Russian novel, that it won’t find anybody to infect in its short lifetime. Infections will drop to zero. Viruses already in a human host will be too engrossed to further attack any more human cells. The human host will stage a rapid recovery.

Thus, by this literary assault, Covid19 will disappear overnight. We just need to print and miniaturize billions, if not trillions of copies of War and Peace. They need not be first editions, any printing will do.

I see a Nobel Prize in my future.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Nobel Prize | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Nobel Peace Prize Winner for 2022

Posted on December 9, 2022 by pauldelancey

Too often Nobel Prize winners are given to people, worthy though they may be, who have done nothing to affect the lives of any of us. Many of the awards in quantum physics come readily to mind, just as they are as readily forgotten. Many of the winners for the Nobel Peace Prize, pleasant folks everyone of them, didn’t bring about lasting peace. They just gave the cause of peace the good college prize.

Not so this year.

This year’s Nobel Peace Prize winner, Joe Thorvald has developed easy-open, every-time, plastic bags to be used in the produce section. You know how you want to protect your Roma tomatoes. So you try putting them in those sheer plastic bags that the supermarkets offer. The plastic adheres to itself with the relentlessness of the Borg, wind erosion, or a five-year whining for an ice-cream cone. You just can’t open the plastic bags. You give up. You never buy produce again. Your diet becomes nutritionally deficient. This affects your brain. You enter politics. You become your country’s leader. The vitamins that would have kept your brain functioning properly just aren’t there. You declare war on six countries in the morning alone.

Not anymore.

Joe Thorvald’s Plastic-Produce Bags (PPB) open easily everythime. We can now all buy produce. We can now all think clearly. We will no longer declare war on anyone.

Yay.

Joseph Thorvald accepts his prize.                                                    His wife, Brida Thorvald, applauds

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, Nobel Prize | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Are There Culinary Force Fields?

Posted on September 8, 2022 by pauldelancey

I don’t recall why I tried to find out about http://www.CulinaryForceFields.com or even why I thought the company Culinary Force Fields existed. At any rate, Google seems think Culinary Forces Fields is a thing. See below.

This is exciting! As far as study of physics holds, the known forces in the universe are: frictional, tension, normal, air resistance, applied, spring, gravitational, electric, and magnetic. Culinary force is not listed. I have discovered a new force. Wow. I look forward to receiving the Nobel Prize for Physics. You are welcome to attend the award ceremony. There will be drinks, snacks, and cookies afterward. I look forward to seeing you.

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: Nobel Prize | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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