Posts Tagged With: chicken

My Busy Day

My day was so busy and my back hurts so much that today’s recap will show only the three highlights.

Spent the entire morning organizing taxes. Such fun!

I put together two more soda/bottle racks. It then took over two hours to reorganize the whole thing. It presently holds 194 can/bottles with room for maybe 30 more. Here’s what it looks like.

194 bottles/cans and counting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I then made chicken Florentine for the natives. The ingredients for the 1st layer are: cream of celery soup, mayonnaise, sharp cheddar cheese, lemon juice, salt, pepper, Meditteranean spice mix, rice vinegar.
2nd Layer: rice, water
3rd Layer: chicken breasts, vegetable oil
4th Layer: creamed spinach, milk, Swiss cheese, onion, Dijon mustard, thyme, coriander, Poulty Magic spice, and salt
5th Layer: bread crumbs, butter, and Parmesan cheese.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Nepali Chicken Thukpa

Nepali Soup

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CHICKEN THUKPA

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INGREDIENTS
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½ pound rice noodles
2 garlic cloves
¼ cup fresh cilantro
2 green chiles
2 green onions
1 small yellow or white onion
1 bell pepper
2 carrots
⅔ pound boneless, skinless chicken parts
2 tablespoons olive oil
⅛ teaspoon asafoetida* or ½ teaspoon dried chives
1 teaspoon minced ginger
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon timur powder* or Szechuan pepper* or red pepper flakes
½ cup chopped tomatoes
½ teaspoon turmeric
5 cups chicken broth
1 tablespoon lemon juice
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* = These can be found online. Use sonic obliterator on those who complained if you substituted.
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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sonic obliterator
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Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION
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Cook noodles according to instructions on package. Be sure to stir occasionally so noodles don’t stick together. Drain. Rinse with cold water. Mince garlic. Seed green chiles. Dice cilantro, green chiles, green onions, and yellow onion. Julienne bell pepper and carrots. Cut chicken into strips 1½” long and ¼” wide.
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Add olive oil, garlic, and yellow onion to pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 4 minutes or until yellow onion softens. Stir frequently. Add chicken strips. Sauté at medium heat for 3 minutes or until chicken is cooked. Stir frequently. Add asafoetida, bell pepper, carrot, cilantro, minced ginger, green chile, green onion, pepper, salt, timur powder, tomatoes, and turmeric. Stir until well blended. Add chicken broth. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir enough to prevent burning. Reduce to low heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add lemon juice and stir. Divide noodles into bowls. Ladle chicken soup over noodles.
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TIDBITS
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1) There are reasons why the Nepalis love Chicken Thukpa so much. It’s soup. Who doesn’t love soup?  It has chiles in it. Who loves chiles? People in hot climates, such as Mexico and Kenya.
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2) But just because you love to put spicy chiles in your food doesn’t necessarily mean you can abide your land’s hot, sweltering weather. You leave your homeland in search of cooler climes and you take along with you the seeds of your beloved in chiles.
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3) In fact, culinary historians and anthropologists say the first such migration occurred when Lucy of Olduvai Gorge, a hominid, butterfly* collector, persuaded her tribe to search out cool, pleasant pastures where chicken herds teemed. * = Butterfly fossils are hard to find.
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4) And so Lucy’s tribe trekked north. They got lost many times as their GPS didn’t work and the men refused to ask for directions.
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5) They continued their march to the European-North American land bridge, evolving along the way and relaxing with a good game of bridge during rest stops.
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6) A long time later, give or take a year, the Evolving Hominids–Isn’t that a great name for a rock ‘n’ roll band?–found Mexico where they naturally united with the Polloan Pueblo. The combined chile-seed-carrying Oldupo People crossed over the North American-Asian land bridge and eventually found themselves in what is now modern-day Nepal.
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7) The Oldupo loved the cool breezes coming down from Nepal’s Himalayan mountains and decided to settle down and finish their evolving there. So, we’ve explained the Nepali’s love of chile, but what about chicken? Chicken Thukpa has chicken it. What about that?
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8) The meteor of 66 million years ago that wiped out nearly all dinosaurs, did not result in the extinction of the gigantic Pullumosaur. This dinosaur chicken stretched to 90 feet in length and stood 80 feet high. It’s very size intimidated the heck out of the predators, who noted the Cretaceous maxim, “There’s nothing more dangerous than colossal giant chicken.”
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9) The pullumosaurs managed to dodge the extinction of its fellow dinosaurs with the simple expedient of burying their head in the sand until the meteor event ran its course.
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10) More than a bit skittish, the dinosaur chickens departed for a new home free of meteors. By a strange coincidence, the pullumosaurs–after many exciting adventures–found themselves in modern-day Nepal.
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11) Unfortunately, Nepal simply didn’t have enough food to support countless herds of gigantic chickens. Over time, evolutionary pressures shrank the pullumosaur in size to our current chicken.
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12) When the Oldupo of tidbit 7) arrived in Nepal, they naturally wondered if chickens would be tasty. Would they go with chiles? They wondered and wondered until Juana Lucy first ate one. “They taste just like chicken,” she shouted. “I bet they’ll make a great soup mixed with chiles.” Ever since, the Nepali descendants of the Oldupo have loved Chicken Thuka Soup. And so do I.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Food to Die For: Paul’s 365 Meals of Murder, Mayhem, and Mischief – September 17

