Posts Tagged With: pan fried

Food to Die For: Paul’s 365 Meals of Murder, Mayhem, and Mischief – March 18

March 18: This entree honors a Romanian Minister of Parlement Bribing Voters with 60 tons of fried chicken
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You love  fried chicken. Who else does?  Your voters do.  But the electorate doesn’t like you. Not much at all. How can you win the voters over to your side? Sure, you could promise them all sorts of things. But you’re a politician. The people don’t believe politicians’ promises. And they especially don’t believe you.

That leaves bribery as your only course of action. What sort of bribery? You can’t give all those people diamonds, too expensive. Cash would work. However, it’s too expensive. Bribing them with $10 of cold, hard cash will leave them cold. How about greasing their palms with $100 in paper currency. Yes, that would work. That would make the voters adore you. That would make them stampede the polling sites at six a.m. to check your box on the ballot. But tossing large bills at the masses simply is beyond your budget.

What to do? Bribe the voters with fried chicken. As mentioned above your constituents crave fried chicken. And a meal of chicken is so freaking affordable for the would-be vote buyer. Treat each and every voter to a bucket or meal of fried chicken and you’ll be elected in a landslide.

Our politician in Romania, Mr. Popescu, took this advice to heart. Florin “Chicken Baron” Popescu bribed voters with 60 tons–60 tons!–of fried chicken. It worked. The people voted him in as the leader of their county council. He used this position and name recogniton to secure election as a member of parliament in 2012. Alas, karma is relentless and law enforcement arrested him for bribery. Life can be hard.

The meal you should serve to commerate this day:  Pan Fried Chicken Breasts

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Celebrate the drive and determination of politico Popescu with this tasty American favorite. You might even find yourself fantasizing yourself winning a seat in the U.S. Senate. Just don’t get caught. Meanwhile, enjoy.

Pan Fried Chicken Breasts

INGREDIENTS

4 chicken breasts, boneless & skinless
½ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
½ cup flour
1 teaspoon garlic powder
¾ teaspoon onion powder
1¼ teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon parsley (1 teaspoon more later)
3 tablespoons vegetable oil (ip to 2 tablespoons more, if necessary)
up to 2 tablespoons, if necessary
1 lemon
1 teaspoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

kitchen mallet

Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Remove chicken breasts from refrigerator and pat dry with paper towels. Cover with plastic wrap. Pound chicken breasts lightly with kitchen mallet until they are ½” thick or thinner. Rub chicken with pepper and salt.

Add flour, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, and parsley to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Dredge chicken breast through mixture in bowl. Shake off any excess. (Excess flour falls off in the oil, adding a burnt taste and look..) Repeat for remaining chicken.

Add 3 tablespoons vegetable oil to large pan. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a little bit of flour in the oil starts to dance. Add 2 chicken breasts to pan. Cover and fry chicken breasts for 3 minutes or until bottom of chicken breasts turn golden brown. DO NOT move them. (Only lift a corner of a chicken breast to see if the bottom is golden brown. Use spatula to flip chicken breasts. Cover and fry for another 2½ minutes or when new bottom turns golden brown as well. Remove breasts to plate and cover to keep warm. Add up to 2 more tablespoons oil, if necessary. Repeat for 2nd batch of chicken breasts.

Slice lemon into 4 pieces. Serve each chicken breasts with a lemon slice Garnish each chicken breast with ¼ teaspoon parsley..

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Shaiyah, Pan Fried Meat From South Sudan

South Sudanese Entree

SHAIYAH
(Pan fried meat)

INGREDIENTS

2½ pounds lamb, beef, or goat
2 cups water.
¾ red onion (¼ red onion more later)
2 stalks celery
4 garlic cloves
1 jalapeno pepper or red chile pepper
1 bay leaf
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
½ tablespoon coriander
½ tablespoon cumin
1 teaspoon pepper

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
¼ red onion
1 tablespoon lime juice
¼ cup arugula (aka rocket leaves)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

mandoline (optional)

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut meat into 1″ cubes. Add to large pot, enough water to cover meat with 1″ to spare. Bring water to boil at high heat. While water comes to boil, cut ¾ red onion into ¼”-thick slices. (A mandoline helps.) Cut each celery into 4 pieces along its length. Dice garlic cloves. Dice jalapeno pepper. (Seed it first, if you want this dish to be milder.)

Add all but the last 4 ingredients to pot. Cover and cook at medium-high heat for 35 minutes or until water has evaporated, but meat is not yet falling apart. (Stir enough to prevent burning.) Remove bay leaf.

Add oil and ingredients from pot to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 15 minutes or until meat browns all over and becomes crispy. Stir frequently enough to prevent meat from burning and sticking to pan.

