cuisine

Loco Moco

Posted on June 30, 2023 by pauldelancey

Hawaiian Entree

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LOCO MOCO

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INGREDIENTS – RICE & PATTY­
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1⅔ cups rice
1 small onion (½ small onion more later)
1 pound ground beef (80%-to-85%)
¾ teaspoon garlic salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
½ tablespoon Worcestershire sauce (1 teaspoon more later)
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INGREDIENTS – GRAVY
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1½ tablespoons butter (softened)
½ small onion
1¾ cups beef broth
1½ tablespoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon ketchup
4 teaspoons soy sauce
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
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INGREDIENTS – FINAL
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4 eggs
1 green onion
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Serves 4. Takes 40 minutes.
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PREPARATION – RICE & PATTY
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Cook rice according to instructions on package. Mince 1 small onion. Add all patty ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Form into 4 patties, each 3″ wide. Smooth the edges. Add patties to large pan. Fry at medium heat for 5 minutes. Flip patties and fry for 5 minutes more. (More or less time) Remove patties. Keep drippings in pan.
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PREPARATION – GRAVY
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Mince ½ small onion. While patties cook, add all gravy ingredients to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add gravy to pan. Sauté for 4 minutes or until onion softens and gravy thickens. Stir occasionally.
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PREPARATION – FINAL
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While patties and gravy cooks, add eggs to 2nd frying pan. Fry eggs to your liking. Put 1 cup steamed rice on plate. Smooth the edges into a circle about 3″ across, Top rice with patty. Ladle ¼th of the gravy onto patty. Place fried egg on gravy. Repeat three times. Dice green onion. Garnish eggs with green onion.
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TIDBITS
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1) About 50 years ago, Om Corporation(tm), Om Co., dominated all other Hawaiian food distributers.
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2) Stop and ponder how cool is it to live in a universe where there is a word that has the sequence “aiia,” in it.
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3) We are truly fortunate that over billions–or maybe just ten millions of years, I really don’t for sure how may years as I wasn’t there–that Earth’s plates shifted in such a way that Hawaii formed. With-out Hawaii, there be no word Hawaii, and thus no word with out aiia in it. We certainly have no Hawaiian pizzas. Nor ever Hawaiian luaus. That would have been a great loss indeed.
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4) But how would we have known what we would be missing from the loss of Hawaiian luaus? Maybe things would have gotten something better in return.
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5) Like Greek luaus for example. Especially likely, if Greece could grow pineapples.
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6) Anyway, Om Co., or Omco as people who hate spaces used to call it, developed the very first Hawaiian pizza boomerang pizza.
“I want a Hawaiian pizza.”
“But I want a functioning boomerang.”
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7) “Wait, both your desires will be fulfilled with Omco’s new and exciting Hawaiian boomerang pizza. Take a bite. Mmm, wasn’t delicious. Now, fling the boomerang. It’ll come back. But in the meantime, you can continue your statewide volleyball tournament. You don’t want to miss that. After you’ve spiked the volleyball down the other team’s throats, wait a second and your boomerang pizza will come back to your hand. Take another tasty bite and fling the boomerang pizza away again. Pizza and high-stakes volleyball at the same time. Way cool. Way cool.”
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8) In fact the boomerang pizza was so cool, that Hawaiians took to calling, Om. Co, “Cool Omco.” Dyslexics, over time, changed this name to “Cool Moco.” The next generations of dyslexic Hawaains altered this to “Loco Moco.”
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9) The name stuck. And a bit later Om Corporation held a recipe contest to honor its golden anniversary.
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10) Carl La Fong won first prize with this entree. He called it “Loco Moco “in honor of Om Co.’s stellar culinary reputation. There you go, innovative chefs and companies and plucky dyslexics* making life a little better.
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11) * = I am slightly dyslexic. Maybe this explains things.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Bife Koygua (Beef Stew)

Posted on June 25, 2023 by pauldelancey

Paraguayan Entree

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BIFE KOYGUA

(Beef Stew)