September 17: This entree honors British troops leaving  for South Africa to fight in the Boer War.*
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Soldiers never like leaving a place, whether it’s their beloved homeland or an exotic land that they’ve come to admire. So then, how much worse is it when you’re leaving to fight the Boers in South Africa? Very much worse. That enemy invariably fires back at you. With malicious intent. Suppose you’ve embarking from India with its verdant scenery and oh so good curry. As far as you know, South Africa has none of that. “Why am I going there?” you asked yourself.

Because you’ve been ordered to do as part of the war effort. And remember you’re not only one forced to go to South Africa. In the 1860s, British sugar-cane plantations needed ever more workers. So they imported Indians to work as indentured servants.

Being forced to get shot  repeatedly or to work without salary for a specific number of years is never fun. But since you’re already there, why not avail yourself of the amazing, tasty curry dishes this wonderful land has to offer?

The meal you should serve to commerate this day:  Bunny Chow

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Celebrate the drive and determination of the British soldiers and subjects who brought along their love of curry by sampling my favorite South African dish.

 

BUNNY CHOW

 

INGREDIENTSbunnychow

1 medium onion
3 medium potatoes
4 cardamom pods
1 cinnamon stick
½ teaspoon fennel seeds
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 tomatoes
2 pounds chicken breasts or lamb
3 fresh curry leaves
3 tablespoons Durban masala (See recipe)
⅓ cup chicken stock
2 1-lb whole white loaves
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Dice onion. Peel potatoes. Cut potatoes into 1″ cubes. Add onion, potato, cardamom pods, cinnamon stick, fennel seeds, and vegetable oil to Dutch oven. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir constantly. Remove from heat.

Dice tomatoes. Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Add Durban masala, Add tomato, chicken, curry leaves, and Durban masala to Dutch oven. Cook using medium heat for 5 minutes. Stir frequently. Add chicken stock. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes or until potato is tender and chicken is no longer pink inside. Remove Dutch oven from heat. Discard cinnamon stick.

Slice bread loaf in half along its length. Use sharp knife to cut off most of the soft white bread from each half. Leave ½”-to-1″ of bread crust along the edges and bottoms. (The scooped out bread can be made into bread crumbs.) Ladle potato/tomato/chicken mixture into each hollowed-out loaf half. Garnish with coriander. Repeat for second bread loaf.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Strawberry Balsamic Chicken