Add meat to serving plate. Cut ¼ red onion into ¼”-thick slices. Drizzle lime juice over meat. Garnish with red-onion slices and arugula.

TIDBITS

1) I suspect that many readers of this recipe buy their lamb, beef, or goat at the supermarket. This meat comes in nice, little plastic wrapped packages.

2) All we have to do to hunt the meat for our Shaiyah is to sally forth in our little FitTM, BMWTM, or F-150, armed only with a credit card or cash.

3) There’s no danger in that at all. Especially we if remain properly vigilant for stupid oafs running red lights at busy intersections.

4) Hunting safaris are one step closer to getting our own food than moving our carts to the butchers or to the frozen meet section at our supermarket.

5) But not by much, is it? Such hunters arm themselves with high-velocity rifles, equipped with telescopic lenses.

6) It would be something if these safaris had our prey armed with heat-seeking missiles that fired at us whenever we came with 100 yards, or even meters, of them.

7) I mean fair is fair. It’d make hunting safaris unambiguously more exciting as well.

8) But as of press time, this adrenaline-pumping idea remains unlikely to be occur anytime soon.

9) So we don’t know what is was like to say, hunt a mastodon for our meal. How did cavemen bring down their meals on feet or hooves? Sad to say, I don’t know if mastodons have toes or hooves. There aren’t any mastodons in my fair city of Poway.

10) Anyway, Ogg, tried to eat a mastodon by the simple expedient of gnawing on its leg. The mastodon took offense at Ogg’s faux pas and removed him from the human gene pool.

11) Ogg Junior, played a lethal game of rock, stick, stomp with his mastodon. He lost as well.

12) Ogg III, his synapses firing, grabbed a mastodon’s tail. He had hoped to hurl the critter at a fatal speed into a rock cliff. Ogg III did not.

13) Ogg IV tried to frighten a mastodon to death by making scary faces. Another frustrating failure.

14) Indeed Ogg IV to Ogg XIII all met their ends from the mastodon’s tremendously sharp and long tusks or from their massive feet.

15) “What if we turned ourselves into massive feet by letting mud dry on ourselves?” asked the nearly clever Ogg XIV. Many agreed with him. And so Ogg XIV to Ogg XIX would have passed into history had history had only existed back then.

16) Finally Ogg XX postulated making spears out of sticks and sharp flints. OMG, the idea worked! We could have any meat we wanted, including lamb, beef, or goat for our Shaiyah. We all owe a debt of thanks to Ogg XX. Well done, sir.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D. (but not with cell phones)

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Pan Fried Cheese Pie (Plăcinte) From Moldova

Moldovan Entree

PAN FRIED CHEESE PIE
(Plăcinte)

INGREDIENTS

4 cups flour (9 tablespoons more later)
1¼ teaspoons baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
¾ cup buttermilk
¾ cup milk
1 egg
½ tablespoon dill
4 cups cheese (combination of feta, farmer’s cheese*, ricotta, or Moldovan cow cheese*
9 tablespoons flour (1½ tablespoons per pie)
⅔ cup vegetable oil

* = Can be found in ethnic or specialized supermarkets or online.
** = As far as I found out, you have to go to Moldova for this. Bon voyage.

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add 4 cups flour, baking soda, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Add buttermilk, milk, and egg. Knead until soft dough ball forms. Split dough balls into 6 smaller dough balls. Brush oil onto dough balls. Let sit for 30 minutes.

While the 6 dough balls sit, add dill and cheese to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Dust rolling pin with ½ tablespoon flour. Sprinkle 1 tablespoon flour onto flat surface. Flatten dough ball with rolling pin, or hands, on flat surface until it is ⅛” thick. Add 1/6th of cheese mix (about ⅔ cup) to center of flattened dough ball. Fold in edges until they meet in the middle. Pinch edges together to form a seal. This is the cheese pie. Repeat for each dough ball.

Add oil to pan. Heat at low-medium heat until a bit of dough starts to dance in the oil. Add cheese pie to pan. Deep fry at low-medium heat for 4 minutes or until bottom of cheese pie turns golden brown. Carefully flip over cheese pie. Deep fry for 4 minutes more or until new bottom becomes golden brown. Repeat for each cheese pie. (Deep frying times will decrease with each pie.) Place on plate and pat dry with paper towel.

TIDBITS

1) We know the universe expands at an ever increasing rate as far-off stars display a red shift. If the Plăcinte on your stove shows such a shift, then it’s accelerating away from you at near-light speed. Plan on getting takeout. But, if the Plăcinte looks bluish, it’s coming at you just as quick. Duck!

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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