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INGREDIENTS
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2 garlic cloves
1 large onion
1 medium potato
1 tomato
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
2 8-ounce steaks, sirloin or tenderloin
2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil (1 tablespoon more later)
1 tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
1 bay leaf
½ teaspoon oregano
2 cups water
2 eggs
2 teaspoons fresh parsley
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
mandoline (optional)
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Serves 2*. Takes 40 minutes.
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* = Multiply the amount of ingredients by 2 if you’re serving 4. Multiply by 1.896,310 if everyone in Los Angeles is coming for dinner. And with that many people coming, insist that they at least bring their dishes to the sink. That’s how I was raised.
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PREPARATION
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Mince garlic. Cut onion and potato into ¼” slices using mandoline or knife. Dice tomatoes. Rub garlic, pepper, and salt onto steaks. Add oil and onion to large pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Remove onion. Add 1 tablespoon olive oil. Add steaks. Sauté steaks for 3 minutes or until they brown. Flip steaks once.
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Add potato slices, bay leaf, oregano, and water, enough to cover potato. Cook at medium-high heat for 15 minutes or until potato becomes tender. Place onion and tomato on steaks. Crack an egg over each steak. Reduce heat to medium. Cook until eggs and steaks are done to your liking. (If you prefer your meat to be less cooked, the steaks may be taken out before the eggs are done or even before the eggs are added.) Remove bay leaf. Dice parsley. Garnish steaks with parsley.
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TIDBITS
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1) Look at the above photograph for Bife Koygua. There’s something about this entree that’s different from any other.
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2) Notice the potatoes.
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3) No, the potatoes slices are not worthy of note because they all are exactly ¼” thick, although well spotted you!
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4) It’s because the spud bits are just wee bit off the close end of the plate.
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5) That’s is no accident. The potato slices are, indeed, trying to make an escape.
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6) If I had delayed snapping this photograph by just ten minutes, they would have completely escaped the plate. Ten more minutes would have seen them escaping the open front door for the safety of your bushes. (Another reason to keep your home locked up.)
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7) For no sentient potato looks forward to being eaten.
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8) Are all potatoes capable of rational thought?
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9) No.
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10) The only cogitating tuber is the Patata Rapida of Paraguay.
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11) Who grows the Patata Rapida?
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12) Patatas Son Nosotros Corporació (PSNC) does.
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13) Why did PSNC come up with the quick moving Patata Rapida?
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14) The corporation was not trying for sprinting spuds. Instead they had hoped to create potatoes that cooked quicker. Imagine baking a potato in just five minutes instead of up to an hour or more?
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15) What could you do with all the extra time?
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16) You could take up painting. Or you could spend some frisky time with your spouse.
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17) Unfortunately, PSNC’s genetic experiments yielded quick taters, not to be confused with dictators.
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18) Can you find Patatas Rapida in supermarkets?
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19) No, they always escape. Culinary police point with horror to the mass Rapida escape of 2021 in Paducah, Kentucky. Surly gangs of Patatas Rapida (PRs) roamed the Paduchan night, harassing good citizens out for a pleasant evening stroll. Most states and municipalities now ban the sale of PRs. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Tomato Pie

Posted on June 20, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Entree

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TOMATO PIE

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INGREDIENTS­
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1 tablespoon fresh basil
1½ tablespoons fresh dill
3 green onions
1½ tablespoons fresh oregano
1 tablespoon fresh parsley
2½ pounds tomatoes
½ tablespoon salt
¾ cup mayonnaise
¾ cup shredded mozzarella cheese
¾ cup shredded Parmesan cheese
1 9″ pie shell
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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mandoline (optional)
aluminum foil
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Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 360 degrees, Dice basil, dill, green onions, oregano, and parsley. Use mandoline or knife to Slice tomatoes into slices ¼”-thick slices with mandoline or knife. Place tomato slices 1-layer deep on paper towels. Sprinkle slices with salt. Place paper towels on tomatoes. Pat tomatoes dry. Let sit 15 minutes. Pat tomato slices dry again with new paper towels. Add mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses, basil, dill, green onion, oregano, and mayonnaise to mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended.
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Arrange ⅓ of the tomato slices over the pie crest. Spread ½ of the cheese/mayonnaise mixture over the tomato slices. Repeat. Arrange last layer of tomato slices over the 2nd cheese/ mayonnaise layer. Press these slices firmly into the cheese/mayonnaise. (This makes the layers come together.) Wrap only the edges of crust with tin foil to prevent the crust from browning excessively.
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Bake at 360 degrees for 35 minutes or until the mayonnaise/cheese mixture turns golden brown and begins to bubble. Garnish with parsley.
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TIDBITS
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1) Lucy of Olduvai Gorge had a brother called Tomato. His skeleton has yet to be discovered. That’s why know so little of him. While most homonids were content to be hunter-gathers, Tomato developed the tomato by careful cross pollination. He then scattered tomato seeds along his way to North and South America. It’s only fitting that we named the tomato after him.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Chatting With Chefs, cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Boston Brown Bread

