Monthly Archives: September 2024

Life Tips & Tricks – Challenges

The following is especially true in cooking, or so a friend told me.

Life Tip and Trick #1

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Lavender Buds Goat’s Milk Soap

LAVENDER BUDS GOAT’S MILK SOAP

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INGREDIENTS
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1 teaspoon pale blue, lavender, or summer violet mica powder
¼ cup isopropyl alcohol
1 tablespoon butter or alcohol
2 pounds goat milk’s soap base
1 teaspoon lavender essential oil
1 tablespoon lavender buds
butter or alcohol to coat molding
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Makes 10½ bars. 1″ wide. Takes 3½ hours.
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PREPARATION
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Add pale blue mica and ¼ cup alcohol to mixing bowl. Blend.
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Rub silicon mold with alcohol or butter.
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Use spice grinder to grind lavender buds into powder
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Cut goat’s milk base into 1″ cubes. Add goat’s milk to large glass measuring cups. Melt base in 30 second intervals. Stir after every time.
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Pour melted goat’s milk base to soap mold
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Add essential oil. Mix.
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Add lavender powder and mica/alcohol blend. Mix.
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Let sit for 3 hours. Use soap slicer to cut soap into slices 1″ wide.
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TIDBITS
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1) Things you can do with bars of lavender buds goat’s milk :(LBGMS):
Shower
Bathe
Barter for things you want when you don’t have enough money. Note: some things like houses will take quite a lot of soap bars in trade.
Corner the market in LBGMS. Think of all the money you’ll make if LBGMS mania takes over, Think of how clean and fragrant you be if it doesn’t.
Build your dream house with bars of LBGMS. Note: you won’t be able to insure your dream house against rain storms. May I suggest building your LBGMS home in places that get no rain at all? The world has a few such places.
Use your LBGMS bars to create avant-garde art. Become famous overnight.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Air Fry Twinkies

American Dessert

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AIR FRY TWINKIES(tm)

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INGREDIENTS
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4 Twinkies
2¼ teaspoons confectioners’ sugar
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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air fryer
parchment paper
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Serves 4. Takes 18 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Line air fryer with parchment paper. Preheat air fryer for 3 minutes at 350 degrees. Add as many Twinkies will fit without touching each other. Keep temperature at 350 degrees. Air fry for 3 minutes. Turn Twinkies over. Air fry for 3 more minutes or until golden brown and crispy. Dust Twinkies with confectioners’ sugar.
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TIDBITS
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1) Life did a lot of experimenting early on, particularly during the Age of Dinosaurs.
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2) One of the more exciting species from that time was the Bioluminescent Lighter Than Air pteroturtles. Here, evolution provided the pteroturtles with a rather nifty way to escape nasty huge sea creatures. When attacked, the pteroturtle would use its lighter than air quality to rocket to the surface and away from the jaws of a large dinofish. Unfortunately, being lighter than air meant being lighter than air and so, the pteroturtles would ascend their way out of the atmosphere. On the plus side, however, if a whole lot of ptero-turtles rocketed their way up and out of the sky at the same time, their bioluminescent streaks would outdo anything Northern Lights could ever do. It remains to add, that the species eggs were also lighter than air. This meant the p-turtles eggs zip to outer space in their only hour of life. This species went extinct rather quickly.
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3) Another evolutionary dead end was the Creamteethosaurus. The Creamteethosaurus resembled the T-rex in almost every aspect except that it possessed teeth rather resembling a Twinkie. Sure Twinkies taste wonderful, but there not much use when use when you want to rip off a chunk of Apatosaurus butt. One bite and all the cream in your teeth ooze out. Now you have no teeth. So, you can’t eat any meat. You can’t really any vegetation either. Sure you could have survived on tofu and smoothies, but those goodies wouldn’t appear on the scene for millions upon millions of years. The Creamteethosaurus also died out quickly.
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4) Early cavemen yearned for cream filled treats. Indeed, the Aubergine Cave paintings prove this. However, we have Twinkies. We can even air fry them. Truly, we live in a golden age.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Turkey Drumsticks

