Posts Tagged With: California

Greek Wraps

Posted on November 12, 2012 by pauldelancey

Greek Entree

GREEK WRAPS

INGREDIENTS

1 head lettuce
1 pound ground pork
1/2 pound ground beef
1 1/2 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1 1/2 teaspoon coriander
Greek cucumber sauce or tzatziki sauce from previous recipe

PREPARATION

This dish works best with the outer, larger leaves of lettuce. Be sure to wash the lettuce and remove any leaves with brown spots.

Mix pork, beef, meat spice, and coriander. Cook meat until browned. Tear off one or two leaves of lettuce. Put about 3 or 4 spoonfuls meat on the leaves, but not so much that you cannot roll up the leaves.

Put about two spoonfuls cucumber sauce on top. Roll up the lettuce leaves so no meat shows. Hold at one end to keep the sauce from dripping out. Eat at the other end.

This is a tasty and healthy variation on gyros.

TIDBITS

1) Lettuce grew as a weed long before anyone ate it.

2) But if lettuce flourished as a weed, then why is it so hard to grow deliberately?

3) I think the definition of a weed is something that grows without help.

4) Food is something that is difficult to grow.

5) There is a town in northern California called Weed.

6) Columbus brought lettuce to the Americas.

7) Spanish explorers brought potatoes back from the Americas. Fair trade, you think?

8) There is no eighth tidbit. My computer decided to update my software at this point.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Tamales

Posted on November 2, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

TAMALES

INGREDIENTS – MEAT MIX

1 onion
1 1/2 pounds chicken breast (or ground beef or shredded pork)
1 beef bouillon cube
1/4 cup tomato sauce
2 tablespoons chili powder (1 tablespoon more later)
1/2 tablespoon coriander
1/2 tablespoon cumin
1/4 cup yellow corn meal
1/2 tablespoon garlic powder (1/2 teaspoon more later)
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

INGREDIENTS – CORNMEAL COATING

1 cup yellow cornmeal
1 tablespoons chili powder (2 tablespoons more earlier)
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (1/2 tablespoon more earlier)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 package corn husks or tamale paper

INGREDIENTS – SAUCE

1 cup tomato sauce
1 7.5 ounce can chili
1 bouillon cube
1 cup vegetable oil

(This recipe is spicy. If you prefer milder food, consider reducing the amounts of chili powder by up to half the stated amounts.)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

2 large pots
Box of wooden toothpicks (optional)

PREPARATION – SOAKING OF CORN HUSKS

Place corn husks at a time in first large pot. Heat corn husks at warm heat for 1-to-2 hours.

Soaking makes the corn husks pliable. Stiff, brittle corn husks really don’t roll well. The corn husk will split or the tamale will unravel. (You’ll end up shouting over the ensuing disaster and your whole family will head grumpily out to a fast- food joint.) Soak those corn husks.

PREPARATION – MEAT MIX

Set aside an afternoon to do this. Mince onions. Shred chicken breast or meat of choice. Crumble bouillon cube. Combine onion, tomato sauce, shredded chicken, chili powder, coriander, cumin, corn meal, garlic powder, cayenne pepper, and bouillon.

Mix thoroughly with hands. Shape mix into sticks no longer than about 3/4 the width of the corn husks.

PREPARATION – TAMALE COATING

In large bowl, mix corn meal, chili powder, garlic powder, and salt. Roll meat sticks in corn meal until coated all over.

Take a tablespoon of this coating and place it near the top, narrow part of the corn husk. Roll the husk from the top until the meat stick is enclosed. Fold in the sides of the husk and finish rolling. Be sure to roll it tight. Place the resulting tamale in second large pot with the seam side down.

Continue with the rest of the tamales. Put each tamale right up against the side of the pot or another tamale to prevent the husks from unraveling. You might wish to hold the tamales together with a wooden toothpick as well.

REMAINING PREPARATION

Mix sauce ingredients together. Pour sauce over tamales. Add enough water to cover the top layer of tamales. Bring to boil then reduce heat. Simmer for 40 minutes. Add vegetable oil. Simmer for 5 minutes more. Let soak for 30 minutes. This gives the cornmeal time to absorb the sauce.

Unroll the corn husks and serve the tamales. Cover the tamales with as much sauce as desired from the pot.

ADDITIONAL MEALS FROM THIS RECIPE

It’s possible that you might run out of pots to cook all the tamales you would otherwise make. You can use the excess meat mix as a burrito or taco filling. The remaining sauce in the pot makes an excellent chili soup. Reorganize the fridge. Make room for all this great food.

TIDBITS

1) My grandmother, who was born in Sonora, used to make tamales. I wish I remembered this better.

2) After making this dish, you’ll have a much greater appreciation of why tamales cost so much in stores and in restaurants. You’ll also see why establishments make tamales in such big batches.