American Entree

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STRAWBERRY BALSAMIC CHICKEN

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INGREDIENTS­
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⅔ pound (about 2 cups) strawberries
4 chicken breasts
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup balsamic vinegar (½ cup more later)
½ cup balsamic vinegar
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
½ tablespoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon fresh basil
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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8″ * 12″ casserole dish.
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Serves 4.  Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Remove stems from strawberries. Cut each strawberry into 4 pieces. Rub pepper and salt over chicken breasts. Add chicken breasts and ½ cup balsamic vinegar to mixing bowl. Turn chicken breasts until they are completely coated. Let marinate in refrigerator for 1 hour. Add chicken to casserole dish. Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink inside.
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Add strawberry bits. Simmer at low heat for 4 minutes or until strawberry bits start to lose their shape. Add a chicken breast to each plate. Ladle strawberry glaze over chicken breasts. Goes well with rice or spinach.
Add strawberry bits. Simmer at low heat for 4 minutes or until strawberry bits start to lose their shape. Add a chicken breast to each plate. Dice basil. Ladle strawberry glaze over chicken breasts. Garnish with basil. Goes well with rice or spinach.
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TIDBITS
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1) At the first Iowa Caucus, the Iowa Strawberry Growers Association (ISGA) made a mad attempt to showcase their strawberries to the nation. In return the “strawberry candidates” wore strawberries on their lapels. Political analysts counted strawberries distributed to determine the ISGA’s strength. This was the first strawberry poll. Strawberry poll got shortened to straw poll to save newspaper ink. Now you know.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Suya From Nigeria

Nigerian Entree

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SUYA

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INGREDIENTS
1¼ pounds steak or chicken breasts
3 garlic cloves
1 inch ginger root
3 tablespoons roasted peanuts
8 Uda pods*
1 bouillon cube (It should be the same flavor as the meat used. MaggiTM is, by far, the most popular brand in Africa.)
1 tablespoon cayenne
2 teaspoons paprika
no-stick spray
1½ tablespoons peanut oil or vegetable oil
1 onion
1 tomato
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* = These pods impart a distinctive, authentic taste. They are also known as Selim peppers and Senegal peppers. They are also hard to find, especially offline. Substitute with Szechuan peppercorns. If neither are available, add ¼ teaspoon pepper. If guests notice you didn’t use Uda pods, zap them with your sonic obliterator. You don’t need that kind of negativity.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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food processor or spice grinder
kitchen mallet, mortar and pestle, or even squeaky clean long-nose pliers!
4 metallic skewers (If you use wooden ones, soak them in water 30 minutes before grilling.)
indoor grill
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Makes 4 skewers. Takes 2 hours 45 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Cut steak into 1″ cubes. Mince garlic cloves and ginger root. Grind roasted peanuts into paste with food processor. Smash open Uda pods and remove seeds. Add Uda pods to bowl and crush with kitchen mallet. Crumble bouillon cube. Add garlic, ginger, peanut paste, Uda, bouillon bits, cayenne, and paprika to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork. Add steak cubes to bowl. Mix with hands until cubes are well coated. Cover and marinate in refrigerator for 2 hours. (Soak skewers for 30 minutes if using wooden ones.) While beef marinates, cut onion and tomato into thin slices.
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Thread coated steak cubes to skewers. Brush cubes with peanut oil. Spray grill with no-stick spray. Add skewers to griddle. Cook at medium heat or 300 degrees for 5 minutes or beef cubes are done and golden brown. Garnish with onion and tomato slices.
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TIDBITS
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1) In 356 BC*, or BCE**, Alexander the Little was born.
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2) He was called The Little as he was little at birth.
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3) I too was little at birth, as were billions of people.
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4) * = It’s really quite extraordinary to think how people nearly 2,400 years ago knew that Christ would be born 356 years later.
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5) ** = Or even 356 years before the Common Era. How could they possibly know that era would occur? Or even if they did, how could they ever have guessed it would have been called the Common Era? What if instead, they could have foreseen that the first pita bread would have been baked at Year One? In that case, 356 BCE would be 356 BBFPB (Before Baking First Pita Bread.)
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6) Anyway, Alexander the Little ascended to the Macedonian crown in 336 BBFPB.
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7) His enemies still called him the Little. After Alexander executed these people, these taunts stopped. Alex let everyone know, that they were to refer to him as Alexander the Man.
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8) Alexander, a 20-year-old King, naturally wanted to conquer someone. But which countries?  Was the time right for conquest?
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9) Of course, the thing that all men of Ancient Greece did when wanting to know the future was to consult the Oracle of Delphi.
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10) But that oracle was booked. Apparently, there was a convention of stock brokers in nearby Athens and they all wanted to predict stock prices.
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11) So, The Man headed to the oracle at Suya, in what is now Nigeria.
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12) Little Alex–Oops, he doesn’t want to be called that anymore–made his way across the great Sahara Dessert.
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13) Alexander had a “Serving 56″ ticket and the seers of the oracle were only on 23. So, he looked out the waiting room’s door. He saw to his astonishment Suyan soldiers march by, carrying 16′ spears. The spears held impaled bits of steak and chicken breasts for sustenance on long marches.
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14) 16-foot spears could easily overmatch the daggers and hurling tomatoes favored by the Macedonians and all other Mediterranean empires.
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15) Anyway, the Suyan Oracle told him to conquer the Persian Empire.
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16) Alexander did so with his entree-laden spears. His called this entree “Suya” in honor of the oracle that foresaw his rise to greatness.
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17) And oh, this conquest also earned him the right to call himself Alexander the Great.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pan Fried Chicken Breast