American Entree

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TURKEY DRUMSTICKS

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INGREDIENTS­
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2¼ pounds* turkey drumstick
¼ cup butter
⅜ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon rosemary
½ teaspoon sage
1 teaspoon sea salt or salt
no-stick spray
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* = The weight of a drumstick varies wildly, from ½ pound to 2¼ pounds. The average weight for a turkey drumstick is ¾ pound.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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no-stick spray
meat thermometer
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Serves 3. Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 360 degrees. Use paper towels to pat turkey dry. Melt butter in small pot, using low-medium heat. Add pepper, garlic powder, rosemary, sage, and sea salt. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Brush all of the melted butter over the turkey legs. Spray baking pan with no-stick spray. Add turkey legs to baking pan. Roast turkey for 1 hour 30 minutes at 360 degrees or until internal temperature reaches 175 degrees.
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TIDBITS
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1) Late 18th century The United States of America just buzzed with music. And why not? It had just gained its independence by defeating Britain, the greatest empire in the world. At first things looked bleak for the former Thirteen Colonies. British armies would win battle after battle with planned attacks. They would coordinate their assaults by rapping out orders in Picton code on their drums.
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2) Unfortunately, the Continental Army couldn’t send messages via drums, for Britain had hoarded all the drumsticks. Then just in time for the Battle of Saratoga, Private Carl La Fong observed, “We have plenty of wild turkeys. Why not use turkey drumsticks on our drums?” General Washington ordered this to be done. The Continentals now tapped out orders to a string of victories. Britain gave up fighting and granted America its independence in 1783. As General Cornwallis wrote, “We couldn’t defeat them once they got the turkey drumstick.” So every time we dine on turkey drumsticks or listen to a drum corps, we’re honoring the soldiers who won us our independence.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Cinnamon Shea Butter Soap

CINNAMON SHEA BUTTER SOAP

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INGREDIENTS
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½ teaspoon brown mica powder
1 tablespoon isopropyl alcohol
2 pounds shea butter base
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon cinnamon essential oil
isopropyl alcohol
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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soap mold
spray bottle
soap slicer (optional)
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Makes 10½ bars, 1″ wide. Takes 3 hours.
PREPARATION
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Add brown mica and 1 tablespoon isopropyl alcohol to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended.
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Cut shea butter base into 1″ cubes. Add shea butter base to large glass measuring cups. Melt base in 30 second intervals. Stir after every time. Add pale brown mica powder/isopropyl mix and cinnamon essential oil. Stir with knife until well blended. Let sit for 15 minutes. (This inhibits cinnamon from settling to the bottom of the soap mold.) Add cinnamon. Mix with knife until well blended.
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Spray silicon mold with isopropyl alcohol. Pour melted soap into soap mold. If desired, lightly spray bubbles with isopropyl alcohol to make them disappear. Let soap sit for 3 hours. Use soap slicer to cut soap into slices 1″ wide.
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Let sit for 3 hours. Use soap slicer to cut soap into bars 1″ wide.
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TIDBITS
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1) The New York Mets played baseball in Shea Stadium from 1964 to 2008. Most people agree that Shea Stadium was named after William A. Shea the man who led the effort to bring National League baseball back to New York.
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2) Culinary historians disagree. They maintain the stadium got its name because it was built mainly from cinnamon. Indeed, culinary engineers tell us that cinnamon sticks when subjected to enough pressure will be stronger than steel. Unfortunately, the cost of producing super strong I beams and pillars out of cinnamon proved to be prohibitive. All future stadiums would employ steel for all sorts of things. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: soap | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Earl Grey Shea Butter Soap