3) Profusely thank your sweetheart who cleans up after your cooking. If you don’t have a sweetheart, consider finding one to help you tidy up after making tamales.

4) There is a Tamale Museum in Newport Beach, California. Featured there are paintings of Los Angeles’ taco trucks.

5) The first tamale factory in America opened in Austin, Texas in 1911. Prior to that, America was in the culinary dark ages.

6) There is a tamale factory in Vicksburg, Mississippi. It opened in 1939. I’ve been there. Their food is good. People in Northwest Mississippi are serious about their tamales. Who knew?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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How Bacon & Chocolate Will Win The Election

Posted on October 15, 2012 by pauldelancey

Remember Bacon & Chocolate’s slogan:

“If you’re going to waste your vote, why not waste it on Bacon & Chocolate?”

Now take the case of California. President Obama is set to win by California and its fifty plus electoral votes by a huge number of votes. There is no reasonable scenario having Romney win this state. So, all Romney supporters will feel free to waste their votes on Bacon & Chocolate because well, they like Bacon & Chocolate. All the Obama supporters, certain in their knowledge of an insurmountable lead over the Republican candidate will also feel at liberty to caste wasted ballots for me, Paul De Lancey, the candidate for Bacon & Chocolate.

This reasoning will result in darn near 97% of all voters wasting their ballots on Bacon & Chocolate. I will carry California in a landslide. I will win ever state that is not a swing state. People will vote me and Bacon & Chocolate into the White House in one of the greatest thumpings of all time.

This is the dawning of the Bacon & Chocolate Era.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, Paul De Lancey, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chinese Lemon Chicken

Posted on September 21, 2012 by pauldelancey

Chinese Entree

LEMON CHICKEN

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 cups rice
3 cups water

MARINADE
2 1/2 pounds chicken breasts
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice (1 teaspoon total, with 1/4 tsp. for batter, and tsp. 1/4 for sauce.)

BATTER
3 eggs
1/3 cup cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice (1 teaspoon total, with 1/2 tsp. for marinade, and 1/4 tsp. for sauce.)

vegetable oil for frying

SAUCE
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 1/4 cups chicken broth
1/2 cup lemon juice
1 1/2 tablespoons honey
1/4 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice (1 teaspoon total, with 1/2 tsp. for marinade, and 1/4 tsp. for batter.)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on accompanying bag. This should take about 30 minutes.

Cut chicken breasts into 1-inch cubes. This cutting is easiest when the chicken is partially thawed. Use a large bowl to coat all sides of the chicken cubes with soy sauce and poultry spice. Put this bowl in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes.

While chickens marinates or rice cooks, use whisk or fork to thoroughly mix eggs with cornstarch, baking powder, and poultry spice. Coat the chicken cubes with this batter.

Put brown sugar, chicken broth, lemon juice, honey, ginger, and poultry spice in bowl. Mix this sauce thoroughly with whisk, fork, or briefly in a particle accelerator.

Heat skillet to 350 degrees. Put chicken in skillet along with excess batter. Don’t stack chicken cubes; cook another batch instead. Cook until the chicken is done; it should be firm and white, not purplish and translucent. Remove cooked chicken cubes and place them on paper towels to remove grease.

Heat 2 tablespoons vegetable oil in sauce pan and mix in the sauce. Stir frequently and cook on medium heat until sauce becomes clear.

Put rice in bowls. Top rice with lemon chicken and sauce and serve.

TIDBITS

1) I have a lemon tree growing in my back yard as well as an orange tree.

2) We had a loquat bush and a guava bush when I was growing up.

3) Lemons grow in California, Italy, Portugal, and Spain.

4) Christopher Columbus discovered the New World in 1492. He hailed from Italy and sailed for Spain. Spain and Portugal were responsible for most of the world’s discoveries in the 16th century.

5) America was really first discovered by intrepid people crossing the land bridge from Asia to Alaska. They did not eat lemons.

6) Neither did the Vikings who discovered America about a thousand years ago.

7) My goodness, America got discovered a lot.

8) People during the Middle Ages served fish with lemon slices. They thought the lemon’s acid would dissolve any fish bones they accidentally swallowed.

9) Lemon juice slows the browning of sliced apples.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Creamy-Zucchini Pita From Forthcoming Cookbook

Posted on July 25, 2012 by pauldelancey

Greek Entree

CREAMY-ZUCCHINI PITA

INGREDIENTS

1 huge zucchini
3 teaspoons olive oil
3 medium garlic cloves
1 teaspoon Vegetable MagicTM spice
1/2 teaspoon oregano
3 tablespoons plain nonfat yogurt
2 pita loaves
PREPARATION

Peel off the zucchini’s skin. It won’t feel a thing. Mince the zucchini in a food processor. Mince the garlic cloves as well.