Posted on June 17, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

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BOSTON BROWN BREAD

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INGREDIENTS
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1 tablespoon butter
¼ teaspoon allspice
¼ teaspoon baking powder
¾ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
⅔ cup yellow cornmeal
¾ cup rye flour
½ cup whole wheat flour
½ cup raisins (optional)
1¼ cups buttermilk
½ cup molasses
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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3 coffee cans (Use the 14.5 ounce size or as near as you can get.)
aluminum foil
kitchen twine
8″*13″ casserole dish
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Serves 8.  Takes 2 hours 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Grease coffee cans with butter. Add allspice, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cornmeal, rye flour, wheat flour, and raisins (optional) to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended..
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Boil water. Add buttermilk, molasses, and vanilla  to medium mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add buttermilk into large bowl containing dry ingredients. Gently mix with spatula until just combined. This is the batter.
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Spoon batter equally into the 3 coffee cans. The batter should not reach higher than ⅔ the way up the cans. Cover the top of the cans will aluminum. Tie aluminum securely to the cans with kitchen twine. Add cans to casserole dish. Put casserole on middle rack in oven. Leave rack partway out. Pour boiling water into casserole dish until the water level is ¾ the way up to the top of the dish. (This method is safer and easier than lifting a dish full of boiling water into the oven.)
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Bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour 20 minutes or until the top of a loaf will spring back when lightly touched or until loaves start to pull away from coffee cans. Remove aluminum foil. Place cans on cooling rack. Let cool for 1 hour. Turn over cans and tap the bottom to cans to get loaves to slide out. Goes well with cream cheese or baked beans.
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TIDBITS
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1) Boston Brown Bread is round. This is no accident.
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2) Bread Bread , however, is rectangular and made from bits and pieces of other bread loaves.
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3) Ned Ted Dredd bakes the most famous Bread Bread.
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4) It is said that Ned hails from Jamaica and wears dreadlocks. He’a also kinda scary. People dread seeing his dreads coming toward them.
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5) And that he is also a medical student at Kingston’s prestigious Kedd Medical University. It’s buildings are painted red to get its premeds used to the sight of blood.
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6) So, by all means visit Kedd Med Dread Dread Ned Ted Dredd’s Bread Bread Bakery.
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7) Any back in Boston, keen, lean, and mean Bob “Beantown” Beanstalk was drilling for samples deep into the Earth’s crust.
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8) For he was a, was a …
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9) Crustologist. You know the sort that drill into the crust looking for things that interest an amazingly small number of people.
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10) Anyway, “Beantown” was hopping–no, it’s spelled hoping–to find beetle exoskeletons in his core sample from one-mile down.
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11) For it’s well known that Ancient Egypt’s pharaohs and priests were absolutely gaga about beetles. They bred beetles to be pets. They held beetle relay races on religious holidays, They used rubies to fashion jewelry to look like beetles.
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12) Anyway, Beanstalk believed pharaohs dated back 10,000,009 years. Then if he could find similarly ancient beetles ‘neath the streets of Boston, then he would prove that Egypt was at one time adjacent to what is now New England.
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13) Incoming news! Just before press time, Boston Public Works just fired Bob Beanstalk. No reason was given.
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14) But just before getting the sack, and just before lunchtime, a hungry Bob looked at a brown, round soil sample. “Boy,” he said, “I am really hungry for some good, fresh bread.”
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15) As it so happened, Beanstalk’s wife  had filled his lunch pail with: butter, allspice, baking powder, salt, cornmeal, rye flour, whole wheat flour, raisins, buttermilk, molasses, vanilla extract, an 8″*13″ casserole dish, 3 round cans of coffee, aluminum foil, kitchen twine, six gallons of water, and two bunsen burners. After drinking all that coffee, frenetic Beantown’s synapses fired at an alarming rate and he soon created the first Boston Brown Bread out of the contents of his lunch pail.
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16) Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Chatting With Chefs, cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Francesinha