EARL GREY SHEA BUTTER SOAP

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INGREDIENTS
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2 pounds shea butter base
1 teaspoon bergamot essential oil
½ teaspoon lemongrass essential oil
½ teaspoon orange essential oil
2 tea bags Earl Grey(tm) tea
isopropyl alcohol
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Makes 10½ bars. 1″ wide. Takes 3½ hours.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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soap mold
spray bottle
soap slicer (optional)
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PREPARATION
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Cut shea butter base into 1″ cubes. Add shea butter to 2 large glass measuring cups. Melt base in 30 second intervals. Stir after every time. Add essential oils. Let sit for 20 minutes. (This inhibits Earl Grey tea from settling to the bottom of the soap mold..) Add Earl Grey tea. Mix with knife until well blended.
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Spray silicon mold with isopropyl alcohol. Pour melted soap into soap mold. If desired, lightly spray bubbles with isopropyl alcohol to make them disappear. Let soap sit for 3 hours. Use soap slicer to cut soap into slices 1″ wide.
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TIDBITS
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1) Earl Grey tea is named after the second Earl Grey. Bummer for the first earl. Anyway, the second Earl Grey was a British prime minister. He helped pass the Durham University Act. His reward? That college got named Grey College. The third earl did little of interest to us. Although, rumors persist that went undefeated in Parcheesi. The fourth earl served at Governor General of Canada in 1909. The Canadian Football League name its championship trophy after him, the Grey Cup. Clearly for about a century, this was a happening family
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2) But so was the La Fong family. Harry La Fong invented the stackable balloon cube. Can you imagine a party without a tsunami of little kids screaming through La Fong’s StackablesTM?  but it was Carl La Fong’s film career that really put Hollywood’s film making on the cinematic map. You might have thought that the inability to memorize lines would have stopped cold any acting career. But the owner, Earl Zane Grey, of FlautasTM Studios noticed La Fong’s calming effect on movie making, So, Earl Grey, hired La Fong. Whenever actors addressed characters who couldn’t be seen, they’d be speaking to the off-stage La Fong. Thus Carl La Fong became the quintessential Man Off Stage for decades to come. He even has a star on Hollywood Boulevard.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Mixtas (hot dogs)

Guatemalan Entree

Mixtas

(hot dogs)

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INGREDIENTS – GUACAMOLE
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3 avocados
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro (1½ tablespoons more later)
1 serrano chile (1 more later)
2 tablespoons lime juice
½ teaspoon oregano
¼ red onion (¼ more later)
¼ teaspoon salt (¼ teaspoon more later)
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INGREDIENTS – CHIRMOL
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1½ tablespoons fresh cilantro
¼ red onion
2 Roma tomatoes
1 serrano chile
2 tablespoons lemon juice
¼ teaspoon salt
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INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY
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8 corn tortillas (Use fresh tortillas or ones from just opened package. Should be as wide as the sausages are long)
8 sausages* or hot dogs
1 cup shredded red cabbage
mustard from squeezable bottle
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* = Guatemalan longanizas or chorizos are traditional. However, they’re difficult to find. If so, use any longanizas or chorizos. Or simply white sausages or hot dogs. Use your sonic obliterator on any guest who gives you guff about the sausages you use.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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potato masher
sonic obliterator
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Serves 8. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – GUACAMOLE
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Peel and remove pit from avocados. Dice 1 tablespoon cilantro. Seed and dice 1 serrano chile. Dice ¼ red onion. Add avocados to 1st mixing bowl. Mash with potato masher until avocado becomes creamy. Add all other guacamole ingredients. Mix with fork until completely blended.
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PREPARATION – CHIRMOL
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Dice 1½ tablespoons fresh cilantro and ¼ red onion. Seed and dice 1 serrano chile. Use medium heat to heat pan for 30 seconds. Add Roma tomatoes. Cook Roma tomatoes for 8 minutes, turning them slowly or until they char on all sides.
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Add charred Roma tomatoes to 2nd mixing bowl. Mash with potato masher or fork until tomatoes become thoroughly mashed. Add all other chirmol ingredients. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended.
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PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY
­Add sausages to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Boil for 5 minutes.. While sausages boil, warm tortillas in pan, using low-medium heat. Put sausage in the middle of tortilla. Place guacamole on one side of sausage and shredded red cabbage on the other. Top with chirmol. Make a squiggle of mustard across the chirmol
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TIDBITS
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1) The American declared their independence in 1776 because they detested British taxation without representation. The former colonists had also developed their own, distinct way of doing things. One example of the American spirit was their devotion to the proto-saxophone. Indeed Josiah Parnell and his big band, The Revolutionaries, entertained the Continental Army between battles and marches. General George Washington would later say, “Many times in the great struggle, our despondent soldiers would have deserted in droves but for the peppy music of The Revolutionaries.”
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2) Foreign powers everywhere took this notion to heart. If you let the fractious natives indulge in proto-saxophone chamber music and big-band marches, they will mount a successful war of independence.
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3) Indeed Pablo Tiul charmed large crowds of peasants with his swinging proto-sax. They hung on every note. He even had scores of groupies. At first, the oppressive Spanish governor tolerated Tiul’s tunes at first. But as the spring of 1821 progressed, the mood of the populace grew ever more restless. Why did the peasant restlessness burgeon? Well, because the Spanish governor oppressed them. Tiul’s tunes took on harsher notes. Crowds shouted, “Los españoles se van a casa,” after every concert. But the Spanish didn’t go home. Instead, the Governor sent troops to confiscate Senor Tiul’s proto-saxophone. The crowd erupted with fury, calling the soldiers all sorts of hurtful names.
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4) The very next day, the leaders of all the peasant villages gathered in Tiul’s hamlet for Guatemalan hot dogs, as who would not? What shall we call this hot dog? “Why not, ‘Mi T,” said someone. (My T, where T is the first letter of Pablo’s last name.)
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5) “Let’s add “sax” to it,” said Maria Escuela, “make it Mitsax.” People applauded this idea. The naming of the hot dog settled, the assembly soon declared independence. Unfortunately, a typo in the independence posters changed “Mitsax” to “Mixtas.” Guatemala would so be free. Free from oppression, free to love saxophones and mixtas. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Printers Are Evil

