Monthly Archives: November 2012

Chocolate Cupcakes With Cream-Cheese Frosting

Posted on November 20, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES WITH CREAM-CHEESE FROSTING

INGREDIENTS

CUPCAKE

6 tablespoons butter
6 tablespoons confectionary sugar
3 tablespoons granular sugar
2 eggs
3 tablespoons milk
1/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa

FROSTING

1/2 cup white chocolate chips
3/4 cream cheese

UTENSIL

cookie sheet
12 paper cups
electric beater.

PREPARATION

Take butter out and let it soften. Beat eggs lightly. (After all, they rarely ever beat you. They don’t even seem to try.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Put softened butter, confectionary sugar, and granula. Use same r sugar in mixing bowl. Use beater set on mix until butter and sugars have blended. Add milk, chocolate chips, flour, baking powder, salt, and cocoasetting on beater to blend all the ingredients.

Spoon an equal amount of the batter into each paper cup. Put the cups onto the cookie sheet. Put cookie sheet on center rack and cook at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes or until fork stuck into cupcake comes out cleanly.

Put white chocolate chips in small pot. Cook on low heat until all chips have melted. Stir constantly. Put cream cheese in mixing bowl. Add melted white chocolate chips. Blend with electric beater set to cream. (Some electric beaters have a “burst of power” button. It’s cool, like accelerating a FerrariTM. Well, maybe not. But a cool electric beater costs tens of thousands of dollars less.)

Meanwhile, put an equal amount of the white frosting on top of cupcakes. Serve to deserving people.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate comes from the Aztec word “xocolatl” meaning bitter water.

2) My spell checker does not recognize “xocolatl.” Perhaps this is fair as the Aztecs didn’t recognize what sugar could do for cocoa.

3) But the 15th century Spaniards did. So, the Spanish royalty sent conquistadors and chefs to the new land.

4) After a generation of bloody conquest of Mexico, the sugar isles of the Caribbean were safe for hot chocolate.

5) Lacking minimal amounts of No DozTM or even Red BullTM energy drinks, Napoleon carried chocolate with him on all his military campaigns.

6) Napoleon’s energized armies racked up victory after victory until his enemies starting carrying chocolate as well. Defeat for the French became certain when chocolate rich Switzerland defected from the Gallic side.

7) The world today remains in a state of precarious peace, based on equal access to chocolate for all nations.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, recipes | Tags: Aztec, Caribbean, chocolate, chocolate cupcakes, conquistador, cookbook, cream-cheese, cupcakes, Ferrari, French, frosting, Gallic, Mexico, Napoleon, No Doz, Red Bull, Spain, Spanish, sugar isles, Switzerland | Leave a comment

Buttermilk Pancakes

Posted on November 19, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Entree

BUTTERMILK PANCAKES

INGREDIENTS

1 cup cultured buttermilk blend
4 cups water
3 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 eggs
1/2 cup butter

SPECIALTY UTENSILS

electric mixer

PREPARATION

Use “batter” setting on electric mixer, or beater, to combine buttermilk blend, water, eggs, and melted butter (You can, of course, buy buttermilk of using buttermilk blend, but your buttermilk will go bad if you don’t use it right away.)

Combine in a second large mixing bowl: flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Melt butter.(Use a mere fraction of an ostrich egg if chicken eggs aren’t available)

Pour the contents of the second bowl into the first mixing bowl. Mix together with fork until just blended.

Fire up the griddle to 350 degrees. Use a 4-ounce or 1/4 cup ladle to pour your batter onto the griddle. Cook for 1 3/4 minutes on the first side and for 1 1/2 minutes on the second side or until brown on both sides.

Makes 22 6-inch diameter pancakes, enough for those neighbors next door so they’ll invite you over for one of their sauna parties.

TIDBITS

1) Buttermilk was originally the non-fat liquid left over after churning milk into butter.

2) Today, buttermilk is made by adding lactic-acid-producing bacteria, usually Streptococtus lactus . . . Oh gosh, I can’t go on. I googled “fun facts about buttermilk” and this is what showed up!