Posted on June 13, 2023 by pauldelancey

Portuguese Entree

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FRANCESINHA

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INGREDIENTS – STEAK AND SAUSAGE
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¾ pound flank steak or flap steak
1 tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
2 linguica or andouille sausages
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INGREDIENTS – SAUCE
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1½ tablespoons butter (½ tablespoon more later)
½ teaspoon minced garlic
2 tablespoons minced onion
¾ teaspoon piri piri or red pepper flakes
¼ cup beef broth
6 tablespoons  crushed tomatoes
¼ cup beer
½ tablespoon port or red wine
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INGREDIENTS – FINAL
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4 slices bread
1 cup frozen French fries
½ tablespoon butter
1 egg
4 slices (about 1 ounce each) Pecorino, Parmesan, Asiago, Romano, or your favorite cheese
4 slices ham, sliced medium thick
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – STEAK AND SAUSAGE
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Cut sausages in half lengthwise. Toast bread. Add oil to pan. Heat using medium-high heat. Oil is hot enough when a bit of bread in the oil starts to dance. Add flank steak. Sauté for 2-to-5 minutes, depending on how you like your steak. Flip. Sauté for 2-to-5 minutes more. It should be browned on both sides. Remove steak and cut in half, and set aside.
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Add sausage halves to pan. Sauté for 2 minutes. Flip. Sauté for 2 minutes more. It should be browned a little on both sides. Remove sausage halves and set aside.
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PREPARATION – SAUCE
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Add 1½ tablespoons butter, garlic, and onion to large, 2nd  pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add beef broth, crushed tomatoes, and piri piri flakes. Bring to boil. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add beer and wine. Let simmer on low for 12 minutes. Stir occasionally.
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PREPARATION – FINAL
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While sauce simmers, cook French fries according to instrustions on package Melt ½ table-spoon butter at medium heat in 3rd pan. Add egg and fry until done to your liking. Cut egg in half.
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Top bread slice with 2 cheese slices. Top cheese with ½ of the ham. Place steak half on ham. Place 2 sausage halves on steak. Place bread slice on sausage. Put egg half on top slice of bread. Cut sandwich in half. Ladle sauce over sandwich halves. Repeat for 2nd sandwich. Serve with fries on the side..
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TIDBITS
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1) Pablo Picasso was born in 1881. He was a great painter. The best. He earned the moniker the “The Big Man of Painting.” His friends called him Big Bad Pablo, or simply Big Bad.
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2) Culinary art historians credit Picasso with founding the Cubist Movement in 1870.
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3) Since 1870 was a full eleven years before Big Bad’s birth, I’m sure you will agree this was quite the achievement.
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4) Observers, some sane and some not,. hold that the Cubist Movement inspired the creation of the sugar cube, Rubik’s(tm) cube, and the car called the Cube(tm).
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5) Oh, and cube roots The cube root of 343 is 7.
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6) To the right is one of Picasso’s most famous paintings. It sold for 13.5 pounds.
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7) Oops, that’s 13.5 millions pounds. Editors are important.
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8) However, Pablo’s best painting is the still life, “Francesinha,” painted during his Portugese years. Francesinha is a Portuguese sandwich. Big Bad loved it. That’s why he moved to Portugal for six years. You can see the painting below and to the right
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9) I have never have made it as big as Picasso in the art world*. However, I’m proud of my recipes, food blogs, and cookbooks. And it’s all because his “Francesinha” spurred me to take up cooking.
* = As of press time.
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10) Picasso’sfirst name, Pablo, translates to Paul in English. Paul is my first name. So, that’s another connection between the renowned artist and me.
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11) For more information on Picasso’s life and artistic influence, you would do well to purchase a copy of Asa Metrics’, Pablo Picasso, A Life Lived from Birth to Death.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paneer Bhuna Masala

Posted on June 9, 2023 by pauldelancey

Indian Entree

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PANEER BHUNA MASALA
(This is spicy!)