All it did was work all the time

Well they are. Somehow, a while back, they achieved consciousness and developed an instant and ferocious hatred of us.

Today’s onslaught of printer malevolence: Taking one hour to print one page.

Time to bring back the 1941 Royal typewriter.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: face of evil, printers, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chicken Tostada

Mexican Entree

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CHICKEN TOSTADA

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INGREDIENTS­
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2 garlic cloves
1 green onion
1 green or red bell pepper
⅔ red onion
⅔ small yellow onion
1 pound canned refried beans
½ cup crema Mexicana or sour cream
2 tablespoons olive oil
1⅓ pounds shredded chicken
2 teaspoons cilantro
½ teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon lime juice
¾ teaspoon Mexican oregano or oregano
⅛ teaspoon pepper
6 tostada shells
1½ cups shredded lettuce
½ cup shredded cotija cheese or Four Mexican cheeses
½ cup salsa (optional)
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PREPARATION
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Dice garlic, green onion, bell pepper, red onion, and yellow onion. Add refried beans and crema Mexicana to pot. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes until mixture is hot and creamy.
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Add garlic, green onion, bell pepper, olive oil, red onion, yellow onion, shredded chicken, cilantro, coriander, cumin, lime juice, Mexican oregano, and pepper to pan. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink.
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Divide refried beans equally between tostadas. Put similar amounts of chicken/bell pepper mix on top of beans. Crown tostadas with lettuce, shredded cotija cheese, and salsa.
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TIDBITS
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1) Reginald “Chicken Tostada” Hernandez, terrorized the Arizona railroads in the early 1880s. People say Reginald held up the Southern Pacific and the Atlantic & Pacific railroads 17,223 times. Other, less feverish souls, believe this number to be too high. At any rate, his robberies gave him enough cash to maintain his colossal chicken-tostada habit. This last bit could very well be true as he dined on chicken tostadas for every meal he had since he turned 16. It’s a mystery, though, why his mother Senora Maria Hernandez named her son, Reginald. Perhaps it’s after the famous cricketer Reginald Smythe-Parkinson who toured Sonora with the British national cricket team in 1856.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I am But a Simple Man

I am known for my simple ways. I cringe at every addition to our cell phones: additions that frequently turn out to be death by enhancement.

No, I like the simplicity of sunrises, kittens, and baking.

Baking involves measuring amounts of butter. The standard American stick of butter contains 8 tablespoons or ½ cup.

Fairly simple, right? But many recipes call for 4 tablespoons or ¼ cup of butter. The standard American butter stick does mark off every tablespoon. However, the wrapper for the butter is often off. So, when we cut the butter at what we think is ¼ tablespoons, we have actually sliced off maybe 4.23 tablespoons butter.

If only there were a simple way for simple souls to accurately measure 4 tablespoons of butter.

Now thanks to Land O Lakes(tm) I have butter sticks that measure 4 tablespoons.

A simple solution for a simple man, All is well. I am content.

An old-style 8 tablespoon stick is there for reference

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: about me, cuisine | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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