Posts Tagged With: onion

Super Burritos

Posted on September 4, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

SUPER BURRITOS

INGREDIENTS

1 medium onion
2 tablespoons cumin
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup salsa
2 cans kidney beans, drained of water
1 1/2 cups grated four Mexican cheeses
10 large flour tortillas

PREPARATION OF THE BURRITO’S INNARDS

Mince the onion. Mix it and the cumin into the ground meat by hand. Cook the meat until browned. Note, browned turkey meat is whiter than browned beef.

(You can substitute other meat for turkey. You can even use ground up vegetarian chicken. I don’t recall what went into this meat substitute, but it did taste vaguely like chicken and turned out well in this recipe.)

Add the mayonnaise and mix. (Why are there two “n”s in “mayonnaise?”) Stir in the salsa. It is essential to taste now. If your taste buds tell you it needs more spice, add more cumin or salsa. If you want your creation to be smoother, add more mayonnaise. If your mixture isn’t thick enough, you can lose liquid to evaporation by letting the mix simmer longer. Or as I prefer, use any liquidy mix as a sauce or a fantastic soup.

Remember to constantly stir, especially after adding the cheese. It takes forever to scrub off burnt cheese from the bottom of the pan.

Add kidney beans and cheese. Cook at medium heat until all the beans are hot enough and the cheese melted.

ASSEMBLING THE BURRITO

The tortilla should be big. A big tortilla is much more likely to hang together during rolling than a small one, especially given most people’s tendency to put too much meat mix onto the burrito. Size matters.

The tortilla must be pliable or easy to fold. Tortillas that have been sitting in the refrigerator for a while get brittle. Microwave them in the microwave for about ten seconds or so, until they become soft.

Never, but never, make burritos with corn tortillas. They will break apart. The burrito’s innards will ooze out the sides. You’ll panic and try to keep everything together with toothpicks. Maybe these burritos will hold together until served. (However, they will surely fall apart when the millionaire parents of your fiancé pick them up. A bad first impression of you? You bet. So, use flour tortillas, okay?)

Anyway, scoop about two tablespoons burrito mix onto the center bottom of the burrito. Fold the bottom over the mix. Fold the sides in until they almost touch. Roll the bottom of the tortilla over and over until your burrito is formed.

It takes some practice to do this right. It is easier than it might seem to burst the tortilla with too much mix or have the mix escape out the sides. But you will get it right after one or two tries.

Your family will smile beatifically at you. Your kids, who have been grunting monosyllabic words at you for months, will favor you with, “Awesome food” and “Parental figure, may I enjoy an additional helping?.” Cooking doesn’t get much better than this.

TIDBITS

1) “Burrito” is Spanish for “little burro.” Why Spanish-speaking people think a burrito looks like a little donkey is beyond me.

2) Not many people believe Marco Polo brought back burritos from China in the 1200s.

3) Probably because it is not true.

4) Many do believe, however, the burrito was first made by Juan Mendez during the Mexican Revolution.

5) So, revolutions have their upsides.

6) Bad for the part of my family that lost its ranch in the Mexican revolution.

7) But Mexico also gave us the crispy corn taco with shredded beef. How can I not forgive and forget?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Shredded-Chicken Burrito

Posted on August 26, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

SHREDDED-CHICKEN BURRITOS

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 pounds chicken breast
1 medium onion
1 14.5 can diced tomatoes
1/2 cup salsa
1 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
1 7 ounce can diced green chiles
1 16 ounce can refried beans
1/2 cup mayonnaise or sour cream
1 cup grated four Mexican cheeses
8 flour tortillas (bigger tortillas make bigger burritos)

PREPARATION

Defrost chicken by leaving it out on the stove for hours. Mince chicken in food processor. Mince onion. Mix chicken, onion, tomatoes, salsa, cumin, chili, poultry spice, and green chiles. Cook on medium-to-high heat until chicken is done. Add green chiles, refried beans, mayonnaise or sour cream, and grate cheese and cook until beans are hot. The mayonnaise or sour cream makes the refried beans much smoother. Milk has the same effect. (Now you know. Your world has just gotten sunnier and so will all the people you will meet in the next twenty-four hours.)

Heat the tortillas in the microwave for 20-30 seconds. This makes them warm and much easier to roll and fold without breaking. To make the burrito, put 2-3 tablespoons of the above chicken mixture 1/3 of the way down the tortilla. Fold the top of the tortilla over the mixture. Fold in the sides of the tortilla as far as you can. They must cover the mixture. While keeping the sides folded in, roll the tortilla as far as you can. You are now a burrito whiz. Olé.

TIDBITS

1) “Ito” at the end of Spanish words means the particular thing is “little.” So, “burrito” means little “burro.”

