Posts Tagged With: macaroni and cheese

What I Did Today

Posted on April 24, 2024 by pauldelancey

I was very busy today, so this post will be matter of fact.

Number Two Son passed his second of four tests for his CPA. Yay.

Drove across town for physical therapy for my lower back which hurts more than usual and is stiffer than usual.

Went shopping at Dollar Tree and got some coffee drinks, pie crust, and taco shells.

Ate lunch.

Shopped at a supermarket.

Helped friend with weed wacking.

Went to a crafts class. I worked on my latch-hook project. I am now completely accepted by the group.

What a wonderful day.

Then evil poked its nose into the tent. My CPAP company is committing fraud against me and Medicare. They claim I ordered a CPAP machine last year, which I did not do.

Declared a truce with the universe and took a nap.

Number One Wife made macaroni and cheese using the smoked ham I made Monday. Yay!

Oh, and five minutes a spaceship landed. A lime-green alien shaped a bit like an aorta asked me, “What is my favorite color? I said, “Lime green.” I think the alien nodded. Then it went back to its spaceship and left. I think I might have saved the world, but I dunno.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: what I did | Tags: alien, coffee drinks, CPA, fraud, lower back, macaroni and cheese, Medicare, physical therapy, pie crust, shopping, spaceship, today, weed whacking, what I did, yard work | Leave a comment

This Many Calories In Four Tons of Makawoni Au Graten (Haitian macaroni and cheese)

Posted on June 29, 2021 by pauldelancey

A bit less than four tons.

The brilliant foodie Italiandiva asks:

“How many calories are there in four tons of Makawoni Au Graten?”

Dear Italiandiva,

Thank you for your interest. The answer is 10,533,019 calories. This will serve 18,879 people.

Here’s how I derived that number. My recipe weighs 3.39 pounds. Four tons equals 8,000 pounds. I simply converted my recipe to serve 18,879 instead of eight.

Ingredient Calories in four tons
———– ———————-
pasta 3,969,340
small onions 49,528
garlic cloves 9,434
red bell peppers 73,113
butter 721,698
evaporated milk 1,075,472
mayonnaise 1,441,038
Parmesan cheese 1,523,585
Edam cheese 1,669,811

Total = 10,533,019

It almost goes without saying that you will need 2,360 casserole dishes. Actually, your shopping event will not be as fearsome as that. You already have one such casserole dish. So you will only need to buy 2,359 more. And here’s a time-saving tidbit. My recipe for 18,879 people requires 2,360 garlic cloves. That’s a lot of garlic cloves to peel. May I suggest buying already peeled garlic cloves? It will save you a lot of time. And oh, you’ll need 2,359 more ovens or one that’s built to truly exciting specifications.

Keep your questions coming.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., calorie counter

Categories: food | Tags: apocalyptic, calorie counter, calories, Comic Chef, cookbook, four tons, good food, Haitian, hunks, macaroni and cheese, makawoni au graten, Paul De Lancey, recipes, thriller | 2 Comments

Makawoni Au Graten (macaroni and cheese)

Posted on June 28, 2021 by pauldelancey

Haitian Entree

MAKAWONI AU GRATEN
(macaroni and cheese)

INGREDIENTS

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1 pound rigatoni or penne pasta
1 garlic clove
1 small onion
1 red bell pepper
3 tablespoons butter
1 12-ounce can evaporated milk
⅔ cup mayonnaise
1½ cups grated Parmesan cheese
1½ cup grated Edam or Gouda cheese
1 teaspoon seasoned salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

9″ * 13″ casserole dish

Serves 8. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook rigatoni according to instructions on package. Drain and set aside. Mince garlic clove, onion, and bell pepper. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Add garlic, onion, bell pepper and butter to pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic and onion soften. Add pasta and evaporated milk to pot with sautéed onion. Mix with spoon until well blended. Add mayonnaise, Parmesan cheese, Edam cheese, and seasoned salt. Mix with spoon until well blended. Ladle ingredients in pot into casserole dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until top turns golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Albert Einstein, the great mind of the 20th century, theorized that time slows as you travel at speeds closer and closer to the speed of light. He also postulated that as you zip along at velocities near the speed of light, that things get heavier and heavier.

2) So if you were in a spaceship traveling closer to closer to light speed, the time required to make Makawoni au Graten would go from 1 hour 15 minutes to hours and hours or even years. The weight of your macaroni would gradually increase from perhaps four pounds to four tons.