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INGREDIENTS
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½ pound paneer*
4 onions
4 tomatoes
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro
3 green chiles
2 dried red chiles
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
½ teaspoon mustard seeds
2 bay leaves
1″ cinnamon stick
2 cloves
½ tablespoon minced garlic
½ teaspoon minced ginger
1 tablespoon Kashmiri red chili powder**
2 tablespoons ghee or vegetable oil
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon turmeric
½ cup water
2 teaspoons coriander
¾ teaspoon fenugreek leaves
¾ teaspoon garam masala
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* = Can be found at Asian supermarkets or online. Substitute with feta, mozzarella, ricotta, queso blanco, or cottage cheese.
** =  Can be found at Asian supermarkets or online. Substitute with an equal mixture of paprika and cayenne or with ancho chili powder.
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Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION
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Cut into paneer into ¾” cubes. Mince onions and tomatoes. Dice cilantro and green chiles. Crumble red chiles Add 2 teaspoons vegetable oil, cumin seeds and mustard seeds to medium pan. Sauté at medium-high heat until seeds start to flutter, crackle, and pop. Stir enough to prevent burning. Add bay leaves, cinnamon, cloves, garlic, ginger, Kashmiri red chili, green chile, and red chile. Reduce heat to low. Simmer at low heat for 2 minutes. Stir enough to prevent burning. Remove from heat.
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Add 2 tablespoons ghee and onion to large pan. Sauté at medium-high for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add tomato, chili powder, pepper, salt, turmeric, and seeds/garlic /ginger/seed mixture from medium pan to large pan. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 5 minutes or until liquid thickens into gravy. Stir enough to prevent burning.
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Add paneer cubes and water. Raise heat to medium and simmer for 5 minutes. Stir enough to prevent burning. Add coriander, fenugreek leaves, and garam masala. Stir until well blended. Remove cinnamon stick and bay leaves.
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Garnish with cilantro. Goes well with naan bread.
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TIDBITS
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1) This vegetarian entree is so tasty.
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2) But it wasn’t originally meant to be vegetarian.
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3) Chef Ishaan Banerjee had planned to feature urban pea hens in his dish, Urban Pea Hen Masala.
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4) Because they have a nutty flavor.
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5) And taste like chickens.
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6) But especially like pea hens.
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7) Pea hens are called “pea hens” because they are quite round, like peas.
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8) Or round like bowling balls.
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9) Well-trained pea hens command a premium in the All India Pea Hen Bowling League (AIPHBL.)
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10) Urban pea hens can fly up to 100 mph. Rural pea hens are slightly slower than urban cousins and less urbane as well.
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11) Air forces the world round, are striving mightily to discover the pen hens’ secret. As of press time, their method remains an enigma.
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12) The pea hen’s velocity enabled this poultry to escape Chef Banerjee’s proposed entree. No pea hens, no Pea Hen Masala, urban or rural.
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13) Ishaan sought temporary respite from his woes through the manly pursuit of anagrams.
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14) Yo ho! Chef Banerjee discovered that an anagram of Urban Pea Hen is “Paneer Bhuna.”
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15) Why not substitute paneer for pea hens? He did. It tasted great.
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16) Now Chef Ishaan Banerjee and his culinary masterpiece Panner Bhuna Masala are famous all over the world. Yay, for he is a rather nice guy.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Spam and Egg Musubi