American Entree

PAN FRIED CHICKEN BREAST

INGREDIENTS

4 chicken breasts, boneless & skinless, 5-to-6 ounces each
½ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
½ cup flour
1 teaspoon garlic powder
¾ teaspoon onion powder
1¼ teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon parsley (1 teaspoon more later)
3 tablespoons vegetable oil (ip to 3 tablespoons more, if necessary)
up to 3 tablespoons more, if necessary
1 lemon
1 teaspoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSILS

plastic wrap
kitchen mallet

Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Remove chicken breasts from refrigerator and pat dry with paper towels. Cover with plastic wrap. Pound chicken breasts lightly with kitchen mallet until they are ½” thick or thinner. Rub chicken with pepper and salt.

Add flour, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, and parsley to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Dredge chicken breast through mixture in bowl. Shake off any excess. (Excess flour falls off in the oil, adding a burnt taste and look..) Repeat for remaining breasts.

Add 3 tablespoons vegetable oil to large pan. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a little bit of flour in the oil starts to dance. Add 2 chicken breasts to pan. Cover and fry chicken breasts for 2½ minutes or until bottom of chicken breasts turn golden brown. DO NOT move them. (Only lift a corner of a chicken breast to see if the bottom is golden brown. Use spatula to flip chicken breasts. Cover and fry for another 2 minutes or when new bottom turns golden brown as well. Remove breasts to plate and cover to keep warm. Add up to 2 more tablespoons oil, if necessary. Repeat for 2nd batch of chicken breasts. (The 2nd batch might take less time to cook.)

Slice lemon into 4 pieces. Serve each chicken breasts with a lemon slice Garnish each chicken breast with ¼ teaspoon parsley..

 

TIDBITS

1) The title of this dish pretty much tells us that chicken breasts are fried in a pan.

2) Or can we be so sure of this?

3) Sure, the picture to the right is indeed a pan.

4) But maybe, just maybe, pan here means something else.

5) “Pan” is a term used by drama and movie critics to denote harsh criticism of the artistic endeavor.

6) Indeed, Cal Porter’s*, Broadway play, Fried Chicken Breast closed after only one performance.

7) The very next day, the headline on Variety(tm) read, “All Critics Pan Fried Chicken Breast.”

8) Noted acid-penned critic, Farine du Ble called the play, “Fried Chicken Beast” and advised Cal Porter to stick to one-word haikus.

9) To this day, actors morn the quick closing of a play by eating Pan Fried Chicken Breasts. And this is how this entree got this name.

10) But wait, there’s another subtle explanation.

11) In ancient Greek mythology, Pan was the god of the wild, shepherds, rustic music, and great chefs. He had the hindquarters, legs, and horns of a goat. Yep, he was the original Goat Man.

12) Goat Man loved chicken as what Greek god didn’t?