2) Judge Ito presided over the O.J. Simpson murder trial.

3) I have a friend who lives near the house where the murder took place. The place looks nice.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Turkey Burgers

Posted on July 15, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Entrée-Basic

TURKEY BURGERS

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 pounds of ground turkey meat
1 onion
1/4 green bell peppers
2 green onion stalks
2 tablespoons garlic salt
1/2 tablespoons cumin
8 potato hamburger buns – top and bottom
1/4 head of lettuce, washed
1 cup of grated four-cheese blend
1 ketchup bottle
water
extra virgin olive oil

SPECIALTY UTENSILS

Sonic obliterator
Four-slice toaster

TOASTING THE BUNS

You really need a four-slice toaster. You simply cannot feed turkey burgers to a hungry horde with a two-hole toaster. Don=t do four bun halves, two whole buns, and rest on your laurels.

(You say you need more immediate motivation? Pretend the members of your brood have become ravenous cannibals ready to sink their razor sharp canines into your haunches unless they get their turkey burgers.) Keep on toasting.

(And DON’T, DON’T, microwave anything while toasting. You’ll trip your circuit breaker and you’ll have to dash outside and flip the circuits. This is one reason against cooking in the nude. The other being that grease splatters.)

PREPARING THE ONION

Remove the skin. It adds nothing to the taste, is papery, and gets stuck between your teeth. (How can you concentrate on your boss’s story about mango harvesting in Tahiti when you have onion skin between your first and second molars annoying the heck out of you? Remove the skin, now.)

Also cut off the root part at the bottom. It’s edible ,I suppose, but hardly tasty. If the onion has a big, green sprout in the middle, it’s because you bought it when Nixon was in office and is no longer edible.

PREPARING THE GREEN BELL PEPPERS

It really helps if you have a prepared green bell pepper left over from last night’s culinary extravaganza, made from the chapter on stuffed green peppers, for example.

If not, cut the top off the green bell pepper and discard, or at least discard the stem. Scoop out the innards of the pepper seeds and those four vertical, soft whitish columns and throw them away.

Chop up the pepper and put it in a pan. Coat the pieces with olive oil. Use extra-virgin olive oil. (That’s the most virgin you can get, unless you went through school studying economics.)

Cook the green bell pepper. This process is called sauteeing.

(See, you’re picking up the vocabulary. Mais oui. C’est magnifique, n’est ce pas? Ho, ho, ho.)

CHOPPING UP THE VEGGIES

You really must get yourself a food processor, big or small, one with two little whirling blades. This little gizmo will make chopping up or mincing the veggies so much faster than cutting them up with a knife. If your knife is blunt, this task takes forever. And a sharp knife is just too tempting for a spouse sulking over your latest big purchase.

Get a food processor. Mince the green onions. Mince the onions. Onions are big. (Don’t let that intimidate you. You’re bigger than they and have opposable thumbs.) Be sure to cut it up into at least four sections before putting it into the processor. Chop up the bell peppers.

SPICING

The above list of spices assumes you like the same amount of spices as I do. So experiment. Once you become adept at cooking, you=ll be able to smell the correct amount of spice to add as you mix.

 PREPARING THE BURGER

Get a big bowl. Put the ingredients you’ve prepared so far. Mix. Mix with your hands until everything is thoroughly mixed. Your hands will get extremely messy.

(Midway through the mixing is, of course, the time someone will knock on your front door to ask you if you want your trees trimmed, even if you don’t have any. In the meantime you have dropped turkey meat all over that hard-to-justify-buying Persian carpet and of course, on the front doorknob. 

This is the time to say, “Excuse me, I’ll just be a moment.” Go back to the kitchen table, pick up the sonic obliterator, and annihilate the would-be tree trimmer. Wipe up and pick up all bits of turkey meat on the way back to the kitchen. Cleanliness is a virtue.)

THE TURKEY-BURGER PATTIES

Make four patties and put them in your pan. The patties should not be much bigger than your spatula or they might fall apart when turned over.

Turn the heat to high to get things going and gradually turn it down to medium or medium high. The higher you set the temperature, the more closely you’ll need to watch the patties and turn them over.

Turkey meat turns white when cooked. The outside turns white  before the inside does. So how do you know when it’s done? It’s perfectly acceptable for a chef, particularly one that’s starting out, to cut a small piece near the edge and look at it and taste it. If the inside of the piece is white, then it is done. Remember, if no one saw you taste the burger, then it didn’t happen.

(By the way, it is a matter between you and your God about what to do if you should drop an entire patty on the floor. Consider the cleanliness of your floor and the likability of your guests in making your decision.)

You must flip the burgers repeatedly with your spatula. If you do not do so, the water will rise to the top of the burger and evaporate, making the burger too dry to eat. Flipping puts the water that has almost escaped on the bottom of the burger again.