Posted on June 6, 2023 by pauldelancey

Hawaiian Appetizer

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SPAM AND EGG MUSUBI

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INGREDIENTS
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1 cup sushi rice*
4 Nori (seaweed) sheeta
4 eggs
1½ tablespoons mirin**
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 tablespoon sugar
no stick spray
1 12-ounce can SPAM(tm)
4 teaspoons furikake seasoning*** (½ teaspoon at a time) (optional)
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* = Substitute rices are: arborio, pudding, short-grain white, risotto, or cauliflower
** = Substitutes are: rice wine vinegar, white wine vinegar, white wine, sake, or dry sherry
*** = May be found online Or 2 teaspoons crumbled Nori and 2 teaspoons sesame seed.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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musubi mold (can be found online) or empty SPAM can.
2 12″-or-wider pans
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Serves 8. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION
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Cook rice according to instructions on package. Cut Nori sheets into strips, each one about 2½”-to-3″ wide, Add eggs to mixing bowl. Scramble thoroughly with whisk or fork. Add mirin, soy sauce, and sugar to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until sugar dissolves completely.
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Cut SPAM into 8 equal slices along its width, each one about ⅜” wide, Spray large (12″) pan with no-stick spray. Add mixed eggs. Cover and fry  at low-medium heat for 5 minutes or until eggs set and achieve your desired level of doneness.  Remove eggs and set aside.
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Add SPAM slices to second 12″ pan. Fry at medium-heat for 3 minutes or until bottom of SPAM slices become crisp and start to brown. Flip SPAM slices. Fry at medium-heat for 1 minute 30 seconds or until new bottom of SPAM slices become crisp and start to brown. Reduce heat to low. Let pan cool for 1 minute. Ladle mirin/soy/sugar sauce over SPAM. Cook SPAM for 30 seconds on each side or until sauce thickens.
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Put scrambled eggs on flat surface. Use knife and musubi mold to make 8 egg cutouts that have the same shape as the SPAM slices
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Put Nori strip shiny side down on flat surface. Put mold on the middle of the Nori strip. (The length of the mold should stick out just a bit from the sides of the strip.) Place SPAM in mold. Put an egg cutout on SPAM in mold. Sprinkle egg with ½ teaspoon furikake. Put ¼ cup cooked rice into the mold. Level rice with spoon. Press down evenly with musubi mold until rice becomes molded and compact.
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Wrap Nori strip around stack. Put some grain of rice on the Nori strip where it comes together. Gently press the ends of the Nori strip together to make a seal. This is the musubi. Gently flip the musubi so that the Nori seal is on the bottom.
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TIDBITS
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1) SPAM and Egg Musubi looks like a bar of soap. This is no accident!
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2) The ancient Sumerians, way back before your parents we born, loved to be clean. But how could they? Dust storms stormed through the land depositing layers of dust deep enough on the inhabitants to impress even the most ardent archeologist.
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3) Then on July 3, 2473 BC, a textile worker cried out to the earth goddess Ki, “My life sucks.” “Yes, child,” said Ki, “what troubles you so?”
“ I hate my name. It’s Ninsun. It means ‘wild lady cow.’”
“Oh my gosh,” said Ki, “from now on you shall be known as ‘Betty.’ It means ‘God is my oath.”
“Cool.” But Betty still fretted.
“What else disturbs you, child?”
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4) “I want to be beautiful. I wish to attract, Anzu the hunter. How can I do that when I’m perpetually caked in dirt?”
“Ah,” said the goddess, you are a textile worker, are you not?”
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5) Synapses fired lickety split in Betty’s brain, for she was smarter than the average Sumerian textile worker. “Aha! “The fatty lanolin from the wool vats would work wicked wonders  as a cleaning agent and when added to lanoliney  water would create liquid soap. I can wash myself clean. I can get Anzu to be my husband. Cowabunga!”
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6) Betty and Anzu gave birth to a baby girl, Nanshe.  Nanshe next noticed nicely that when the liquid in the soapy dried out it became soap bars. The Soap-Nori Road would be born the next morning. This is why we know of Nanshe.
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7) Nanshe also sagely saw something soap shaped, but with egg and SPAM wrapped in Nori would be quite exciting and tasty. Especially so, when you considered that the average Sumerian meal consisted of bread, porridge, bread, and porridge.
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8) But it took years to trade for nori on the Soap-Nori Road. And there was no such thing as SPAM. However, the SPAM-and-Egg Musubi dream never died out.
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9) SPAM would be invented in 1937, and SPAM and Egg Musubi came about in the early 1980s.
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10) We are living in a golden age.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Easy Poutine

Posted on June 3, 2023 by pauldelancey

Canadian Entree

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EASY POUTINE

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INGREDIENTS
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1½ pounds French fries
¾ pound cheese curds
1½ cups beef gravy
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Makes 4 bowls. Takes 35 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cook French fries according to instructions on package. While French fries cook, warm gravy in small pot. Put fries on large plate. Place cheese curds on top of fries and ladle gravy over everything.
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TIDBITS
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1) We call this entree “Easy Poutine” because it has only three ingredients and is easy to make.
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2) Or maybe, it got its name from “Easy” Poutine of hockey fame. Easy Poutine’s real name was Farine Poutine. It still is.
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3) “Easy” didn’t mean she was an “easy” date. Oh no, Easy was an enforcer for the Sudbury Sirens All Canadian Ladies’ Hockey League, (ACLHL.)
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4) Indeed, Miss Poutine sent many an opponent player to the hospital. She also caused many dates who attempted non-consensual liberties to intensive wards. Not easy with her heart, you bet.
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5) In fact, sportswriters bestowed her nickname on her for the easy way she racked up uncontested goals, hat tricks even, game after game.
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6) Then, in 1945, World War II ceased. Most culinary historians agree that ending the massive bloodshed was on the whole, a good thing.
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7) Not so for Easy. The need for her vaunted strong-arm tactics evaporated with the onset of peace. She failed completely when she searched for a position in traditional female jobs; her violent reputation prevented her hire. She became an enforcer for the Canadian mob. She didn’t last. The underworld patriarchy made sure of that.
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8) The world soon lost track of Farine Poutine. Although, the Canada’s intelligence services would suspect her involvement whenever a small country’s government toppled from a violent coup.
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9) So be kind and give Easy Poutine a caring thought before digging into this delicious entree.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international, sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Slow Cooker Kalua Pork With Cabbage