13) Pan originally ate fire-burned chicken. This recipe involved herding chickens into a brush fire. This frustrated the hooves off Pan. When the blaze finally died, chances were all the chickens had to turned to ash. He’d throw himself down and beat the ground with his fists. This is the origin of the line, “Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.”

14) Plus Goat Man had to wait for lightning to strike the fields near his chicken. And you can’t really count on a lightning strike when you’re hungry.

15) Then happy mythological day, the god Prometheus** gave fire to us mortals. Zeus’s monopoly on fire went up in smoke. Petulant Zeus tied Prometheus to a rock and had an eagle peck away every day at the fire-donor’s liver.

16) Sure, that was bad for Prometheus, but fire was a positive boon to Greek cuisine***. We could now fry things. Pan started Hellenic cuisine off right with his Fried Chicken breast. Grateful Greek chicken diners called it Pan Fried Chicken Breast. So maybe this dish got its name this way.

17) * Cal Porter was Cole Porter’s distant cousin. ** Prometheus twin brother was Antimetheus. *** Fire was also a boon for Greeks wishing to stay warm on cold, like during wintry nights.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Food to Die For: Paul’s 365 Meals of Murder, Mayhem, and Mischief – March 18

March 18: This entree honors a Romanian Minister of Parlement Bribing Voters with 60 tons of fried chicken
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You love  fried chicken. Who else does?  Your voters do.  But the electorate doesn’t like you. Not much at all. How can you win the voters over to your side? Sure, you could promise them all sorts of things. But you’re a politician. The people don’t believe politicians’ promises. And they especially don’t believe you.

That leaves bribery as your only course of action. What sort of bribery? You can’t give all those people diamonds, too expensive. Cash would work. However, it’s too expensive. Bribing them with $10 of cold, hard cash will leave them cold. How about greasing their palms with $100 in paper currency. Yes, that would work. That would make the voters adore you. That would make them stampede the polling sites at six a.m. to check your box on the ballot. But tossing large bills at the masses simply is beyond your budget.

What to do? Bribe the voters with fried chicken. As mentioned above your constituents crave fried chicken. And a meal of chicken is so freaking affordable for the would-be vote buyer. Treat each and every voter to a bucket or meal of fried chicken and you’ll be elected in a landslide.

Our politician in Romania, Mr. Popescu, took this advice to heart. Florin “Chicken Baron” Popescu bribed voters with 60 tons–60 tons!–of fried chicken. It worked. The people voted him in as the leader of their county council. He used this position and name recogniton to secure election as a member of parliament in 2012. Alas, karma is relentless and law enforcement arrested him for bribery. Life can be hard.

The meal you should serve to commerate this day:  Pan Fried Chicken Breasts

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Celebrate the drive and determination of politico Popescu with this tasty American favorite. You might even find yourself fantasizing yourself winning a seat in the U.S. Senate. Just don’t get caught. Meanwhile, enjoy.

Pan Fried Chicken Breasts

INGREDIENTS

4 chicken breasts, boneless & skinless
½ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
½ cup flour
1 teaspoon garlic powder
¾ teaspoon onion powder
1¼ teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon parsley (1 teaspoon more later)
3 tablespoons vegetable oil (ip to 2 tablespoons more, if necessary)
up to 2 tablespoons, if necessary
1 lemon
1 teaspoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

kitchen mallet

Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Remove chicken breasts from refrigerator and pat dry with paper towels. Cover with plastic wrap. Pound chicken breasts lightly with kitchen mallet until they are ½” thick or thinner. Rub chicken with pepper and salt.

Add flour, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, and parsley to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Dredge chicken breast through mixture in bowl. Shake off any excess. (Excess flour falls off in the oil, adding a burnt taste and look..) Repeat for remaining chicken.

Add 3 tablespoons vegetable oil to large pan. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a little bit of flour in the oil starts to dance. Add 2 chicken breasts to pan. Cover and fry chicken breasts for 3 minutes or until bottom of chicken breasts turn golden brown. DO NOT move them. (Only lift a corner of a chicken breast to see if the bottom is golden brown. Use spatula to flip chicken breasts. Cover and fry for another 2½ minutes or when new bottom turns golden brown as well. Remove breasts to plate and cover to keep warm. Add up to 2 more tablespoons oil, if necessary. Repeat for 2nd batch of chicken breasts.