 Consider occasionally sprinkling water on top of the patty and pouring a thin layer of water into the pan. This adds moisture to the burger and a moist burger is a yummy burger.

ASSEMBLING THE TURKEY BURGER

Put the bottom bun–it’s flat–on the plate. Put the cooked patty on the bun and the lettuce atop the patty. (There are some heretics who put the lettuce on first, but they are being hunted down without mercy.) Sprinkle the cheese on next. If you are adventurous, pour on some ketchup. Place the top bun–it’s dome shaped–on next.

You are now a culinary hero to your guests.

TIDBITS

1) A Hamburger is someone from Hamburg, Germany. The term a hamburger derives from this city. A Berliner is someone from Berlin. Berliner is also the name of a jelly doughnut. Some people think when President Kennedy said in that famous Cold War speech, Ich bin ein Berliner, he was actually saying, “I am a jelly doughnut.”

2) The first official listing of a hamburger on a menu occurred at Delmonico’s in New York in 1826.

3) Cheeseburger In Paradise is a great song.

4) A turkey is not someone from Turkey. It is a bowling term.

5) The turkey was one of the first animals in North America to be domesticated.

6) Turkeys were called turkeys in the 1500s by English merchants because they thought turkeys came from India and that Turkey owned India. Bozos.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mexican Onion Dip

Posted on July 11, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Appetizer

Mexican Onion Dip

INGREDIENTSMexOnDp-

1 cup Crema Mexicana (Mexican sour cream)
1/4 cup green onions
1 1/2 tablespoons parsley
1 garlic clove
1/2 teaspoon Vegetable MagicTM spice
1/2 cup Cotija cheese

PREPARATION

Mince green onions and garlic. Crumble Cotija cheese. Mix all ingredients in bowl. Serve as a dip or on baked potatoes.

Wow! Wow! Wow! Two lines of instruction. It doesn’t get much easier than this or tastier.

(The following three blank lines are reserved for tic-tac-toe games.)

TIDBITS

1) According to a Google search there are no fun facts about sour cream, only interesting ones.

2) Further investigation showed the information that was supposed to be listed here to be false. So, it was deleted.

3) That is why the following tidbit now makes no sense.

4) I’m guessing a year is way more than sufficient.

5) I told you above that tidbit 4) no longer makes sense. Did you listen?

6) Russians use sour cream in cold, salted potato fish soups.

7) Yum.

8) Not.

9) It is unlikely that there will ever be a movie about sour cream as there was about Facebook.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chimole Recipe

Posted on July 8, 2012 by pauldelancey

Belizean Entree

CHIMOLE

INGREDIENTS

1 small pumpkin squash, or nearest orangish squash you can find
1 large white potato
1 medium white onion
1 chayote
4 large, ripe red tomatoes
4 garlic cloves
3 medium whole cloves
1 tablespoon black peppercorns
2 tablespoons red recado
1 tablespoon black recado
2 vegetable bouillon cubes1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 tablespoon allspice
1 tablespoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/2 tablespoon red pepper
6 cups water2 chicken breasts
8 hard-boiled eggs
8 or more flour tortillas

UTENSIL

spice or coffee grinder

PREPARATION

Peel pumpkin, onion, and white potato. Dice squash, potato, onion, chayote, and tomatoes. Mince garlic cloves. (Just in off the internet news. Five people stole 9.5 tons of garlic. They were caught by the Hungarian border police who noticed a strong garlic smell coming from the five cars.)Put whole cloves and black peppercorns in spice grinder. Grind until you get a powdery substance. Crumble red recado, black recado, and bouillon cubes into soup pot. Add salt, allspice, oregano, cumin and red pepper. Pour in water and heat on medium for about 40 minutes or until all veggies are soft.

While the vegetables and spice are cooking, chop up chicken breasts into 1/2-inch cubes. Also, boil eggs for about 12 minutes and let them cool. Add chicken cubes to soup pot.

Ladle soup into bowls. Peel eggs and slice each three times. Put an equal number of egg slices on top of the soup in each bowl. Serve with at least two flour tortillas and one plate per person. The tortillas may be used for dipping or for making burritos from the soup.

TIDBITS

1) January is National Soup Month. What does this mean? I don’t know. Have you ever celebrated National Soup Month? Me neither.

2) Soup is an anagram for opus. Opus means an artistic work such as an opera.

3) Soup is also an anagram for puos. Puos is the plural form of puo.

4) Soup lovers in America eat about ten millions bowls of soup a year.

5) Soup haters consume considerably fewer.

6) Nebraskan bar owners may not sell beer unless they are cooking soup. That and possessing a liquor license.

