Harken back to your youth, a time of : games, betrayal, the gaining of wisdom, and the losing of innocence.
If you have but one more movie to see, see this one.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Cell phones have certainly enhanced our lives. Or is that they are really death by enhancement? Every day we receive about one butt-dialed call. But, we too have done our share of butt dialing. I have butt dialed someone I’d never called before. How is this even possible?
And we pay anywhere from $400 to $1,000 for a phone that does this. It’s also easy to misplace. Between the sofa cushions is one of the cell phone’s favorite hiding places.
I want a phone that cannot butt dial and is always is incredibly easy to find. I want, no I must have a phone like this.
Oh happy day, the ancients in their wisdom invented such a phone. They called it the rotary phone.
And here it is.
You can also use me to call your misplaced cell phone.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
The amazing Beatles had a big hit with great song “Girl.”
The lyrics entrance us, to the point we’re not sure what is being sung in the backgroud over key set of lyrics. These lyrics, which are not in dispute, are:
“She’s the kind of girl who puts you down when friends are there
You feel a fool
When you say she’s looking good, she acts as if it’s understood
She’s cool, ooh, ooh”
Now here comes the exciting part. In the background, during these lyrics, we hear Beatles singing “ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti”
Or do we?
It sure seems like the background sounds could be “tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit.”
Oh my!
I checked multiple sources for this song’s lyrics. None of them say anything about the background syllables.
What do you hear, “ti ti ti” or “tit tit tit?”
Misheard lyrics #14
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
We put a man on the moon. We look at itty-bittiest things in the universe, a muon or some such thing; it’s much smaller than an atom which we can’t see either. We can use our land line to beam a signal to a satellite in geo-synchronous orbit above our very house and bounce the signal back down again to find our cell phone which was in our other hand.
On the third hand, we keep forgetting to take necessary things when we try to leave for work, pick up our kids from soccer practice, or go to the store.
But we don’t have a word to describe this behavior.
It’s high time to correct this oversight.
TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE
final exit
Awesome phrase #27
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Halloween is over. Pumpkins have been thrown in the trash bins. My local supermarket gave away its remaining pumpkins.
I was happy to take one. The pumpkin is so much more than a jack o’lantern.
With my pumpkin I was abled to cut and scoop out:
2¾ pounds of pumkin pulp (no stringy bits)
1 cup pumpkin seeds
From my pumpkin
I recovered enough pulp and seeds to make the following five dishes and pumpkin shea butter soap.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Art of mild insulting – Part 2
Face it, the people out there are unbridled arguers. Just five seconds of listening transforms you from the president of pleasantness to a hardened spewer of profanities that would make a marine blush
Face it, you’re acting like a bit bull that ate a habanero pepper. But you know it would be so satisfying to insult them. They are such unrelenting pests after all. You want an handy list of ready-made mild-mannered insults in case you need another such scurvy gadfly.
I’m glad you asked.
PAUL’S LIST OF MILD INSULTS
You blanket hog
You germ-ridden sneeze
You spilled milk
You stubbed toe
You nasal trip
You something in my eye
You bean-eating skunk
You butt-dialing cell phone
You static cling
You frizzy hair
You four-minute advertisement break
You junk mail
You robo call
You door-to-door salesman
You road repair
You halitosis
You day at the DMV
You burnt toast
You letter from the IRS
You dripping faucet
You speed bump
You orphan sock
You wilted lettuce
You bread mold
You mislaid car keys
You over ripe avocado
You toilet-paper hoarder
You germ-ridden sneeze
There, you have it. You are now ready for another round of insulting gracefully. Go out and give the give those oafs what for, you magnificent sunbeam, you.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Face it, the people out there are downright ornery. Just five seconds of talking is all it takes for your ever-pleasant “Hello” to “f”-you, “f”-word this, “your mama blanks blanks,” and “the horse you rode in on.”
Face it, you got nasty in a hurry. But you feel a deep, primordial desire to insult them. They are unpleasant oafs after all. You want a list of mild-mannered insults at your command in case you need another such blighter.
I’m glad you asked.
PAUL’S LIST OF MILD INSULTS
You paper cut
You dentist
You tomato stain
You hemarrhoid
You lutefisk
You Brussels sprout
You’re past your best-by date
You rectal itch
You doctor’s waiting room
You 7-10 split
You income tax
You colon blockage
May your shoes pinch
You spam call
You customer service
You movie spoiler
You Facebook(tm) meal
You seven-minute red light
You mosquito
You garbage strike
You line cutter
Your the bo’s bo
You speed trap
You left over that got put into Tupperware(tm) but eventually was pushed to the back of the fridge and became moldy
or more simply
You mold
You hospital gown
You over spice
You stapler without staplers.
You empty ketchup bottle
There, you have it. You are now ready to insult gracefully. Go out and give the give those oafs what for, you magnificent sunbeam, you.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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