3) Who would ever want to wait years to eat this entree? Who would want to eat four tons of it? Certainly no American astronaut. This is why NASA never serves Makawoni au Graten on its space missions. Not to worry, though, it’s perfectly safe to eat here down on Earth. Darn tasty, too.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., critic

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: American, astronaut, cheese, Earth, Edam, Einstein, entree, Gouda, Haitian, macaroni, macaroni and cheese, makawoni, makawoni au graten, NASA, Parmesan, pasta, space, spaceship, speed of light | 2 Comments

Macaroni and Cheese

Posted on March 1, 2014 by pauldelancey

American Entree

MACARONI AND CHEESE

INGREDIENTS

1 pound elbow macaroni
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
4 cups milk
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
8 ounces shredded cheddar cheese
8 ounces shredded American cheese

SPECIAL UTENSIL

3-quart casserole dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 360 degrees. Cook macaroni according to directions on package. While macaroni is cooking, melt butter in pan using medium heat. Add flour, milk, pepper, and salt.. Cook over medium heat for about 10 minutes or until mixture thickens and bubbles. Stir frequently to keep milk from burning. Remove pan from heat.

Transfer mixture to casserole dish. Add cheddar cheese, American cheese, and elbow macaroni. Stir. Put casserole dish in oven. Bake uncovered at 360 degrees for 30 minutes or until bubbly.

This dish is simple and wonderful. You will feel at peace with the universe. You won’t even mind calling your insurance company after dining on this.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe uses elbow macaroni. Americans use their elbows to eat macaroni and cheese. This dish also has American cheese, the primary ingredient in nacho cheese sauce.

3) A big virtue of American cheese is its low melting point. Be careful, though, of making nacho cheese sauce atop Mount Everest. The boiling point of American cheese is much lower there than at sea level. So it’s not that hard to let your American cheese start boiling if you’re not paying attention; say if you’re taking a group photo to celebrate your success in climbing the world’s tallest mountain.

4) Then when someone takes the lid off the pot, everyone gets splattered with molten nacho cheese sauce. People yell out in pain. The loud noise causes an avalanche. People panic. People jump in crevasses. The Nepalese army gets called in. It takes them hours to retrieve everyone. The Nepalese government protests to your government. The world inches closer to war. Cooler heads eventually prevail, but it is a near thing. So, always employ culinary caution wherever you go.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine | Tags: American, army, avalanche, boliing point, chedda, cheese, entree, flour, macaroni, macaroni and cheese, Mount Everest, nacho, nacho cheese sauce, Nepalese, war | Leave a comment

Bajan Macaroni Pie From Barbados

Posted on June 4, 2013 by pauldelancey

Barbadian Entree

BAJAN MACARONI PIE

INGREDIENTS

1 pound macaroni
2 onions
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon banana ketchup
1 tablespoon mayonnaise
1 cup milk
1 tablespoon yellow mustard
3/4 cup grated cheddar cheese (1/4 cup more later)
2 tablespoons Bajan seasoning
2 teaspoons paprika
1/2 tablespoon parsley
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 egg
1/4 cup grated cheddar cheese

SPECIAL UTENSIL

colander
8″ casserole dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Boil water in large pot on high heat. Put macaroni in pot. Boil macaroni for about 12 minutes or until tender Drain macaroni in colander.

While macaroni is boiling, dice onions. Put butter and onions in now empty pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onions are tender. Add banana ketchup, mayonnaise, milk, yellow mustard, 3/4 cup cheddar cheese, Bajan seasoning, paprika, parsley, pepper, and egg. Mix with hands. (Pretend you are throttling the people who make hated software upgrades.)

Put mixture in casserole dish. Sprinkle 1/4 cup grated cheddar cheese on top. Bake for 30 minutes or until top starts to turn brown.

TIDBITS

1) You should serve Burgundy alongside the macaroni you serve to your guests. Serving any other wine would be gauche.

2) When the ancient Egyptians entombed their dead they sometimes gave their departed ones cheese for their journey in the afterworld.

3) The first written recipe for mac and cheese comes from thirteenth-century Italy. It used fermented cheese. Hurray!

4) The box recipe for macaroni and cheese appeared in 1802. One year later, Napoleon crowned himself Emperor of France. He would plunge Europe into war after war for most of the next twelve years. Coincidence? Perhaps.

5) The phrase “Big Cheese” originally referred to people wealthy enough to purchase a whole wheel of cheese.

6) Kraft debuted its boxed mac and cheese in 1937. The Great Depression ends two years later.

7) In 1993, Crayola came out with the color, “macaroni and cheese.” We’ve had no global wars since then.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: afterwold, ancient, bajan, Bajan seasoning, banana ketchup, Barbadian, Barbados, big cheese, Burgundy, butter, cheddar, cheese, Chef Paul, cookbook, Crayola, Egyptians, Europe, France, global wars, Great Depression, Italy, Kraft, mac and cheese, macaroni, macaroni and cheese, Napoleon, paprika, pie, wine | 4 Comments

Posts Tagged With: macaroni and cheese

What I Did Today

This Many Calories In Four Tons of Makawoni Au Graten (Haitian macaroni and cheese)