Slice lemon into 4 pieces. Serve each chicken breasts with a lemon slice Garnish each chicken breast with ¼ teaspoon parsley..

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Food to Die For: Paul’s 365 Meals of Murder, Mayhem, and Mischief – February 25

February 25: This entree from Brunei celebratesbrate a drunken man breaking into a Pizza Hut(tm) on this day to fry wings

You love Pizza Hut(tm). Who does not? You love chicken.  Billions of people devour chicken. You want your chicken wings fried just the way you like it. But there’s that saying, “If you want something done right, you got to do it yourself.” Normally you’d fry your chicken at home. Alas and alack, you don’t can’t find your deep fryer or even a frying pan. Maybe you don’t have electricity or gas as you forgot to pay your utility bills.  Certainly no electricity would cause the chicken wings in your fridge to go bad. Or perhaps your synapses aren’t firing today.

What to do? Most people, at this point, would look harder for the deep fryer and the frying pan. Most folks would get on the phone and use their credit card to pay their utility bills. The rest of us would make our way to a restaurant or fast food joint and order chicken.

Not so for our plucky hero. He thought outside the box. He broke into a Pizza Hut and used their kitchen to fry his chicken wings. Alas, the enterprising fellow found himself being arrested by the police. I don’t know if he managed to eat his chicken wings. Now, he thinks inside the cell. Life can be hard.

The meal you should serve to commerate this day:  Honey Garlic Barbecue Pizza

If only the drunken chicken-wing lover had enough money and patience to fly halfway across the world to Brunei, where there is a Pizza Hut, he could have eaten honey garlic barbecue pizza. But luckily for you, I have a recipe for this dish.  It’s like the pizza served at the Pizza Hut in Brunei. And it has chicken as a topping! You can eat this tasty meal legally and in the comfort of your home.

HONEY GARLIC BARBECUE CHICKEN PIZZA

INGREDIENTS – SAUCE

1 teaspoon cornstarch
¾ cup water
3 garlic cloves
⅔ cup barbecue sauce
¼ cup honey
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 chicken breast
1 large bulb garlic (about 12 cloves)
½ tablespoon olive oil (1 more tablespoon later)

INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY

2 green onions
1 pre-made crust (store bought or your own)
1 tablespoon olive oil
½ pound grated mozzarella cheese
½ tablespoon sesame seeds

SPECIAL UTENSILS

roasting pan or baking pan
pizza pan
sonic obliterator

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – SAUCE

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Add cornstarch and water to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until cornstarch dissolves. Mince 3 garlic cloves. Add cornstarch/water blend, minced garlic cloves, barbecue sauce, honey, and soy sauce to pot. Bring to boil at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Lower heat to low-medium and simmer until sauce thickens. Remove and set aside. Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Add chicken cubes to pot. Stir until sauce coats chicken cubes. Marinate until garlic bulbs in next step are done roasting.

Cut off top of garlic bulb. Drizzle ½ table spoon olive oil onto bulb. Place garlic bulb on roasting pan. Roast in oven at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or until garlic starts to bubble. Remove and set aside.

PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY

While chicken marinates in sauce and garlic bulb roasts, dice green onions. Remove chicken with slotted spoon. (This makes spreading the sauce much easier.) Brush crust edge with 1 tablespoon olive oil. Brush sauce evenly sauce over crust except for the edge. Squeeze out the roasted garlic cloves from the garlic bulb. Cut roasted garlic cloves into 3 pieces each. Sprinkle roasted garlic pieces over sauce. Add chicken cubes evenly over pizza. Sprinkle cheese over pizza. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes or until cheese and crust brown. Sprinkle pizza with green onion and sesame seeds.