7) Andy Warhol ate tomato soup every day for lunch for over twenty years. He became a famous pop artist. However, hundreds of millions of people have devoured rivers of tomato soup without achieving the slightest bit of fame. So, who can say?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Moroccan Yogurt Sauce From Forthcoming Cookbook, “Eat Me”

Posted on April 30, 2012 by pauldelancey

Moroccan Appetizer

MOROCCAN YOGURT SAUCE

INGREDIENTSMorocYo-

1/2 tablespoon whole cloves
1 medium red onion
2 garlic cloves
1/3 cup fresh dates
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 tablespoon cardamom
1 cup plain full fat or whole yogurt

UTENSIL

spice grinder

PREPARATION

Grind cloves in spice grinder. Dice red onion and garlic cloves. Remove seeds from dates. Chop dates. (This is not license to go Lizzie Borden.)

Cook on medium-high heat: olive oil, onion, garlic cloves, and cardamom until onion is tender. Add chopped dates. Cook for 1 minute. Put contents in mixing bowl and add yogurt. Mix with fork or whisk. Serve right away if used for kebabs. (Kebab is not a palindrome.) This is also a great bread dip.

TIDBITS

1) Dates are good for you! Dates help cure sore throats.

2) Dates help reduce the intoxicating effects of alcohol.

3) Unfortunately, most people who get intoxicated know little of dates’ beneficial properties.

4) I mean, how many times has a traffic cop pulled over a weaving driver only to hear, “But officer, I was on my way to buy some dates at the supermarket. Honestly, I was.”

5) Were dates stockpiled by Chicago’s gangsters in the 1920s? They could have been used to make alcohol like any food with sugar. And if the police raided the date warehouse, the criminals could have claimed they were there to help wipe out the latest sore throat epidemic to hit the city. Hard to say. No one talked. No one is talking. Best to let the subject drop.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Chicken Tortilla Soup From Cookbook

Posted on April 7, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Soup

CHICKEN TORTILLA SOUP

INGREDIENTSChicToS-

1/2 jalapeno pepper
2 green onions
1 medium onion
1 garlic clove
1 red chile pepper (omit to make milder)
1/2 avocado
2 chicken breasts
4 corn tortillas
32 ounces chicken broth
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 14.5 ounce can diced tomatoes with juice
7 ounce can diced mild green chiles (4 ounces to be milder)
2 teaspoons cilantro
1/2 tsp ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
no-stick spray
1/2 cup shredded Four Mexican cheeses

PREPARATION

Mince jalapeno pepper, green onions, onion, garlic clove, and red chile pepper. Avocado should feel slightly soft when squeezed. Peel skin from avocado. Remove avocado pit. Cut avocado into 1/2-inch cubes. Shred chicken breasts with knife or food processor. (Why, oh why, does the innocent, harmless chicken get cooked so often for our meals? Because it tastes good, goes well with so many spices, veggies, and sauces. So fire up that processor. Rrr!) Cut tortillas into 1/2-inch wide strips. Cut each strip into three pieces.

Pour chicken broth into large sauce pan. Add jalapeno pepper, green onions, onion, garlic, red pepper, avocado, lime juice, diced tomatoes with juice, green chiles, cilantro, pepper, oregano, and poultry spice. Stir occasionally. Bring to a boil.

Add shredded chicken. Cook on medium heat for about 20 minutes or until chicken is done. Stir occasionally.

While soup is cooking, spray baking sheet with no-stick spray. Place strips on sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 to 15 minutes until crispy and golden. (Note ovens vary wildly in cooking times, due to age or size. Toaster ovens can cook much faster than a large, old oven. Watch out.)

Pour soup into bowls. (Should make about 8 bowls.) Sprinkle grated Mexican cheese and tortilla strips equally over all bowls.)

This is tasty. As the chef you’re entitled to a nice cold cerveza or root beer. (And be thankful you’re not a chicken.)

TIDBITS

1) I once had this soup served to me in the smallest soup bowl I have ever seen.

2) May 5 is my birthday. It is also Cinco de Mayo. When I was little, I thought all Mexico celebrated my birthday. Such kindness made me happy.

3) I later found out it was a minor holiday in Mexico. Basically, in the 1860s the Mexicans beat the French in a battle this day.

4) Who caused this French invasion of Mexico? Napoleon III, who was related to Napoleon I, who is my great-great-great-grandfather.

5) I am not responsible for my ancestors’ attempts to conquer the world.

6) My family is responsible for the first ice-cream store in New London, Connecticut. I am rather proud of this.

7) Part of my family came from Sonora, Mexico.

8) We had a ranch in Sonora. We lost it in the Mexican Revolution. My aunts fled Pancho Villa. Boo, Pancho Villa, boo!

9) I wish I could go back in time and serve lutefisk to Señor Villa.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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