3) People drink buttermilk to soothe their stomachs.

4) But not before reading the expiration date on the carton.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes | Tags: America, American, buttermilk, buttermilk pancakes, cookbook, De Lancey, entree, pancakes, recipes, sauna parties, streptococtus lactus | Leave a comment

Pineapple Pie

Posted on November 18, 2012 by pauldelancey

Fijian Dessert

PINEAPPLE PIE

INGREDIENTS

2 egg whites (2 entire eggs used later.)
3 tablespoons sugar

1 1/4 cups minced pineapple (no juice)
1/4 cup pineapple juice
4 tablespoons flour
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
juice from three limes
2 eggs
1 pie crust

PREPARATION

Combine 2 egg whites (The yolks from these eggs are not used here.) and 3 tablespoons sugar in bowl. Beat until thoroughly mixed. Set aside. Squeeze juice out of three limes. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Heat crushed pineapple and pineapple juice on medium heat. Mix in 4 tablespoons flour, sugar, salt, lime juice, and two entire eggs. Heat and stir constantly until eggs are cooked and the mixture thickens. (The phrase “the plot thickens” is of culinary origin. Well, quite possibly.)

Pour pineapple mixture into pie crust. Make sure surface is smooth. Spread egg white mixture evenly over top. Put pie in oven and bake at 350 degrees for about 35 minutes or until top is golden brown. Take pie out to cool. If the hungry horde will let you, put the cooled pie in the fridge to chill. It’s okay if they don’t. It also tastes great warm.

TIDBITS

1) Jim Carrey’s character in the movie, The Truman Show, dreamed of going to Fiji. I have the identical map that adorns his wall in one scene.

2) Why is “fridge” spelled with a “d,” but “refrigerator” spelled without it?

3) Why is a bicycle feminine in French, but a bike is masculine?

4) The idea behind the FrisbeeTM came from pie tins.

5) “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.” – Mary Poppins

6) At one time British sailors were called “limeys” because they ate limes at sea. This was done to prevent scurvy.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: British, cookbook, De Lancey, dessert, Fiji, fijian, French, Frisbee, Jim Carrey, limeys, Mary Poppins, pineapple pie, recipes, scurvy, The Truman Show | Leave a comment

French Hamburger

Posted on November 16, 2012 by pauldelancey

French Entree

FRENCH HAMBURGER

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1 medium red onion
1/2 cup sour cream
1 tablespoon mayonnaise
1 teaspoon Grey PouponTM
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 packet onion soup mix

8 French rolls
romaine lettuce

PREPARATION

Mince the onion. Mix all top ingredients by hand. (Yes, it’s mushy.) Form 8 elongated patties. Fry patties on medium-high heat until juice coming from patties is no longer red or meat is no longer pink. Don’t turn patties over as frequently as you would for an American hamburger. There is plenty of moisture in these patties. You don’t have to worry as much about them drying out and early turning might cause them to crumble.

Toast French rolls. Put patty and lettuce on roll. This is a French hamburger. Any mustard must be Grey PouponTM. Sacré bleu.

TIDBITS

1) I was last in France in 1993. At that time, there were dozens of McDonald’sTM. The best one was in Nice. Most restaurants in France are only open during meal times. McDonald’sTM remains open throughout the day.

2) A McDonald’s in Budapest, Hungary, charged for ketchup.

3) I am a fifth-generation direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. He died on the fifth hour of the fifth day of the fifth month. I was born at that same time. Different years, of course. He also conquered a few more countries than I.

4) I bicycled across France in 1983. At that time, my French was on the level of a distracted third grader.

5) I had a burger in France. It came in a French roll.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: Budapest, cookbook, De Lancey, entree, France, French, Grey Poupon, hamburger, Hungary, McDonald's, Napoleon, Nice, onion soup, recipes | Leave a comment

Cheesy Chile Corn Muffins

Posted on November 14, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Appetizer

CHEESY CHILE CORN MUFFINS

INGREDIENTS (makes about 18 muffins)

1/2 cup grated Four Mexican cheeses
7 ounces diced green chiles
1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup yellow corn meal
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 cups milk
2 eggs lightly beaten
1/3 cup vegetable oil
3 tablespoons butter

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT

baking cups
cupcake pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put all ingredients in large mixing bowl. Combine ingredients with blender set on “cake.” Put baking cups in cupcake pan. Pour mix into baking cups until each cup is 2/3 full.

Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until fork inserted in muffin comes out clean and easily. Remove baking cups filled with muffin and let cool for five minutes.

Spread butter on top of muffin if desired.

TIDBITS

1) I’ve always enjoyed the phrase, “eggs lightly beaten.” Are there recipes with the phrases, “eggs thoroughly defeated,” or “eggs humiliated and thirsting for revenge?”

2) My baking powder’s brand is Clabber GirlTM. My mother used this brand. My grandmother used it as well. Clabber GirlTM has been around since 1879. Their website boasts of a peanut-free facility. Why would there be peanuts in a baking-powder factory?

3) However, Southwest AirlinesTM informs us the peanuts in their tiny snack bags are made in a facility where peanuts are present.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: appetizier, baking powder, cheese, chiles, Clabber Girl, cookbook, corn, corn meal, corn muffins, De Lancey, Mexican, Mexico, recipes, Southwest Airlines | Leave a comment

Egg Drop Soup

Posted on November 13, 2012 by pauldelancey

Chinese Soup

EGG DROP SOUP

INGREDIENTS

1/2 small potato
3 stalks green onion
32 ounces chicken broth
1/4 teaspoon Vegetable MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon sesame oil
2 tablespoons cornstarch
2 eggs

PREPARATION

Bake a potato for 40 minutes at 400 degrees or according to instructions shown on bag of potatoes. While the potato is baking, mince the green-onion stalks. Cut the baked potato into tiny squares or dice briefly. (Consider using microwavable potatoes. This nifty agricultural advancement from this great country saves you time and your guests don’t have to know. Or you can skip the potato altogether.)

Mix broth, green onion, spice, oil, potato, and cornstarch thoroughly in pot. Bring soup to boil. Add eggs. Reduce heat to medium high or until the boiling soup no longer resembles the frothing witches’ cauldron in Macbeth. Mix soup with fork until all the egg yolks are cooked and are in small bits. You might need to go on a search and destroy mission for any lurking and intact egg yolks.

This dish cries out to be served in china bowls or at least no bowls with elegant Winnie-the-PoohTM designs. Make this dish often. It tastes great, looks impressive, and is so easy to make.

TIDBITS

1) My wife and I once went to a children’s museum in Ashford, Oregon. The challenge of the day was to prevent your egg from cracking when dropped from a height of ten feet. Your job was to prevent this using a balloon, a square of cardboard, and some tape. Both our kids’ eggs survived the drop. Hooray!

2) When I was a small boy, we had a chicken farm just a few blocks away. However, nearly all municipalities today forbid the raising of chickens. You have to go to outlying areas to buy fresh eggs.

3) My younger son loves to cook eggs.

4) Many Chinese recipes for egg-drop soup omit potatoes. Potatoes in this soup is a variation by the Chinese laborers who helped to build the transcontinental railroad in the 1860s.

5) Don’t drop eggs from a height of ten feet when the soup is boiling. You’ll regret it. Greatly. For a long time.

6) Does anyone remember how Linus in that great comic strip, Peanuts, drove his grammar-school teacher Miss Othmar crazy by repeatedly forgetting to bring egg shells to class?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: Ashford, Chef Paul, China, Chinese, cookbook, egg drop, egg shells, Miss Othmar, Oregon, Paul De Lancey, Peanuts, recipes, soup, Winnie-, Winnie-The-Pooh | 3 Comments

Greek Wraps

Posted on November 12, 2012 by pauldelancey

Greek Entree

GREEK WRAPS

INGREDIENTS

1 head lettuce
1 pound ground pork
1/2 pound ground beef
1 1/2 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1 1/2 teaspoon coriander
Greek cucumber sauce or tzatziki sauce from previous recipe

PREPARATION

This dish works best with the outer, larger leaves of lettuce. Be sure to wash the lettuce and remove any leaves with brown spots.

