Posts Tagged With: voters

Make Vote Buying Fun For The Whole Family

 grasshoper

 

The campaign spending season is in full swing with well-funded politicians claiming that an enemy victory will result in a plague of locusts o’er the land. (It won’t happen at my home. I have a rather aggressive lizard patrolling my office window.) Anyway, I see all sorts of articles, posts, emails claiming that hopeful politicos might be raising hundreds of millions of dollars. Indeed, in 2010 Meg Whitman spent the colossal sum of $150 million to run for governor of my state of California. This outrages me to no end.

This will happen if you vote for the wrong candidate.

How come I didn’t get any of it?

Look at it this way. Meg–may I call you Meg?–spent about $4 per every human being in this state. Did she get elected? No, she lost. She got nothing. Did we get anything? No, just an endless sea of ads that sapped our wills to live. What should she have done?

Bought our votes. Directly.

We could have gone to her website and pledged  all our eligible votes to her. That would have been two in my case. In return, Meg would have given us $4 in vouchers, per family member,  good to any fast-food restaurant of our choice, $16 for me and my brood! Yum! Yum! Would any votes ever have been sold so tastily

Could her gubernatorial opponent Jerry Brown with his paltry $4 million could have competed? No.

Think about it next time,  candidates. My idea is good for you, it’s good for American voters and it’s good for Taco Bell.

– Paul R. De Lancey,  Concerned Citizen

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

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Categories: finance, humor, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Prestigious, Rousing Endorsements for my Presidential Candidacy of Venezuela

My run for the office of El Presidente of Venezuela nearly derailed when I momentarily forget how to spell “candidacy” for this blog’s title. But I flagremembered. Whew! Anyway, I’ve been telling you, the Venezuelan voters, how I will help you or at the very least inflict the least harm of any candidate. But why take the word of someone who has run for political office, golfed, and fished?  Look at the glowing endorsements below.

“You are much more qualified than the Chavista bus driver (Maduro), and offer better perks (Bacon & Chocolate- For the People!) than the other challanger (Capriles). DeLancey for El Presidente!”
– Jonna Pattillo

“You have the full support of The Cookie Party.”
– Wayne DePriest

“Glad to know the BCP has gone post-nationalist.”
– Blaise Marcoux

“Vote Early, vote often!”
– Jonna Pattillo

“You have my endorsement. As a token of my endorsement I am sending you a fish with an endorsal fin.”
– Steve Kramer

“I really think the people of Venezuela should vote for you instead of that morally compromised bus driver turned politico. After all – You offer bacon and chocolate instead of just popular television….”
– Jonna Pattillo

“You have my endorsement, but don’t be in any hurry to cash the check.”
– Wayne DePriest

“The Lascaux Review officially endorses Paul De Lancey of the Bacon & Chocolate Party for the office of President of Venezuela.”
– Stephen Parrish

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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