Serve to adoring quests. Zap unappreciative ones with sonic obliterator

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, food to die for, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Oaxaca Ranchero Pizza

Mexican Entree

OAXACA RANCHERO PIZZA

INGREDIENTS

PIZZA CRUST INGREDIENTS (Or buy at store.)

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup water
2½ tablespoons vegetable oil
¾ teaspoon sugar
¾ teaspoon salt
2½ teaspoons active dry yeast
no-stick cooking spray (Don’t forget this.)

TOPPING INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 tablespoon peanut oil
1 pound chicken breast
1 serrano chile
1 jalapeno pepper
1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
2 garlic cloves
1 small onion
1 14.5 ounce can diced tomatoes, drained
½ tablespoon oregano
½ tablespoon cumin
½ teaspoon chili powder
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
¾ cup chicken broth

1 avocado
¼ cup cilantro
1 cup crumbled Oaxaca, or queso quesadilla, cheese
1 cup crumbled Cotija cheese
1 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese

SPECIAL UTENSILS

bread maker
A good list so you don’t have to go to the store multiple times.

PREPARATION OF PIZZA DOUGH

Measure out the flour and set aside. Pour the water into the bread maker. If you measure the water before the flour, the flour will stick to the sides of the measuring cup.

Add oil, sugar, salt, and yeast to the bread maker. (You can remember these ingredients by the following anagram, “ossy.” Oh sure, you can use “syso,” but that’s silly.) Do not put the yeast directly on top of the salt. Salt is bad for yeast and yeast makes the dough rise.

Set the timer or the menu on the bread maker to “Dough.” Wait the required time, probably a bit more than an hour. In the meantime liberally spray the pizza pan with no-stick spray. This will prevent the crust from forming a glue-like bond with the pan.

Take the dough and roll it out until the dough covers the pizza pan. If you do not possess a rolling pin, any food can will do as long as it is at least 6 inches tall. It is best to coat the can with a thin layer of flour before spreading the dough.

Put pizza dough on pizza pan already coated with no-stick spray. Sprinkle flour on rolling pin and roll out dough until it covers the pizza pan. After rolling, let the dough sit in a warm place and rise for 30-to-60 minutes. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

PREPARATION OF TOPPING

While pizza dough is forming in the bread maker, (If it’s foaming in the bread maker, then you’ve probably bought yeast that is really an alien life form bent on taking over the world. With yeast, it really pays to buy name brands.) or while it’s sitting for 30-to-60 minutes, preheat oven to 400 degrees, remove the seeds from the serrano chile, jalapeno pepper, green bell pepper, and red bell pepper. Dice the chicken breast, serrano chile, jalapeno pepper, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, garlic, and onion.

Pour the vegetable oil and peanut oil into a no-stick frying pan and cook at medium-high heat. Add in diced chicken breast, the chiles, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, cloves, onion, diced tomatoes (drained), oregano, cumin, chile powder, and cayenne pepper. Sauté on medium high for about 6 minutes, or until vegetables soften and the chicken is no longer pink. Add in chicken broth and cook on medium heat for about 20 minutes or until sauce thickens. (If it’s too liquidy, it will run off the pizza dough and possibly through the holes, or off the side of pizza pan, and onto the oven itself where it will hiss, burn, and become a small, grayish brick that will take hours to remove. Avoid this hardship and the run-on sentence it engendered by heeding this advice.)

While the above chicken/peppers/tomatoes/spice mixture is cooking, remove the avocado’s skin and take out its pit. Dice the yummy part that is left.

ASSEMBLY

Ladle out the topping mixture and smooth until it is even. Sprinkle the cilantro and three cheeses on top of the mixture.

Put in preheated oven to cook at 400 degrees. Cook for 10 to 18 minutes, or until the crust turns golden brown. (Ovens differ wildly in the time needed to cook dishes, especially pizzas. So, check every few minutes after the minimum of 10 until it is done to your satisfaction.)

Remove pizza and sprinkle avocado bits over the pizza.

TIDBITS

1) Tomatoes were originally cultivated by the Aztecs of Mexico and the Incas of Peru.

2) Spanish conquistadors conquered the Aztecs and Incas in the 15th century.