Mix pork, beef, meat spice, and coriander. Cook meat until browned. Tear off one or two leaves of lettuce. Put about 3 or 4 spoonfuls meat on the leaves, but not so much that you cannot roll up the leaves.

Put about two spoonfuls cucumber sauce on top. Roll up the lettuce leaves so no meat shows. Hold at one end to keep the sauce from dripping out. Eat at the other end.

This is a tasty and healthy variation on gyros.

TIDBITS

1) Lettuce grew as a weed long before anyone ate it.

2) But if lettuce flourished as a weed, then why is it so hard to grow deliberately?

3) I think the definition of a weed is something that grows without help.

4) Food is something that is difficult to grow.

5) There is a town in northern California called Weed.

6) Columbus brought lettuce to the Americas.

7) Spanish explorers brought potatoes back from the Americas. Fair trade, you think?

8) There is no eighth tidbit. My computer decided to update my software at this point.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: America, beef, California, Columbus, cookbook, entree, fair trade, Greek, lettuce, pork, Spanish, tzatziki | Leave a comment

Cooking Tips

Posted on November 11, 2012 by pauldelancey

Cooking Tips

People often ask me, “Do you work here?” People who know me ask, “Paul, how do you make your food so, so edible?” Well, in the interest of culinary advancement, I shall pass on my cooking tips to the world.

1) Food generally heats up quicker if you turn on the heat or plug in the oven.

2) You are allowed to turn the burner or toaster oven off after cooking.

3) You must have an ingredient to cook with it.

4) Insist on bowls. They make eating soup easier

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: food, humor | Tags: cooking tips, soup, toaster oven | Leave a comment

Dear Dr. Economics, My little Benny got

Posted on November 10, 2012 by pauldelancey

Dear Dr. Economics,

My little Benny got assigned his kindergarten’s annual $30,000 raffle to support Sorghum Awareness. Normally, a Kansan celebrity or a CEO from a local biotech company does this sort of thing. But they’re all busy this year, so it fell to my six-year old son.

He’s tried real hard during lunchtime, but he hasn’t even sold one of his three hundred $100 tickets. He’s darn near ready to burst into tears. Even holding “Patches,” his teddy bear, doesn’t erase his sense of failure.
Can you help me?

Dennis Epicenter,
Tentacle, KS

Dear Mr. Epicenter,

Why certainly, I can help you. I am Dr. Economics. Instead of Benny making each kindergartner cough up $100–and what are the chances of that given you describe him as little–why not sell partial shares?

Benny is sure to have more success selling 1/100th shares in each ticket for $1. Of course, this means the lad will need to sell 30,000 shares, so diligence and determination are must for this plan to succeed.

Alternatively, Benny could sell 1/10,000th shares in each ticket for 1c. This plan makes for easy sales. Again, I feel especially obligated to stress perseverance in selling the necessary 3,000,000 shares. Indeed, consider taking him to school early and picking him up late.

Benny should also learn about computer spreadsheets. Careful record keeping is a must for any successful raffle, whether it be for 3,000,000 records or the more modest 30,000.

Normally, I would advise keeping children clear of caffeinated beverages until the age of twelve, but it seems doubtful little Benny will have much time for sleeping. So, go for it!

– Dr. Economics

Categories: Ask Dr. Economics | Tags: biotech, caffeine, Dr. Economics, economics, Kansan, kindergarten, raffle, sorghum, teddy bear | Leave a comment

Problems With The Electoral Process

Posted on November 9, 2012 by pauldelancey

Problems With The Electoral Process

Recently, the Democratic and Republican parties spent $2.1 billion dollars on the presidential election . This outrages me to no end.

How come I didn’t get any of it?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: politics | Tags: Democratic, electoral process, Republican | Leave a comment

Monthly Archives: November 2012

Chocolate Cupcakes With Cream-Cheese Frosting

CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES WITH CREAM-CHEESE FROSTING