Posts Tagged With: Paul De Lancey

How Bacon & Chocolate Will Win The Election

Posted on October 15, 2012 by pauldelancey

Remember Bacon & Chocolate’s slogan:

“If you’re going to waste your vote, why not waste it on Bacon & Chocolate?”

Now take the case of California. President Obama is set to win by California and its fifty plus electoral votes by a huge number of votes. There is no reasonable scenario having Romney win this state. So, all Romney supporters will feel free to waste their votes on Bacon & Chocolate because well, they like Bacon & Chocolate. All the Obama supporters, certain in their knowledge of an insurmountable lead over the Republican candidate will also feel at liberty to caste wasted ballots for me, Paul De Lancey, the candidate for Bacon & Chocolate.

This reasoning will result in darn near 97% of all voters wasting their ballots on Bacon & Chocolate. I will carry California in a landslide. I will win ever state that is not a swing state. People will vote me and Bacon & Chocolate into the White House in one of the greatest thumpings of all time.

This is the dawning of the Bacon & Chocolate Era.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, Paul De Lancey, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Presidential Candidate Makes Bold Campaign Promise

Posted on October 12, 2012 by pauldelancey

“If I am elected, all computer printers will always work. They will never jam.”

 

– Mr. Paul De Lancey, presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate party.

 

 

 

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, Paul De Lancey, politics | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

“Nobody Attends” Event to be Held in Barrow, Alaska on October 16

Posted on October 11, 2012 by pauldelancey

If you wish to attend by not attending, please RSVP by
e-mailing paulthehero@yahoo.com, commenting on
this blog, or commenting in Facebook on the event
“Nobody Attends.” We are pleased to announce the
musical legend Paul McCartney is highly likely to not
attend and may be persuaded to not sing for us.
Remember the event’s slogan:

“We’re all here because we’re not all there.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

50 Ways To Cook Your Bacon

Posted on October 6, 2012 by pauldelancey

With apologies to Paul Simon and his 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

“The problem is the cold in your fridge”, she said at last
The answer is easy if you thaw it out not last
I’d like to help you serve us good grub for breakfast
There must be fifty ways to cook your bacon

She said it’s really not my habit to be stern
Furthermore, I hope my frying won’t splatter you, make you burn
But I’ll cook a new batch, if you’ll let me have a turn
There must be fifty ways to cook your bacon
Fifty ways to cook your bacon

Don’t cut off the fat, Jack
Grab the old pan, Stan
You don’t need to eat soy, Roy
Just serve it with brie.
Eat without fuss, Gus
You don’t need a big napkin
Just eat in a tree, Lee
And eat it with glee.
[
Ooo leave on the fat, Jack
Grab the old pan, Stan
You don’t need to eat soy, Roy
Just serve it with brie.
Eat without fuss, Gus
You don’t need a big napkin
Just eat in a tree, Lee
And eat it with glee.

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was a cold ice pack and some aspirin for your brain.
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don’t we just buy lemon with some quid.
Cuz’ I believe next morning you’ll cook bacon with a lid
And then she kissed me and come morn’ that it is what I did.
There must be fifty ways to cook your bacon
Fifty ways to leave your bacon

You just don’t cut off the fat, Jack
Grab the old pan, Stan
You don’t need to eat soy, Roy
Just serve it with brie.
Eat without fuss, Gus
You don’t need a big napkin
Just eat in a tree, Lee
And eat it with glee.

Don’t cut off the fat, Jack
Grab the old pan, Stan
You don’t need to eat soy, Roy
Just serve it with brie.
Eat without fuss, Gus
You don’t need a big napkin
Just eat in a tree, Lee
And eat it with glee.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, Following Good Food, food | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Swedish Meatballs

Posted on September 20, 2012 by pauldelancey

Swedish Entree

SWEDISH MEATBALLS

INGREDIENTS

1 pound lean ground beef (not the leanest, it sticks.)
2 slices dry bread
milk (optional. If used, enough to cover bread crumbs or at least 1/2 cup.)
1 egg
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
2 teaspoons allspice
1/4 teaspoon sugar

PREPARATION

Use dried bread, let bread dry out overnight, or toast bread. Let bread soak in milk overnight. This last step is a matter of preference and can be omitted. (Do this part after your spouse has gone to bed, if the two of you disagree on the inclusion of milk.)

Combine meat, bread (soaked or not, did you win the argument?), eggs, salt, black pepper, allspice, and sugar. Make small meatballs, not more than 1-inch wide.

Cook in electric skillet at 340 degrees. Turn occasionally. Meatballs should be at least dark brown all over.

These meatballs are great. They disappear fast. They can be rewarmed in a little water.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe comes from my Grandma Anna. According to her, these are the authentic Swedish meatballs.

2) She said the big gravy-covered meatballs served at buffets were not.

3) Grandma Anna served these meatballs to my Dad’s parents when they came over to meet my mother’s parents for the first time. Upon seeing the meatballs, my Dad’s father said, “What are these little black things?” Fortunately, Grandma Anna laughed, my parents married, and I was born. Whew!

4) Grandma Anna used to say, “Be useful as well as ornamental.”

5) Whenever my brother or I did something to displease her she’d say, “You’re in bad trouble.”

6) This  has been a much anticipated dish at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Regret

Posted on September 13, 2012 by pauldelancey

Regret*

Said the mother penguin to her chick,
“Bring your furry ass over here
I need to regurgitate
and make room for beer.”

“No, mom, no I want a pizza
A pizza eater I shall be.”

“No, son you’re a penguin.
A fish eater you’ll be.”

“You’ll be neither,” said the fishermen
as he harpooned them both.
“I’ll mince you and can you
For Penguins of the sea.”

“Bummer,” said the expiring penguins.

* – Best Poem at the Southern California Writers’ Conference – 2009. First such award in a decade

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Bean Burritos

Posted on September 11, 2012 by pauldelancey

The Bean Burrito

Oh bean burrito,
Oh bean burrito,
You’re oh so neato.
You need no meato.

Dear reader, you can tell
Today, I’m fond of doggerel.
Just don’t put that meatel
In this, my bean burritel.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Laundry

Posted on September 1, 2012 by pauldelancey

Laundry

O pile of laundry.
O pile of laundry.
Lying securely in
The walk-in closet.

Walk out, laundry
I say, walk out.
Clean yourself.
Come back clean.

But the laundry
never listens.
Bad laundry,
Go to your room.

There will be laundry
Until we die.
Does life cause laundry
or does laundry cause life?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, obsevations, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Poway, Vacation Getaway – A Loving Poem

Posted on August 28, 2012 by pauldelancey

Poway, Vacation Getaway

Oh Poway! Oh Poway!
You’re such a vacation wowie.
You beat the pants off Maui.
With Your Lake Poway.

Paris just can’t compare
With our Old Poway Fare
Not even on a dare
Would I go over there.

Italy with its many grand plazas
Or Sinai with its teeming Gaza
Can’t beat Taco Bell’s enchilada.
For me, I’ll have Poway or nada.

Why go to Nice with its weather fair
Or to Moscow for a Russian bear?
Come to Poway, mon frère.
Enjoy our constant street repair

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Time Machine, A Poem

Posted on August 27, 2012 by pauldelancey

Time Machine

Oh time machine!
Oh time machine!
When did you go?
I need you so.

I washed my clothes three days ago.
Then I forgot them so.
Now I must rewash them-o.
What a pain. Oh no!.

But with my time machine
I could go back two days
And put them in the dryer, eh?
And save the extra washing.

Bad time-machine use? Not at all.
Washing uses up all my Tide.
To get more detergent I shall
Find your house and break inside..

Sorry.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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