3) The Aztecs and Incas also had lots of gold.

4) So did these conquests occur because of gold or tomatoes?

5) Tomatoes were transported back to Europe in the 15th century and quickly adopted by the Mediterranean countries.

6) The Protestant English, however, considered the tomato to be poisonous. Catholic Spain tried to invade England in 1588. Was it because of a dispute over tomatoes?

7) Americans felt the same way until the mid-19th century.

8) Why did our attitude change?

9) Probably from watching immigrants eat tomatoes for 300 years without ill effect.

10) The tomato is a fruit. However, in 1893, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled it to be a vegetable, so it could be taxed.

11) Why would vegetables be taxable and not fruit?

12) In the 1980s, the Reagan administration also declared the tomato to be a vegetable, so school lunches would have the necessary vegetable component by including ketchup.

13) “Ma, I ate vegetables at school.”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kung Pao Chicken

Chinese Entree

KUNG PAO CHICKEN

INGREDIENTS

MARINADE

2 chicken breasts
2 cloves garlic
1 stalk green onion
1 tablespoon soy sauce (2 more tablespoons later)
1½ tablespoons cornstarch (1 teaspoon more later)
½ teaspoon ginger
¼ teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice (¼ teaspoon more later)
2 teaspoons rice wine
1½ tablespoons water

SAUCE

1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon malt vinegar
¼ teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon sesame oil

4 red chiles
½ cup unsalted roasted peanuts
1½ tablespoons vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vegetable oil

SPECIAL UTENSIL

wok or skillet

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION OF MARINADE

Cut chicken into 1-inch cubes. Mince garlic. Dice green onion. Mix 1½ tablespoons cornstarch, garlic, green onion, ginger, ¼ teaspoon poultry spice, rice wine, 1 tablespoon soy sauce, and water. Cover all sides of the chicken cubes with this mixture. Set aside for at least 30 minutes.

PREPARATION OF SAUCE

Combine 1 teaspoon cornstarch, malt vinegar, ¼ teaspoon poultry spice, salt, 2 tablespoons soy sauce, sugar, and sesame oil in 2nd mixing bowl. Set aside.

FINAL PREPARATION

Cut red chiles in half, remove seed, and mince (I cannot say strongly enough, WEAR GLOVES OR WASH YOUR HANDS THOROUGHLY WITH SOAP after touching the chiles and their seeds. They make your skin burn. My gosh, they cause pain. Don’t rub a throbbing temple or wipe sweat from your upper lip immediately after touching red chiles and their seeds. Your face will be on fire. And guy chefs, this is a really bad time to scratch your balls.)

Put unsalted peanuts and 1½ tablespoons vegetable oil in wok. Sauté at 350 degrees until peanuts start turning golden brown. Stir frequently. (The golden brown phase is astonishingly short. The following dark brown/black state is forever.)

Add the coated chicken cubes. Sauté at 350 degrees. Fry for 2 minutes or until chicken is done or no longer pink inside. Stir and turn cubes frequently.

Add red chiles and 2 tablespoons vegetable oil. Sauté at 350 degrees and stir until the peppers turn dark. Add soy/malt vinegar/sugar/sesame oil sauce. Cook until sauce thickens. Stir frequently.

Thank the person who washes and cleans after this meal. If you are both the cook and cleaner, sit down, have a cold root beer, and admire the halo above your head.

TIDBITS

1) If all strange dishes taste like chicken, why not have chicken?

2) Kung Pao chickens are much milder than their more peppery cousins, Kung Fu Chickens.

3) Peppers that look similar to each other can vary greatly in spiciness. So, keep that in mind when you and a bunch of friends from Madison, Wisconsin travel to St. Louis, Missouri to see two classmates get married and you all stop in a restaurant that serves free peppers.

4) Throat germs don’t like peppers either. Hah, take that!

5) Some people think that cuisine near the Equator is filled with peppery dishes because food didn’t keep well there before refrigeration. I think people in Cuba eat more peppers than the Swedes because peppers are grown in Cuba and not in Sweden.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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