Mix the zucchini, garlic, vegetable spice, and oregano. Heat the oil in a skillet at 350 degrees. Saute the zucchini mix. Cook for 7 to 8 minutes, stirring frequently, or until the zucchini is tender and green.

Put zucchini mix in a large bowl. Add in yogurt and stir. Break two pita loaves into two halves. Warm the pita halves. Put about 1/4 of the mix into each pita half.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe calls for one huge zucchini because a neighbor gave my wife a huge zucchini. (Oh behave! The neighbor was female and a “huge zucchini” is not a euphemism.) This sort of thing happens in California. In Wisconsin, I got tomatoes. Or we went out for a beer.

2) Synonyms for “creamy” are “curdled,” “coagulated,” and “grumous.” But I doubt many people would try “Coagulated Zucchini Pita.”

3) Cook at 350 degrees whenever you are not told the cooking temperature.

4) Yogurt is prepared by the fermentation of milk with added bacteria.

5) I once ordered milk in an Andorran village café. The waitress immediately came back with a big container of sugar. Uh oh. She later returned with a glass of the sourest milk that ever assaulted my taste buds. Lemons had nothing on this beverage. A half cup of sugar didn’t even help. I am a sadder but wiser man for this experience.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blackened Turkey Dog Recipe – From Cookbook

Posted on July 2, 2012 by pauldelancey

Cajun Entree

BLACKENED TURKEY DOGS

INGREDIENTS

6 turkey hot dogs
6 hot dog buns
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/4 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon thyme
No-stick cooking spray

PREPARATION

Preheat skillet to 350 degrees. Completely defrost turkey dogs. Mix paprika, salt, cayenne, poultry spice, cumin, and thyme on large plate. Coat all sides of the turkey dogs with spray.

Place the turkey dogs on plate and roll them until they are coated with spices. Place turkey dogs in skillet and cook for 8 to 12 minutes making a quarter turn every 1 to 2 minutes, or until spices blacken.

Toast buns. (Why do hot dogs and hot-dog buns come in different amounts? Why has no president done anything about it?) Put turkey dogs in buns. If you like Cajun cooking, you should need no condiments, such as ketchup. But as the French say, “Chaque à son gout.”

TIDBITS

1) I have never seen blackened hot dogs anywhere. This dish is a product of my feverish imagination. It’s good, though.

2) In 1755 and 1758, the British exiled French Canadians from Acadia. Many moved to Louisiana where they became known as Cajuns.

3) Cajun food is spicy. Canadian food is not. Nor is Eskimo cuisine. Eskimos do not have hot sauce.

4) I mostly grew up in Arcadia, California.

5) Cayenne is the capital of French Guiana. French Guiana is in South America. Why is this land not independent? Do the people love French cooking?

6) Cayenne is mostly grown in Mexico, Asia, Africa, New Mexico, and Louisiana. But apparently not much in a land that has a capital named Cayenne.

7) National Hot Dog Day is July 18.

8) Babe Ruth is believed to have consumed twelve hot dogs and drank eight sodas between games of a double header.

9) Americans eat about 150 million hot dogs on the Fourth of July.

10) Humphrey Bogart was a big fan of hot dogs. Coincidentally, he won an Oscar for his performance in The African Queen.

11) Mustard is the favorite hot-dog topping among adult Americans. Kids, however, prefer ketchup.

12) Maybe this recipe will change that.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

As Requested by Millions, Okay Fewer Than That. My Bio.

Posted on May 2, 2012 by pauldelancey

About the Author

Paul De Lancey’s novels, We’re French and You’re Not and The Fur West, have won acclaim from award-winning novelists. He is also the author of hilarious articles and somewhat drier ones in Economics.

The humorist is a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. Mr. De Lancey makes his home, with his wonderful family, in Poway, California. He divides his time between being awake and asleep.

Paul, known to his friends as Paul, hopes to become a literary giant without having to die for the title.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Official Dinner Invitation For President Obama

Posted on February 23, 2012 by pauldelancey

Dear Mr. President,

I am officially inviting you and whomever you wish to come with you to have a gourmet five-course meal at my humble abode in Poway, California. My wonderful wife, kids, and many friends eagerly await your appearance. As you know, Mr. President, Poway is the hot point of all political campaigns. The saying runs, “As goes Poway, so does the Presidency. ”

You will have have a great time in Poway with its many streets, walking trails, two live theaters, the proposed Candyland Museum,  cinemaplex, a library. So, please come. It will help your chances of winning the election. Lord knows you need help with that. And heck you’ll have fun chowing down on home-style gourmet cooking.

Sincerely,

Paul De Lancey

P.S. May I suggest you invite your wife to come along with you. You don’t want to get in trouble.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, obsevations | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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