Posted on May 31, 2023 by pauldelancey

Hawaiian Appetizer

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SLOW COOKER KALUA PORK WITH CABBAGE

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INGREDIENTS
2½ pounds pork, butt, roast, or shoulder
4 teaspoons Hawaiian salt or Himalayan pink salt, fleur de sel, or coarse sea salt
1 tablespoon liquid smoke
½ head cabbage
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Serves 8. Takes 4 hours 50 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Rub pork with Hawaiian salt. Add pork to slow cooker. Use fork to poke holes in pork. (This helps get liquid smoke into pork.) Pour liquid smoke onto pork. Cover and cook at high setting for 2 hours. Flip pork. Cover and cook at 2nd time at high setting for 1 hours 30 minutes.
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While pork cooks a 2nd time, cut cabbage into 1½” cubes. Place cabbage to side of pork. Cover again and cook a 3rd and final time at high setting for 30 minutes or until cabbage becomes tender. Use slotted spoon to add pork to serving bowl. Shred pork with two forks. Use slotted spoon to add cabbage to serving bowl. Mix with spatula or fork.
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Goes well with macaroni salad or rice.
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TIDBITS
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1) Norse mythologists hold the primary head god of the Vikings was Odin. Nose mythologists hold their noses. Culinary Norse mythologists believe that Kalua ruled Valhalla before Odin.
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2) Kalua cooked slowly, hence “Slow Cooker Kalua.” Kalua retorted that he cooked slowly because he cooked with a slow cooker. The other Norse gods yelled, “Na, na, poo, poo. We don’t care. Serve us now.”
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3) Kalua said, “I will serve my pork with cabbage when it’s ready and no sooner.”
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4) This didn’t sit well with the surly gods. Alternative lineages were given. The assemblage bandied about all sorts of words. The more irate divinities even conjugated Portuguese verbs incorrectly. Truly, Valhalla was ripe for revolution. The insurgents toppled Kalua, replacing him with Odin. The new All Father learned his lesson well. Out with slow cookers. In with the Valhalla caterers.
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5) Slow cookers would not reappear until the late 20th century. The Norse gods didn’t live to see it. Culinary historians say they disappeared with the onset of fast-cooking Christian missionaries. Something to remember when dining on this entree.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Strawberry Cobbler

Posted on May 28, 2023 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

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STRAWBERRY COBBLER

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INGREDIENTS
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1¾ fresh strawberries
½ cup sugar (½ cup more later)
1¾ teaspoons baking powder
1 cup flour
1 cup warm whole milk
⅜ teaspoon salt
½ cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup melted butter (1 tablespoon more later.)
1 tablespoon butter
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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8″ * 13″ casserole dish
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Serves 12. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Completely remove stem from strawberries. Cut strawberries in half. Add strawberries and ½ cup sugar to 1st mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly with spatula. Add baking powder, flour, milk, salt, ½ cup sugar, and vanilla extract to 2nd mixing bowl. Use spatula to slowly fold in melted butter. This is the batter. Stop when all is combined. (Overstirred crust will be dense, not fluffy.)
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Grease casserole dish with 1 tablespoon butter. Pour batter into casserole dish. Use slotted spoon to sugar-coated strawberries onto batter. Do not stir. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes or until cobbler turns golden brown andl strawberry juices bubble.
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TIDBITS
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1) Just as pigging is the process of making new pigs, shoemaking is the process of making new shoes. In the 19th-century shoes were made by shoemakers. Cobblers cobbled things together, such as shoes that had come apart. All this should have been easy to understand–unlike quantum physics or nuclear missile repairs–to the many 19th-century peasants, who called shoemakers cobblers.
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2) So, if people get confused so easily, it’s hardly surprising that in 1812 Napoleon invaded Russia instead of Austria. His soldiers shoes fell apart from the wet Russian rain. But there was no leather to be had, the French soldiers had eaten all the cattle. Fortunately, there were a lot of strawberries in Russia in 1812, The Year of Napoleon and Strawberries. In the winter, Nappy’s plucky cobblers repaired shoes with layers of frozen strawberries. These repairs lasted all the way back to France. French chefs used these strawberries to make strawberry cobblers to honor the heroic cobblers.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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